Mostly Apolitical Thread for Discussing/Venting our Rational/Irrational COVID-19 Fears and Experiences in 2020

good news...

1) latest COVID test = negative (as I expected)
2) my mother got a massive check for like 8 weeks of back federal unemployment today and 8 of state yesterday

Look after yourself, Neanderthal
Josh - that's so tough. It's a mess.

Just sneaking in a mini rant here about how I saw my parents for the first time since Feb and I asked several times to stay distanced, outside if possible, particularly as my kid is at school and liable to spread anything/have stuff spreaded this way, and of course it was ignored with them sitting the kids on laps, reading with heads together etc.

My mum is shielding and is in the high risk category but she hasn’t seen our son for 6 months and I’m not sure anything is going to stop her hugging him. We’ll be changing all his clothes beforehand, putting a mask on and hoping.

I think a hug is probably fine...*fingers Xd* it's more the fact they just seemed to completely forget that anything was different, and I'm sure this is how they are day-to-day despite saying "Oh yes we are distancing properly unlike those other sorts we see in the town..."

Josh, just outta interest, what school (DM if not interested in saying ... Or not, get it). I'm only asking, as my wife is kinda stressing about Loyola's Rogers Park campus gettin the ol force open, complete with creepy 'how comfortable on 5x scale are you about teaching in person', pay cuts, etc. Ya know - the more news stories I see about the push open K-12, I'm more and more convinced it's being done as a driver to open up higher Ed & charter schools, cause that's where the moolah is at for the rich boards members/Devos types.

OPRF in the People's Republic of Oak Park. I know they sent out surveys a week or so back and got a big response, so I can only assume their plans reflect the concerns and desires of the students, teachers and parents that responded. In our case it really is quite possibly simply a matter of space and logic, since 3400 kids is a huge number, and there is simply no way to safely divide them up in person. I mean, even the public pools here have decided to stay closed for the summer, and that's something I think the village *could* manage. It's a big bummer, because a lot of people are here for the school, and pay astronomical taxes for the privilege, but if you can't go to the school ... I know it's not the school's fault, but hearing this news (which may be formalized tomorrow morning) I had more than a few friends respond with some variation of "then why are we here?"

I promise you that opening public schools isn't a driver to open higher ed and charter schools. They are much more important in their own right. According to NCES:

~ 50 million kids attend public schools (k-12)
~ 3.5 million kids attend charter schools(k-12)
~ 5 million kids attend private schools (k-12)
~ 12 million kids attend higher ed (full time)
~ 7 million kids attend higher ed (part time)

ahem NONTRADITIONAL STUDENTS

NCES didn't offer that info, but IIRC it's like 30-40% of combined undergrad numbers?

The school I work for should be announcing within the next week whether they will be in person or not, so it’s a real sort of pins and needles feeling right now. Hasn’t helped to be inundated with doom and gloom emails about how “tough financial decisions” are coming if we go online and staff/faculty surveys about how comfortable we’d be on campus knowing that pay cuts and layoffs were the trade off, blah blah blah. It’s stressful.

I have no idea what to do with my elementary school kids in Houston. We should get an announcement on the 15th, but if school does reopen physically, we have the option to keep the kids home to learn remotely. Our five year old is set to enter Kindergarten and she NEEDS socialization. She is becoming feral and our ten year old is wilting. I have so much anger in me because this dumbfuck state in this dumbfuck country couldn't get it together and do the right thing. It is fucking kids up and I don't know what I want to happen when school starts.

really feeling that post. it’s infuriating. hang in there CA.

Yeah I don’t know what I’m going to do with my 5 year old all day if kindergarten doesn’t open. I’m supposed to be working but I’ve spent the past hour listening to him devise a jail escape plan

Because I'm up early, anyway, I'm about to dial in to our elementary school district board meeting (our high school is its own separate school district) to find out where things stand for Fall 2020. Should be fun. Especially fun that such an important meeting is happening while so many parents are working. I know not everyone has the luxury of auditing in their jammies like me.

Anyway, I am not hopeful. It's kind of a fait accompli lose-lose. Stay home from school, not ideal. Go to school, also not ideal, for different reasons.

