I would EXCELSIOR, but I haven't got a ZING to LOL

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I would rather not go
Back to the old lols
I would rather not go
Back to the old lols
There's too many bad parodies
Too many parodies there

― shout-out to his family (DJP), Wednesday, October 28, 2020 2:35 PM (one hour ago)

sarahell, Wednesday, 28 October 2020 23:11 (nine months ago) link

i'm certain this one is good

The Beige of Dadz (Sufjan Grafton), Wednesday, 28 October 2020 23:13 (nine months ago) link

Lols and zings are on your side

Anaïs Ninja (Ye Mad Puffin), Thursday, 29 October 2020 00:37 (eight months ago) link

but snide is on mine

assert (MatthewK), Thursday, 29 October 2020 06:24 (eight months ago) link

how you took a child, and you made him LOL

The Wealth Dad $ |_/ (Bananaman Begins), Thursday, 29 October 2020 18:54 (eight months ago) link

tonight i'm going to lol you tonight

Give me a Chad Smith-type feel (map), Thursday, 29 October 2020 18:56 (eight months ago) link

Personally I'm a three wolf moon voter.

Also today I learned Glenn Greenwald's middle name

― Anaïs Ninja (Ye Mad Puffin), Thursday, October 29, 2020 4:41 PM (three minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

is it Gary

― frogbs, Thursday, October 29, 2020 4:41 PM (three minutes ago

Patriotic Goiter (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Thursday, 29 October 2020 20:45 (eight months ago) link

osamathumbsup.jpg

A Scampo Darkly (Le Bateau Ivre), Thursday, 29 October 2020 21:16 (eight months ago) link

lol

imago, Thursday, 29 October 2020 21:18 (eight months ago) link

always be clinking

sarahell, Friday, 30 October 2020 00:02 (eight months ago) link

vg+

Mark G, Saturday, 31 October 2020 09:51 (eight months ago) link

https://i.ibb.co/2q03wGH/Screen-Shot-2020-10-31-at-10-11-21.png

imago, Saturday, 31 October 2020 11:55 (eight months ago) link

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L397TWLwrUU

big man on scampus (Noodle Vague), Saturday, 31 October 2020 12:02 (eight months ago) link

I had to

imago, Saturday, 31 October 2020 12:13 (eight months ago) link

Also breaking the law by posting something funny in the excelsior thread

big man on scampus (Noodle Vague), Saturday, 31 October 2020 12:31 (eight months ago) link

Tier 1 is "very important to let it spread", so, let it spread.

A Scampo Darkly (Le Bateau Ivre), Saturday, 31 October 2020 12:40 (eight months ago) link

Haven’t you heard, there are no more tiers. That’s Johnson baby

Gab B. Nebsit (wins), Saturday, 31 October 2020 13:34 (eight months ago) link

isn't Johnson also the manufacturer of Toilet Duck?

sarahell, Saturday, 31 October 2020 18:50 (eight months ago) link

Toilet Duct.

Young Boys of Bernie (Tom D.), Saturday, 31 October 2020 18:58 (eight months ago) link

S C Johnson, a family company actually.

big man on scampus (Noodle Vague), Saturday, 31 October 2020 19:28 (eight months ago) link

Man why don't y'all cool out, listen to some Teddy Ruxpin

― Lover of Nixon (or LON for short) (Neanderthal), Saturday, October 31, 2020 5:30 PM (five minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

I hereby give this EXCELSIOR AWARD for the POSTING OF A FUNNY COMMENT to ilx poster: NEAMBERTHAL! good job, dude

the burrito that defined a generation, Sunday, 1 November 2020 00:38 (eight months ago) link

This is like luriqua posting after a stint at the Betty Ford clinic

― Lover of Nixon (or LON for short) (Neanderthal), Saturday, October 31, 2020 6:59 PM (one minute ago) bookmarkflaglink

drug addiction LOL! Neanberthal is ON FIRE tonight! wink.PNG

the burrito that defined a generation, Sunday, 1 November 2020 02:01 (eight months ago) link

Loved this, good striking imagery too

cointelamateur (m bison)
Posted: 1 November 2020 at 22:54:19
like this is some poochie had to go back to his home planet levels of public embarrassment, you just need to hang it the fuck up, get a yurt somewhere and figure some shit out

liberté, égalité, scampé (gyac), Sunday, 1 November 2020 23:27 (eight months ago) link

Guayaquil (eephus!)
Posted: November 1, 2020 at 6:44:21 PM
If Trump wins again Marcus can write a book called DIPSHIT RACIST: A SECRET HISTORY OF THE 21st CENTURY

