what was the worst time in your life

what bounded it?

a career, a relationship, health issues, natural disaster?

howd you get out, if you did? organically, personal growth, inheritance, montage?

im listening, interested and promise we'll be kind

Last 2 years of my life.
Mostly my toxic job.
Changed positions.
Much happier at work now

Shakey Mo's thread of misery

https://i.imgur.com/z4JOMLc.jpg

haha

true ILX bro story: I will always be grateful to JCLC for his kind words of support, which I was not expecting at all and was really hugely significant.

This year

But I tend to agree with pj Harvey when she says the older you get and more you know there’s less to be afraid of. So it’s not all bad

Damn Shakey, no irony, that melts the <3

xp

still gonna clown him for his ridiculous musical opinions, of course

my early life was a maelstrom of house moves, school moves, parental fighting, drunkeness, mental health issues and absence.

the knock-on effects to us as kids were obviously pretty immense and even well into adulthood we all tend/ed to struggle with keeping our shit on track- not as a rule in very outrageous ways, but maybe just never quite sure if its cause we had it weird when other kids didnt, or whether its just yknow normal adult struggles stuff. we're no worse than most as a group of four lads now and i prefer us to most tbh.

but everything from 13 to mid-20s was balls-out misery and stress punctuated by episodes of nonsensical drama and trauma. so im picking *that*

ended by: eh....id really rather not say tbh. maybe later if we're all sharing nicely.

this better not be one of those dang conversion story grifts

the summer before last I had a day that started with the missus taking a massive Co-hydramol overdose and finished with me in an Asda car park, arguing with some fuckwitted security guard while my kid was repeatedly headbutting me, and throwing himself on the deck and trying to headbutt the concrete. It was the closest in recent years I've ever got to "what's the point anymore?" but not just saying it to myself, but really thinking about an exit strategy in quite a calm, collected manner. But you can't really appreciate the good times, until you've threatened to knock the teeth out of a random security guard while calmly contemplating suicide!

I had what they used to call a “nervous breakdown” in 2011, my last semester of college. I describe it often as a “depression” but I’m not sure that totally describes it—there was aot of anxiety involved too, irrational fears, intense self loathing/self-disgust, I couldn’t sleep well or concentrate, and it clearly affected my physica health too because in photos from them I look very bloated and my skin is terrible. It was cured by stopping adderall, going on antidepressants, moving home and—biggest one—adopting a puppy and throwing all my energy (ridiculously) into raising it as if it were a human child. The dog still lived with my parents and she is very well socialized but not well trained.

It was always my parents’ dog I guess but I was its primary caretaker during the year + of unemployment

Tree was it psychosis

I strongly believe in doing things that remove your focus from your self if you find yourself in a similar scenario. What I needed was to not be a student and to not be focused on my own learning/development/future

2012, and it isn't over yet, nor does there even seem like any path to it being over

<3 Katherine

sometimes I wonder if the apocalypse really did happen on December 21, 2012 and the remainder of my existence past that point is just not supposed to have happened

It wasn’t psychosis. I think it was adderall related and sleep deprivation related though. I thankfully never even came close to that edge again and hope I never do. Before then I didn’t think mental illness was a thing I would have to deal with in my life—thought of it as something other people struggled with but not me

Xp

i looked up conversion stories j., this is certainly not that

one of my best friends died of an overdose, and of all his friends I was chosen to speak at the funeral - I'd say I was somewhat close to his family, having known him since 8th grade and all. a couple weeks later it was revealed that one of my close family members had supplied the drugs and was going to be prosecuted criminally. two weeks later my dad's German Shepherd whom I loved very much was struck by a car and killed. through all of this my wife was pregnant with our 1st child. she nearly gave birth in the courtroom. for like two months I was unable to smile or laugh or anything. just spent all day in a haze. thankfully a rather light sentence (thank god for being white) & a healthy baby boy cleared it all up. looking back it's amazing that the whole process only took like two months. in my mind it felt like years.

a few are tied for the top spot tbh

Who is #1 on the charts of pain :P

In one year I went through divorce, job loss, and death of brother. And that year was 1999, so I was figuring if this Y2K thing *is* real maybe the world will end and put me out of my misery.