541 participants on the board meeting that just went live. That's a pretty big turnout, virtual or no.

I have to say that I really feel for all y'all with kids.

It is impossible. Like, not "difficult," or "draining," or "emotionally exhausting" - those, I think, are trivializing and patronizing. It is actively impossible, and was from the start. Kobayashi Maru-type shit, and has been from the beginning. If you're very fortunate and/or very rich, it can be manageable, barely.

But working parents of small and high-needs kids are constantly failing at one or the other. And of course let's make it as shitty as possible for mothers, because that's a longstanding tradition.

https://www.nytimes.com/2020/07/02/business/covid-economy-parents-kids-career-homeschooling.html

I can't imagine people dealing with multiple kids, it's been hard enough with just one and I'm wildly proud of him, all things considered, by how he's adjusting to this. We've, pretty much by necessity, since we both work full time jobs, had to allow more iPad time than we ever would prefer, since he can Facetime a couple friends from school to play games together. We also got one of those summer bridge workbook things, which he has been incredible about doing each day without complaint. The other thing I've found really hard is having to sit in so many meetings and Zoom calls when I really just want to go do things with him to help make this more memorable!

I'm lucky for a lot of reasons, but at the least for having kids that can deal with remote learning pretty well. But then, they're a lot older; parents I know with younger kids have had a harder time.

Here, at least, daycares have opened again, to some degree, which has helped some parents I know of small kids. But yeah, it's all impossible. My sister lives in England, and she has a 2-year old boy who had just started daycare when everything shut down. She had to calculate, when things reopened a little, whether sending him back for the sake of socialization was worth the risk, and she ultimately determined yes. As his mother she could tell how much he needed that connection with kids his age.

Sounds from this meeting in progress that they are leaning toward a hybrid K-8 model that includes social distancing and other (relative) safeguards, and also takes into account some several hundred parents who indicated they would keep their kids home. There is apparently no way to safely send everyone back even if they wanted to. Spreading the kids out to new learning areas to keep them socially distanced and spread out means more teachers for those new learning areas, and they calculated that alone would cost $11 million. The hybrid model was about half that, which is still not ideal.

Of course the craziest thing about all of this is that it could all change overnight with another spike or ... who knows what is in store. Even if a vaccine is introduced there are a number of unanswered questions, not least how the virus behaves seasonally. Whether it will come back every year, back in another form, whether each year will feature a precarious few months of rising illness and death until i it's under control again ...

Intriguing idea just brought up is parents organizing little learning pods on their own. (This is something that some parents brought up, not the school). That is, very small groups of kids learning remotely together. That helps with some of the socialization concerns, at least for little kids, but there are serious equity concerns. Again, impossible situation.

I mean, that's a great idea for parents that have the capacity to host those but, as you rightly point out, that's really not an equitable solution.

man i feel like people are pretending to care about equity but realistically, if they were offered a way to quietly get their kid into a "learning pod" they would gladly do so privately with no regard for equity.

the pressure to pretend to care about people less fortunate than you will expire at some point and the divide that already exists will get wider. that's what happens with everything else! :(

i am so disgusted with the USA that i have no words to describe it. i won't even try, it's not worth it.

Parent Q&A about to start. Curious.

i suspect yr right about pods la lechera. if a solution to socialization along with education for kids that is also equitable, what can that look like? i've not seen any ideas for that yet but haven't really looked

"exists"

edu-camps by lottery sounds not good and displaces them from family?

i saw a tweet somewhere that said like "if pro athletics with all it's resources and motivations cannot find a solution for isolation-camp style league play, why would anyone decide local schools can safely max out attendance-based learning?"

I don't think there is a good solution (just as I don't think they can stop parents from doing it independently.) I think the only half-solution for the time being is to further pursue aggressive efforts to ensure equity and ramp up in-school resources that works around remote learning. That's how the high school is doing it here, afaict. It's formally remote learning 2020-2021, but the school will be open to some extent and staff/resources accessible for those most in need of help.

