Pick your favorite new Heinz mashup sauce

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how did they make these all sound like slurs pic.twitter.com/0yDPMlMMHv

— bring on the dancing horses (@inthefade) April 19, 2021

Poll Results

OptionVotes
HANCH 9
WASABIOLI 3
TARCHUP 2


80's hair metal , and good praise music ! (DJP), Tuesday, 20 April 2021 15:49 (three weeks ago) link

HANCH sounds like a '70s movie starting Walter Matthau as a hard-bitten cop from the Bronx who takes a foul-mouthed 9-year-old orphan girl on as his charge.

avatar of a kind of respectability homosexual culture (Eric H.), Tuesday, 20 April 2021 15:52 (three weeks ago) link

WASABIOLI is the only one of these that sounds almost normal. HANCH is the funniest, voted HANCH. TARCHUP sounds like something you don't want to eat.

Canon in Deez (silby), Tuesday, 20 April 2021 16:09 (three weeks ago) link

'Tarchup' sounds like the body's response to ingesting Tarchup

You Can't Have the Woogie Without a Little Boogie (Old Lunch), Tuesday, 20 April 2021 16:13 (three weeks ago) link

Put a little TARCHUP on my fries, wound up TARCHUP-ing all over the men's room, it was sick

You Can't Have the Woogie Without a Little Boogie (Old Lunch), Tuesday, 20 April 2021 16:13 (three weeks ago) link

TARCHUP is the kind of thing they name monsters in horror movies these days, I'm pretty sure.

peace, man, Tuesday, 20 April 2021 16:17 (three weeks ago) link

TARCHUP is clearly where they threw in the towel

80's hair metal , and good praise music ! (DJP), Tuesday, 20 April 2021 16:25 (three weeks ago) link

KETCHTAR

avatar of a kind of respectability homosexual culture (Eric H.), Tuesday, 20 April 2021 16:27 (three weeks ago) link

Wait, did we know about this

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/3/38/Ed_Sheeran_X_Heinz_ketchup.jpg/800px-Ed_Sheeran_X_Heinz_ketchup.jpg

On June 5, 2019, which is National Ketchup Day, Heinz along with singer-songwriter and ketchup-lover Ed Sheeran released a limited edition ketchup product known as Ed Sheeran X Heinz ketchup, more popularly known by its portmanteau, “Edchup”. Heinz announced the release in an Instagram post on June 5, 2019. The post featured Sheeran posing with a bottle of “Edchup”. Ed Sheeran is a long-time ketchup lover. He made this apparent when he had the Heinz ketchup logo tattooed on his left arm.[14]

The bottles, which were 20 ounces each, were limited to 5 per order. The ketchup inside was no different than ordinary Heinz tomato ketchup. The bottle itself featured a unique label in which the title was “HEINZ TOMATO EDCHUP”. The labels of standard Heinz ketchup bottles feature a tomato hanging from its stem. On the ”Edchup” label the tomato is wearing glasses and has a leaf on the top of it which appears to be hair. The tomato on the label was designed to imitate Ed Sheeran.

You Can't Have the Woogie Without a Little Boogie (Old Lunch), Tuesday, 20 April 2021 16:33 (three weeks ago) link

Ed Sheeran is a long-time ketchup lover

You Can't Have the Woogie Without a Little Boogie (Old Lunch), Tuesday, 20 April 2021 16:34 (three weeks ago) link

It shows.

avatar of a kind of respectability homosexual culture (Eric H.), Tuesday, 20 April 2021 16:44 (three weeks ago) link

I'm just gonna assume Ed Sheeran dipped his balls in that ketchup

80's hair metal , and good praise music ! (DJP), Tuesday, 20 April 2021 16:45 (three weeks ago) link

Tarchup sounds like carpet cleaner

jaymc, Tuesday, 20 April 2021 16:46 (three weeks ago) link

Sheeranch would have been better

Tarchup sounds like a star wars planet

But nothing tops that twitter thread which uses 'wasabioli' as sopranos-ish insult

joygoat, Tuesday, 20 April 2021 16:50 (three weeks ago) link

WASABIOLI sounds like something Chef Boyardee cooked up between bong rips

You Can't Have the Woogie Without a Little Boogie (Old Lunch), Tuesday, 20 April 2021 16:58 (three weeks ago) link

WASABIOLI ... since 1869

avatar of a kind of respectability homosexual culture (Eric H.), Tuesday, 20 April 2021 17:06 (three weeks ago) link

I don't understand why it had to be one word - calling it HOT RANCH would probably have tripled sales, while getting the point across more clearly.

but also fuck you (unperson), Tuesday, 20 April 2021 19:24 (three weeks ago) link

HANCH all the way baby

underminer of twenty years of excellent contribution to this borad (dan m), Tuesday, 20 April 2021 19:31 (three weeks ago) link

hot ranch
barely 21
hot ranch
looking for big fun

80's hair metal , and good praise music ! (DJP), Tuesday, 20 April 2021 19:32 (three weeks ago) link

I guess this is an object lesson in finding that sweet spot between pouring too much time + money into focus testing a new product and giving your burnout teenage nephew a multimillion dollar budget to invent and name an entire product line for you.

