There Will Not Be Blood: What Menopause Means to You

Let's talk about the pause that refreshes!

I turn 50 in 3 weeks so will age out of this thread. I'm here to offer an alternative view on "women have it better in their 50s", because no one seems to be addressing menopause and how fucking awful it can be for a lot of women.

Its fucking awful. I've never been so fatigued/incapable/fogbrained/angry since I had mono in my 20s. Yay.

― Stoop Crone (Trayce), Monday, February 22, 2021 9:00 PM (one hour ago) bookmarkflaglink

But on a more positive note, my silver hair looks pretty neat!

― Stoop Crone (Trayce), Monday, February 22, 2021 9:00 PM (one hour ago) bookmarkflaglink

xp That's horrible, and I'm so sorry to hear it! This is a huge topic I'm always up to discuss. I'm having minimal symptoms/side effects but I'm also only mid-way through. If there's enough interest, should we start a thread?

― Ima Gardener (in orbit), Monday, February 22, 2021 9:06 PM (fifty-five minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

I'm in the early stages of "the change" -- and a number of my female friends my age are like, "is it covid or is it menopause?" in terms of trying to make sense of the symptoms ... i have had [show hidden text]

― sarahell, Monday, February 22, 2021 9:08 PM (fifty-three minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

Xpost - You should. I’m not there yet but it’s of interest to me and I have some resources I’ve been bookmarking for friends/fire that I can share. The biggest single predictor of age of menopause is your mom’s age when she went through it which means I’m looking at another 10 years. Joy.

― Benson and the Jets (ENBB), Monday, February 22, 2021 9:10 PM (fifty-two minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

Perimenopause is a whole thing on its own S and from things I’ve read it can be the worst part for some people!

― Benson and the Jets (ENBB), Monday, February 22, 2021 9:11 PM (fifty minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

Yeah I dont want to crap up this thread with health woes haha. But yes, we prob can do so if we have enough of us lady-presenting types!

I remember my mother being constantly angry/weepy/weird/dropping things when she was in her late 40s (we get it early in my fam). So much I didnt know were symptoms. Dry eyes! Flu symptoms! Constant headaches!

― Stoop Crone (Trayce), Monday, February 22, 2021 9:11 PM (fifty minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

my mom was about 50 when she started, but apparently if you are a regular/heavy smoker you are likely to start earlier ... so 46, for me, I guess.

― sarahell, Monday, February 22, 2021 9:12 PM (fifty minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

xpost - yes E I've read the same, I guess thats whats happening. Lot of hormonal BS.

― Stoop Crone (Trayce), Monday, February 22, 2021 9:12 PM (forty-nine minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

Perimenopause is a whole thing on its own S and from things I’ve read it can be the worst part for some people!

yeah that's where I'm at ... I am definitely having to pay more attention to those issues that when I was in my 20s/30s my biggest concern was accidentally forming babby

― sarahell, Monday, February 22, 2021 9:14 PM (forty-eight minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

Yeah I bet it is. :/ Def think it’s warrants a thread. Trayce do they call it “the menopause” in Australia? That’s what they call it here in England and it makes me cringe every time because it makes me think of “the curse” or “the change” lol.

― Benson and the Jets (ENBB), Monday, February 22, 2021 9:14 PM (forty-seven minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

hahah I remember when I first heard the term "Aunt Flo" and immediately thought of the tv show Alice! and so at some point I associated grits, and the kissing thereof, with menstruation.

― sarahell, Monday, February 22, 2021 9:16 PM (forty-six minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

At least in school they show you a little movie about periods. Nobody tells you anything about menopause! It’s only from reading a bunch of stuff in a Facebook group I’m in that I started realizing how little I knew about it and started reading more.

― Benson and the Jets (ENBB), Monday, February 22, 2021 9:17 PM (forty-five minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

my hippie aunt apparently said "the trick is eating root vegetables rich in vitamin E" ... but ... hippie aunt is not always otm

― sarahell, Monday, February 22, 2021 9:19 PM (forty-three minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

I won't be in my forties for another few years, but I'm already dreading menopause because birth control pretty much made me lose my mind and so I have this lurking fear that menopause will mean being whomped by mental illness.

