Facebook neighborhood groups are the worst thing ever

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Hating the poor, nimby fucks, racism, progress haters, tax refusers, let's all hold hands while we die together. Examples welcome.

a strawman stuffed with their collection of 12 cds (jjjusten), Saturday, 23 May 2015 06:02 (six years ago) link

The two Facebook groups for my city are basically old people reminiscing about where they hung out as teenagers.

Kiarostami bag (milo z), Saturday, 23 May 2015 06:15 (six years ago) link

the neighbourhood Facebook group that keeps haunting me is mostly just local crime paranoia. still bullshit, obv

gong mad (Noodle Vague), Saturday, 23 May 2015 08:16 (six years ago) link

There's a doozy in Northeast Minneapolis where a gun-happy libertarian pitbull-loving douchette is always on patrol, lest a Somali person or LIBRUL be seen somewhere in her vicinity, actually enjoying their lives.

scientist/exotic dancer (suzy), Saturday, 23 May 2015 08:41 (six years ago) link

I still go to a Google group for my dad's neighborhood, one of those places where there's only one entrance/exit. Every month, someone will wonder how much it would cost to put a camera or a security gate at the (public) entrance, and every month, someone replie that the criminals would probably just steal that too.

pplains, Saturday, 23 May 2015 13:48 (six years ago) link

The racism on some of these is the most discouraging I've found on the 'net. Discouraging because what former residents say in those groups is rude, hurtful, unfair, and INACCURATE.

No neighborhood near where I have lived has EVER been "respectable". Around my old hood are many areas that were essentially mob turf. NO ONE back in the day would boast about their community.

Doesn't stop them from interrupting current black residents to call their middle-class neighborhoods a "ghetto".

We really need a stronger movement against racism on the Internet.

Freeland Avenue (I M Losted), Saturday, 23 May 2015 20:40 (six years ago) link

i'm not in a facebook one but my neighborhood is one of my city's more racist and it's so painful. like "i just wanted you all to know that last night at around 10 there were 2 young black males walking around yelling," in addition to the mundane "i saw a raccoon" and "we never used this food item does anyone want it"

computer champion (harbl), Saturday, 23 May 2015 20:45 (six years ago) link

meant to say mine is nextdoor

computer champion (harbl), Saturday, 23 May 2015 20:46 (six years ago) link

The comments sections in 4nne 4rundel 1st Alert and 4nne 4rundel County Breaking News and Events got hella racist during the Freddie Gray protests, but I was happy to see a lot of anti-racist pushback after the first day or so.

I just joined "You know you're from 3dgewater when..." group for the purposes of this thread. Wish me luck.

cause baby, now we got dad bod (how's life), Saturday, 23 May 2015 22:57 (six years ago) link

I'm such a dick. They let me in the group and it's totally harmless and even positive. All like "what was the name of the hardware store before they turned it into a Royal Farms?" type stuff.

Even class pictures from the elementary school demonstrating that it was a pretty diverse community decades ago.

I'll stand by the other pages I mentioned as being pretty bad though.

cause baby, now we got dad bod (how's life), Saturday, 23 May 2015 23:46 (six years ago) link

Hey harbl, I just saw that raccoon! No joke.

But yeah, I joined one of these things and there's a lot of really depressing things about it. Paranoia running crazy.

circa1916, Sunday, 24 May 2015 03:25 (six years ago) link


pplains, Sunday, 24 May 2015 03:54 (six years ago) link

meant to say mine is nextdoor

― computer champion (harbl), Saturday, May 23, 2015 1:46 PM (8 hours ago)

i signed for nextdoor wanting to be on the W. Oakland one where my practice space is because we've had some break ins, but it forced me into the one where i actually live, which is a combination of shelves for sale and suspicious person rummaging through garbage at 2am

Mistah FAAB (sarahell), Sunday, 24 May 2015 05:18 (six years ago) link

Edgewater group won't hold a candle to Cape St. Clare (no googleproofing -- name and shame). Anne Arundel Co really did become racist fuckhead central in the last 15 years or so -- you hear more western PA and Texas accents, too.

