Real love -- I'm, like, searchin' for that Queer Love -- LGBTQIA+ Love // A Thread for the Real Ones

the fever of productivity and flying close to your sun! mine is in bodywork lately. i feel like i've opened a whole new world since i started focusing on breathing a certain way. suddenly all sorts of good things are happening and it's sweeping me along. i even did squats this morning, which was really rough since i'm feeling like shit with this cold, but i needed to. the squats themselves were great but i was barely keeping it together between sets lol. the idea of doing personal training has been on my mind lately. i think i might be a good one. i need to move on from my current career.

love the idea of personal training. and i just switched professional paths and feel more stimulated than ever i think. but i've also continued to pull all nighters for work this week/the imminent apartment move and am a few hours away from googling "how little sleep can you go on without dying". the self medication is officially out of control, like if this were an episode of 90210 i would def be intervened right about now. or actually written off the show. luckily there are no cameras around and i can do whatever the fuck i want. :D

good luck swen, hope the come down is easy on you.

it's totally fine, i'm def over myself.

i think it's amazing that you're working with breath, it's one of the coolest practices to me. during the pandemic the only thing that brought me calm was watching my friend's pranayama videos on youtube.

breathing and getting into my body, the last respite of peace when everything else sucks ime. i'm glad you're fine. never get over yourself, you're too good to get over ;)

i've been pouring all of my creative energy into rearranging my room as well as the rest of my apartment but it's been so good, like free therapy

it's truly the best feeling. we forget that space is part of who we are, and groundedness isn't just a feeling. i hope you're enjoying some good music. (what have you been listening to?? i've been wigging over Garbage haha tho I've had to give them a break bc i was abusing the sound)

move d and namlook! ambient techno objectively the best genre to play furniture tetris to

love. and hi! what's everyone up to

good morning! just another manic monday tbh

I had a Manic Friday: hooked up with a guy over Gibsons. He texted me this morning about helping him with his law school application essay.

In a bit of a manic creative obsession. Building new sounds and new songs on my existing setup, and in the evenings? investigating ways of rebuilding this setup within a virtual modular architecture. My body is sore!! Too much sitting around bent over objects

Too much sitting around bent over objects

sounds like me on Friday night

my partner chatted with a guy a while back and the guy sends him texts every few months that just say "Come sit" or "Come suck".

🎶 bring me sit or suck 🎶

https://i.ebayimg.com/images/g/FegAAOSwKI5lg6jy/s-l1600.jpg

so i guess i'm going to have to sign up for my 12th free trial of amazon prime to watch shirtless and ripped jake gyllenhaal do fightsies in "road house"

o yeah i saw that! he's big

i don’t get the JG thing— think that’s just me tho

when he had a babyface he was def my fav guy

i also realized i have a total thing for Joshua Jackson

puppy dog face and big ears, i approve

big hands and feet and eyeballs too; he's a goofball and not cool and delicious, the only celebrity I can fuck with.

dad from texas mom from ireland, gimme, sorry lupita he's mine

I had an enormous crush on Joshua Jackson when he played Pacey on Dawsons

A friend of mine kissed him onscreen in a Canadian movie when they were both teenagers

can i ask your friend to kiss me so i can have some secondhand Joshua Jackson

Haha that'd be fun. I dunno where she is now! She's an amazing violist, one of the best. Not such a great child actor, but who is?

obsessed with this JJ love. he totally turns me on.

Can't imagine what bacchanal would happen should more than three gays in this thread gather.

lol if Josh were there forget about it

Swen and I would be trying to muscle each other out to get at JJ

hahahahahahhahaha only if mad beers were involved would this be fun

Negronis for everyone!

oh i don’t need beer sweetie

hahahahha you don't NEED beer but you look good with a beer!! won't lie

my abs disagree ;-)

hence why I stick to liquor

I had an enormous crush on Joshua Jackson when he played Pacey on Dawsons

― butt dumb tight my boners got boners (the table is the table), Tuesday, March 19, 2024 4:50 PM (five hours ago) bookmarkflaglink

omg agree so hard
the only guy who could rock a tommy bahama shirt every day of the week and still be totally dreamy, like instead of awful it's endearingly awful

hawaiian shirts are like tv shorthand for "loveable sidekick" right? but also they made him talk like george clooney

the thing with a lot of these tv heartthrob guys is they look great with their mouths closed but as soon as you hear them talk thr str8 dude energy is such a turn off... but josh is actually very quick witted and charming

ugh he's almost a real one you're right

so i might need to add a semi colon to this thread - at the beginning of the thread title - that ok with everyone?

