consumer products that can also be used for unauthorized, fun activities like sex and drugs

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my hope is that we can all learn a little bit here. i have a lot to learn. i can only think of two at the moment. the first has been known to me and many of my pals for a long time, and i assume is a thing everywhere. the second may be just as obvious, but i only realized it yesterday.

exhibit A. zebra pens can be used to make one-hitters. i'm talking marijuana one-hitters. that guy over there? why, he hit it and quit it. but that's because there was only one-hit in there, so he had to reload. to add to the bonus, zebra metal is excellent for teenage lung health!

https://i.imgur.com/Hga6P3R.jpg
https://i.imgur.com/w4Fs4uW.jpg
https://i.imgur.com/H9YeUvE.jpg

exhibit B. my new colgate toothbrush. it's battery operated. appears to be a normal toothbrush, made for work rather than a tool for pleasure.

https://i.imgur.com/yM6Hcob.jpg

not so fast. turn it around, and clearly this you see an entry-level beginner's vibrator, ribbed for pleasure.

https://i.imgur.com/YqcWMJn.jpg

there is no other reason for those two little soft, flexible rubber parts. i conducted a brief interview on this with my friend, and she told me that it was common knowledge that electric toothbrushes make great vibrators. it was at this point that i thought "i better see what ELSE is like this, tonight"

"HYYOOOOOOONK!" is the sound I make (Karl Malone), Friday, 10 September 2021 23:44 (one week ago) link

those two rubber feet are clearly there to keep it brush-side up.

visiting, Friday, 10 September 2021 23:52 (one week ago) link

That’s what she said

Evan, Friday, 10 September 2021 23:53 (one week ago) link

Bed Bath & Beyond sells a "reading cushion" that's clearly just an off-brand Liberator sex wedge.

papal hotwife (milo z), Friday, 10 September 2021 23:55 (one week ago) link

now we're cooking!

"HYYOOOOOOONK!" is the sound I make (Karl Malone), Saturday, 11 September 2021 00:07 (one week ago) link

i probably made a mistake putting "sex and drugs" in the thread title. it doesn't have to be about that. honestly, i just threw that in there for ratings

"HYYOOOOOOONK!" is the sound I make (Karl Malone), Saturday, 11 September 2021 00:08 (one week ago) link

is this a gravity bong? there are so many different styles, and whoever explains it to me is always incredibly high and i don't quite follow. but i believe this uses science, here

"HYYOOOOOOONK!" is the sound I make (Karl Malone), Saturday, 11 September 2021 00:15 (one week ago) link

Lego shovels always come in handy for u know what

frogbs, Saturday, 11 September 2021 01:09 (one week ago) link

hmm

https://i.imgur.com/1UtBpht.png

"HYYOOOOOOONK!" is the sound I make (Karl Malone), Saturday, 11 September 2021 01:12 (one week ago) link

almost fell backwards onto a plunger once

also almost fell backwards onto a wine bottle once

brimstead, Saturday, 11 September 2021 01:12 (one week ago) link

is that for scooping up kief? xp

brimstead, Saturday, 11 September 2021 01:13 (one week ago) link

I mean what else can

frogbs, Saturday, 11 September 2021 01:47 (one week ago) link

personally my "nasty kit" is one of those nail clipper/nail files little things. the clipper is useless, but the file makes for a nice little lego shovel/scoop. it also has a little thin hooky kind of piece of metal which is now permanently covered in resin, which is great for cleaning out pipes.

"HYYOOOOOOONK!" is the sound I make (Karl Malone), Saturday, 11 September 2021 01:51 (one week ago) link

wait, did i just contribute to this thread again? damn, that's three for me

"HYYOOOOOOONK!" is the sound I make (Karl Malone), Saturday, 11 September 2021 01:51 (one week ago) link

it's a sad lol that the nail clipper really is completely useless to me, as a chronic nail biter

"HYYOOOOOOONK!" is the sound I make (Karl Malone), Saturday, 11 September 2021 01:52 (one week ago) link

i buy it at the CVS, the clerk looks at my fingers and looks grossed out, and i'm thinking about the weed/resin and say "NOTHING!" as i refuse the receipt

"HYYOOOOOOONK!" is the sound I make (Karl Malone), Saturday, 11 September 2021 01:52 (one week ago) link

Probably not what you had in mind, but this new Subway ad with Tom Brady made me think of Subway bread in a more expansive way:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7adYj83msIQ

Josefa, Saturday, 11 September 2021 02:11 (one week ago) link

it's weird how gradually advertisement agencies evolve, and in which direction. someone should make a tv show about that. but that subway commercial is kind of a spin-off of "wacky" geico commercials from years back

"HYYOOOOOOONK!" is the sound I make (Karl Malone), Saturday, 11 September 2021 02:29 (one week ago) link

The "But you don't eat bread" bit at the end is interesting, kind of a po-mo subversion of meaning. I don't watch enough TV to know if this is common now.

