Facebook neighborhood groups are the worst thing ever

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Hating the poor, nimby fucks, racism, progress haters, tax refusers, let's all hold hands while we die together. Examples welcome.

a strawman stuffed with their collection of 12 cds (jjjusten), Saturday, 23 May 2015 06:02 (four years ago) link

The two Facebook groups for my city are basically old people reminiscing about where they hung out as teenagers.

Kiarostami bag (milo z), Saturday, 23 May 2015 06:15 (four years ago) link

the neighbourhood Facebook group that keeps haunting me is mostly just local crime paranoia. still bullshit, obv

gong mad (Noodle Vague), Saturday, 23 May 2015 08:16 (four years ago) link

There's a doozy in Northeast Minneapolis where a gun-happy libertarian pitbull-loving douchette is always on patrol, lest a Somali person or LIBRUL be seen somewhere in her vicinity, actually enjoying their lives.

scientist/exotic dancer (suzy), Saturday, 23 May 2015 08:41 (four years ago) link

I still go to a Google group for my dad's neighborhood, one of those places where there's only one entrance/exit. Every month, someone will wonder how much it would cost to put a camera or a security gate at the (public) entrance, and every month, someone replie that the criminals would probably just steal that too.

pplains, Saturday, 23 May 2015 13:48 (four years ago) link

The racism on some of these is the most discouraging I've found on the 'net. Discouraging because what former residents say in those groups is rude, hurtful, unfair, and INACCURATE.

No neighborhood near where I have lived has EVER been "respectable". Around my old hood are many areas that were essentially mob turf. NO ONE back in the day would boast about their community.

Doesn't stop them from interrupting current black residents to call their middle-class neighborhoods a "ghetto".

We really need a stronger movement against racism on the Internet.

Freeland Avenue (I M Losted), Saturday, 23 May 2015 20:40 (four years ago) link

i'm not in a facebook one but my neighborhood is one of my city's more racist and it's so painful. like "i just wanted you all to know that last night at around 10 there were 2 young black males walking around yelling," in addition to the mundane "i saw a raccoon" and "we never used this food item does anyone want it"

computer champion (harbl), Saturday, 23 May 2015 20:45 (four years ago) link

meant to say mine is nextdoor

computer champion (harbl), Saturday, 23 May 2015 20:46 (four years ago) link

The comments sections in 4nne 4rundel 1st Alert and 4nne 4rundel County Breaking News and Events got hella racist during the Freddie Gray protests, but I was happy to see a lot of anti-racist pushback after the first day or so.

I just joined "You know you're from 3dgewater when..." group for the purposes of this thread. Wish me luck.

cause baby, now we got dad bod (how's life), Saturday, 23 May 2015 22:57 (four years ago) link

I'm such a dick. They let me in the group and it's totally harmless and even positive. All like "what was the name of the hardware store before they turned it into a Royal Farms?" type stuff.

Even class pictures from the elementary school demonstrating that it was a pretty diverse community decades ago.

I'll stand by the other pages I mentioned as being pretty bad though.

cause baby, now we got dad bod (how's life), Saturday, 23 May 2015 23:46 (four years ago) link

Hey harbl, I just saw that raccoon! No joke.

But yeah, I joined one of these things and there's a lot of really depressing things about it. Paranoia running crazy.

circa1916, Sunday, 24 May 2015 03:25 (four years ago) link


pplains, Sunday, 24 May 2015 03:54 (four years ago) link

meant to say mine is nextdoor

― computer champion (harbl), Saturday, May 23, 2015 1:46 PM (8 hours ago)

i signed for nextdoor wanting to be on the W. Oakland one where my practice space is because we've had some break ins, but it forced me into the one where i actually live, which is a combination of shelves for sale and suspicious person rummaging through garbage at 2am

Mistah FAAB (sarahell), Sunday, 24 May 2015 05:18 (four years ago) link

Edgewater group won't hold a candle to Cape St. Clare (no googleproofing -- name and shame). Anne Arundel Co really did become racist fuckhead central in the last 15 years or so -- you hear more western PA and Texas accents, too.

Three Word Username, Sunday, 24 May 2015 08:07 (four years ago) link

I understand that for a lot of people, Facebook is for nostalgia and reuniting with your old schoolmates, but why, twenty or thirty years on, has it not occurred to the conspicuous consumption crowd that some of us are still loyal to our old communities and don't need to hear your "there goes the neighborhood" scare stories. Especially when those tactics were old forty years ago.

Then there are people who grew up in a very progressive and pro-labor community and who somehow think the current residents want to hear their smug libertarian politics.