strike that it might not be necessary

he went so deep it was semi colon

oh jesus

lol

:]

err ;]

i was complaining to my lesbian friends about there being no word that's equivalent to "sapphic" (a woman who's attracted to women)

and one of them was all "Surely there is a man who was living on a Greek island who wrote lots of poetry about loving men we can use for the word"

i'm not super knowledgeable about ancient greek history but the word "alexandric" came to mind

what are y'all's thoughts

The word is Uranian, but it’s historically associated with pederasty iirc, co-opted by some English poets

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Uranians

yeah, uranian is... a complicated one. the pederasty thing particularly.

---

One of my friends was moving her old stuff out of storage and she came across some quarter-century old letters from her best friend at the time. He was bi, but mostly casually hooked up with other guys... in one of his letters he complained about "faggy divas on estrogen". (He's dead now, of course.) A couple of years ago I might have been offended at being described, by extension, as a "faggy diva". These days I mostly wish I'd been faggier. Before I started estrogen, I wasn't into guys the way I am now. I crushed on guys a lot, but I never knew what to do with those crushes. There was always this implicit expectation of sex.. which for me is something... like, I remember wishing when I was younger that fellatio was acceptable as a common courtesy, something one did to be polite. Like a handshake. I wasn't ever really involved in spaces where I was able to suck off guys in that way. Plus there was the whole comphet thing. Guys were into me and I wasn't able to admit to myself or communicate to them that I kinda liked them, I thought they were cute. In my head it was "Jeez, I wish I was gay, then I'd really be into this guy." On top of that there was the whole self-esteem thing, where I couldn't imagine anybody possibly finding me attractive.

-

That's the past, though... I got enough problems dating now. It's mostly the suicide thing. Like, I feel like I'm getting to a point where I'm able to manage my chronic suicidality better than I've ever been able to. My last bout of suicidality, I was able to manage that without, like, doing serious damage to any of my relationships. That's always been a sticking point in my relationships... what happens when I get suicidal? And I've finally reached a point where that fear isn't hanging like a shadow over every relationship I have, every relationship I consider. Nah, it's more that everybody in my dating pool is suicidal.

It just makes things rough. It just seems endemic. Like, not even as a queer thing. Even straight people I know are suicidal a lot of the time. I definitely get it. Things are pretty bad right now, very nearly hopeless, and everyone I know talks about... being determined to love in spite of that. It's brave, it's defiant, and it's just... fucking hard. When everybody is like that, hookups, hookups are possible. Casual sex. That's very doable. I'm also just really not into that. Serious long-term relationships...

My girlfriend keeps telling me that she's interested in doing things with me, that she's attracted to me, that she's looking forward to the BDSM, uh, thing we have tickets for next weekend. And also she hates her body, and she hates herself, and I'm not sure how intimacy beyond cuddling is going to happen while she feels that way about herself. For me to be attracted to her doesn't do anything to change that. We're both at a point where we know that other people finding a person attractive is no substitute for that person finding themselves attractive.

It just complicates a situation that's already pretty complicated. I can't make any plans with anyone. I've got the cold that's going around or they've got the cold that's going around or they have to take care of the kids or the real estate company is fucking them around, and if it's not that, then they're having a bout of SI.

I'm honestly thinking about getting into more long-distance stuff. Like, online only. Intimacy with another person... physical acts are a very small part of that. I get a rush from talking to people with similar kinks to mine online that I don't really get from dating people in person. Maybe a couple times a year they could visit or I could visit and we could do some hot stuff for a weekend and then go back to yearning. I really like yearning. I can't imagine being in a relationship that isn't bittersweet, in some sense, if only because the way I think about myself, about my own life, is bittersweet. I've been watching this anime based on an old dating sim called "Sentimental Journey", and it's really interesting. It doesn't follow the story of the visual novel at all - the protagonist isn't in the anime. Instead, it's just twelve self-contained stories of who I assume are the girls in the dating sim, each one talking about their first love, the person they loved before the protagonist of the dating sim came into their life. Those are the kinds of romance stories I like. The ones that don't end with "happily ever after".

Maybe that's part of why I have so much trouble dating. Even when things are just beginning, I'm always anticipating the ending.