― Lily Dale, Monday, February 22, 2021 9:25 PM (thirty-seven minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

Trayce do they call it “the menopause” in Australia? That’s what they call it here in England and it makes me cringe every time because it makes me think of “the curse” or “the change” lol.

IKR? Yeah older ladies do seem call it that, it sounds anachronistic to me.

― Stoop Crone (Trayce), Monday, February 22, 2021 9:41 PM (twenty minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

my friends are abuzz about perimenopause
i don't think i have any symptoms yet but i was a late menarcher

My mother was in her 30s when she started perimenopause, and was done by the time she turned 40. I started around 42 iirc? That was 2-3 years ago. I've had the hot flashes, the night sweats, the DRY AS FUCK eyes, the period that lasted for 2 weeks, and more. Also my body changed how it holds weight, which is not really what I was looking for in a "getting older and wiser" experience.

Now I have a period about every 6 months or so? Just long enough to re-set the clock and remind me that I'm still at the mercy of my hormones.

What do I have to look forward to? How are you doing? Normalize menopause.

Same LL. I was 15 when I got my period. And because of some tv show I saw I was convinced I was secret balls but that’s another sorry.

Even though I don’t think I’m peri yet I find all of this really interesting and I want to be prepared for when I am! It’s crazy how little this is talked about. Thank you for making this thread IO.

When I turned 43 my mom said oh you might start menopause because that’s when I did. Thanks for the heads up!!!

I really haven’t noticed anything different except my arms ache a lot a day or two before.

i was 9 when i first got my period (though it was really just one day before my 10th birthday ... pretty sure this anecdote is on the no boys thread somewhere).

just finishing a period that came early -- and was fairly normal -- but I did have the two months without a period in the fall, followed by the period that lasted 12 days. Over the summer, I had a backyard hang with a friend and his wife -- they're in their mid-50s and live in the suburbs. I mentioned that I needed to go Walgreens and get tampons, and A. (the wife) was like, "you need tampons? I have a large bag of them that I don't need anymore. Do you want them? Please take them? Do they have a shelf life? I think they should still be good." ...Anyway, on day 8 of the 12 day period, I was so immensely grateful for A's tampon stash.

I only know mine was 50 when she started because I asked!

i asked my mom a couple months back about it -- and she was like, "I don't remember. It was so long ago." ... so I guess, if I make it to 75 like my mom, my menopause experience might be as untraumatic as hers, considering otherwise her memory is quite good.

yeah my mom hasn't brought it up at all. i think she forgets i have a body

my mom generally only thinks of bodies in terms of food and pregnant y or n?

*raises hand*

(That's strange. I was just discussing menopause with a bunch of British sixtysomethings on FB.)

My period has been stopping and starting for about seven months now. This is the first full (but light) period I've had in three months--the last few ones were just a little bit of dried blood. I think I've been having hot flashes--I get hot a few times an hour, but it's not all that uncomfortable, and it doesn't make me sweat.

Oh hi. I think I probably started up the perimenopause train in my late 30s, early 40s (no wonder getting pregnant was such a challenge). I breast fed for 16 months, maybe, and that kept my period at bay. I remember the first one I had when it returned was a nice, short manageable cycle and I was like "NICE having a baby fixed everything." HA HA NO. After that, it was blood, everywhere blood, ten day periods every two weeks, can't leave the house, have to sit on a towel, two of those Always super overnight pads back to back when I slept so I basically had a pad that extended from my belly button to the top of my butt crack. Then hot flashes and night sweats and my favorite, major depressive symptoms/suicidal ideation the week before my period started! Which was happening every two weeks!

Anyway, I have a great OB/GYN and she was like, "This is not a normal way to feel. We can do something about this." Cue massive emotional breakdown in the exam room. But I take Lo Loestrin birth control pills (with no breaks - fuck you period!), and a big old dose of Zoloft and that makes it relatively manageable.

My mom started menopause at around 40 and was done with it by 50, so fingers crossed I only have two more years of this bullshit.

I have temporarily put this off by getting pregnant, but I should find out when my mom had it...

those extended periods, guys, I’m so sorry. that is some bullshit.