Board meeting Q&A was just comments, btw, so a mix between complements, questions and airings of grievences. It does sound like they are leaning toward a hybrid model, which means a good chance I will have one kid remote learning in 11th and the other remote/school part time in 8th grade. And neither will have five days of school a week. I'm also not sure when the fall semester (as such) will end for either, though I suspect it will end at Thanksgiving and resume some time in 2021, and in between they will reassess things.

Yeah I mean I’m not usually this openly pessimistic — but if we weren’t actually all that concerned about equity before, why would anyone think that NOW is the time to finally develop and implement that plan? Pro sports can’t even do it is otm.

To me it looks like marching some kids/teachers into killer germ factories while others will be safely ensconced in their private learning pods. Again I’m not usually this much of a pessimist. I grew up w a teacher and am a teacher and we have never been treated with respect or care. Why start now?? Where’s the motivation? I don’t see any. Pods for the fortunate it is.

ding ding ding! yesterday i saw a tweet that said something along the lines of 'equity and inclusion' are the 'thoughts and prayers' of public education.

i'm irate, and i'm scared, and i'm voiceless. i know one (really important!) way that the question of schools might make progress: ask the teachers! decisions are being made overwhelmingly at state, federal, and district/school committee levels, in response to the concerns expressed by parents. but the reality of a return to the classroom, which will be overwhelmingly managed by teachers, is entirely out of their control.

isn’t this what unions are for?

hypothetically

My solution so far has been to not make the kids do anything school-related except what they feel like doing (which is almost nothing).

So it's simultaneously in line with caring about equity, and in line with being a lazy and indulgent parent. Win-win! But it can't last forever.

But here's the thing about local branches of the big teachers' unions (NEA/AFT): they're not strong or empowered on issues of school policy.

District administrations (lead by superintendents) and school committees (made up of local representatives) hash out consequential decisions about schools within fairly narrow guidelines handed to them by the state and federal authorities. Unions, where they exist and have bargaining power, are not typically invited to the table until *after* decisions are announced. There, they join a bevy of other voices to push back on the *implementation* of big decisions, but are rarely able to influence the decisions themselves. Additionally, they are about equal in decision-making power to PTAs, advisory boards, contractors. Typically, they need to maintain a working relationship with their administration so that they can protect individual staff members from abuse/etc., and that is where they need to spend most of their capital.

IOW unions can react to policy, and shape particulars, but rarely drive it.

plus not everyone has a union to rely on even for that
what's the point of asking "isn't that what unions are for?" you want us to spend our energy unionizing on top of all this shit? :(

sorry, i am ignorant about teachers’ unions, which is why i put that out there. soda’s post clears up a lot.

workplace safety has historically been a major driver of union activity i.e. coalmines etc and i do kinda feel like man, if unions can’t step up to the plate here - in education, in meatpacking, in transportation - then.. wtf are they good for? losing pension fights? protecting cops? my dad would kill me if he heard me talking this way btw

most union work (IME) is advocacy on behalf of individual teachers re. grievances against districts

The union that I belong to is largely useless for people in my position, and I haven't been afraid to let loose on the leadership, even though the current union president had helped me out significantly during a nightmare situation

Maybe if we start teaching the kids an entirely anti-capitalist, Marxist agenda. Governors will shut schools right back down

Thank you for that explan, soda.

As teachers' unions go, AFT (NY state) and UFT (NYC) are maybe uniquely powerful among unions, even to the point of influencing statewide policy. In NYC, the union did push to close schools sooner, but they also penalized "striking"/sick-out teachers with a loss of personal time or something like that, and forced employees in schools to keep going to work until the official closure.

(Also from what I heard, the mayor & DOE didn't agree to close city schools sooner because the healthcare workers' union was ALSO advocating for their members who needed schools as childcare so they could go to work. The schools didn't close until an agreement was negotiated for the govt to fund keeping childcare centers open for "essential workers." It's easy to see how both students and teachers were effectively collateral to force this issue.)

