50-PERCENT CAPACITY IN PHOENIX: THE NHL 2022-2023 SEASON THREAD (INC AVALANCHE HANGOVER & SALARY CAP SHENANIGANS. HOCKEY IS THE BEST)

Alternate title:

DO YOU WANT TO MAKE MORE MONEY? SURE WE ALL DO. A FUNGIBLE LOW-TEIR PLAYER MAKES 4M A YEAR: THE NHL 2022-2023 SEASON THREAD (INC AVALANCHE HANGOVER & SALARY CAP SHENANIGANS. HOCKEY IS THE BEST)

Analysis via Dom Luszczyszyn

"Erik Gudbranson signs four-year, $16 million deal with the Blue Jackets

What the hell?

Fit grade: C
Contract grade: F-"

Can’t wait to see the exciting theatrical conclusion of “Waiting For Gaudreau”

still hung up on the nic deslauriers deal.

vaguely defensible as a fourth-line depth option if you -- and god knows the flyers always do -- want muscle for a season. but for four years? at almost $2m per? and he's 31! who were they bidding against??

a whole lot of bad contracts got offered today, as ever, but -- however minuscule in the grand scheme of things -- that one has no chance of paying off even in year one

It's actually incredible. I misread it originally as 2 years $4M total and thought WTF?! but then realized it was for four years at $2M per year. Crazy.

Gudbranson actively damages your team. I'm still mad about trading draft picks for him: https://www.nhl.com/news/panthers-trade-erik-gudbranson-to-canucks/c-280805120

johnny columbus? wtf

So far, I feel the real winners are the teams that didn’t make moves today.

rip the flames

fucking rough

with the retirement of zdeno chara announced, that leaves, by my count, just one player who shared the ice* with wayne gretzky: joe thornton.**

*was at least on a roster during 98-99.

**if thornton doesn't get a professional tryout offer, he'd likely announce retirement as well i'd guess.

he'd = he'll

with the retirement of zdeno chara, there are no active players who have faced the maple leafs beyond the first round of the playoffs

i had not anticipated the retirement of pk subban. i guess he's probably got a bright future in the media

He kinda fell off a cliff didnt he? I thought he was gonna play for 20 years

tbf i can imagine playing for the devils might sap one's love of the game

He also has a rich outer life but still

https://theathletic.com/3646056/2022/10/01/seattle-kraken-team-mascot/

Just

I for one welcome this eight year Barzal extension with the Isles.

Great Leafs joke in The Handmaid's Tale's second episode of S5 (from Bradley Whitford's Commander Lawrence, one of those memorably bizarre characters who, even as the show falls apart around him, continues to walk through his own TV show different than one everyone else is in):

"We figured you'd want to get back to Canada, move on with your life...take in a Leafs game...I hear this might finally be their year."

Anyone else catch the Maple Leafs dig on The Handmaid’s Tale last night?? 🤣 pic.twitter.com/3LEzTUljGS

— Geoff Rohoman (@RadioRoho) September 15, 2022

the virtual ads on the boards are very weird even when they're working properly

also: torts 1-0

Canucks blow 3 straight multiple-goal leads, all in regulation, to start the season. cool cool cool

Fwiw the new Coyotes college home does look cool and seems very loud, awoooo. The first goal was scored by someone at ASU named Doan, awoooo.

An incredible play from Larkin results in the game tying goal for the @DetroitRedWings 🤯 pic.twitter.com/mkcKDfGTXG

— Sportsnet (@Sportsnet) October 18, 2022

they lost in OT tho ;_; but still a fantastic run of play

Should have gotten Matthew McConaughey in character from the Beach Bum to model this

CAN YOU EVEN BELIEVE

☀️🌴🏒 » https://t.co/1scA7KeX0m pic.twitter.com/KH4Cdwon1m

— Florida Panthers (@FlaPanthers) October 20, 2022

orangeandteal.xls

kings . . . thanks for coming oot

FTR i am bearish on the kings

NHL Iron Man record ✅
400th career goal ✅

What a night for Phil Kessel 🔥 pic.twitter.com/Et1SZlhHJ0

— Gino Hard (@GinoHard_) October 26, 2022

will never not love two-time stanley cup champion phil kessel

fuck brad marchant

torts first place

might be some Philadelphia sports magic in the air

who will be first to score at MULLETT ARENA

awooo

They are giving away mullets to the crowd. The lack of a goal horn is noticeable though. Can you not just play one of the hundreds of goal horns on YouTube.