Pregnant, you say?

wait, it lasts TEN YEARS? i'm not kidding i thought it was like 6 months. i'm not gonna think about it anymore.
xp congrats?!

I've never used hormonal birth control, and I don't know if that will change my experience or not.

Oh, and congratulations.

haha thanks guys. yes, I am knocked up, but don’t let that distract from the topic at hand.

PMDD is the absolute total WORST
I can't wait to get rid of it. Hormonal bc helps a little bit, only enough to allow me to not detonate every 3 weeks

congrats horseshoe!

(thanks, LL!)

Yay, baby horseshoe! Congratulations!

Yay, baby horseshoe! Congratulations!

Yay, baby horseshoe! Congratulations!

I am obviously excited about this news.

horseshoe that is so exciting! How are you feeling?

Thank you! To keep on topic, it took a few years of fertility treatments, and I did wonder vaguely if I was racing menopause toward the end.

Horseshoe I totally saw that on fb and flipped the fuck out inside because I was so happy for you but then I wasn’t sure if I should say anything but omgiamsohappyforyou!

Thanks for running with this in orbit - love the title <3

So yeah, dry eyes is the one I never knew, dear god it is irritating esp because I already have frequently blurry vision anyway from not getting used to my multifocal glasses.

My last period was *thinks*.. maybe August last year? So yeah I'm well on the way at this point, as far as I can tell.

Am seriously considering HRT. It isnt dangerous anymore, right?

Carl, hi! I feel really good tbh; second trimester has been chill! I hope you and Ivy and Jeff are doing well!

fertility treatment high five. Ivy is the product of the best reproductive technology (our) money could buy. We are good! I'm so happy about baby horseshoe.

Oh and congrats horseshoe! Gah Im working cant keep up

And yeah I haven’t ruled out having a kid. I had my AMA tested two years ago because I was curious and my egg reserve was very good but I know at this point it is depleting every day. But that’s another good example - I didn’t even know that was just a test you can ask for!

Wait AMH

(thanks, E!) I have been weird about announcing bc it was so hard to get pregnant and I was scared of stuff going wrong, and also because being publicly pregnant is so fraught, and because I know people who want to get pregnant can’t always and it’s just annoying being a woman fin.

Luckily I never wanted kids, though my partner keeps jokingly demanding "GIVE ME A BABY GIRL" (he has 2 teen boys, he is joking)

But it is happy news and fertility treatment high five back at you, carl

It’s wonderful. The world needs more moms like you tbh. That’s a lucky kiddo right there. :)

re: the birth control pills and the PMDD, last hear at around the time of the Cavanaugh confirmation hearings (aka that week when everything was a trauma trigger), my GP took me off the birth control because of blood pressure concerns and my whole mental health state spiraled. I probably only got more or less back to baseline last August maybe? I do feel much more stable now, but I will not be coming off the pill to see if I'm done with this process any time soon.

year not hear

Aw, thanks!

But back to the thread topic - one of my colleagues was out a lot last year because of really bad menopause symptoms and the management was not happy. That’s actually one of the things that made me interested in it - she was suffering so badly and I was like oh wait? Can it be that rough? And it looks like it can and it should absolutely be talked about more often.

That was an xpost to E; I’m so sorry that PMDD was such a bear, Carl, but I’m glad the pill is working!

ugh it sucks so much when women’s health things affect attendance at work bc the workplace sucks about it, as it does about so many things

Here’s another symptom I didn’t know was a thing - itching! My boss was itching like crazy last year. She is 47 so went to the doc and the itching was hormonal! She’s perimenopausal but she thought she was too young and was shocked.

sadly the kavanaugh shit was fall 2018! i completely lost it around then too and went back on the HBC shortly afterward. i don't plan to ever stop taking it bc the PMDD is still there it's just not as bad. i am actually quite worried about what menopause will do to my emotional state.

She went out after work with girlfriends for a drink and mentioned that her dry skin was driving her nuts and they were all like oh uh . . .

xp esp as i am trying to rebuild life after losing my longtime job that i felt very strongly about
i guess we'll see!

i do have a weird itch on my head that won't go away!!!

