love* in the time of plague (and by love* i mean brexit* and other dreary matters of uk politics)

tbf he would have died anyway

Scottish CMO has resigned

National day of mourning is a tricky one, something seems not quite right about only being able to watch online as they yeet him in a routemaster and drive it into the thames

Just thinking about the state funeral via cctv with the ceremonial duties carried out by a jcb and two guys in full hazmat kit

Crashing through a wall of polystyrene bricks with Goodbye Bojo written on it.

who? the queen?

I don't know if she has a licence to drive a JCB, but I'm sure she'd do her duty if called on by the nation.

Day 10 is the average day when the severe and critical cases get hospitalised, I’ve just remembered.

Also, what “tests” for this require hospitalisation? You can do oxygen sat at home. Chest x-rays, I guess, but that’s outpatient stuff, surely.

Does seem plausible that he could be properly ill.

I suppose this might make the dozy dumbfucks half this country consists of more careful about social distancing etc, probably not though

au contrite, I shall be running around shaking hands with every Tory I can find

Contrite? wtf spellcheck?

Yeah “tests” really only makes sense if they’re ruling something else out. I got my oximeter on eBay. Did they say what hospital he went to?

National day of mourning is a tricky one, something seems not quite right about only being able to watch online as they yeet him in a routemaster and drive it into the thames

I feel like stet’s hunch is right, though, because I don’t know why the PM would go to a hospital unless he absolutely needed to. I’m sure no 10 has a medical team at the very least? He could have pneumonia.

While No 10 did not say what tests Johnson would undergo in hospital, experts said they would be likely to focus on assessing how the prime minister’s lungs, heart and other organs were responding to the virus.

“Doctors will be monitoring important vital signs such as oxygen saturations,” said Dr Rupert Beale, who heads the cell biology of infection laboratory at the Francis Crick Institute in London.

“They will also check blood tests to see what the immune response to the virus looks like, and to assess liver and kidney function. They will perform an electrocardiogram to check the heart. More sophisticated tests may include a CT scan of the chest to get an accurate picture of the lungs.”

Keegan.jpg

I don't know if she has a licence to drive a JCB, but I'm sure she'd do her duty if called on by the nation.

Just hide the keys from Phillip though.

more importantly hide the kids from Prince Andrew

Imagine being the doctor expected to treat Boris. Imagine being on shift and they wheel him in and youre expected to look after him.

brexit and remain diehards on twitter currently united in repulsive display of toff arse licking, moral outrage over anything resembling humour

So if he is proper ill then he'll be out of action for a while (assuming the fucker survives). In other words, he'll avoid the peak of the pandemic and will get to swan back in when the death toll starts to drop a little, and all the gammons will be nodding sagely and letting you know they always though Bozza would sort it out.

If he does cark it though I suggest a flaming pyre floating down the Thames, like the end of Return of the Jedi mashed into the end of Aguirre: Wrath of God.

https://i.redd.it/86h6k4hh72r41.png

sterling work itt. must admit i just had the image of him doing that thing before your mum comes in in the morning - jamming your face in your pillow to make your self as hot as possible and simulating a nasty wheezing cough. the man’s a serial evader.

Which newspaper would be brave enough to run with “dead in a ditch” as a headline?

I think he must be on a ventilator. They could be treating him with oxygen non-invasively at number 10.

rip big man, heaven needed an after-dinner speaker

None of the antibody tests ordered by Matt Hancock work.

Now Britain has millions of coronavirus antibody tests, but they only flag positive to people who have suffered Covid-19 badly rendering them pointless

Sobering from The Times ⁦@Smyth_Chris⁩ https://t.co/iGDTL2mbH9

— Sam Coates Sky (@SamCoatesSky) April 6, 2020

Ah well, nevertheless..

Someone saw that gullible easy-mark coming. I mean I can appreciate there was a sense of urgency but that shouldn't mean abandoning all diligence ffs

Instead, government scientists hope to work with companies to improve the performance of antibody tests and Professor Newton said he was “optimistic” that one would come good in months.

so those antibody tests that we were told would be readily available from amazon by now, what's up with those

Hancock is seeing how many stars they get on Amazon before buying fifty million of the fuckers!

Difficult to even muster up a grim laugh about the absolute clown car this whole testing situation has become because all this means is that we're all stuck in our homes for longer.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-52133054

Although the number of new cases and hospitalisations at least appears to be levelling off, although I wouldn't put much trust in the former number.

If anyone needs a laugh, the estate agents are now doing macroeconomic forecasting pic.twitter.com/Z5GGQWuvPT

— Will Davies (@davies_will) April 6, 2020

looking at the uk figures last night, i was pretty alarmed to see that the current death rate is standing at 10.3% until i remembered that the number of infections is vastly under-reported because we're not doing enough tests - you'd think making the percentages of deaths look better would be a good reason to up the numbers of tests alone but like matt said, this fuckin' clown car government can't even massage its own figures properly

They would do more tests, but the government do not have the capability.

They also can't admit to this hence the forever looking forward to a time they'll be able to carry out 10k tests

Mr Jenrick told BBC Breakfast: "We hope that as a result of these tests [the prime minister] will be able to come back to Downing Street as soon as possible.

"He's been working extremely hard leading the government and being constantly updated. That's going to continue."

"I'm sure this is very frustrating for him, for somebody like Boris who wants to be hands on running the government from the front, but nonetheless he's still very much in charge of the government," he added.

This is no time for depressing speculation that he's not at death's door

on my Facebook feed this morning: Daily Express story about the UK being due £350 billion in compensation from China for the rona; meme calling for the gov to enforce a total lockdown because people are scum.

Maybe I need to take a social media holiday

nah i'd miss your fb youtube embeds

that express story is great tho, nothing like an unbridled expression of xenophobia to take the commoners' minds off the uk government's own continued failings

It's quite polite of China not to mention the Opium wars and the Boxer rebellion in every negotiation the UK govt has with them!

These things are not forgotten in China, I can assure you (actually they are used by the government there to dismiss anything from the west, for example democracy, as a plot to destroy China)

Who can blame them?

If this is the degree of seriousness the Henry Jackson Society is now aiming for, long may it continue.

Bur-gone

I didn’t and wouldn’t vote for Burgon, but all the worst cunts on twitter are really weirdly obsessed with him. Couldn’t be me.

They call me melt
They call me right wing
They call me Tory
They call me lame
That's not my name
That's not my name

They call me Karen
That's worse than gammon, laugh at my hairstyle
Just stop these slurs
That's not my name
That's not my name
That's not my name

— Simon Hedges (@Orwell_Fan) April 6, 2020

<3

Hedges has been revitalised the last few days. So many narrative possibilities right now.

Is he dead yet?

I'd expected an EXCLUSIVE heartfelt and tearful story by LauraK, live from BoJo's bedside by now.