How can someone live in proximity to the black community throughout their childhood and not absorb ANY knowledge of or appreciation for that community and its values - not to mention being utterly ignorant about the implications of integration. For example, it's not black people's fault that the mall closed down - as if money rains from the sky wherever YOU go.

Was sick of and alienated from these people the first time around. Also appalled that their ignorant children live in expensive new-construction homes because living in a 1960's split level is for "ghetto" people.

Freeland Avenue (I M Losted), Sunday, 24 May 2015 16:25 (four years ago) link

I wanted to alert local residents: on Tues afternoon around 5 pm I saw a man in the courtyard area between 2 buildings in this area, who appeared to be looking in ground floor windows, kind of lingering and staring at various apartments. He was carrying what looked like a collapsible cane (maybe for breaking windows?). By the time I got outside to investigate, he was gone. I recognize most of the people who live in the buildings in my area and I definitely did not recognize him. Just a heads up to be alert for prowlers, lock windows when you're out, maybe leave a radio or TV on, etc.

Mistah FAAB (sarahell), Wednesday, 3 June 2015 21:19 (four years ago) link

my facebook neighborhood group is

1) punks yelling about yuppies gentrifying the neighborhood
2) yuppies getting mad that punks keep breaking windows and pepper spraying business owners (yes, this really happened last week)
3) me writing and erasing x50 times a message saying PUNKS YOU ARE THE REASON IT IS GENTRIFYING IN THE FIRST PLACE but never posting it
4) the really cool city councillor for our hood answering ppl's questions and generally being awesome

1-3 = dud, 4 = k-classic & poss. the best thing abt facebook for me right now imo

Who M the best? (Will M.), Wednesday, 3 June 2015 21:55 (four years ago) link

To the asshole who left this note:

I just had to put my dog down yesterday and it was such a joy to come out to my car today and find this note. Thank you. Beautiful timing. Also, I didn't touch you're fucking car. Lastly, if you are so god damn worried about your bumpers get a fucking garage. You do realize where you're parking, right??? If I had a dime for every mark on my bumper from people parking I'd be a millionaire. You're truly an idiot.

Mistah FAAB (sarahell), Tuesday, 9 June 2015 21:21 (four years ago) link

one month passes...


pplains, Saturday, 11 July 2015 20:00 (four years ago) link

Suspicious person 1d ago
D*** R******** from Grand Lake
There's an African American male about 5ft 5inch tall balled real thin build walking around here with a shirt no underwear he was hiding in my yard behind my door my husband chased him off he might have went in someone else's yard make sure you watch your children keep your door locked windows locked ect..... Just be careful an be aware oh an one more thing he seemed to be high with a green shirt no pants no underwear but had on shoes an socks he look to be in his 20s

sarahell, Saturday, 11 July 2015 22:58 (four years ago) link


soref, Saturday, 11 July 2015 22:59 (four years ago) link

balled, with no hare.

pplains, Saturday, 11 July 2015 23:17 (four years ago) link


2011’s flagrantly ceremonious rock-opera (Bananaman Begins), Saturday, 11 July 2015 23:37 (four years ago) link

kind of pleasing Springsteen album track vibe to that North Little Rock one

2011’s flagrantly ceremonious rock-opera (Bananaman Begins), Saturday, 11 July 2015 23:39 (four years ago) link

Wel now, ol' Wesley Dinwiddle fell out of the swinging door cage
Bout lost half a foot, man, it's been a coon's age.
How ya doin', Harrell, you been keeping real busy?
How bout you meet me tonight in Atlantic City.

pplains, Saturday, 11 July 2015 23:46 (four years ago) link

Naw these look safe as hell. What could go wrong.


pplains, Saturday, 11 July 2015 23:54 (four years ago) link

I feel bad now.


pplains, Sunday, 12 July 2015 02:10 (four years ago) link

The other night we were at a bar in the area and a guy came in asking if people wanted to buy ink cartridges. Is this a code for drugs? Or is this the new bar selling trend? I've seen people trying to sell roses and other romantic items for people to give their ladies, but this was new for me. Any ideas?

computer champion (harbl), Tuesday, 14 July 2015 23:14 (four years ago) link

It's the new "car stereo": ink cartridges.

Mark G, Tuesday, 14 July 2015 23:22 (four years ago) link

jjj: i quoted your first post on my neighbourhood's facebook

someone asked me what a tax refuser is, i said i would ask you

what is a tax refuser?