The summer after my first year of college, when I was 19, extraordinarily depressed, and lonely, was the worst time in my life.

one thing, i feel, that is good about this exercise is that you can see that nothing is permanent. even if you're not feeling great now, most of us hopefully emerged from their *worst* moment. so whatever is bothering us now will fade too.

55 Active Users 54 Active Users

my inspirational post was not that bad come on

didn't mean it like that! this is a safe space I hope.

Haha calzino otm

Top two worst times:

(I) At 18, starting a university course at some distant dismal campus, and realising I have absolutely no interest in it or the place. I lacked the agency or self-will to do anything about it and just drifted for a whole year, waiting to exit.

(ii) Earlier this year two co-workers teamed up to make my life a misery, and I found myself outed and various rumours about my sexuality doing the rounds of my organisation.

A gruelling period followed going through the drawn out disciplinary process for a few months. Ultimately though it was quite satisfying getting heavy with my management and politely threatening them with (i)legal action and (ii) being trashed by social media. A happy ending achieved, but it’s no exaggeration to say that at one point this year I was worrying about the situation continuously night and day.

Im surprised there are 50+ posters logged in, i feel like it’s usually a smaller crew

2010 - break up of 10 years

2018 - 2 beatings, 6 stitches a week ago from a suicidal duds who is going to court

Love you all and hope times stay ok

Dude. But he was a dud too.

In 2007 I lost a job, an apartment, my last living grandparent, ran out of money, got food poisoning, spent a while sleeping in my car and posting to ILX from free wi-fi near Venice Beach. Eventually I hightailed it out of Los Angeles in a secondhand Toyota to live with an eccentric, wealthy third cousin in the Bay Area. A thousand dollar loan got me out of extremis, but my eccentric cousin had some ~ deeply weird psychological problems ~ I got embroiled in, so I ended up in the PNW at his ex's condo a few months later. Somehow everything unkinked itself within a year or two, I fell in love and... spent the next five years (off ILX) rebuilding and moving cross-country. I only reached full employment four years later. A lot of kindness from friends/family during that time, and a lot of sleepless nights/identity crises. I'm afraid to go back to Los Angeles, still.

Shit remy <3

Lol timely. I’ve never had as tough a time emotionally as I am right now but that’s I recently realized that my mom checked out mentally and as a mom when I was about 18 and literally everything since that and her death a year ago was pretty horrific because of her. Coming to this realization and processing it is harder than the preceding disastrous 20 years.

(She was a raging alcoholic with narcissistic personality disorder and literally the most difficult and miserable person I’ve ever met.)

oh hi

also remy were you really off ilx five years!?

This might be it. Sorry for cryptic brevity but this thread appearing now seems apposite. I'm gonna get my shit together tho, it's a wholly self-made hole anyway.

The death of my mother (six months ago, yesterday) is only now starting to fuck me up. It's a creepy crawl but hits so hard. Man, it is so tough and so complex. It messes with every single aspect of life. I do not want it to, but it does.

E, feeling your comments, more than I wished. Best to you <3

Wait until your dad gets a new girlfriend who pretty much seems like the mom you wish you’d had!

(xpost to ross) Yeah! What's weird is that – even though that time was objectively awful – I remember it with a lot of nostalgia. I'm really very lucky to have had good relationships to lean on, and this place as a kind of mobile Kaffeeklatsch. Unfortunately, there are also some Very Cool People I met during that time that I now avoid (and/or) avoid me, because I was a sad-sack with depressed social skills.

(post to darragh) crazy, huh? I posted very sporadically (1-2 times/month if at all) for large chunks of 2009 - 2014

ENBB –– Another friend of mine is going your very same situation right now. She's got a parent slowly, inelegantly dying, and is realizing that (even though she hadn't entertained or desired the possibility of reunion) there's not even the off-chance of reconciliation with this parent. As she said, there's nothing like the certainty of death to drive home that point. It sounds like a horrid time, my thoughts go out to you.

If it wasn’t clear, I meant that sarcastically. This is some twilight zone level weird shit.

Oops x-post

Thank you, R.

I also leant heavily on this place - but by lurking, and reading the archives. If mods were worried about online activity showing some individual obsessively making it though years of threads for hours at a time - sorry, that was me.

Wait until your dad gets a new girlfriend who pretty much seems like the mom you wish you’d had!

