Which dangerous animals would you most like to stroke and cuddly sleep with if you could be certain they wouldn't hurt you?

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I was just thinking how nice it would be to stroke and scratch the face and head of tiger or lion, then I started wondering about all sorts of other animals that are too threatening to cuddle up to.

I'd guess big cats and bears are the real contenders.

Poll Results

OptionVotes
Lions, tigers, pumas, leopards, panthers, jaguars, cheetahs, lynx 16
Bears, pandas 12
Other 4
Crocodiles, alligators 2
Swans 2
Gorillas, baboons, other monkeys and apes 2
Ostriches 0
Proboscis monkeys are too scary to be lumped in with other monkeys 0
Horses, ponies, donkeys 0
Lamas, camels 0
Owls 0
Badgers 0
Cows 0
Komodo dragons 0


Robert Adam Gilmour, Friday, 19 August 2016 12:37 (four years ago) link

Foxes seem pretty cool.

One bad call from barely losing to (Alex in SF), Friday, 19 August 2016 12:40 (four years ago) link

cuddling a Komodo Dragon looks pretty fun

http://www.josianekeller.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/80-STHA-Field-Trips-Becky-and-the-Komodo-dragon1.jpg

soref, Friday, 19 August 2016 13:10 (four years ago) link

I had a dream the other night that I had to take care of a pygmy koala.

El Tomboto, Friday, 19 August 2016 13:17 (four years ago) link

I would house an orangutan, no question. They seem super relaxed and awesome.

Don Van Gorp, midwest regional VP, marketing (誤訳侮辱), Friday, 19 August 2016 13:23 (four years ago) link

gotta be something furry cuz cuddling up to a reptile seems like it might not be super-comfortable and the idea of spooning some type of feathered animal just seems... wrong somehow

i've spent some one-on-one time with a lemur before and they're fun to stroke but they have weirdly human-feeling hands which are a little freaky

as a dyed-in-the-wool cat person i'd probably have to go with a big feline, probably a tiger as long as it had a breath mint first. tigers look like they'd be awesome to stroke.

The Chinese is NOW doing a munchy box! (bizarro gazzara), Friday, 19 August 2016 13:28 (four years ago) link

Foxes seem pretty cool.

― One bad call from barely losing to (Alex in SF), Friday, August 19, 2016 8:40 AM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Yeah. I'm a cat person myself, but wild dogs, wolves, coyotes, foxes should be an option in this poll seriously.

how's life, Friday, 19 August 2016 13:53 (four years ago) link

Don't know how I forgot wolves and foxes.

Robert Adam Gilmour, Friday, 19 August 2016 14:09 (four years ago) link

lol at the proboscis monkeys option. I chose cats because I'm a cat guy.

ultros ultros-ghali, Friday, 19 August 2016 14:19 (four years ago) link

Also nobody wants to hug an ostrich, they are the avian manifestation of hatred

ultros ultros-ghali, Friday, 19 August 2016 14:20 (four years ago) link

There is no answer but panda. How the hell could you not love a chill panda just copacetic on the couch eating bamboo and maybe Popsicles.? Watching the Discovery and barking when the advertisements come on too suddenly?

rb (soda), Friday, 19 August 2016 14:23 (four years ago) link

the big cats seem like little cats just bigger so yeah snuggle w a lion.

AdamVania (Adam Bruneau), Friday, 19 August 2016 14:24 (four years ago) link

pandas are like brad pitt's character in true romance - nice to look at but too dull and dopey to want to spend any significant time with

i can pee through time (bizarro gazzara), Friday, 19 August 2016 14:25 (four years ago) link

Pandas look super awesome to cuddle, and foxes, yes. I guess you probably already can cuddle capybaras if you can find one? They're pretty chill guys. But yeah, I've got to go with the big cats. Personally I like leopards the best out of those, but would also be happy with the medium-sized Lynx or even (especially?) the small wild cats like Pallas cats or sandcats.

emil.y, Friday, 19 August 2016 14:27 (four years ago) link

Yeah, it seems like there's no significant difference between house cats and wild cats beyond size. If your house cat was big enough it would totally eat you without a second thought.

Two Kisses and Three Wet Mouths (Old Lunch), Friday, 19 August 2016 14:27 (four years ago) link

Oh! Imagine a pile of red pandas, arctic foxes and sand cats. I would cuddle them all.

emil.y, Friday, 19 August 2016 14:28 (four years ago) link

Yeah, it seems like there's no significant difference between house cats and wild cats beyond size. If your house cat was big enough it would totally eat you without a second thought.