Josefa, Saturday, 11 September 2021 02:51 (one week ago) link

loooool, i missed that! damn, i gotta eat some subway

"HYYOOOOOOONK!" is the sound I make (Karl Malone), Saturday, 11 September 2021 02:55 (one week ago) link

kind of a po-mo subversion of meaning. I don't watch enough TV to know if this is common now.

same deal regarding watching tv, but from what i see, i would say the po-mo movement is complete and has taken over the united states, at least. pretty much everything that is in the wider culture is a variation of "you dumbass. and i'm dumb too. we know all this can't last and is completely empty, and so do you. but here we are all the same, buying things!!!"

"HYYOOOOOOONK!" is the sound I make (Karl Malone), Saturday, 11 September 2021 02:57 (one week ago) link

Nothing to add to that, sounds right to me. It’s been interesting to gradually come to realize that TV commercials are made by people younger than me, because of that very sensibility.

Josefa, Saturday, 11 September 2021 03:12 (one week ago) link

Etch-a-sketch is good for rolling joints on.

everything, Saturday, 11 September 2021 06:59 (one week ago) link

A normal thermos coffee cup is better for making cocktails than a cocktail shaker.

everything, Saturday, 11 September 2021 07:01 (one week ago) link

These Sanrio keychains with slide-open boxes used to be good for carrying around various items:

https://i.ebayimg.com/images/g/hGkAAOSwjiFbLC7M/s-l500.jpg

Don't know if they still make them.

Josefa, Saturday, 11 September 2021 12:14 (one week ago) link

I’ve heard that leather cleaner can be inhaled for a quick rush of intensity during sex and can also help relax one’s sphincter.

Linda and Jodie Rocco (map), Saturday, 11 September 2021 20:55 (one week ago) link

Curiously this leather cleaner is sold under brand names like Locker Room and Jungle Juice.

Linda and Jodie Rocco (map), Saturday, 11 September 2021 20:57 (one week ago) link

Readi-Whip, obviously. As long as you make sure to only put it part of the way up your ass.

Marty J. Bilge (Old Lunch), Saturday, 11 September 2021 21:06 (one week ago) link

lol

i was just about to post about whippets, then had to take my friends to the train!

along the way we talked about our whippets experiences, and i shared that whippets probably put a whippet-sized hole in my brain, a literal hole in my brain, caused by whippets. of course, it's an audio experience chiefly, so we also talked about what music we preferred to listen to. they mentioned Crimson and Clover as a favorite, but honestly i always preferred something didn't already have wild effects, because then it would be easier to hear the drugs' wild effects on their own. the wannadies "you and me song" was the one we always listened to, during that brain damaging semester. i still love that song. i'm not sure how many times the word "euphoric" has been associated with that song, but it is one of the most euphoric songs of all time, and with a well-prepared whippet results in a slam dunk top 10 in rolling stones 500 drugs you have to try before you die

"HYYOOOOOOONK!" is the sound I make (Karl Malone), Saturday, 11 September 2021 21:32 (one week ago) link

My brother and me whippeted to the Built to Spill live album. It was def euphoric. We both were like 'whoa' but in a nonverbal way because we were too brain damaged to form words.

Marty J. Bilge (Old Lunch), Saturday, 11 September 2021 22:34 (one week ago) link

just had a very confusing minute where I thought you were talking about the breed of dogs.

edited to reflect developments which occurred (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Saturday, 11 September 2021 22:38 (one week ago) link

'me whippeted', do u c what I mean about the brain damage

My Friday ritual for probably way too much of like 2000-2001 was: leave work with paycheck, cash paycheck, pick up comics on pull list, trawl record shop for fresh new releases and used bangers, buy case of whippets from sex shop, kick off tweak-end in style. I tend to unintentionally retell stories a lot these days. I'm sure that fact is unrelated. Hey, let me tell you about my Friday ritual ca. 2000-2001...