Three Word Username, Sunday, 24 May 2015 08:07 (six years ago) link

I understand that for a lot of people, Facebook is for nostalgia and reuniting with your old schoolmates, but why, twenty or thirty years on, has it not occurred to the conspicuous consumption crowd that some of us are still loyal to our old communities and don't need to hear your "there goes the neighborhood" scare stories. Especially when those tactics were old forty years ago.

Then there are people who grew up in a very progressive and pro-labor community and who somehow think the current residents want to hear their smug libertarian politics.

How can someone live in proximity to the black community throughout their childhood and not absorb ANY knowledge of or appreciation for that community and its values - not to mention being utterly ignorant about the implications of integration. For example, it's not black people's fault that the mall closed down - as if money rains from the sky wherever YOU go.

Was sick of and alienated from these people the first time around. Also appalled that their ignorant children live in expensive new-construction homes because living in a 1960's split level is for "ghetto" people.

Freeland Avenue (I M Losted), Sunday, 24 May 2015 16:25 (six years ago) link

I wanted to alert local residents: on Tues afternoon around 5 pm I saw a man in the courtyard area between 2 buildings in this area, who appeared to be looking in ground floor windows, kind of lingering and staring at various apartments. He was carrying what looked like a collapsible cane (maybe for breaking windows?). By the time I got outside to investigate, he was gone. I recognize most of the people who live in the buildings in my area and I definitely did not recognize him. Just a heads up to be alert for prowlers, lock windows when you're out, maybe leave a radio or TV on, etc.

Mistah FAAB (sarahell), Wednesday, 3 June 2015 21:19 (six years ago) link

my facebook neighborhood group is

1) punks yelling about yuppies gentrifying the neighborhood
2) yuppies getting mad that punks keep breaking windows and pepper spraying business owners (yes, this really happened last week)
3) me writing and erasing x50 times a message saying PUNKS YOU ARE THE REASON IT IS GENTRIFYING IN THE FIRST PLACE but never posting it
4) the really cool city councillor for our hood answering ppl's questions and generally being awesome

1-3 = dud, 4 = k-classic & poss. the best thing abt facebook for me right now imo

Who M the best? (Will M.), Wednesday, 3 June 2015 21:55 (six years ago) link

To the asshole who left this note:

I just had to put my dog down yesterday and it was such a joy to come out to my car today and find this note. Thank you. Beautiful timing. Also, I didn't touch you're fucking car. Lastly, if you are so god damn worried about your bumpers get a fucking garage. You do realize where you're parking, right??? If I had a dime for every mark on my bumper from people parking I'd be a millionaire. You're truly an idiot.

Mistah FAAB (sarahell), Tuesday, 9 June 2015 21:21 (six years ago) link

one month passes...


pplains, Saturday, 11 July 2015 20:00 (six years ago) link

Suspicious person 1d ago
D*** R******** from Grand Lake
There's an African American male about 5ft 5inch tall balled real thin build walking around here with a shirt no underwear he was hiding in my yard behind my door my husband chased him off he might have went in someone else's yard make sure you watch your children keep your door locked windows locked ect..... Just be careful an be aware oh an one more thing he seemed to be high with a green shirt no pants no underwear but had on shoes an socks he look to be in his 20s

sarahell, Saturday, 11 July 2015 22:58 (six years ago) link


soref, Saturday, 11 July 2015 22:59 (six years ago) link

balled, with no hare.

pplains, Saturday, 11 July 2015 23:17 (six years ago) link


2011’s flagrantly ceremonious rock-opera (Bananaman Begins), Saturday, 11 July 2015 23:37 (six years ago) link

kind of pleasing Springsteen album track vibe to that North Little Rock one

2011’s flagrantly ceremonious rock-opera (Bananaman Begins), Saturday, 11 July 2015 23:39 (six years ago) link

Wel now, ol' Wesley Dinwiddle fell out of the swinging door cage
Bout lost half a foot, man, it's been a coon's age.
How ya doin', Harrell, you been keeping real busy?
How bout you meet me tonight in Atlantic City.