― Two Kisses and Three Wet Mouths (Old Lunch), Friday, August 19, 2016 3:27 PM (1 minute ago)

Believe me, he tries. I'd just like to meet the little wild guys, they're so cute.

emil.y, Friday, 19 August 2016 14:29 (four years ago) link

My cat's plan, I'm pretty sure, is to trip me up in the dark while I'm going downstairs.

jmm, Friday, 19 August 2016 14:34 (four years ago) link

dammit i've already voted but now i've realised what i really want is to chill with a fennec

https://images6.alphacoders.com/428/428756.jpg

i can pee through time (bizarro gazzara), Friday, 19 August 2016 14:35 (four years ago) link

i think that's every cat's plan xp

then they eat your corpse of course

i can pee through time (bizarro gazzara), Friday, 19 August 2016 14:35 (four years ago) link

Of course

Two Kisses and Three Wet Mouths (Old Lunch), Friday, 19 August 2016 14:39 (four years ago) link

foxes for sure my write-in vote, altho slow loris definitely up there & all of them cats

a simba man (Will M.), Friday, 19 August 2016 14:42 (four years ago) link

xp I think a big part of the Pallas's cat's appeal is the tension between their super-cuddly looking bodies and "don't even think about it, pal" facial expressions.

soref, Friday, 19 August 2016 14:43 (four years ago) link

Would anyone cuddle a hyrax?

emil.y, Friday, 19 August 2016 14:46 (four years ago) link

i mean i'd give it a shot but it wouldn't be in my top 25 potential animal cuddles

i can pee through time (bizarro gazzara), Friday, 19 August 2016 14:47 (four years ago) link

I would, if only because they look like they could use a cuddle.

Two Kisses and Three Wet Mouths (Old Lunch), Friday, 19 August 2016 14:48 (four years ago) link

panda, gorilla or polar bear i think if they were chill, don't want something i might squish if i rolled over

Lochte thread (Noodle Vague), Friday, 19 August 2016 14:54 (four years ago) link

I kind of assumed that implicit in the animal being unable to hurt you would also be the idea that you wouldn't hurt it, but I guess that isn't actually said anywhere in the OP.

emil.y, Friday, 19 August 2016 14:56 (four years ago) link

i think you've gone too far the other way cuz i think any of those could squish you if they rolled over xp

i can pee through time (bizarro gazzara), Friday, 19 August 2016 14:56 (four years ago) link

unless in this scenario you're also impervious to accidental harm i guess

i can pee through time (bizarro gazzara), Friday, 19 August 2016 14:57 (four years ago) link

Bees. Lots of bees. A big nonstingy bee onesie.

thomasintrouble, Friday, 19 August 2016 14:58 (four years ago) link

Yeah, ignore accidental harm and potential diseases as well as maulings, I reckon.

xp

emil.y, Friday, 19 August 2016 14:58 (four years ago) link

you probably can't irl roll over and crush a living creature unless you're drugged/boozed unconscious, i seem to recall the possibility of smothering a baby being an old wives' tale

Lochte thread (Noodle Vague), Friday, 19 August 2016 15:00 (four years ago) link

so i would very much dig a nest of assorted rabbits and cavies

Lochte thread (Noodle Vague), Friday, 19 August 2016 15:01 (four years ago) link

any mention of flying stinging insects on ilx inevitably brings to mind this immortal thread

An empty cigar tube filled with wasps makes a good vibrator.

i can pee through time (bizarro gazzara), Friday, 19 August 2016 15:03 (four years ago) link

a ball pool filled with quokkas would be pretty sweet

https://i.ytimg.com/vi/178BWFbldCY/hqdefault.jpg

i can pee through time (bizarro gazzara), Friday, 19 August 2016 15:04 (four years ago) link

Also nobody wants to hug an ostrich, they are the avian manifestation of hatred

― ultros ultros-ghali, Friday, 19 August 2016 15:20

I laughed

Forgotten Kangaroos too.

I guess ferrets are probably too dangerous for most people people to handle?

Would a koala hurt you?

Meerkats? I stroked one at a zoo once, it wasn't allowed but I was feeling unusually impulsive and I wonder if I had taken a big risk?

Robert Adam Gilmour, Friday, 19 August 2016 15:07 (four years ago) link

Koalas all have chlamydia apparenly, you don't really want to sleep with one.

thomasintrouble, Friday, 19 August 2016 15:08 (four years ago) link

wombats look like they'd give good cuddle but i bet they're vicious bastards irl

Lochte thread (Noodle Vague), Friday, 19 August 2016 15:08 (four years ago) link

they said the animal won't hurt you, sti's include as hurting me, in this hypothetical koaka is DD free

a simba man (Will M.), Friday, 19 August 2016 15:17 (four years ago) link

Foxes seem pretty cool.