The little engine that choogled (hardcore dilettante), Monday, 2 November 2020 15:50 (eight months ago) link

lmao

Blues Guitar Solo Heatmap (Free Download) (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Monday, 2 November 2020 15:53 (eight months ago) link

If Osama Bin Laden had an “R” next to his name he’d get 35-40 pct of the vote I reckon

― Li'l Brexit (Tracer Hand), Wednesday, 4 November 2020 12:12 (thirty-four minutes ago) link

He loves guns and believes in the church

― Li'l Brexit (Tracer Hand), Wednesday, 4 November 2020 12:12 (thirty-three minutes ago) link

...

unfortunately his name does rhyme with "obama"

― it bangs for thee (Simon H.), Wednesday, 4 November 2020 12:18 (twenty-eight minutes ago)

The little engine that choogled (hardcore dilettante), Wednesday, 4 November 2020 12:49 (eight months ago) link

vg+

Mark G, Thursday, 5 November 2020 07:59 (eight months ago) link

this bump

Life Without Buildings

and then ufo's coup de grace

imago, Thursday, 5 November 2020 12:27 (eight months ago) link

lol

treeship., Thursday, 5 November 2020 12:40 (eight months ago) link

Why is there a karaoke version of Juno?!

hiroyoshi tins in (Sgt. Biscuits), Thursday, 5 November 2020 12:41 (eight months ago) link

Lol This reads like part of a Star Wars film opening crawl:
(via CNN)

“ Entrenched at the White House with no public events on his schedule, Trump has personally dispatched advisers to battlegrounds across the country hoping to wage legal battle in places where the margins remain tight. Despite skepticism about the efficacy of his strategy, Trump has remained intent on waging a prolonged fight, viewing it as his only option.”

― SQUIRREL MEAT!! (Capitaine Jay Vee), Thursday, November 5, 2020 11:52 AM (six minutes ago)

lol

― Patriotic Goiter (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Thursday, November 5, 2020 11:53 AM (six minutes ago)

he's gonna make the best deal between the trade federation and naboo

― Blues Guitar Solo Heatmap (Free Download) (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Thursday, November 5, 2020 11:58 AM (one minute ago)

Ned Raggett, Thursday, 5 November 2020 20:00 (eight months ago) link

was just coming here for that reason

Fuck the NRA (ulysses), Thursday, 5 November 2020 20:05 (eight months ago) link

omg @ that Life Without Buildings mashup, wow

flamboyant goon tie included, Thursday, 5 November 2020 20:07 (eight months ago) link

Okay so I shared a screenshot of Jay Vee's post on Twitter and someone ran with it

https://starwarsintrocreator.kassellabs.io/#!/CMLP0f7hYvBSBqWj_Xwu

Ned Raggett, Thursday, 5 November 2020 20:15 (eight months ago) link

lol

Blues Guitar Solo Heatmap (Free Download) (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Thursday, 5 November 2020 20:17 (eight months ago) link

the pan down to the incomplete Death Star is *chef's kiss*

DJP, Thursday, 5 November 2020 20:24 (eight months ago) link

"You have failed me for the last time, Parscale!"

Ned Raggett, Thursday, 5 November 2020 20:25 (eight months ago) link

star wars

Give me a Chad Smith-type feel (map), Thursday, 5 November 2020 20:26 (eight months ago) link

it's a bit early in the week for SNL, no?

imago, Thursday, 5 November 2020 21:09 (eight months ago) link

SNL = Starwars No Lol ?

sarahell, Thursday, 5 November 2020 21:09 (eight months ago) link

Some nerd laughs

Young Boys of Bernie (Tom D.), Thursday, 5 November 2020 21:10 (eight months ago) link

secondhand Ned lark

early-Woolf semantic prosody (Hadrian VIII), Thursday, 5 November 2020 21:12 (eight months ago) link

let me have this

Blues Guitar Solo Heatmap (Free Download) (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Thursday, 5 November 2020 21:12 (eight months ago) link

Sh@kedown Needs Lolz

sarahell, Thursday, 5 November 2020 21:13 (eight months ago) link

I do!

Blues Guitar Solo Heatmap (Free Download) (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Thursday, 5 November 2020 21:13 (eight months ago) link

lol ok fine

imago, Thursday, 5 November 2020 21:21 (eight months ago) link

epistantophus
Posted: November 5, 2020 at 7:27:57 PM

_I feel like this is a Twilight Zone ep where we keep being told moer voets, and moer voets are coming, and the voets never come, and nobody ever wins, and nobody ever loses, and we are perennially in this election forever as time becomes a loop_

Every day they will count exactly half the remaining votes.

