Pitch your dark, gritty reboot

8 is Enough but it's a prequel to the Human Centipede

Kolchak the NIght Stalker an update. Could get pretty dark . Original series is quite fun so I'm surprised it hasn't been revisited yet.
Maybe that's not enough of a twist, I am just surprised nobody has done anything with it .
Is it well known?

Night Stalker was back in 2005 for 1 season w/ Stuart Townsend as Kolchak. https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0460665/. I watched it, and don't remember it.

Original series is great. The scene where he's sewing the zombie's lips shut and the zombie's eyes open is seared into my brain. Also, the pilot is fun, just to see '70s Seattle.

Kolchak the Night Peeper

How about an Inspector Gadget reboot that mostly just reuses the script for Robocop?

Q-nies: Goonies, but they're escaping from a global cabal of satanic pedophiles.

Boys' Town, dramatizing the process by which pedophile priests identify and groom vulnerable preteen and teen males.

My Name is Earl where he hunts down everybody who's ever done him wrong and tortures them

Boys' Town, dramatizing the process by which pedophile priests identify and groom vulnerable preteen and teen males.

― Infanta Terrible (j.lu), Thursday, February 11, 2021 10:34 AM (seventeen minutes ago)

omg -- yeah -- finally some wheat among the chaff of irrelevant butts, pimps, and serial killers

I Love Everything but where people don’t actually love everything (and some are ex-pimps)

Bagpuss where a little girl keeps bringing broken trash home to her stuffed toy cat. & then he and the rest of her haunted toys devise interesting ways of torturing her with them. While singing twisted folk songs about the process in a style borrowed from Moondog.

The Wombles where a bunch of small cuddly carnivorous creatures pick up bits of rubbish that people have dumped i the green area they call home. they use them to build booby traps with to increase their diet.
PLenty of fun is had as the devise new ways of doing that and new recipes for cooking the results.

Hector's house. Hector is a veteran who has recovered from rabies just about. Zsa Zsa is a world wear cougar.
THey have a dungeon in the cellar where they spend time entertaining guests or entertaining themsleves with guests.
Unfortunately the secret is about to get out and that's where the story begins

Friends, only it's will they/won't they with Ross and Monica

jfc

Bagpuss where a little girl keeps bringing broken trash home to her stuffed toy cat. & then he and the rest of her haunted toys devise interesting ways of torturing her with them. While singing twisted folk songs about the process in a style borrowed from Moondog.

― Stevolende, Friday, 12 February 2021 14:41 (three hours ago) bookmarkflaglink

was thinking more 'professor yaffle finds himself at the centre of a cancellation storm'

The IT Crowd only they're doing IT for the internet in Hell

'Friends" except it's Stockton, CA

Friends except it's set in Basra under siege.

Frasier, only Martin sexually abused Frasier and Niles when they were young and, now that he is older and infirm, the sons move him out of his house and into Frasier's penthouse so they can exact revenge upon him through ongoing, hidden torture that they pass off as a series of unfortunate accidents and misunderstandings to increasingly suspicious friends and coworkers.

World Series of Poker only instead of Poker it's ass eating

at least it's not the celebrity poker show with saddo Dave Foley

oh, but it is

House except every case involves genitals and anus. Mostly anus.

Look Who's Talking but it's an adult that can talk

It could be about a depressed adult suffering from ex child prodigy syndrome. He peaked as a talking baby, but now it's no longer impressive that he can talk and he never recaptured the high.

Look Who's On Horse

Punky Brewster, where now she's an actual punk rocker. Who solves crimes for some reason?

Was just walking by the television and saw an ad for an actual PB reboot. Sadly, no rock, no crime--just a standard-looking single-mom dramedy.

I just watched the trailer for this and I didn't think it would be possible to make Punky Brewster any more irritating and awful but apparently I was wrong

I'll only watch if they do an episode-length callback to the infamous cave episode of the original series.

A SpaceX rocket exploding isn't going to have the same emotional impact as Challenger.

A few weeks ago I actually hashed out a really elaborate Small Wonder reboot with a friend over messenger, fwiw. It centers on an adult Jamie Lawson, a stunted and underachieving man who is in therapy. For the first several episodes (perhaps more) there is no mention of Vicki whatsoever, and only gradually do you learn that Jamie's father (from whom Jamie is now estranged) dismantled Vicki after the end of the last season, and that Jamie has never really worked through his anger at his father.

Toward the end of the show, his father resurfaces -- he's now a former CIA agent gone rogue and underground, and he's been working on a top secret project, a Vicki 2.0, and it turns out he has cleverly hidden key blueprints in a microchip secretly implanted in Jamie's arm and is now ready to retrieve them so he can complete his superweapon.

This is only like 1/10 of what we came up with.

Leverage - but our lovable grifters don't right wrongs, they just rip off new people every week

How Everything Became a Gritty Reboot

And while we seem to be getting more gritty reboots than usual in the last decade or so — a decade that saw two films set in what might best be described as the Dark Snow Whiteverse — it’s not a new development.

A profoundly cursed sentence

Except Snow White was already pretty dark to begin with

she was pretty white iirc?

It all seems very fanfic-inspired to me. a kid's romanticized idea of what adult darkness is, superimposed on these "characters" who aren't characters.

yeah the snow white example is somewhat misguided considering that brothers grimm toned down the sexual content in the original fairy tales and amped up violence in some cases.

I will say that The Maltese Falcon (1941) is a gritty remake of Satan Met a Lady (1936). But yeah, the media is going to this well too often.

Gadget

a disgraced former police officer is given another chance after he gets his family murdered in a raid gone wrong. He is gravely wounded, and retrofitted into a cyborg. only Penny and Brain can assuage his deeply seated rage and desire for vengeance.

C.L.A.W. is a conglomerate ran by Jeff Bezos.

Which one of them has a junk habit, though

hallucinating a talking dog at all?

V, except the lizard-alien utopia is visited by other lizard aliens who are revealed to be human under their lizard-skin, bringing all manner of human racism. Also, everyone is on horse.

Survivor, except the producers use sleep deprivation, sound waves, CGI, practical effects, and actors to convince contestants they are on a supernatural island, like in Lost.

Oh, and hypnotism to convince everyone they crash-landed.

Cheers, except it's a seven season descent into alcoholism.

That Thing You Do!, except the band *doesn't* break up, but their third record undersells massively because of the advent of psychedelic rock.

As a result of a chance encounter with a member of The Grateful Dead at the Laurel Canyon store, singer James Maddingly Jr leads the band into a harrowing and torturous psychological downward spiral of beards, nirtous oxide, Manson, sitars, tie-dye, support slots with Vanilla Fudge and Allen Ginsberg.

24, except it's 24 hours in the life of a family and Dad just got laid off by Walmart and Mom has chronic illness. Will Dad start sex work to pay the rent that is due by midnight? Find out next week!