Bouncy Castlevania (Will M.), Friday, 17 July 2015 15:08 (four years ago) link

I had a good time winding up my local Facebook group last year around Guy Fawkes' night


(no offence to people) (dog latin), Friday, 17 July 2015 15:29 (four years ago) link

'D3bbie Fr4m3' is no relation

(no offence to people) (dog latin), Friday, 17 July 2015 15:30 (four years ago) link

it went on a lot longer than that - 250 comments, then i got banned.

(no offence to people) (dog latin), Friday, 17 July 2015 15:42 (four years ago) link

I like the guy who threatens to call the police on charges of 'wasting people's time'. Can't remember if I managed to prntscrn the part where I said I'd heard a series of loud bangs coming from outside, and on being told it was fireworks replied 'I'm closing my front door all the same'.

(no offence to people) (dog latin), Friday, 17 July 2015 15:45 (four years ago) link

I just got in an argument with a cop on my neighborhood group who was saying that it was good "broken windows" policing to target bikes as much as possible. They're ridden by the criminal element.

Also, a number of people are upset about a corner where there are just too many newspaper boxes, and a taxi stand that had a lot of taxis lined up at it.

five six and (man alive), Friday, 17 July 2015 15:51 (four years ago) link

we had a guy kicking up a fuss about a pedestrian crossing being built (along a very dangerous and busy piece of road which many pedestrians use every day) because it would hold up his car.

(no offence to people) (dog latin), Friday, 17 July 2015 15:55 (four years ago) link

Class-A trolling there, dl.

how's life, Friday, 17 July 2015 16:19 (four years ago) link

File under: Surely_some_mistake!

Hello All,
Frequently I see garbage like mattresses, box springs, on the corners of Jayne and Perkins, Warwick and Perkins, and at the end of Lee at Vernon. I'm always puzzled given that the garbage is located in front of multi unit buildings, with I imagine hundreds of people passing it daily...and yet the garbage remains. Do folks not know it's quite simple to report it to public works? Are people oblivious to it because they've passed it so many times? Maybe they're thinking since they didn't put it there, they're not responsible for calling it in. Please folks, if you live close to where the garbage is, call it in to public works and they'll pick it up. We all pay tax dollars to receive this service

sarahell, Wednesday, 22 July 2015 21:09 (four years ago) link

two weeks pass...

I live at the end of Warwick near Euclid and there's an apartment building across from me that's on the corner. The balconies face our building.
About once every week there's a woman who throws parties and is extremely loud. She's sits on her balcony, drinks and smokes cigarettes to all hours.
Not sure if she knows how loud she is but it echoes.
Anyone else hear her? And if you know her please quiet her down or find her a boyfriend.

sarahell, Sunday, 9 August 2015 20:51 (four years ago) link

I think I mentioned this elsewhere, but I'm actually now a member of a *secret* facebook group whose purpose has become in large part to make fun of the main neighborhood groups.

five six and (man alive), Monday, 10 August 2015 02:19 (four years ago) link

Classic. I need to start one of those for my burg.

Your Favorite Album in the Cutout Bin, Monday, 10 August 2015 16:49 (four years ago) link

four weeks pass...

Ohhhhhhhhh they are sooooo terrible.

on entre O.K. on sort K.O. (man alive), Tuesday, 8 September 2015 20:41 (four years ago) link


Long clusterfuck thread about nanny-shaming
Long clusterfuck thread that started as a parody of the nanny-shaming thread and somehow turned into someone insinuating that it's Jewish people's fault that the neighborhood Barnes & Noble is closing because they let their kids destroy the books and toys

on entre O.K. on sort K.O. (man alive), Tuesday, 8 September 2015 20:43 (four years ago) link

two weeks pass...

nextdoor, Jesus Christ I wish I didn't know how many monsters lived near me

nomar, Saturday, 26 September 2015 17:24 (four years ago) link

It's amazing how many innocuous topics are a bat signal for xenophobes.

nomar, Saturday, 26 September 2015 17:26 (four years ago) link

Here's Nextdoor in a nutshell:

'did anybody hear that noise'
'somebody was casing my house'
'kids are selling newspaper subscriptions'
'I was burgled yesterday when I left all my ground floor windows open'
'_____ new restaurant is great'
'you're an agent of gentrification'
'you're the real racist'
'I've lived here for ____ years and ACTUALLY you're the racist'
'all of you are racist'
'free chunks of concrete in my driveway, you haul'

Nextdoor ultimately booted me for not giving my real name, which turned out to make my life much more peaceful.