The little engine that choogled (hardcore dilettante), Friday, 6 November 2020 02:48 (eight months ago) link

But the follow-up is key:

Every day they will count exactly half the remaining votes.

― epistantophus

trump, putting the zeno in xenophobia

― like, I’m eating an elephant head (katherine)

didgeridon't (Ye Mad Puffin), Friday, 6 November 2020 02:56 (eight months ago) link

Haha I was just copying that and getting ready to paste it but I’m too slow on my phone.

epistantophus, Friday, 6 November 2020 02:58 (eight months ago) link

Follow-up was a fucking masterstroke, well done katherine!

The little engine that choogled (hardcore dilettante), Friday, 6 November 2020 03:12 (eight months ago) link

imago clearly trolling everyone itt afaict

epistantophus, Wednesday, 16 June 2021 01:04 (one month ago) link

Are you suggesting that someone who pooh-poohs most excelsiors and has expressed derision towards (extra) cheesy jokey pun threads isn't 100% onboard with this delightful detour? Think again, friend!

Jerome Percival Jesus (Old Lunch), Wednesday, 16 June 2021 02:01 (one month ago) link

Onward, comrades!

imago, Wednesday, 16 June 2021 07:32 (one month ago) link

Width of a Circle (which is a way of describing pizza sizes)

Fart low, sweet chariot, Coming for to carry me home (Bananaman Begins), Wednesday, 16 June 2021 09:24 (one month ago) link

P-dough geddon rolls on.

Noel Emits, Wednesday, 16 June 2021 10:00 (one month ago) link

Funny how pizzas travel
I start to believe
If I shredded cheese
Thin crust, a man chains his hands held high
Cruise me blond
Cruise me babe
A blond belief beyond, beyond, beyond
No refunds
No returns
Pizzagate

sub-crustos at best

The 💨 that shook the barlow (wins), Wednesday, 16 June 2021 12:32 (one month ago) link

Should we ban topping threads

Eschew things thirty two times before swallowing them (darraghmac), Wednesday, 16 June 2021 13:08 (one month ago) link

I dunno, it would feel imbalanced if we only allowed threads about bottoming

Jerome Percival Jesus (Old Lunch), Wednesday, 16 June 2021 14:52 (one month ago) link

Bubububububuttcrusties!
Turn to erase the stains-bu-butt-crusties!
Look outcha, ya got some mold on ya, bu-butt-crusties

Karl Malone, Wednesday, 16 June 2021 15:01 (one month ago) link

I feel like we have a couple more weeks in us of this, on this thread

Karl Malone, Wednesday, 16 June 2021 15:02 (one month ago) link

sub-crustos at best

― The 💨 that shook the barlow (wins), Wednesday, 16 June 2021 bookmarkflaglink

I am screaming, as they say on the internet

xyzzzz__, Wednesday, 16 June 2021 15:12 (one month ago) link

did this whole thing start with Rocket Man?

or as we say in USA - arugula?

sarahell, Wednesday, 16 June 2021 18:00 (one month ago) link

Ooooops

Jerome Percival Jesus (Old Lunch), Wednesday, 16 June 2021 18:24 (one month ago) link

'Rocket Man' is Elton John but now that you've made the suggestion, yes I suppose we can and should go down that road.

Jerome Percival Jesus (Old Lunch), Wednesday, 16 June 2021 18:28 (one month ago) link

I'm still spinning
All these pizza pies

Just for example. Can't wait to see what follows!

Jerome Percival Jesus (Old Lunch), Wednesday, 16 June 2021 18:30 (one month ago) link

It's getting late, have you seen my mates?
Ma, tell me when the boys get here
It's seven o'clock, and I wanna rock
Want to get a belly full of Domino's

blue whales on ambient (C. Grisso/McCain), Wednesday, 16 June 2021 18:35 (one month ago) link

And it seems to me you lived your life
Like a pizza in the bin

Vin Jawn (PBKR), Wednesday, 16 June 2021 18:36 (one month ago) link

like a calzone in the wind?

ten man poland chasing this means hamsik feasts (breastcrawl), Wednesday, 16 June 2021 18:56 (one month ago) link

'Rocket Man' is Elton John but now that you've made the suggestion, yes I suppose we can and should go down that road.

Down that... Yellow Brick-Oven Road?

Champagne Heathernova (Ye Mad Puffin), Wednesday, 16 June 2021 19:05 (one month ago) link

while onion pizzas and mad hatters, sons of bakers, sons of lawyers..."