pplains, Saturday, 11 July 2015 23:46 (six years ago) link

Naw these look safe as hell. What could go wrong.


pplains, Saturday, 11 July 2015 23:54 (six years ago) link

I feel bad now.


pplains, Sunday, 12 July 2015 02:10 (six years ago) link

The other night we were at a bar in the area and a guy came in asking if people wanted to buy ink cartridges. Is this a code for drugs? Or is this the new bar selling trend? I've seen people trying to sell roses and other romantic items for people to give their ladies, but this was new for me. Any ideas?

computer champion (harbl), Tuesday, 14 July 2015 23:14 (six years ago) link

It's the new "car stereo": ink cartridges.

Mark G, Tuesday, 14 July 2015 23:22 (six years ago) link

jjj: i quoted your first post on my neighbourhood's facebook

someone asked me what a tax refuser is, i said i would ask you

what is a tax refuser?

Bouncy Castlevania (Will M.), Friday, 17 July 2015 15:08 (six years ago) link

I had a good time winding up my local Facebook group last year around Guy Fawkes' night


(no offence to people) (dog latin), Friday, 17 July 2015 15:29 (six years ago) link

'D3bbie Fr4m3' is no relation

(no offence to people) (dog latin), Friday, 17 July 2015 15:30 (six years ago) link

it went on a lot longer than that - 250 comments, then i got banned.

(no offence to people) (dog latin), Friday, 17 July 2015 15:42 (six years ago) link

I like the guy who threatens to call the police on charges of 'wasting people's time'. Can't remember if I managed to prntscrn the part where I said I'd heard a series of loud bangs coming from outside, and on being told it was fireworks replied 'I'm closing my front door all the same'.

(no offence to people) (dog latin), Friday, 17 July 2015 15:45 (six years ago) link

I just got in an argument with a cop on my neighborhood group who was saying that it was good "broken windows" policing to target bikes as much as possible. They're ridden by the criminal element.

Also, a number of people are upset about a corner where there are just too many newspaper boxes, and a taxi stand that had a lot of taxis lined up at it.

five six and (man alive), Friday, 17 July 2015 15:51 (six years ago) link

we had a guy kicking up a fuss about a pedestrian crossing being built (along a very dangerous and busy piece of road which many pedestrians use every day) because it would hold up his car.

(no offence to people) (dog latin), Friday, 17 July 2015 15:55 (six years ago) link

Class-A trolling there, dl.

how's life, Friday, 17 July 2015 16:19 (six years ago) link

File under: Surely_some_mistake!

Hello All,
Frequently I see garbage like mattresses, box springs, on the corners of Jayne and Perkins, Warwick and Perkins, and at the end of Lee at Vernon. I'm always puzzled given that the garbage is located in front of multi unit buildings, with I imagine hundreds of people passing it daily...and yet the garbage remains. Do folks not know it's quite simple to report it to public works? Are people oblivious to it because they've passed it so many times? Maybe they're thinking since they didn't put it there, they're not responsible for calling it in. Please folks, if you live close to where the garbage is, call it in to public works and they'll pick it up. We all pay tax dollars to receive this service

sarahell, Wednesday, 22 July 2015 21:09 (six years ago) link

two weeks pass...

I live at the end of Warwick near Euclid and there's an apartment building across from me that's on the corner. The balconies face our building.
About once every week there's a woman who throws parties and is extremely loud. She's sits on her balcony, drinks and smokes cigarettes to all hours.
Not sure if she knows how loud she is but it echoes.
Anyone else hear her? And if you know her please quiet her down or find her a boyfriend.

sarahell, Sunday, 9 August 2015 20:51 (six years ago) link

I think I mentioned this elsewhere, but I'm actually now a member of a *secret* facebook group whose purpose has become in large part to make fun of the main neighborhood groups.

five six and (man alive), Monday, 10 August 2015 02:19 (six years ago) link

Classic. I need to start one of those for my burg.