a silly gif of awkward larping (Sparkle Motion), Saturday, 26 September 2015 18:37 (four years ago) link

today it was

"two suspicious men were walking by my house. i asked them what they were doing, they said they were going for a walk. i stared at them as they walked away. they stared back! i felt very uncomfortable..."
"they might be ILLEGAL ALIENS, there are so many MURDERERS being allowed into this country. here's an article from the WSJ with statistics."
"my friend was MURDERED by someone she wanted to help, don't let your guard down. RIP to my friend i miss her every day."

nomar, Saturday, 26 September 2015 18:45 (four years ago) link

Just checked it out for laffs, and it has the strangest way of assigning neighborhoods. I'm not even in the same zip code as the one they assigned me.

pplains, Saturday, 26 September 2015 20:49 (four years ago) link

the West Oakland nextdoor is apparently highly "entertaining" and trollable, but my neighborhood is burglaries, nanny shares, and lost chihuahuas

sarahell, Saturday, 26 September 2015 21:25 (four years ago) link

I'm NO Golden Gate, and as I've said it's been quite some time since I looked at it.

Conversely my hippie neighbor who's lived here for just over a year organized a block party last saturday afternoon that turned into a pretty nice way to acquaint myself with some of my neighbors. He did make everybody stand in a circle to bond, but otherwise it was quite enjoyable.

a silly gif of awkward larping (Sparkle Motion), Saturday, 26 September 2015 21:58 (four years ago) link


☮ (peace, man), Saturday, 28 September 2019 21:13 (four months ago) link

Are you up in NY now?

☮ (peace, man), Saturday, 28 September 2019 21:14 (four months ago) link

no, this person is just reminiscing about growing up there

forensic plumber (harbl), Saturday, 28 September 2019 21:21 (four months ago) link

I didn't realize there were still so many TCBYs out there!

pplains, Saturday, 28 September 2019 23:06 (four months ago) link

I was thinking the same

mh, Saturday, 28 September 2019 23:58 (four months ago) link

The one in my hometown is still open, but there's only one other in the Baltimore area.

In 1991 TCBY moved into the tallest building in Arkansas, Simmons Tower located in downtown Little Rock, and the building was renamed The TCBY Tower until 2000 when TCBY vacated.

☮ (peace, man), Sunday, 29 September 2019 14:09 (four months ago) link

I could've also mentioned it It's the tallest building in Arkansas, but it doesn't always have to be about me.

pplains, Sunday, 29 September 2019 14:37 (four months ago) link

I don’t think my home town ever had a TCBY ... we did have a Sambo’s

sarahell, Monday, 30 September 2019 23:05 (four months ago) link

the one for the broader West Philadelphia area is a literal nightmare so much of the time that i stopped really checking it, but have stayed on it because sometimes i need to search to see other denizens' recommendations of where to get shoes resoled, or obscure cleaning supplies, etc..

blue light or electric light (the table is the table), Monday, 30 September 2019 23:16 (four months ago) link

it's been a minute: what happened to EXCELSIOR and Zing threads? because sometimes:

East Bay Veterinary Clinic Located at 568 Grand Avenue Sold Me Counterfeit Flea Medication And Killed My Dog

― sarahell, Thursday, March 14, 2019 10:14 AM (six months ago) bookmarkflaglink

Is that a song title from the next Mark Kozelek record?

― brain (krakow), Thursday, March 14, 2019 12:34 PM (six months ago) bookmarkflaglink

blue light or electric light (the table is the table), Monday, 30 September 2019 23:17 (four months ago) link

tbf that vet clinic has always seemed pretty shady to me

the public eating of beans (Sparkle Motion), Monday, 30 September 2019 23:22 (four months ago) link

I love the honest-to-God gerrymandering that goes on Next Door:


Like, what did the guy at 47th and Pike ever do to piss off the Levy Pike mod?

Then there's the fact that while the other neighborhoods take up almost entire zip codes, at least 100 sq blocks, we've got "Levy Pike" about a dozen blocks? And oh, I guess "Francis Street" deserves its own neighborhood watch since, lemme tell you, it's nothing like those other neighborhoods.