I can also recommend Dr. Jen Gunter's book (she's one of the podcast experts) The Menopause Manifesto.

Just put this on my shopping list--my last full-on period was in February but since then I've had almost continuous spotting. Tell me to make a gynecologist appointment NOW.

Several years ago I was hoping to phase off of Prozac. Then the world I know it went to hell and I increased my dosage. At the time the nurse practitioner claimed there were indications that it helped with menopause symptoms. Has anyone heard of RELIABLE findings supporting that?

Good news: I have an appointment with a gynecologist on Friday.

Bad news: My "almost continuous spotting" has become almost continuous soaking through the heaviest tampons in 60-90 minutes, during the last couple of days. My body image has been shitty as long as I have been aware of such things, but I'm plumbing new depths right now.

I was hoping to have sex at least once again before my mother's health takes a turn for the worse and I'm trapped in full-time caregiving. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised that the only men who notice me want money more than anything else.

has anyone experimented with prempro (a combo pill) or a progesterone pill or a patch (estriadol)? a few friends have reported really good results and i am interested in more anecdata so i can be informed when i finally get to talk to a gyn

I finally got a couple pairs of "period underwear" for those days when

soaking through the heaviest tampons in 60-90 minutes

i had never experienced a heavy flow THAT heavy until last week - i was changing tampons every two hours, it was crazy!

my whole cycle has been a crazy rollercoaster since feb, no flow, late flow, light flow, insane flow, and cycles from 14 days all the way to 48 days
i’m seeing ob/gyn in a couple of weeks, i assume it’s all premenopause wackiness but just in case

if its gonna stop just stop ffs, all this wild unpredictability is really a drag

my rollercoaster began last year ... I used to have my "mynstrual calendar" (yes, that is what my anarchist dayplanner calls it) look very tidy with a minor shift here and there in the columns of "x"s ... now it looks a bit more like "things cats type" or something ... if the cat could hit the down arrow and have blank rows.

My particular variety of (early stage) breast cancer is exquisitely estrogen sensitive, which means I am about to be tossed abruptly into chemically-induced menopause courtesy of tamoxifen. I already feel like my brain power has taken a noticeable dive in recent years; definitely feeling concerned about the cognitive impacts of being estrogen-deprived.

:(

had some abnormal bleeding over the past few months & am on factfinding journey for what we think is just regular old menopause.

had endometrial biopsy today … technically straightforward and it was over lightning-fast but jesus literally everything about that superfast procedure was deeply unpleasant. yuk no thank you dnw.

if results come back normal i think i’m just going to opt for a do-nothing/monitor for now. i could do iud or birth control if i needed to but i dont really need it yet i dont think? i dont have much other menopausal hormonal craziness so far luckily

plus i’m on like 75 other meds for other things and appointments galore lately and adding another feels like too much even for me

we’ll see

Perimenopausal brain fog, or not giving a fuck any more?

"why not both?" ... i had my period last week for the first time in 3 months ... also apparently another "great" symptom is the onset of lactose intolerance! I'm not that intolerant, like, I'm not bloating and puking but ... if I ever go back to seeing movies in the theater, I should not have ice cream otherwise I will be the annoying person climbing over everyone in the race to the bathroom

Went to a new GP last week and mentioned how the last one I saw immediately dismissed the very idea of HRT without even asking my symptoms. The new GP was horrified. She says HRT is fine. She gave me a symptom checklist. I checked almost every single one lol.

Still have brain fog, dry eyes, insane hot flashes which frequently wake me at night (not with sweating - just SO HOT). Things feel compounded right now by the recent head injury I had, my bad knees, and the dread I could have Type 2 Diabetes but havent been tested for it

Uuuugh why do so many things have to be wrong. I'm just exhausted.

my anxiety has been off the scale recently - i don't feel overly anxious but my body goes into overdrive, heart racing etc at the mildest of "triggers" if that makes sense? since December. I'm wondering if it's peri. I'm only 41 tho.

stupid man chiming in to say I am glad you guys have this thread.
my wife is past the menopause now, but when she was going through it she really did not have anyone she felt she could talk to about it, and trying to understand what was happening was a real challenge for us at first.