Isles have started off the year 28 for 28 on the penalty kill btw

penguins have been rapidly disabused of their decency via the western canada tour

i mean fine, oilers/flames back-to-back and second/third in four days is rough, but . . . the canucks are begging to be buried

yikes pens. too bad they didn't get VAN a few days sooner.

thought columbus would be better this year - not so far

well that is the worst northwest road trip, in 55 years, the penguins have ever had. because it's now possible to lose to seattle

Really rough stretch for the Pens. Sabres actually looking great offensively so far.

the pens have played maybe 3 good periods last 6 games. rough indeed. that said, some of the cellar-dwellers like kraken and sabes have looked good for longish stretches so far this year. great for overall league competitiveness i guess.

Am enjoying the parity so far.

I don’t like that alternate jersey for the Sabres, it looks a lot like the Preds design, but worse. The alternate neon green Dallas jersey is really cool though.

We could watch John Tavares' (@91Tavares) second goal on repeat all night long. 🤤 pic.twitter.com/AX04cMWUCg

— NHL (@NHL) November 3, 2022

why do teams keep doing shit like the bruins signing this asshole kid?

i mean the guy's a fourth-round defenseman. he's wholly unnecessary and he makes everything you claim to stand for look like garbage

Yeah, doesn’t even sound like the league wants to even let him be eligible for a pro game, so not sure what the Bruins are thinking here

great job, bruins

(actual good job by bergeron/marchand/foligno for being publicly against it, however thoroughly couched in hockey player cliche)

yeah you don't hear pro athletes willing to criticize someone's character like they did very often. as much as I hate to praise those players.

ulf sammuelsson was right

I only caught the first couple of years of Borje Salming's career, pretty much a baseball fan after that. As I'm sure you know, they had a big emotional ceremony for him Saturday night.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jl2XAruUdTk

avs, down one, had a 5-on-3 for the last 1:45 of the third — and pulled the goalie with a minute left to go 6-on-3 — and did not score

My daughter’s pee wee A team had a tie game
this weekend with like 45 seconds left and a face off in the opponents’ zone. I so wanted the coach to pull the goalie to show the kids what GOING FOR IT looks like. But he didn’t. Game ended a tie.

kings with basically a perfect road game tonight

outshot edmonton 32-23, 29 blocked shots, held mcdavid and dreiseitel scoreless with one shot each. only oilers pp was cut short when mcdavid crosschecked someone behind the play. danault-arvidsson-moore line was killer

I really had no idea about all the unsavoury shit in his life

Someone just passed this along to me:

https://defector.com/bobby-hull-was-not-complicated

happy 30th anniversary of gary bettman getting booed becoming commissioner

No one mentioned the Rangers refusing to wear pride-related warm-up gear. Hope they go another 50 years.

Er, another 25 years, I mean.

one cup in 82 years is, while not as satisfying as zero, brutal for an original-six club

fuck them forever

he’s having a great season but this extension seems like a lot for bo horvat

and he's almost 28, hasn't played a game for them yet...glad the canucks aren't paying that contract (instead they're paying a bunch of other terrible ones)

Am not surprised, I think Lou doesn’t make that trade without knowing the extension is happening. Isles have needed a pure goal scorer since Tavares left, hopefully this is it. Is it too much? Maybe, but I don’t think he goes anywhere else for much cheaper.

great quote:

https://www.sportsnet.ca/nhl/article/islanders-lamoriello-after-signing-horvat-its-too-long-and-its-too-much-money/

appreciating the top five

Since October, The Athletic has been counting down the top 100 NHL players of the post-expansion era.

No. 1 was never in doubt.