Champagne Heathernova (Ye Mad Puffin), Wednesday, 16 June 2021 19:09 (one month ago) link

Little Caesar counting ten Pizza Pizzas in a row

blue whales on ambient (C. Grisso/McCain), Wednesday, 16 June 2021 19:26 (one month ago) link

Elton "Papa" John

Champagne Heathernova (Ye Mad Puffin), Wednesday, 16 June 2021 19:34 (one month ago) link

I guess I finally know what he meant by the circle of life!

Jerome Percival Jesus (Old Lunch), Wednesday, 16 June 2021 19:40 (one month ago) link

can you knead the dough tonight
now it's laid to rise
it’s enough to make kings and vagabonds
eat up every slice

ten man poland chasing this means hamsik feasts (breastcrawl), Wednesday, 16 June 2021 20:09 (one month ago) link

Now it's Calzone Danny Bailey..

Mark G, Wednesday, 16 June 2021 20:12 (one month ago) link

Its a little bit funny
This feeling inside
Im not one of those who can easily hide
I dont have much money
But boy if i did
Id buy a pizza

Eschew things thirty two times before swallowing them (darraghmac), Wednesday, 16 June 2021 20:12 (one month ago) link

You're all (wood) fired.

Noel Emits, Wednesday, 16 June 2021 20:23 (one month ago) link

you step away from a thread for a few days

Someone Saved My Pie Tonight

blue whales on ambient (C. Grisso/McCain), Wednesday, 16 June 2021 20:46 (one month ago) link

Solar Pepperoni a Gammon

So who you gonna call? The martini police (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Wednesday, 16 June 2021 20:47 (one month ago) link

Elton John released a cover of "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds" as a single. This suggests that his favorite Beatles album is... Sgt. Pepperoni.

Champagne Heathernova (Ye Mad Puffin), Wednesday, 16 June 2021 20:50 (one month ago) link

spicy choice!

So who you gonna call? The martini police (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Wednesday, 16 June 2021 21:05 (one month ago) link

That's where we meet
That's where we meet
Me and you rendezvous
In the pizzeria at the end of the street

blue whales on ambient (C. Grisso/McCain), Wednesday, 16 June 2021 21:23 (one month ago) link

throw some crust of your own, amigo

In my house are many Manchins (WmC), Wednesday, 16 June 2021 21:29 (one month ago) link

Candle in the winebottle

Mark G, Wednesday, 16 June 2021 21:39 (one month ago) link

Ok ill give you that one

Eschew things thirty two times before swallowing them (darraghmac), Wednesday, 16 June 2021 21:57 (one month ago) link

let me know when y'all cycle to metallica so i can drop my MASTER OF PIZZA bon mot

Sausage
Enveloped by cheese
Pepperoni
Excellent flavor
I cannot stop
Eating this pie
Gorging myself
Belly begins to swell
https://i.pinimg.com/originals/51/33/25/5133251ce289f741dbf32a94e71836bb.png

Jerome Percival Jesus (Old Lunch), Thursday, 17 June 2021 04:40 (one month ago) link

Pizza? Hell yeah! I’ll have ONE, NOTHING ELSE MATTERS!!!

ten man poland chasing this means hamsik feasts (breastcrawl), Thursday, 17 June 2021 05:49 (one month ago) link

It's fair, I'm absolutely terrible with Florida geography and fully admit to seeing "Miami" in anything and thinking it's the same general vicinity. Still, glad you are safe.

― a superficial sheeb of intelligence (jon /via/ chi 2.0), Thursday, June 24, 2021 6:48 PM (eleven minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

which is the one that's underwater

― Clara Lemlich stan account (silby), Thursday, June 24, 2021 6:53 PM (seven minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

your mom

― So who you gonna call? The martini police (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Thursday, June 24, 2021 6:55 PM (five minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

you're thinking of your mom beach

― the mai tai quinn (voodoo chili), Thursday, June 24, 2021 6:58 PM (two minutes ago)

