Pitch your dark, gritty reboot

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Gilligan's Island with added cannibalism

Joe Biden Stan Account (milo z), Thursday, 4 February 2021 20:24 (nine months ago) link

Hägar the Horrible gritty tv show. just called Hägar. Hägar has PTSD from the atrocities he has committed raiding Britain, spiritual crisis when he wonders if he will get into Valhalla etc.

Dusty Benelux (jim in vancouver), Thursday, 4 February 2021 20:26 (nine months ago) link

Sesame Street with Big Bird being ex-pimp

he said that you son of a bitch (Neanderthal), Thursday, 4 February 2021 20:27 (nine months ago) link

Street Sharks except it's the future and all the streets have been destroyed so where do the Sharks even go now

Vladislav Bibidonurtmi (Old Lunch), Thursday, 4 February 2021 20:28 (nine months ago) link

Sister Sister, where they have to fight out of an unjust and horrifying foster care system that separates siblings at birth

a hoy hoy, Thursday, 4 February 2021 20:29 (nine months ago) link

Scrubs with JD being an ex-pimp

he said that you son of a bitch (Neanderthal), Thursday, 4 February 2021 20:29 (nine months ago) link

Peanuts but concentrates on Spike, a coyote for hire who also dabbles in biker meth

Washington Generals D-League affiliate (will), Thursday, 4 February 2021 20:30 (nine months ago) link

Silver Spoons except where there's a whole different kind of silver spoon featured if you know what I mean (oh and also where little Ricky is an alt-right POS now)

Vladislav Bibidonurtmi (Old Lunch), Thursday, 4 February 2021 20:33 (nine months ago) link

Denver the Last Dinosaur, with Denver being an ex-pimp

he said that you son of a bitch (Neanderthal), Thursday, 4 February 2021 20:36 (nine months ago) link

Joy and the rest of the Bugaloos suffer from body dysmorphic horror and their love quadrangle, each week singing a new dirgy, _Disintegration_-type song.

the body of a spider... (scampering alpaca), Thursday, 4 February 2021 20:36 (nine months ago) link

Punky Brewster, where now she's an actual punk rocker. Who solves crimes for some reason?

Vladislav Bibidonurtmi (Old Lunch), Thursday, 4 February 2021 20:39 (nine months ago) link

he said that you son of a bitch (Neanderthal) at 3:27 4 Feb 21
Sesame Street with Big Bird being ex-pimp
There was an SNL Joker parody called Grouch. I don't think Big Bird was a pimp, but I'm pretty sure somebody was.

peace, man, Thursday, 4 February 2021 20:40 (nine months ago) link

Starsky & Hutch, with Huggybear as an ex-pimp who has returned to pimping.

Vladislav Bibidonurtmi (Old Lunch), Thursday, 4 February 2021 20:40 (nine months ago) link

The Sesame Street parody was the best Chappelle Show episode.

Joe Biden Stan Account (milo z), Thursday, 4 February 2021 20:41 (nine months ago) link

Starsky & Hutch, with Huggybear as an ex-pimp who has returned to pimping.

― Vladislav Bibidonurtmi (Old Lunch), Thursday, February 4, 2021 12:40 PM (thirty-one seconds ago) bookmarkflaglink

snoop dogg's huggy bear in the 00s film was still a pimp and vaguely menacing iirc

Dusty Benelux (jim in vancouver), Thursday, 4 February 2021 20:42 (nine months ago) link

Tintin, the problematic storyline, adapted by Spike Lee.

stimmy stimmy yah (Simon H.), Thursday, 4 February 2021 20:45 (nine months ago) link

Doonesbury but all the liberal boomers are into Q Anon now.

Joe Biden Stan Account (milo z), Thursday, 4 February 2021 20:45 (nine months ago) link

Hereditary but gritty is in it

Yelp for gyros (wins), Thursday, 4 February 2021 20:48 (nine months ago) link

Doonesbury but all the liberal boomers are into Q Anon now.

hahahahaaaa

Washington Generals D-League affiliate (will), Thursday, 4 February 2021 20:50 (nine months ago) link

Mourinho takes over from Pochettino

cpt otm (darraghmac), Thursday, 4 February 2021 20:55 (nine months ago) link

this is one of best friend's parents who were definitely dope smoking democrats in the 80s and are now, we'll charitably say, Q-adjacent (and very MAGA obv). ;_;

xpost

Washington Generals D-League affiliate (will), Thursday, 4 February 2021 20:55 (nine months ago) link