― Benson and the Jets (ENBB), Thursday, September 20, 2018 12:38 AM (ten minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

:'-/

omg is this still going on

although tbh it seemed inevitable that someone would eventually say "this thread" in response to the the thread question

Xxxp

In all honesty, I don’t think that is reflective of reality. ILX is filled with threads where people get mad at each other over dumb bullshit, and none of it ends up mattering a week or two later.

The vast majority of people responding see that you’re in some kind of distress, and are trying to give you advice or make you feel better. Often it’s not actually helpful because most of us don’t know you and aren’t professionals. And sometimes people get frustrated if they feel like you’re refusing to consider their advice and say things that sound hurtful or hostile to you. This isn’t a great thing to do, and I can’t tell you not to be hurt by that, but I don’t believe anyone on this thread is motivated by personal dislike of you.

im being blamed now

tombot wants my thread locked

nobody really understood it except fionnland and maybe ol

;_;

it was the right thread for the wrong board

In fairness to Deems I wouldn't have seen it on 77 as I don't have access and I'm on the other side of the troubles now, and appreciated a place to reflect and air it out .

dmac cut that shit out, it's not funny or helpful. we're all old enough to know that people are always dealing with way more than what it seems like on the surface (for example, my cousin went into a coma this morning, which has soured my mood). you should take a step back from this thread, just like others should

jfc I’m sorry Karl, that’s awful

that was a clear ref to tombots post, ppls lack of clarity throughout this thread about the intent (which i gently noted twice before any of this other stuff came into it) and nothing else km

sorry about yr cousin

I ain't havin the time of my life
And i've definitely felt this way before

it was the right thread for the wrong board

― the late great, Friday, September 21, 2018 12:39 PM (eight minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Great now I have Del Amitri stuck in my head

I guess you could Roll With It

Oh shit it's Roll to Me

Been years since I've heard that

sorry to hear that, Karl : /

Katherine, for whatever it's worth, maybe not much, i had read your writing before you showed up here and when you did i was interested to see what you'd have to say, since so many OG ILM music writers have left. and you've never disappointed in your takes on things. and as far as this goes, i would like to offer more advice but i doubt i have much to say that would be helpful except that i think it's tough for people to put themselves in others' shoes and understand that what may seem like a nothing comment or gentle criticism can be received as something severe. and it's also true as Karl says, no one knows what anyone else is going through. Or what their personal POV may be.

katherine, as a fellow woman ilxor i would like to extend my sympathies for the way you are feeling right now. tbh this place used to be worse, and i too used to try to make sure no one was saying mean things about me by reading threads where people secretly snipe at each other with veiled insults (there used to be more!). as it turns out, i must be bland and inoffensive enough to not draw the attention of the most easily annoyed people -- fortunately, because i am hypervigilant about being attacked -- i don't think this assessment of blandness is a reflection on the real me, but the me that i share with ilx (which is like 4% of me) maybe people do hate me/find me irritating but i no longer care to be vigilant about monitoring the degree.

i love talking about music but if it starts to get personal and hostile i will check out of any conversation, irl or elsewhere. the best conversations about music are transcendent and will not make you feel like you have to defend yourself.

also i am not typing about the worst time in my life here because i don't feel safe doing that here (in public, on ilx, even under a pseudonym) that is the degree to which i feel concern for my own safety, emotionally and otherwise. i am protective of myself because if i don't protect myself no one else will.

this song keeps popping into my head bc of this thread. the opening monologue is the best

"Life is an interesting journey. You never know where it'll take you. Peaks and valleys, twists and turns, you can get the surprise of your life. Sometimes on the way to where you're going you might think, 'this is the worst time in my life" but you know what? At the end of the road? Through all the adversity? ...[several more sentences]...yeah"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UY6mr9fO-9M

LL you’re one of my fav posters on here. Also it’s pretty tough to amp up the hostility in, like, Popol Vuh threads.

i would be so sad if that happened

Aguirre sdtk is the best come at me bro

(j/k hugs all around , love you LL)

lol i don't fight, i just crank the vuh louder <3

Sweet Fischelscher jams just intensify my rage

*furiously plays air guitar*

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OL8E3Q5iZsY

probably right at the present moment wherein i attempt to change my life circumstances and in so doing create massive emotional collateral damage to those I love the most.