Yeah I think I’m starting peri menopause. My period has been a bit weird - due to an IUD I’ve been mostly having invisible periods the last couple years (symptoms but no bleeding) but I had an invisible period then 2 weeks later starting bleeding a lot and it’s gone on for like 10 days at this point. It’s very annoying.

Yea Justine I had the same issue - I was on Implanon so no periods anyway. It was all the other shit that made me notice. PMTesque moodswings/anger, overheated, sweaty, clumsy. Remembering what my ma was like when she was my age (she became a bit of a psycho hosebeast til she got on HRT).

And I know we dont all need reminding but always advocate for yourselves with doctors! Fuck that last GP telling me I couldnt go on HRT.

Went to a new GP last week and mentioned how the last one I saw immediately dismissed the very idea of HRT without even asking my symptoms. The new GP was horrified. She says HRT is fine. She gave me a symptom checklist. I checked almost every single one lol.

― Stoop Crone (Trayce)

i'm not surprised but it's... probably one of the more shocking things to me, the extent to which a lot of doctors just don't listen to or respect women. since my body doesn't make T anymore, if i'm not getting hormones my body does go into menopause - i switched my hrt to patches earlier this year and for whatever reason it didn't work, and i sort of had a lot going on and didn't notice for a couple months, so i've had the privilege of experiencing the symptoms firsthand, and menopause is some fucking bullshit. not as much bullshit as some asshole doctor dismissing you out of hand when you brought up the topic, but bullshit, for sure.

anyway hope you get on hrt soon, if you haven't started yet. i feel guilty about asking this because i could just google it, but what are the typical administration methods for hrt in cis women? and is it just estrogen, or do y'all take like progesterone sometimes as well? i know sometimes menopausal cis women will microdose testosterone, which seems weird to me but the ones who do it seem to like it ok?

Playing a fun game atm of "what is causing the brain fog today?"
Could it be depression, anaemia, trauma, thyroid, or the onset of perimenopause?

haha i know that game! occasionally i think, "what about thermonuclear war?" ... speaking of games you don't win

have had two heavy periods in one month ... at first the brain fog was like, "oh, maybe it just feels like it was two weeks ago since you had the last one?" ... for the last couple years I have actually been tracking them on a calendar and I could verify, no, actually, it was just two weeks ago ... so I guess, before there is no blood, there is a lot of blood at random times.

yeah my last one was a two-week cycle, it had been normal for about 6 months, but yeah not looking forward to these starting up again

also the shorter cycles are WAY heavier
makes me feel like i’m 14 again having to stash pads & tampons in every bag/purse/backpack

like i used to be under the misapprehension that menopause meant NO period, not fuckin MORE periods
biology sucks i hate it

hating biology rn for sure

also I forgot if I mentioned this upthread but I sing "night sweats" to the tune of "Night Shift" by Siouxsie ... eventually I will cram all my annoying menopause symptoms into alternate lyrics for that song, and it will be my menopause anthem

i think i literally just had my first hot flash
while i was standing in the kitchen making coffee

my review: yuk, hated it

but it also might have been hypoglycemia
so yay thats fun

This is the problem I am having! Is it a menopause thing or a diabetes thing? I wake up every single night feeling hot and crappy.

I'm going to a film festival this weekend--will I once again be dashing to the restroom between each film because I've soaked through yet another tampon?

I've still never experienced anything that I would recognize as a hot flash. I may be lucky, but my doctors are always weirded out when I tell them this.

After I get back from NYS, I need to make a gynecologist appointment.

today i burst into tears in the middle of a zoom meeting (luckily mostly passive companywide monthly thing)
they were playing taylor swift cruel summer over a photo slide show & i had to turn my camera off bc i was fucking SOBBING for no reason like i like tswift but i have no personal connection to the song or the slideshow

like my hormones were like LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOOO

wee

my darlings, you will each get through this in your own way, and it might be very difficult at times, but then the other side is so, so free. i love it here.

I gotta say the cessation of periods has been *chefs kiss*.