You Can't Have the Woogie Without a Little Boogie (Old Lunch), Tuesday, 20 April 2021 19:36 (three weeks ago) link

tar and ketchup, together at last

intern at pepe le pew research (Simon H.), Tuesday, 20 April 2021 19:37 (three weeks ago) link

Someone in that Twitter thread said "so Heinz, if you combine tartar sauce with baby back barbecue sauce, are you going to call the result TarBaby" and I haven't recovered yet

80's hair metal , and good praise music ! (DJP), Tuesday, 20 April 2021 20:09 (three weeks ago) link

The stink of desperation hangs all around these products.

sharpening the contraindications (Aimless), Tuesday, 20 April 2021 20:14 (three weeks ago) link

idk these just seem like when old navy starts putting out last years styles... like aren’t these all just sauces they serve with calamari and stuff at “gastropubs” and places called Twine & Hay? they have wacky names yes

brimstead, Tuesday, 20 April 2021 20:20 (three weeks ago) link

Automatic thread bump. This poll is closing tomorrow.

System, Friday, 30 April 2021 00:01 (one week ago) link

I have never been more nauseous than the day I found out that Hair Mayonnaise is a thing.

https://images.heb.com/is/image/HEBGrocery/prd-small/organics-hair-mayonnaise-000481163.jpg

Hideous Lump, Friday, 30 April 2021 04:50 (one week ago) link

Hey, don't knock it 'til you've tried it. It's made from very high-quality hair. Delicious.

You Can't Have the Woogie Without a Little Boogie (Old Lunch), Friday, 30 April 2021 11:08 (one week ago) link

It's the blend of sink drain and shower drain you've been dreaming of!

Hideous Lump, Friday, 30 April 2021 12:32 (one week ago) link

Tarchup sounds like something you use to fix your roof

Filibuster Poindexter (Neanderthal), Friday, 30 April 2021 12:40 (one week ago) link

shoulda mixed Ranch and Honey Mustard and sell it as Runny Mustard

Filibuster Poindexter (Neanderthal), Friday, 30 April 2021 13:18 (one week ago) link

I still haven't figured out where Wasabioli fits into the Wario/Waluigi canon

80's hair metal , and good praise music ! (DJP), Friday, 30 April 2021 14:48 (one week ago) link

those kids will expire if they eat it

Filibuster Poindexter (Neanderthal), Friday, 30 April 2021 15:01 (one week ago) link

I do love these 'innovations' which are just like lazily mixing two existing things together in a way your kids have probably already done.

I remember, when I was young, accidentally discovering that mixing ketchup with honey (I believe it was) actually made for a passable sweet and sour sauce. Heinz, plz give me money for my new disgusting Ketchney/Honchup concoction.

You Can't Have the Woogie Without a Little Boogie (Old Lunch), Friday, 30 April 2021 15:05 (one week ago) link

is Coke going to partner with other soda brands and market Coca-Cola Suicide?

(note, where did that name come from, anyway?)

Filibuster Poindexter (Neanderthal), Friday, 30 April 2021 15:09 (one week ago) link

Ha, it never occurred to me to wonder. I guess it's because of all the kids who died horribly after chugging a Big Red/Mr. Pibb blend.

You Can't Have the Woogie Without a Little Boogie (Old Lunch), Friday, 30 April 2021 15:13 (one week ago) link

Automatic thread bump. This poll's results are now in.

System, Saturday, 1 May 2021 00:01 (one week ago) link

They're not supposed to tell you that the "secret sauce" is just ketchup and mustard mixed together.

Adoration of the Mogwai (Deflatormouse), Saturday, 1 May 2021 02:26 (one week ago) link

HANCH WINS

terminators of endearment (VegemiteGrrl), Saturday, 1 May 2021 03:25 (one week ago) link

Never in doubt

Winner & still champion

terminators of endearment (VegemiteGrrl), Saturday, 1 May 2021 03:39 (one week ago) link

Hanchalanche!

Kim, Saturday, 1 May 2021 03:43 (one week ago) link

Out to Hanch.

peace, man, Saturday, 1 May 2021 12:45 (one week ago) link

Down the hanch!

You Can't Have the Woogie Without a Little Boogie (Old Lunch), Saturday, 1 May 2021 14:47 (one week ago) link

I desperately want the advertising for these things to feature people just full-on shotgunning bottles of the stuff.

You Can't Have the Woogie Without a Little Boogie (Old Lunch), Saturday, 1 May 2021 14:48 (one week ago) link


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