Marty J. Bilge (Old Lunch), Saturday, 11 September 2021 22:39 (one week ago) link

Surely you would listen to 'Whip It'?

emil.y, Saturday, 11 September 2021 22:45 (one week ago) link

The only part of drug education that I believed was that whip-its were dangerous. Very sad that I missed out on my prime nitrous years.

papal hotwife (milo z), Saturday, 11 September 2021 22:52 (one week ago) link

you wanna read what it feels like and sounds like? it is a sound drug, ime. you close your eyes and listen for about 30-60 seconds, then it goes away and you feel like the biggest dipshit on either side of the mississippi for a couple minutes.

hit play on rolling stones "satisfaction", try not to laugh beforehand, because you could ruin it if you laugh. deep whippet inhalation:

When I'm drivin' in my car- yar ya yar, and (and) the man come (and the man) on yon the radio oh oh oh
oh he's tellin' me more and more more orororororororororororororororor about some useless information (laughing to yourself now, then the echos of your own laughter. it is a delay pedal with the mix way high and the feedback 3/4 up. things continue for anywhere from a quick echo to 3 or 4 seconds, but crossing the 1 second mark on both the way past it and the way back.)
supposed to fire my imagination

"HYYOOOOOOONK!" is the sound I make (Karl Malone), Saturday, 11 September 2021 23:09 (one week ago) link

*echoes of me saying "oh shit i think my midterm is tomorrow-ow-ow-ow-ow"*

"HYYOOOOOOONK!" is the sound I make (Karl Malone), Saturday, 11 September 2021 23:11 (one week ago) link

I've never understood the reiterative sound phenomenon but it is very cool. Feeling like part of your brain has been removed afterwards is slightly less cool.

Marty J. Bilge (Old Lunch), Saturday, 11 September 2021 23:23 (one week ago) link

the part of my brain that would make me feel shame about that is mia. a pow, really, of the drug wars

"HYYOOOOOOONK!" is the sound I make (Karl Malone), Saturday, 11 September 2021 23:26 (one week ago) link

also, if a part of your brain wants to leave that badly, then let them go. if it loves you, it'll come back

"HYYOOOOOOONK!" is the sound I make (Karl Malone), Saturday, 11 September 2021 23:26 (one week ago) link

I also regret never having tried whip-its at the time, tho i understood the effects lasted even less than 30-60 seconds. I made a large scale gravity bong out of a 5 gallon water dispenser and a bathtub once, though. So i guess it balances out?

The 25 Best Songs Ever Ranked In Order (Deflatormouse), Sunday, 12 September 2021 00:17 (six days ago) link

The only meaningful limitaton is lumg capacity

The 25 Best Songs Ever Ranked In Order (Deflatormouse), Sunday, 12 September 2021 00:18 (six days ago) link

*lung

The 25 Best Songs Ever Ranked In Order (Deflatormouse), Sunday, 12 September 2021 00:18 (six days ago) link

Anything that tests lung capacity is a useful enough science experiment

The 25 Best Songs Ever Ranked In Order (Deflatormouse), Sunday, 12 September 2021 00:20 (six days ago) link

it's weird how gradually advertisement agencies evolve, and in which direction. someone should make a tv show about that. but that subway commercial is kind of a spin-off of "wacky" geico commercials from years back

its funny because Subway ads were basically all the same for like 6 years and now they're just randomly throwing shit at the walls. its like they want people to forget what their commercials used to be like for some reason

frogbs, Monday, 13 September 2021 03:03 (five days ago) link

hey wait the $5 foot long song was good tho

class project pat (m bison), Monday, 13 September 2021 03:57 (five days ago) link

a five dollar footlong can be used to smack jared across the face and get dust in his eyes

"HYYOOOOOOONK!" is the sound I make (Karl Malone), Monday, 13 September 2021 08:31 (five days ago) link

The only part of drug education that I believed was that whip-its were dangerous. Very sad that I missed out on my prime nitrous years.

Don't be sad, your braincells thank you.

The last time I did nitrous was in 1997 at an Atari Teenage Riot/Cardigans/Beck show and got a massive headache. All you need to know about the effects previous nitrous had done to my brain is that I did the nitrous in the parking lot AFTER the show.

Taliban! (PBKR), Monday, 13 September 2021 13:11 (five days ago) link

lol

was it just me, or was that cardigans set incredibly psychedelic?!

"HYYOOOOOOONK!" is the sound I make (Karl Malone), Monday, 13 September 2021 15:13 (five days ago) link

Possibly related: I have nearly zero recollection of these shows.

Taliban! (PBKR), Monday, 13 September 2021 15:45 (five days ago) link


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