Bob Ross except he's painting exquisite still lifes of bodies he has artfully dismembered.

a man often referred to in the news media as the Duke of Saxony (tipsy mothra), Thursday, 4 February 2021 21:10 (nine months ago) link

Valerie, only when the titular lead actress dies instead of introducing a new character and renaming the show The Hogan Family, the family begins to lure new women into the house and murder them for parts so the can create a new vessel that their matriarch's spirit can resurrect into

Hello Nice FBI Lady (DJP), Thursday, 4 February 2021 21:12 (nine months ago) link

Pinnochio is permanent trapped inside the whale, playing hand after hand of gin rummy with Jimminy Cricket, as each of them slowly devolves into madness.

Compromise isn't a principle, it's a method (Aimless), Thursday, 4 February 2021 21:16 (nine months ago) link

The Exorcist but it's irony poisoning instead of demonic possession.

stimmy stimmy yah (Simon H.), Thursday, 4 February 2021 21:17 (nine months ago) link

The Exorcist but it’s an unemployed woman masturbating with a crucifix on OnlyFans to pay rent.

Joe Biden Stan Account (milo z), Thursday, 4 February 2021 21:18 (nine months ago) link

Wizard of Oz with an endless succession of 'good' witches leading Dorothy further into danger without ever bothering to mention that her goddamn magic shoes can take her home anytime.

Vladislav Bibidonurtmi (Old Lunch), Thursday, 4 February 2021 21:19 (nine months ago) link

The Brady Bunch only the kids are all fucking each other

Hello Nice FBI Lady (DJP), Thursday, 4 February 2021 21:25 (nine months ago) link

Max Headroom where instead of a digitized head on the tv screen it's a dick

Vladislav Bibidonurtmi (Old Lunch), Thursday, 4 February 2021 21:29 (nine months ago) link

a gritty dick?

Compromise isn't a principle, it's a method (Aimless), Thursday, 4 February 2021 21:30 (nine months ago) link

Only Frewer knows for sure

Vladislav Bibidonurtmi (Old Lunch), Thursday, 4 February 2021 21:31 (nine months ago) link

DJP's Hogan reboot wins this round.

edited for dog profanity (cryptosicko), Thursday, 4 February 2021 21:32 (nine months ago) link

Dan is uh very good at this thread, lolz

he said that you son of a bitch (Neanderthal), Thursday, 4 February 2021 22:21 (nine months ago) link

esp the Hogan Family one

he said that you son of a bitch (Neanderthal), Thursday, 4 February 2021 22:21 (nine months ago) link

Perfect Strangers only it’s Fight Club

Hello Nice FBI Lady (DJP), Thursday, 4 February 2021 23:31 (nine months ago) link

ngl i would take on another paid premium streaming service to watch Hogan reboot

Washington Generals D-League affiliate (will), Thursday, 4 February 2021 23:35 (nine months ago) link

My Two Dads, with both dads as ex-pimps

he said that you son of a bitch (Neanderthal), Thursday, 4 February 2021 23:36 (nine months ago) link

Jaded, pill-popping, foul-mouthed Slylock Fox takes on one last case.

JoeStork, Friday, 5 February 2021 01:07 (nine months ago) link

Bosom Manor Revisited -- everyone is either part of a pedophile conspiracy or they are UKIP racist shits, like you have to decide whom to root for -- the paedos or the nazis

sarahell, Friday, 5 February 2021 01:30 (nine months ago) link

My computer that I brought to the beach and I dropped it in the SAND and then I spilled COFFEE on it and it FROZE so i had to hold down the power button

Evan, Friday, 5 February 2021 01:36 (nine months ago) link

Multiplicity, with each duplication being a grittier pimp than the previous, with exception to the fourth duplicate, which is just Gritty.

Western® with Bacon Flavor, Friday, 5 February 2021 01:37 (nine months ago) link

Pinwheel, with Plus and Minus as ex-pimps

he said that you son of a bitch (Neanderthal), Friday, 5 February 2021 02:02 (nine months ago) link

Trumpton, except it's set in an alterna-WW2 and the village has been occupied by invading Nazis

faramir otm (Matt #2), Friday, 5 February 2021 02:03 (nine months ago) link

'Allo 'Allo but the French characters are collaborators tasked with hunting down members of the resistance and Allied airmen.

