Posts you had second thought about and decided not to post on the "Posts you had second thought about and decided not to post - put them here" thread - put them here

Brad, I love your posts and want to be positive / supportive

but also I have tried to work out what has happened on ilx today for about ten minutes and still can't work it, sorry

Here you go:

self-isolating LGBTs of SPRING 2020

don't want to speak for Brad, but I also suspect a previous incident from months ago involving the same poster (that resulted in a threadban for said poster) is important context in this scenario

Here you go:

self-isolating LGBTs of SPRING 2020

― pomenitul, Wednesday, July 29, 2020 9:39 PM (thirty minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

Yes, I have read the last day's posts on that thread, and have gone from thinking I had some basic knowledge of trans stuff to realizing I know near to nothing, suppose that's some sort of growth, still not going to allow myself an opinion until I know a lot more, that might be a while.
I do realize I am now kind of making this about me, and it is in no way about me, so will shut up.

have gone from thinking I had some basic knowledge of trans stuff to realizing I know near to nothing, suppose that's some sort of growth

You and me both.

All I can say is a hell of a lot seems to have happened in Branwell's life since I last met them.

Shit Brad, I'm sorry to hear how this is impacting you. I get the need to take a break sometimes, if you do end up taking one I sincerely hope it ends up not being a permanent one. The quality of posting on the ILM side of things would certainly be less without your contributions.

(x-post)

Maybe there's a lot that's happened, but there seems to be some repetition karma in Bramwell's life regarding thread engagement and resulting fall-out,

how're some of you as old as you are without knowing a dangerous person when you meet one

― all cats are beautiful (silby), Wednesday, July 29, 2020 10:56 AM (three hours ago)

pal, I have been scared as fuck of cops since before you were born, probably ... tbh I do appreciate that you stand up for other marginalized posters here on ilx, and your utopian idealism is not the worst thing ever

oh thanks

Who's dangerous?

*ahem*

No-one on ILX is dangerous, don't be silly, silby.

how could you possibly know that

Because I've met the person you're talking about. I think. I'm guessing here.

one thing about coming to ilx as a female-identified person, at least, in the first 10 or so years of ilx ... sexual harrassment and uh, solicitation, was definitely present and gross. Not to dismiss board problems for posters who have transitioned while on ilx, or have come to ilx more recently -- like, not trying to engage in competitive suffering at all -- also, there are other ways ilx has treated posters like garbage that isn't any less garbage-y than the way ilx treated women for long time. Just, putting it out there, in case you weren't aware of that history and how it frames the way some posters may view ilx in re gender.

OK, this person is not 'dangerous'.

I remember you (among others) talking about this and it crosses my mind whenever someone waxes nostalgic about ILX's 'glory days'.

xp

maybe i am generalizing -- maybe married women didn't get the same abusive / creepy treatment -- maybe because i am creepy i got treated like garbage by dudes -- who knows! I also have a few entertaining stories, and at least one of the creepy dudes later apologized and we are friends now.

maybe because i am creepy i got treated like garbage by dudes

You don't really mean this… at least I hope not.

sarahell is being mordant there

it's kinda a mindfuck the way this place has changed -- like idk Branwell has dealt with it much more intensively than I -- and there is a psychological thing where, when you are used to being attacked all the time (regardless of whether you were the instigator or not -- I don't want to cast myself as a victim), you end up getting defensive and assuming you are being attacked even when you aren't, so things become battles when they don't have to be

Maybe I would have more sympathy with the poster involved if they hadn't decided to throw what I thought was our friendship in a raging fire by sending me a viciously abusive message, for having the absolute temerity to warn them that they might be repeatedly misgendering someone.

sadly some people have a horrible history of being personally very nasty to people and they never apologise for it and that leads to them never getting the benefit of the doubt.

Maybe I would have more sympathy with the poster involved if they hadn't decided to throw what I thought was our friendship in a raging fire by sending me a viciously abusive message, for having the absolute temerity to warn them that they might be repeatedly misgendering someone.

― emil.y, Wednesday, July 29, 2020 3:21 PM (twenty minutes ago)

shocked, shocked etc

no I won't be glib, that's exactly the kind of behavior one learns to expect from this kind of person if you hang around them long enough.

i'm also super wary of pile-ons which is what this is starting to feel like, because I remember having that happen to me at one point --

but also, as a corollary to the "being used to being attacked thing" re ilx, for folx who are regularly attacked IRL because of their identity, where ilx is a safe(r) space for them, a well-intentioned post that seems similar to the IRL grossness is also likely to provoke that defensive response -- and if we want to be decent people, we should be sensitive to that.

needs to be both ways, sara

If you treat someone like shit they will treat you back the same way

and that's not aimed at any person.

that was meant in Brad's defense ... so idk what you are referring to?

also re DJP being weirded out about all the black metal threads being bumped

sadly some people have a horrible history of being personally very nasty to people and they never apologise for it and that leads to them never getting the benefit of the doubt.

Some people do actually suck, and are bad people to have around your clubhouse

No AFAB or AMAB on here please, just ACAB.

I do not like ice cream

Ice cream is good.

assigned cantaloupe at birth

I do not like ice cream

xp

I like to think mh was posting in bad faith.

if it wasn't for bad faith we'd have no faith at all

— quarantine idle (@smk73) July 31, 2020

I like to think mh was posting in bad faith.

are there people that are Assigned COPS at Birth??

https://academic.oup.com/nar/article-abstract/18/23/7177/2388940

Good old NAR

the haagen dazs with whiskey flavor -- is really fucking delicious

Extraaz is amazing, had it for the first time the other day.

really sad that three twins went out of business -- their cardamom was my fave

really fucked up but lol jfc