I'm sure you have no reason to doubt their commitment

anyway I'm sorry if I upset peopl

*people

Side question: I must be having a bad "too long since I kept up with ilxors moment" because katherine, I think I don't know who you are? I apologize if I'm forgetting something! I also don't read ilm ever so that might be it. Anyway, I've enjoyed your vibe of late so thank you for your posts.

this doesn't really seem to be the smartest time to advertise that, sorry

(not that it isn't semi-public but)

I feel like I just lurch from crisis to crisis: a stepdad battering my mother, a new stepdad battering me, bullied at school for being camp and academic, thrown out for being gay, taking custody of my brother in my late teens, doing a degree I shouldn't have and then not being able to find work in it or wanting to, having my house burgled, two redundancies, mugged at knifepoint, estrangement from my mother, manic episodes brought on by medication, probably other significant stuff too?

but the worst times weren't because of these specific causes, they were because I felt I had nobody to talk to about them - the burglary was awful but people came through with visits and gifts and Tangible Help, whereas the depression I fell into when I was 22 was awful because it let me push everyone away and I had nobody to talk to. Things are rarely great but my advice to anyone in the worst time in their life would be to find someone - a friend, a therapist, whoever - and let someone help you get through it.

Good advice, and take care boxedjoy.

sounds like you've been through the wringer, boxedjoy. fwiw all the best to you.

I mean in writing it all sounds awful but when I read through this thread I think there's people who've dealt with a lot lot worse. I've never had a major bereavement yet, thankfully.

the other thing about talking to people is that when they listen, they are actively choosing to be around you, they are doing you a kindness by offering their time and support and they're not obliged to, and just realising that is always a boost. I turned 30 a few months back and I invited people to come to our house for a small party, not everyone I hoped to see made it but all the ones who did, they chose to spend time and money and effort on that, and it's things like that that make a huge difference to me. I might start a companion thread (unless it exists and I missed it), "what was the best time in your life?"

heh that never occurred to me but would be a welcome antidote

What was the best time in your life and how did you get yourself out of it

inheritance

boxedjoy that is so, so relatable. When my suicidality became a real thing, and I reached out to friends about it, asking for help, I was constantly told to get "inpatient care" (not what I needed), or told "we all are suicidal, every day." I remember wishing, rather morbidly, that I had cancer instead of what I had, because a tangible, physical ailment would be easier for my friends to understand and provide me with the support I needed. But this is the worst part about mental health stuff. The very thing you need-- social support, friends to distract you-- is the very thing that we're conditioned to avoid.

yeah in retrospect I probably would have gotten out of my post-relationship / post-maybe-assault rut if I'd had anyone to talk to, but I didn't, so it took years to get the worst of it mostly behind me

Right now. My 7 month old boy has a rare disease that’s basically cancer. My 17 year relationship is struggling as a result. Life is basically hell, some days.

Great empathy your way, SM. That situation creates enormous emotional turmoil and grief, while forbidding you to collapse under its weight, because your child needs every scrap of strength and aid you can give. You suffer and have no chance to express it. Try not to despair. Everything changes and there is a further shore you'll all find together.

Our daughter had open heart surgery when she was 8 weeks old, and strange to say, the discovery of her malformed heart, the surgery and the recovery period (during which she received NO painkillers of any description!!) may not even qualify as the worst time of my life. That list is kind of top-heavy. :(

Two times, both career-related. 1) The first half of 1985--turned down for grad school, working at a job I hated. Starting to write for local music monthly turned me around. 2) Most of 1989. The magazine I was working for went bankrupt, went into a job at a television station I hated, got fired from that. Getting into teacher's college brought all that to a close.

sorry to hear about your situation SM, sending good vibes your way FWIW

I didn't even read the previous posts, sorry. Ditto.

Very sorry to hear, SM.

Katherine feel free to reach out to me if you want, or not, but best wishes

very sorry to hear that SM

In regards to the earlier question on how do you work your way out of a bad time in your life, 2010 - ended a 10 year relationship so i moved to a new city and started a job in a medical career for about 7 years. During that time I met my ex and dated for about 8 months and remained friends for 4 years but things became increasingly worse in my life again, for a variety of reasons. It is really hard to think of a cure all, but at this point in my life i want to re-imagine my life for the better after all the warning signs have occurred, and get on a path to peace and love

and i hope the best for you all