Joe Biden Stan Account (milo z), Friday, 5 February 2021 02:06 (nine months ago) link

Full House, with Danny Tanner as an ex......

boxer

he said that you son of a bitch (Neanderthal), Friday, 5 February 2021 02:09 (nine months ago) link

Mork and Mindy, if it was The Americans

Stoop Crone (Trayce), Friday, 5 February 2021 02:25 (nine months ago) link

ALF, with Alf being an ex-pimp

he said that you son of a bitch (Neanderthal), Friday, 5 February 2021 02:25 (nine months ago) link

OK ok we get it.

Stoop Crone (Trayce), Friday, 5 February 2021 02:26 (nine months ago) link

Cheers. A documentary series following the dark lives of a bunch of severe alcholics and their road to recovey.

Stoop Crone (Trayce), Friday, 5 February 2021 02:27 (nine months ago) link

Lassie, where the show is exactly the same except that they've shaved the word 'TITS' into Lassie's fur

Vladislav Bibidonurtmi (Old Lunch), Friday, 5 February 2021 02:30 (nine months ago) link

This is only like 1/10 of what we came up with.

longtime caller, first time listener (man alive), Friday, 12 February 2021 19:55 (nine months ago) link

Leverage - but our lovable grifters don't right wrongs, they just rip off new people every week

Joe Biden Stan Account (milo z), Friday, 12 February 2021 20:00 (nine months ago) link

one month passes...

And while we seem to be getting more gritty reboots than usual in the last decade or so — a decade that saw two films set in what might best be described as the Dark Snow Whiteverse — it’s not a new development.

A profoundly cursed sentence

hiroyoshi tins in (Sgt. Biscuits), Sunday, 14 March 2021 17:35 (eight months ago) link

Except Snow White was already pretty dark to begin with

Mr. Cacciatore (Moodles), Sunday, 14 March 2021 17:53 (eight months ago) link

she was pretty white iirc?

sarahell, Sunday, 14 March 2021 18:01 (eight months ago) link

It all seems very fanfic-inspired to me. a kid's romanticized idea of what adult darkness is, superimposed on these "characters" who aren't characters.

Lily Dale, Sunday, 14 March 2021 18:06 (eight months ago) link

yeah the snow white example is somewhat misguided considering that brothers grimm toned down the sexual content in the original fairy tales and amped up violence in some cases.

scanner darkly, Sunday, 14 March 2021 18:29 (eight months ago) link

I will say that The Maltese Falcon (1941) is a gritty remake of Satan Met a Lady (1936). But yeah, the media is going to this well too often.

Infanta Terrible (j.lu), Sunday, 14 March 2021 18:46 (eight months ago) link

Gadget

a disgraced former police officer is given another chance after he gets his family murdered in a raid gone wrong. He is gravely wounded, and retrofitted into a cyborg. only Penny and Brain can assuage his deeply seated rage and desire for vengeance.

C.L.A.W. is a conglomerate ran by Jeff Bezos.

Red Nerussi (Neanderthal), Sunday, 14 March 2021 18:51 (eight months ago) link

Which one of them has a junk habit, though

Stefan Twerkelle (Old Lunch), Sunday, 14 March 2021 18:52 (eight months ago) link

hallucinating a talking dog at all?

Stevolende, Sunday, 14 March 2021 19:04 (eight months ago) link

V, except the lizard-alien utopia is visited by other lizard aliens who are revealed to be human under their lizard-skin, bringing all manner of human racism. Also, everyone is on horse.

is that a haruomi hosono sword? (PBKR), Monday, 15 March 2021 12:43 (eight months ago) link

Survivor, except the producers use sleep deprivation, sound waves, CGI, practical effects, and actors to convince contestants they are on a supernatural island, like in Lost.

is that a haruomi hosono sword? (PBKR), Monday, 15 March 2021 12:47 (eight months ago) link

Oh, and hypnotism to convince everyone they crash-landed.

is that a haruomi hosono sword? (PBKR), Monday, 15 March 2021 12:48 (eight months ago) link

Cheers, except it's a seven season descent into alcoholism.

is that a haruomi hosono sword? (PBKR), Monday, 15 March 2021 12:50 (eight months ago) link

That Thing You Do!, except the band *doesn't* break up, but their third record undersells massively because of the advent of psychedelic rock.