Your Favorite Album in the Cutout Bin, Monday, 10 August 2015 16:49 (six years ago) link

four weeks pass...

Ohhhhhhhhh they are sooooo terrible.

on entre O.K. on sort K.O. (man alive), Tuesday, 8 September 2015 20:41 (six years ago) link


Long clusterfuck thread about nanny-shaming
Long clusterfuck thread that started as a parody of the nanny-shaming thread and somehow turned into someone insinuating that it's Jewish people's fault that the neighborhood Barnes & Noble is closing because they let their kids destroy the books and toys

on entre O.K. on sort K.O. (man alive), Tuesday, 8 September 2015 20:43 (six years ago) link

two weeks pass...

nextdoor, Jesus Christ I wish I didn't know how many monsters lived near me

nomar, Saturday, 26 September 2015 17:24 (six years ago) link

It's amazing how many innocuous topics are a bat signal for xenophobes.

nomar, Saturday, 26 September 2015 17:26 (six years ago) link

Here's Nextdoor in a nutshell:

'did anybody hear that noise'
'somebody was casing my house'
'kids are selling newspaper subscriptions'
'I was burgled yesterday when I left all my ground floor windows open'
'_____ new restaurant is great'
'you're an agent of gentrification'
'you're the real racist'
'I've lived here for ____ years and ACTUALLY you're the racist'
'all of you are racist'
'free chunks of concrete in my driveway, you haul'

Nextdoor ultimately booted me for not giving my real name, which turned out to make my life much more peaceful.

a silly gif of awkward larping (Sparkle Motion), Saturday, 26 September 2015 18:37 (six years ago) link

today it was

"two suspicious men were walking by my house. i asked them what they were doing, they said they were going for a walk. i stared at them as they walked away. they stared back! i felt very uncomfortable..."
"they might be ILLEGAL ALIENS, there are so many MURDERERS being allowed into this country. here's an article from the WSJ with statistics."
"my friend was MURDERED by someone she wanted to help, don't let your guard down. RIP to my friend i miss her every day."

nomar, Saturday, 26 September 2015 18:45 (six years ago) link

Just checked it out for laffs, and it has the strangest way of assigning neighborhoods. I'm not even in the same zip code as the one they assigned me.

pplains, Saturday, 26 September 2015 20:49 (six years ago) link

the West Oakland nextdoor is apparently highly "entertaining" and trollable, but my neighborhood is burglaries, nanny shares, and lost chihuahuas

sarahell, Saturday, 26 September 2015 21:25 (six years ago) link

I'm NO Golden Gate, and as I've said it's been quite some time since I looked at it.

Conversely my hippie neighbor who's lived here for just over a year organized a block party last saturday afternoon that turned into a pretty nice way to acquaint myself with some of my neighbors. He did make everybody stand in a circle to bond, but otherwise it was quite enjoyable.

a silly gif of awkward larping (Sparkle Motion), Saturday, 26 September 2015 21:58 (six years ago) link

don't think I've ever seen so much as a picture or a plant in any post office

Thicc Nhat Wanh (rip van wanko), Saturday, 22 August 2020 03:07 (one year ago) link


there are some lovely post offices. the one in woodhaven queens is amazing

adam, Saturday, 22 August 2020 12:04 (one year ago) link

one month passes...

someone has taken the time to write a post complaining about the removal of invasive tree species from a park, comparing it to eugenics and genocide during WWII

superdeep borehole (harbl), Wednesday, 23 September 2020 16:19 (one year ago) link

some people will really project their childhood slights onto almost anything

longtime caller, first time listener (man alive), Wednesday, 23 September 2020 16:30 (one year ago) link

one month passes...

I joined a Facebook group for my adopted hometown of St. Marys. 5,800 members; the population here is 6,000, so...well, there are probably a lot of former residents who are in there too. I have to censor myself on Facebook all the time as is (not for profanity or wacko opinions, just for gentle kidding around that doesn't always go over well on Facebook), and I'll have to work doubly hard with this group. A lot of senior citizens here. There was a post earlier today asking "Where is the closest place to St. Marys to get a covert test?" I did not reply "Probably CIA headquarters."

clemenza, Sunday, 15 November 2020 20:54 (one year ago) link

one month passes...