This thread <3

The phrase "blood, sweat and tears" pretty much covers what I am experiencing all the time right now. Just make it all stop already :-(

like i used to be under the misapprehension that menopause meant NO period, not fuckin MORE periods
biology sucks i hate it

― werewolves of laudanum (VegemiteGrrl), Saturday, August 5, 2023 5:15 PM (five days ago) bookmarkflaglink

It is! Technically I don't think you're considered menopausal until you've gone a year without one.

I still haven't had any peri symptoms though a lot of my friends are really struggling. Sounds terrible tbh.

I'm getting cold flashes at night, which is actually quite welcome since I only have one of those little bedside swamp coolers for air conditioning. (Other than the fans that are all over the house.)

*I gotta say the cessation of periods has been *chefs kiss*.*

For some people the mini pill has this effect...

10 years of no periods has been great, and also not having wild mood swings. It's tough to recognize how hard we are driven by hormones until we aren't.

If y'all aren't following Dr. Jen Gunter, I highly recommend. Her newsletter The Vagenda is menopause and repro science-y goodness.

The mood swings are what I’m most looking forward to gtfo. Bleeding is messy and aggravating but it doesn’t make me utterly lose my shit every 4 weeks. Saying goodbye to dramatic mood fluctuations will feel like a zillion bucks.

*I gotta say the cessation of periods has been *chefs kiss*.*

For some people the mini pill has this effect...

― kinder, Friday, August 11, 2023 6:51 AM (three hours ago) bookmarkflaglink

Mirena IUD too.

xp - kinda wish i could just "skip" them, like a "not feeling this, thanks" track on an album lol. I feel like the mood swings in the past year have been more intense than when I was "regular" ...

this year for me: no periods for 3 months, definitely not babby ... I'm cool with this; two regularly timed but incredibly heavy periods ... not great, Bob; two heavy periods in one month plus crazy mood swings ... ughhh.

meanwhile I am becoming like my mother, who at one point in her late 40s, read somewhere that aluminum cookware is linked to alzheimers so she got rid of all her aluminum cookware ... instead, I am diligently investing in clothing made of natural fibers that are "breathable" because that will make the night sweats less awful.

also apparently UTIs are much more common during & after "the change" ... on the bright side, all the Covid-inspired virtual medical appointments made it astonishingly easy to get a prescription for antibiotics

For me, the swings amped up to 11 through perimenopause, so frequent and intense. About a year in to the post-pause, it hit me that wasn't happening any more. Then when Trump got elected and I was 100% rage all the time, it was a different flavor - more focused, like laser-rage instead of exploding supernova.

the most annoying thing for me rn is the "brain fog"

Had a long overdue eye exam today cos I need new glasses and also diabetes = gotta get that checked. I asked about the insanity-enducing dry eyes Ive suffered from for like a year or more now and the opto immediately said "yeah sorry thats caused by hormonal changes" ie from menopause. Yugh. I hope that settles eventually! At least she recommended some drops that Actually Work for a change (Cationorm if anyone's interested).

I'm dealing with dry eyes from taking duloxetine - lotsa drops including these gel ones at night plus a silicone sleep mask from EyeEco that helps. Glad you found some drops that work!

Cool, cool, cool, so awesome, love being a woman:

https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/bjpsych-bulletin/article/severe-mental-illness-and-the-perimenopause/8D072AACBCD3C7888C173B36635C08C3

Perimenopausal hormone fluctuations lead to an idiosyncratic array of physical and psychological symptoms, which may lead to new-onset mental disorders as well as affecting pre-existing conditions. Patients with severe mental illness going through the perimenopause may expect changes in their symptomatology and response to treatment.

stoked for the madness

wait no not stoked, the other thing

i was looking forward to not bleeding through my fucking clothes every other month but yeah, okay, better put the suicide hotline at the top of my favorites again

forewarned is forearmed at least

weeee

I honestly found breast cancer easier to deal with than this menopause shit. A lot of women find it nbd; I am not one of them.

sorry quincie :(

Yeah - just given my age I assume I'm peri but I haven't noticed any symptoms to do with my actual period or otherwise whereas I have friends who are GOING THRU IT. I feel quite lucky right now but also scared because what they're going through sounds, quite frankly, horrible.