― One bad call from barely losing to (Alex in SF)

Nah they're dicks.

chap, Friday, 19 August 2016 16:36 (four years ago) link

squirrel

"Stop researching my life" (Ste), Friday, 19 August 2016 16:40 (four years ago) link

haha my first thought was lemur, since they are my favorite animal to see at zoos, but almost every GIS is them giving the evil eye stare.

https://www.zsl.org/sites/default/files/styles/leader/public/image/2015-03/lemur%20home%20page%20gif.gif?itok=w8l4_gcZ

Donald Trump eats people of all races and religions (Dan Peterson), Friday, 19 August 2016 16:45 (four years ago) link

where is "none" option? stench of most of these animals would be overpowering

Οὖτις, Friday, 19 August 2016 16:52 (four years ago) link

Other (your mum)

emil.y, Friday, 19 August 2016 17:02 (four years ago) link

Iirc the name "lemur" comes from their nocturnal resemblance to evil ghosts

Lochte thread (Noodle Vague), Friday, 19 August 2016 17:13 (four years ago) link

Some of you have a weird concept of "dangerous" animals

ultros ultros-ghali, Friday, 19 August 2016 18:36 (four years ago) link

going for the simple answer of

bear

F♯ A♯ (∞), Friday, 19 August 2016 18:43 (four years ago) link

If it's not to be trusted during your sleep or likely to bite your fingers hard enough to pierce your flesh, then it's dangerous enough.

Robert Adam Gilmour, Friday, 19 August 2016 18:56 (four years ago) link

But for purposes of this poll, I don't think I want to waste guaranteed immunity from harm on an animal that's only "dangerous enough." I want an apex predator. I'm leaning towards crocodile.

jmm, Friday, 19 August 2016 19:02 (four years ago) link

definitely a big cat, tiger or bobcat or something.

bears a good option too.

ælərdaɪs (jim in vancouver), Friday, 19 August 2016 19:04 (four years ago) link

I'd like to drift off to the sub bass rumblings of an elephant

ogmor, Friday, 19 August 2016 19:07 (four years ago) link

this week my workmates and i came up with our fantasy petting zoo:

highland cows
icelandic horses
lionhead rabbits
pudus
dik-diks

i'm gonna add that quokka thing now that i've seen it.

lxy, Friday, 19 August 2016 19:11 (four years ago) link

Automatic thread bump. This poll is closing tomorrow.

System, Thursday, 25 August 2016 00:01 (four years ago) link

I was going to say that I'd like to cuddle a manatee, but apparently you can get arrested for that:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2280785/Ryan-William-Waterman-21-arrested-hugging-manatee-posting-photos-Facebook.html

Waterman, from Fort Pierce, Florida was charged with trying to 'molest, harass, or disturb' a manatee which is an endangered species.

Florida's Manatee Sanctuary Acts reads: 'It is unlawful for any person at any time, by any means, or in any manner intentionally or negligently to annoy, molest, harass, or disturb or attempt to molest, harass, or disturb any manatee.'
The second-degree misdemeanor for harming a manatee carries up to 60 days in jail and a $500 fine.

I guess you could interpret "if you could be certain they wouldn't hurt you" to include freedom from any legal consequences of stroking/cuddling the animal?

soref, Thursday, 25 August 2016 00:26 (four years ago) link

Herself

poor fiddy-less albion (darraghmac), Thursday, 25 August 2016 00:28 (four years ago) link

i would cuddle a bear. i would be wary of cuddling a monkey. too much like humans and they might try to have sex with you.

assawoman bay (harbl), Thursday, 25 August 2016 00:34 (four years ago) link

I have 'cuddled' lemurs, only because I was holding a banana they don't give a shit about cuddles.

all olly murs' lemurs (ledge), Thursday, 25 August 2016 08:10 (four years ago) link

unintentional display name synchronicity, i have not cuddled all olly murs' lemurs.

all olly murs' lemurs (ledge), Thursday, 25 August 2016 08:10 (four years ago) link

Automatic thread bump. This poll's results are now in.

System, Friday, 26 August 2016 00:01 (four years ago) link

Foxes, tigers, all the whales

obliquity of the ecliptic (rrrobyn), Friday, 26 August 2016 03:05 (four years ago) link

four years pass...

hogh.........big boy...... pic.twitter.com/f7cslVi78r

— coool shark (@coolshark14) October 15, 2020

Robert Adam Gilmour, Friday, 16 October 2020 21:23 (two weeks ago) link

I used to have a goofy-looking malamute mutt whose head was shaped just like a polar bear's, so whenever I see a picture of a polar bear it triggers an automatic WHO'S A GOOD BOY? reflex in me.

Lily Dale, Friday, 16 October 2020 21:37 (two weeks ago) link

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2831b0ya4Zs

wasdnous (abanana), Saturday, 17 October 2020 01:30 (two weeks ago) link

polar bears, if I understand correctly, are just grizzly bears that specialized. they are, if anything, more dangerous to people than a grizzly and that is quite a feat.

the unappreciated charisma of cows (Aimless), Saturday, 17 October 2020 02:44 (two weeks ago) link

Thanks, these are great but scary
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e4E9yrGczbk

Robert Adam Gilmour, Saturday, 17 October 2020 15:37 (two weeks ago) link


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