In the more recent NYC budget fight, the UFT notably SUPPORTED keeping cops in schools despite devastating budget cuts to the educational system that could have been alleviated by putting cop $$ back into the budget. I'm not an insider to the union anymore so idk what the reasoning was but basically they don't push back unless or until they've already done a backroom deal.

Sorry if I derail the valid discussion here, but this seems the most appropriate thread to vent in. I'm feeling so overwhelmed and depressed these past few months and I KNOW I need to take some time to disconnect and recharge, but my attempts at self-care are just blowing up in my face left and right. I haven't had a single day off in 2020 and since the pandemic began I've been working (albeit from home) even longer hours than usual. I planned to take last Friday off to go do some hiking (ish, or at least the nearest approximation thereof) but shit blew up at work and I had to scratch that. In the regular 2020 timeline, I'd be flying to Denver tomorrow to spend a much needed long weekend with friends to go see some concerts. Obviously that's not happening. So those of us that were supposed to go were going to stream a show together tomorrow night, drink some beer and try to make the best of it. Well, my brother-in-law decided on a last minute trip and will be passing through town tomorrow night and is coming to see us - at the exact same time as the streaming show I'm supposed to watch with friends. Obviously I'm not going to say no to my wife seeing part of her family for the first time since December, so I had to back out of the streaming thing.

I know it's selfish, but I'm feeling really frustrated at the attempts to schedule something for myself blowing up. I'm historically terrible at prioritizing self-care and felt really good about forcing myself to actually put two things on the calendar, but after having both of them blow up I'm having a lot of trouble figuring out why I should bother. Yeah I can probably reschedule the hiking thing (though we've been told not to plan on any time off until after mid-August, depending on how reopeining goes), but getting this group of friends together is notoriously hard and not like I can just snap my fingers and make that happen again next week.

That's tough to hear. fwiw, my wife needs to manage people through her job, and two things she imposed, months ago at this point, were 1) everyone needs to step away from their computers for an hour, 90 minutes each day, if possible. Read a book, go for a walk, just sit outside. The feedback she got has been nothing but positive. And 2) everyone needs to use their vacation days. She (and others with her) were concerned that people were just sitting on their time off, and that should anyone see a light at the end of the tunnel they would just all ask to take vacations at the same time, which of course they can't do. But she also recognized it was important for people to have some mandatory downtime where they don't have to be on or engaged. So now everyone is strongly encouraged to take a day or two off now and then, as possible, to just ... do anything else. Watch a movie. Listen to music. Read a book. Invite a friend to have a beer in the backyard or sitting nearby on chairs or wherever. As for schedules and conflicts, I think people are generally understanding. For example, we're always here, at home, but not always here *together,* if that makes sense. One person might be working, one might have a friend in the backyard, someone could be watching TV. These connections to other activities and other people, however and whenever we can find them, are vital in the best of circumstances. Might your BIL want to hang with you and your friends?

you definitely should find a way to get yourself those personal moments of self-attention or resentment is going to build up quickly and will wind up manifesting in some other, unintended way (like for me, that would be "exploding randomly at somebody who isn't the target of my rage").

I obviously can't tell you "blow work off" because I have no idea what your work environment is like or how much hell they would make your life if you asserted your own self-care. but PTO is PTO, and it's only fair to actually be able to take the PTO you plan to take, even if shit blows up at work, because shits going to blow up at work everywhere now, with how crazy life is, and bosses can't expect that you're not just going to burn out.

Hell...the burnout will still happen even if you do take time to yourself. I took a week off last week and I still am struggling mentally, but it did help cushion things a little bit and help me siphon out some of the negative energy.

I get being frustrated about the in-law thing - right now planning virtual get togethers takes more effort than just seeing people in person during quieter times of year, so it's frustrating to put in that kind of effort only to have to back out.

Why not just fake being sick if they won’t let you pto

Not like suspicion of covid sick but a good old ‘something I ate was bad, can’t start barfing, see you guys tomorrow’

STOP barfing rather

"I got the 'Vid Shits"

I’ve got a burnout-fighting plan that involves invoking the death of my 94 yr old grandfather in March — my mom needs to take care of his apt and I’m her only child. Gotta help mom, sorry, need time off.

Approved