This is the #NHL99 ⤵️ pic.twitter.com/UNFrDhVVKl

— The Athletic (@TheAthletic) February 10, 2023

Props for putting Mike Bossy that high. If his career wasn't cut short, he had a very strong chance to be the all-time leader in goals.

McDavid needs a ring but could join that top 5 by the time his career is over.

Lots of points to quibble with but

No rocket Richard?

— Torrid Fergi (@FergiTorrid) February 10, 2023

Also I know I'm the resident Wings partisan but Yzerman behind Sakic on what fucking planet

no rocket because it's only since expansion

can't really speak to yzerman vs sakic but i am comfortable with lidstrom as the second-greatest defenseman

xp ah that makes sense then, thx

also who goes 'no rocket' before 'no gordie'

I realized the error of my ways quickly but no one had responded about him :(

<3

maybe Thornton put up solid numbers but I never thought he was truly one of the greats. and i used to watch lots of Sharks games when living in sf. i think Forsberg was better than Sakic, too

happy 50th to enigmatic russian alexei kovalev. he was filthy

not as filthy as mcdavid tho

Just another day at the office for Connor McDavid (@cmcdavid97). 💼 pic.twitter.com/NDuMsFlOoW

— NHL (@NHL) February 24, 2023

It’s a shame the kings’ goalies are such horseshit

kopitar is really a low-key all-time player

i mean i'm happy for dustin brown i guess, but kopitar's statue had better be twice as large

wild 2 me ryan miller is #1 on us goalie wins list considering how unremarkable most of his teams were

just learned there's a doom metal band called MALARCHUK

they are of course from buffalo

🚨 LINUS ULLMARK 🚨

WE HAVE A GOALIE GOAL. 🤯 pic.twitter.com/ym7OLU0jlU

— NHL (@NHL) February 26, 2023

Nice to catch this live after flipping on the last few minutes of the Canucks game

awesome

except that it made jack edwards happy because fuck that guy

bruins outshot 57-19 tonight, won 4-3 in OT

also sounds like the jonathan quick era is over in los angeles

All hail the Pheonix Copley era

Copley era will be annoyingly brief. Their goalie situation is so very forgettable right now

I keep tabs on all the Michigan Tech alums in the league, it's cool to see him doing well for a bit (along with Matt Roy)

Been thinking about it a bit and although I don't know very much about cap management in today's NHL, I am happy the Wings re-signed Dylan Larkin and ambivalent about their follow-on trades. Larkin is local and I think there is something worthwhile in having a hometown hero.

Also I will hate Seattle sports teams forever

folks, ron hextall is a bad gm

lol at all these clubs acquiring defensemen from anaheim, one of the worst defensive teams of all time

feel like a lot of the last minute trades are barely going to move the needle for each team

I don’t know if Toronto adding like 5 people to a team that was already going to the playoffs is great for chemistry though? I know they are desperate to win a playoff series for once

actually feel bad for toronto

they can trade for whomever they want but they're basically locked into facing tampa in the first round, and if vasilevskiy chooses to be godlike, it won't matter

and if they survive that, then boston. and then carolina or new jersey. the east is a killing field

bruins 33-0-3 when scoring first

third period: bruins 91 GF, 40 GA

uh tampa has four shots on goal through two periods in carolina

and they were all in the first

Rangers and bolts have been pretty bad lately, almost bad enough that you start to think the East wild card race may get even more crowded.

Maybe this is the year the Leafs finally win a series (before getting steamrolled by the Bruins)

penguins fell behind columbus 4-0, at home, before rallying to win 5-4 in OT

if this is a test, i am going to fail it

isles have looked very trotzian since barzal went down, and it’s been working for them again.

Stars with ten goals tonight!

Isles-Pens rivalry has been very good the past couple year.

144 penalty minutes in the Tampa-Vegas game too. So many game misconducts.

mo seider first career SHG today, and it was a v. nice one

<3 Seider

<3 <3 <3 flower

MAF was mic’d up last night 😂

pic.twitter.com/Yf9GGrOCUw

— Nick Maraldo (@nickmaraldo) March 16, 2023