The gypsies are at it again, offering to repave people's driveways with leftover asphalt.

I'd try to correct the slur, but calling them "Arkansas Travelers" probably isn't going to take me far.


Love it when folks from "Golf Course East" slag White Hall though.

pplains, Sunday, 3 January 2021 17:33 (ten months ago) link

do they live on a golf course? wouldn't then the driveways be all grass and not require paving?

sarahell, Wednesday, 6 January 2021 01:47 (ten months ago) link


pplains, Wednesday, 6 January 2021 03:03 (ten months ago) link

I have a theory that if a "What's the best ___ food in the area?" thread is left up long enough, every single place in the area that serves ___ food will eventually be named by at least one person, no matter how awful.

longtime caller, first time listener (man alive), Thursday, 7 January 2021 14:44 (ten months ago) link

lol yes

kinder, Thursday, 7 January 2021 15:25 (ten months ago) link

three weeks pass...

Tutor. Looking for help with my iPad-I need to change my AOL password so I can get my AOL emails! #Askyourneighbors

superdeep borehole (harbl), Thursday, 28 January 2021 20:30 (ten months ago) link

seven months pass...

My neighborhood has its issues, but I appreciate that a regular feature of our FB group is warnings that the damn maskless Baptists from a local church are door-to-door knockin' again.

a man often referred to in the news media as the Duke of Saxony (tipsy mothra), Saturday, 18 September 2021 16:33 (two months ago) link

Our neighborhood group is mostly about fireworks, helicopters, dogs off leash and (sometimes) coyotes.

Josh in Chicago, Saturday, 18 September 2021 17:23 (two months ago) link


pplains, Sunday, 26 September 2021 16:35 (two months ago) link


mh, Sunday, 26 September 2021 16:48 (two months ago) link

oh like kum is so much better

certified juice therapist (harbl), Sunday, 26 September 2021 16:59 (two months ago) link

It's a dumb name for a national chain!

pplains, Sunday, 26 September 2021 20:06 (two months ago) link

Young dum and full of kum

Porking level G4 (Boring, Maryland), Monday, 27 September 2021 02:41 (two months ago) link

It's a dumb name for a national chain!

― pplains, Sunday, September 26, 2021 3:06 PM (six hours ago) bookmarkflaglink

counterpoint: we have never needed a national chain with this name more than now

class project pat (m bison), Monday, 27 September 2021 02:43 (two months ago) link

Kame and Went

papal hotwife (milo z), Monday, 27 September 2021 02:46 (two months ago) link


pplains, Monday, 27 September 2021 02:55 (two months ago) link

same energy

pplains, Monday, 27 September 2021 02:55 (two months ago) link

cant wait til 2061 for the 69th annual capital jizz fest assuming the LIEBERALS wont have outlawed it by then

class project pat (m bison), Monday, 27 September 2021 02:59 (two months ago) link

went to kum & go yesterday after being inspired by this thread

mh, Monday, 27 September 2021 16:14 (two months ago) link

how’d it go?

Piven After Midnight (The Yellow Kid), Monday, 27 September 2021 16:15 (two months ago) link

I arrived and then I left with an iced tea

mh, Monday, 27 September 2021 16:17 (two months ago) link

please tell me you didn't ...

sarahell, Monday, 27 September 2021 17:56 (two months ago) link

what do you have against iced tea

mh, Monday, 27 September 2021 18:49 (two months ago) link

on nextdoor, a guy around the corner from me, who is a fireman, posted yesterday that his "baby boy" (an adorable 10-month-old kitten with a blue collar) is missing, asking people to please grab his "lil man" if they see him. someone posted a screenshot from facebook that a woman in the building found him. come to find out the fireman's WIFE put the cat out, then LIED TO THE WOMAN WHO FOUND THE LIL MAN, and has now posted in her defense "i asked you repeatedly if we could get rid of the cat" AS;FDLKJSDF;LSGKJGJJGJDFGLKJJJJJJ

certified juice therapist (harbl), Tuesday, 28 September 2021 22:50 (two months ago) link

dear god

Gardyloominati (Neanderthal), Tuesday, 28 September 2021 23:47 (two months ago) link

i don't know how I got subscribed to NextDoor but it's a veritable serial journal of unfounded paranoia.