Linda and Jodie Rocco (map), Thursday, 24 June 2021 18:03 (one month ago) link

Beautiful

Eschew things thirty two times before swallowing them (darraghmac), Thursday, 24 June 2021 18:57 (one month ago) link

kitties gotta hydrate because they'd normally get most of their water from their prey and consequently haven't got the urge to drink as much as they need. wet food + many dishes of fresh water throughout yr space can help, and maybe a fountain

if food & water are kept next to each other the water will get gnarly little chunks of food in it

a plastic food dish can cause chin acne

it's best to have a food dish with low sides, like a plate or saucer, to avoid whisker fatigue

research any houseplants to make sure they aren't toxic because they gonna get chewed

get her used to having her paws and mouth fiddled with (lots of praise, affection, & treats) so it's easier later on when you trim her claws/give her meds

same with car trips and her carrier, if she only associates them with the vet they'll be a source of dread. take her out for little drives and make them fun for her

careful of her cuticles when trimming her claws, and you won't need to trim the back claws unless they're catching on things

get her used to being brushed

have plenty of (easy to clean) rugs or carpet so she can dash around without slipping on smooth floors, and i'd recommend patterns instead of solid colors since they tend to be better at hiding the stains of accidents past

teach her to come when you call: choose a cue (her name in a particular pitch, a short series of whistled notes, a set of finger snaps or whatever -- something recognizable to a critter with no use for spoken language) and make her associate that cue with everything good in the world, like treats and catnip (when she's old enough for catnip, and if she's sensitive to it). keep reinforcing the link between her cue and the things she loves in perpetuity

take care of her dental health, veterinary dentistry is expensive as balls

if she brings you dead things, praise her! cats cannot conceive of hunting as a thing they should not do. if she gets scolded for hunting and gets her prize taken away, she'll think there must be a famine on and try to catch more

give her lots of private little bolt holes where she can hide and feel safe (but which you can access if needed)

vertical spaces are important, too, because she is very short and on the floor everything looms around her like skyscrapers and it can be intimidating sometimes. tall cat trees, wall shelves, furniture arranged in graduating heights are all good

breakaway collar so she doesn't accidentally choke herself (cats have soft throats compared to dogs)

always speak kindly to her

be careful where you step!

and finally,

if you have the space/resources/inclination, maybe consider getting another kitten for her to play with so she's not 100% focused on you and won't be lonesome when you're away

or you know whatever. as long as you love her she's gonna have a grand life!!!!!

― cat, Thursday, July 1, 2021 3:55 PM

Z_TBD (Karl Malone), Friday, 2 July 2021 23:13 (three weeks ago) link

I've been writing something about the Cocteau Twins recently so have been amused by many of the lyrics sites attempts at transcription, but the songmeanings.com attempt at the middle 8 of HoLV may be worst:

Carnivals are bluster loud
I'm dizzy so I go under the 'Big Dipper'
Cum fantasy for a carnival
How fitting before a wedding

― Piedie Gimbel, Wednesday, July 7, 2021 4:54 AM

Can't help but read it in the voice of some dapper old gent, adjusting his monocle: 'A cum fantasy? Before a wedding? Ah, how fitting!"

― Piedie Gimbel, Wednesday, July 7, 2021 5:00 AM

Alba, Wednesday, 7 July 2021 11:12 (three weeks ago) link

Dyyyying

heyy nineteen, that's john belushi (the table is the table), Wednesday, 7 July 2021 20:05 (three weeks ago) link

Goatse is great. "Somebody That I Used to Know"

― not up to Aerosmith standards (Neanderthal), Friday, July 9, 2021 10:11 PM bookmarkflaglink

Karl Havoc (DJP), Monday, 12 July 2021 14:38 (two weeks ago) link

hahahaha

intern at pelican brief consulting (Simon H.), Monday, 12 July 2021 14:43 (two weeks ago) link

Every act is essentially on hiatus between recording and touring. And there's no such thing as a legally binding breakup, though sometimes I wish there was.

― Josh in Chicago, Wednesday, 14 July 2021 19:23 (yesterday) bookmarkflaglink

Supreme Court case #666: The People vs Motley Crue

― chr1sb3singer, Wednesday, 14 July 2021 19:39 (yesterday) bookmarkflaglink

imago, Thursday, 15 July 2021 12:06 (one week ago) link

frogbs, on a scale of a mormon tabernacle choir concert with your grandma to having your stomach pumped while you slam back some four lokos, how drunk are you right now

xxp

― class project pat (m bison), Wednesday, July 21, 2021 1:38 AM bookmarkflaglink

6

― frogbs, Wednesday, July 21, 2021 1:48 AM bookmarkflaglink

Out of 6

― frogbs, Wednesday, July 21, 2021 1:48 AM bookmarkflaglink

My grandma actually goes pretty hard I don’t understand the question

― frogbs, Wednesday, July 21, 2021 1:49 AM bookmarkflaglink

making splashes at Dan Flashes (Neanderthal), Wednesday, 21 July 2021 15:40 (one week ago) link


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