As a result of a chance encounter with a member of The Grateful Dead at the Laurel Canyon store, singer James Maddingly Jr leads the band into a harrowing and torturous psychological downward spiral of beards, nirtous oxide, Manson, sitars, tie-dye, support slots with Vanilla Fudge and Allen Ginsberg.

Maresn3st, Monday, 15 March 2021 12:52 (eight months ago) link

24, except it's 24 hours in the life of a family and Dad just got laid off by Walmart and Mom has chronic illness. Will Dad start sex work to pay the rent that is due by midnight? Find out next week!

is that a haruomi hosono sword? (PBKR), Monday, 15 March 2021 12:55 (eight months ago) link

The Handmaid’s Tale except they are all literally handmaids who while away the hours doing embroidery and playing whist.

assert (MatthewK), Monday, 15 March 2021 13:01 (eight months ago) link

MST3K except, instead being subjected to terrible movies, the captives are forced to watch and comment on snuff films.

righteous oxide (PBKR), Monday, 15 March 2021 13:06 (eight months ago) link

Dukes of Hazzard but with (more) racism, Q-Anon, and opioids. Will Cooter kill Uncle Jesse for his bathtub crank before Sheriff Coltrane seizes the farm in civil forfeiture?

righteous oxide (PBKR), Monday, 15 March 2021 13:32 (eight months ago) link

The Cosby Show but it's a reality show.

righteous oxide (PBKR), Monday, 15 March 2021 13:35 (eight months ago) link

The Pac-man: a mysterious drifter, haunted by his memories, prowls the city’s labyrinthine alleyways for pills. Stalked by the ghosts of his past, he finds he can only confront his demons when under the influence of a dangerous new street drug found only in the distant corners of the metropolis. Will his ghosts consume him, or will he survive long enough for the big score that will allow him to turn the tables on them?

epistantophus, Monday, 15 March 2021 13:36 (eight months ago) link

M*A*S*H*: Set in a remote corner of the Korean War, the show centers on a mobile medical unit dealing with the tragedies of trauma of the war, complicated by a *serial killer* who keeps knocking off the doctors one by one. It's too dangerous to be rescued, so the the MASH unit must hold tight, hunker down and catch the killer before he - or she! - kills *them*. Stunt casting and twist: Alan Alda plays a famous visiting author doing research who fancies himself a detective and gets the investigation rolling, but he is found murdered at the end of the first episode! Thinking "The Thing" meets "Knives Out" meets "Dexter" (or anything else with a serial killer, I've never seen "Dexter").

Josh in Chicago, Monday, 15 March 2021 13:49 (eight months ago) link

Dexter’s Lab, starring Michael C. Hall

Hello Nice FBI Lady (DJP), Monday, 15 March 2021 13:51 (eight months ago) link

The Jetsons but in the singularity

ukania west (Bananaman Begins), Monday, 15 March 2021 14:08 (eight months ago) link

blue planet - except it's a reality fishing show where fisherman, lead by the renown hunter, David attenborough, track and destroy endangered species

Swanswans, Monday, 15 March 2021 15:10 (eight months ago) link

I really went all in on Leave it to Beaver upthread ... whoa

sarahell, Monday, 15 March 2021 15:12 (eight months ago) link

Ru Paul's drag race - cross dressers compete to build Mad Max style speedsters and race against each other, cross country

Swanswans, Monday, 15 March 2021 15:22 (eight months ago) link

There was talk several years ago of a remake of The Thin Man, to feature Johnny Depp. (Fortunately, this seems to be dead.) The assumption was that this version would be truer to the novel than the 1934 version. And fidelity to Hammett's original could legitimately incorporate racism, sexism, homophobia, violence, alcoholism, drug abuse, and codependent relationships, among other "gritty" elements.

That said, I hope this pitch does NOT get resurrected.

Infanta Terrible (j.lu), Monday, 15 March 2021 15:35 (eight months ago) link

I really went all in on Leave it to Beaver upthread ... whoa

― sarahell, Monday, March 15, 2021 3:12 PM (twenty-four minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

except you kind of left us hanging re: june's past

map ca. 1890 (map), Monday, 15 March 2021 15:37 (eight months ago) link

Flog it - a group of charming con men visit towns, enticing pensioners to town halls with their family keepsakes, doors are locked and everyone is pistol whipped until they accept low ball offers for their heirlooms.