"strange guy walking near my apartment" is like every other message and I'm sure the guy's crime was wearing a torn AC/DC shirt and not having brushed his hair yet.

Gardyloominati (Neanderthal), Tuesday, 28 September 2021 23:47 (two months ago) link

one month passes...

…a busker?

bobo honkin' slobo babe (sic), Thursday, 25 November 2021 03:27 (one week ago) link

Apparently the "scam" is that they mime to a recording but pretend they are playing. So a busker minus I guess, but not much different than 80% of the people asking for money on the subway because their mom needs surgery or they just need to get home to NJ or whatever.

longtime caller, first time listener (man alive), Thursday, 25 November 2021 03:34 (one week ago) link

there was a guy who used to do p much the same thing in my work subway stop, although it was really fucking obvious and just kind of sad. The Violin Scammer strikes again.

longtime caller, first time listener (man alive), Thursday, 25 November 2021 03:38 (one week ago) link

he takes things into his own hands!


Cool Im An Situation (Neanderthal), Thursday, 25 November 2021 04:03 (one week ago) link

Not a neighborhood group, but I took on a moderator's role with the small-town FB group where I live a few months ago. It's something else...Can't talk about it, though; they're very Fight Club about telling tales out of school.

clemenza, Thursday, 25 November 2021 04:07 (one week ago) link

xpost unless these folks are in a saturated busking area and stealing money from other buskers, which in these cases they usually are most def not, seems weird to spend a lot of time on the internet complaining about it

Cool Im An Situation (Neanderthal), Thursday, 25 November 2021 04:09 (one week ago) link

yeah so I also just learned that this is apparently some kind of burgeoning national trend? Is there like a violin-syncing ring out there, like was rumored to be the case with the "deaf" guys who handed out the cards? Or is this just an IRL viral way of making money? It's mildly scummy but relatively harmless. Several people in the thread suggested calling the police, don't think it breaks any laws.

longtime caller, first time listener (man alive), Thursday, 25 November 2021 04:26 (one week ago) link

yeah call the violin police

Cool Im An Situation (Neanderthal), Thursday, 25 November 2021 04:26 (one week ago) link

It's terrible. How am I supposed to explain to my kids that that abysmal pantomime is not what real bowing technique looks like?

longtime caller, first time listener (man alive), Thursday, 25 November 2021 04:34 (one week ago) link

as a childhood violin player from like grades 4 - 12, violin scamming is cool and funny

mh, Thursday, 25 November 2021 04:40 (one week ago) link

if it looks really dramatic (see movie: The Red Violin) tip extra

mh, Thursday, 25 November 2021 04:41 (one week ago) link

Mh you must have been a suzuki child

mom tossed in kimchee (quincie), Thursday, 25 November 2021 04:41 (one week ago) link

Yes and no? We had no suzuki schools at all, but books 1-3 or so were basically the handbook for teaching kids strings. We didn’t do the “method,” though

amazing books for the fundamentals, but once you got into private lessons there were a couple drill/arpeggio books that were fire and would let you roast competition due to those being basics of high level playing

mh, Thursday, 25 November 2021 04:45 (one week ago) link

I honestly thought OP was someone trying to describe a "violent scammer".

I stand corrected.

pplains, Thursday, 25 November 2021 05:01 (one week ago) link

I see the PA buskers in grocery store parking lots all the time, never occurred to me it might be fake.

papal hotwife (milo z), Thursday, 25 November 2021 05:25 (one week ago) link

someone needs to stand up for authenticity in violin playing.

if not you, then who?

Cool Im An Situation (Neanderthal), Thursday, 25 November 2021 05:26 (one week ago) link

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