Swanswans, Monday, 15 March 2021 15:38 (eight months ago) link

One Man And His Dog, where the herded sheep are slaughtered in unflinching detail and an AI recreation of Phil Drabble's head floats above the scene giving an amused commentary on the creatures' last moments.

fuck this for a game of soldiers (Matt #2), Monday, 15 March 2021 16:07 (eight months ago) link

xp - June was a medical assistant who dealt with pregnancies among the female inmate population at the camp! If a guard raped a prisoner and the prisoner got pregnant -- June dealt with it. Sometimes her work carried over to female staff who weren't inmates. If a senior Nazi official knocked up a clerk or secretary or scientist working on the rockets ... they called June.

sarahell, Monday, 15 March 2021 16:12 (eight months ago) link

I think Ward was just an accountant or financial analyst who got Paperclipped because he knew who was who and who got paid. June was actually the action-oriented one.

sarahell, Monday, 15 March 2021 16:14 (eight months ago) link

The Dick Van Dyke Show - the walnut episode was not a dream and the rest of the series involves Rob's ultimately futile attempt to restore humanity

Hello Nice FBI Lady (DJP), Monday, 15 March 2021 16:22 (eight months ago) link

"Highway to Heaven," where one of Satan's minions, in order to gain favor with his boss, travels through time and space to undo all the good deeds done by an Angel. Kind of like a reverse "Quantum Leap." Obviously it would be called "Highway to Hell."

Josh in Chicago, Monday, 15 March 2021 16:24 (eight months ago) link

this was kinda a major plot element of Supernatural tbh

sarahell, Monday, 15 March 2021 16:29 (eight months ago) link

one month passes...

Given the number of popular teensploitation shows out there right now, how about a prequel to Blossom that details her recovering addict brother Tony's four years of teenaged debauchery?

edited for dog profanity (cryptosicko), Thursday, 29 April 2021 20:53 (seven months ago) link

three weeks pass...

Looks like no one called dibs on Willy Wonka.

Joe Bombin (milo z), Monday, 24 May 2021 16:14 (six months ago) link

As every other property has been grittily rebooted...Hello Larry, in which Larry is a pill-popping right-wing shock jock, who may or may not believe the MAGA/QAnon talking points he regularly spouts.

Infanta Terrible (j.lu), Monday, 24 May 2021 17:47 (six months ago) link

three weeks pass...

Family Guy, only it's just home videos of people laughing at the jokes, and then it zooms out to people making fun of the people laughing at the jokes, and the people being laughed at are made aware live on camera that they're being laughed at, and told the people laughing at them are in the other room. and fights break out.

cancel culture club (Neanderthal), Tuesday, 15 June 2021 17:49 (five months ago) link

The Jeffersons, only it's Them

80's hair metal , and good praise music ! (DJP), Tuesday, 15 June 2021 17:50 (five months ago) link

(with a laugh track)

80's hair metal , and good praise music ! (DJP), Tuesday, 15 June 2021 17:51 (five months ago) link

Did u mean Us or are we talking George and Louise fighting off giant ants here, because I'm in either way

Jerome Percival Jesus (Old Lunch), Tuesday, 15 June 2021 18:34 (five months ago) link

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Them_(2021_TV_series)

Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 15 June 2021 18:36 (five months ago) link

one month passes...

https://www.slashfilm.com/netflix-picks-up-will-smith-movie-from-john-wick-and-atomic-blonde-director/

The Fresh Prince of Bel Air - someone murders Uncle Phil, his nephew has to travel across the country from Philly to avenge him

Joe Bombin (milo z), Wednesday, 28 July 2021 01:20 (four months ago) link

three months pass...

Dark Prince of Bel Air

The first teaser for the dramatic reimagining of ‘BEL-AIR’ has been released.

The series releases on Peacock in 2022. pic.twitter.com/YhWtLIq33P

— DiscussingFilm (@DiscussingFilm) November 23, 2021

papal hotwife (milo z), Tuesday, 23 November 2021 18:56 (one week ago) link

If the entire series takes place underwater, I give the concept two enthusiastic thumbs up

Rep. Cobra Commander (R-TX) (Old Lunch), Tuesday, 23 November 2021 19:00 (one week ago) link

I love the suggestion I saw someone make that the proper sequel would have starred Will Smith's spoiled California kids who are forced to go back to West Philly.

Josh in Chicago, Tuesday, 23 November 2021 19:12 (one week ago) link


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