And again, those poor homes caught in that Wheeling West Virginia strip between Francis and LP. No, I'm sorry y'all. You should have thought of what you were doing before you bought the house of the guy who used to mow the lawn at 7 a.m. on Sundays.

pplains, Tuesday, 1 October 2019 01:46 (four months ago) link


sarahell, Tuesday, 1 October 2019 15:09 (four months ago) link

surely my city, with actual city-recognized neighborhood associations with boundaries..
*checks nextdoor*
hmm, well that isn't right

mh, Tuesday, 1 October 2019 15:19 (four months ago) link


— Best of Nextdoor (@bestofnextdoor) September 27, 2019

mfktz (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Thursday, 3 October 2019 09:26 (four months ago) link


Is it true the star Beetle Juice is going to explode in 2012 (bizarro gazzara), Thursday, 3 October 2019 09:29 (four months ago) link

Lately mine has become a rotation of:
- Look at how this jerk parked! (photo of car too close to poster's car)
- Look, a homeless person in the subway, what is happening to our neighborhood?!
- I saw a delivery person for ____ littering! They won't have my business anymore!

longtime caller, first time listener (man alive), Thursday, 10 October 2019 02:18 (four months ago) link

Here's what I see, over and over again.

pplains, Thursday, 10 October 2019 02:24 (four months ago) link

every day, fuzzy night vision camera of "man checking car doors last night" with accompanying useless description of "man"

forensic plumber (harbl), Thursday, 10 October 2019 02:28 (four months ago) link

Someone finally got a Facebook group going for our neighborhood (as opposed to Nextdoor) and it's mostly been a force for good, to my surprise.

However, a few months ago on Nextdoor, someone without any video evidence reported a "hispanic family" caught in the act of breaking into their boat. Then they got salty and deleted it after I pointed out that could describe a few hundred people in our neighborhood.

☮ (peace, man), Thursday, 10 October 2019 08:44 (four months ago) link

Camille Paglia is on my partner's NextDoor and it's going about as well as you expect.

Elvis Telecom, Thursday, 10 October 2019 08:46 (four months ago) link

more details please!

Captain ACAB (Neil S), Thursday, 10 October 2019 09:31 (four months ago) link

ours are mainly just arguing over who owns which cat

thomasintrouble, Thursday, 10 October 2019 09:34 (four months ago) link


"If you are in this group and on Mayfield and your dog has been barking non-stop since 9am, PLEASE make it stop. I have a sleeping baby 😩🙄🤦🏼‍♀️."

☮ (peace, man), Thursday, 10 October 2019 09:39 (four months ago) link

Camille Paglia is on my partner's NextDoor and it's going about as well as you expect.

― Elvis Telecom, Thursday, October 10, 2019 9:46 AM (one hour ago) bookmarkflaglink


Camille Paglia is on my partner's NextDoor (Bananaman Begins), Thursday, 10 October 2019 10:34 (four months ago) link


This is typical...


Elvis Telecom, Thursday, 10 October 2019 15:27 (four months ago) link

a woman reported her black lives matter sign was stolen and that she had put up a new one. she asked if others would like one of her extra signs. cue predictable all lives matter responses.

forensic plumber (harbl), Thursday, 10 October 2019 21:23 (four months ago) link


new board description, amirite

pplains, Friday, 11 October 2019 13:16 (four months ago) link

10 year olds... don’t react to small stuff? some wires crossed here

mh, Saturday, 12 October 2019 16:51 (four months ago) link

one month passes...

I mean, I watched all 86 seconds of it, but that doesn't mean you have to.

pplains, Thursday, 14 November 2019 00:23 (three months ago) link

I did and I don't know why

now let's play big lunch take little lunch (sic), Thursday, 14 November 2019 00:48 (three months ago) link

*Man rings doorbell*

*Man waits*

*Man walks away*

*Voice says, "Hello?"*

*Voice says, "Hello?"*

*Voice says, "Hello?"*

pplains, Thursday, 14 November 2019 01:16 (three months ago) link

Melody: Maybe I misread, but the way he kept looking around behind him looked like he was trying to assess if anyone could see him.

pplains, Thursday, 14 November 2019 01:18 (three months ago) link

two months pass...

Those teens are out of control . The police need to do something or we need to stay at home until those teen are out of the street . Very danger . I just moved to Baltimore from Florida , and I didn’t expect to see this here . The city is beautiful and people very friendly. I’m in love with the city but getting very scared

very danger
much teens

forensic plumber (harbl), Saturday, 25 January 2020 16:35 (four weeks ago) link

But I dunno, sometimes they aren't so bad.


pplains, Wednesday, 29 January 2020 03:30 (three weeks ago) link

the comments on a nextdoor post explaining parking and street restrictions over the weekend when “the president” is visiting are something

babu frik fan account (mh), Wednesday, 29 January 2020 03:53 (three weeks ago) link

how about a thread with several pictures trying to figure out what to do about a fence that is too close to the sidewalk. then the fence's owner shows up and says they installed it after researching the code, etc. then the passive-aggressive person who posted it says "i feel scolded!" as if they didn't post it to scold an anonymous person. then the discussion continues for many more comments than the last racism post got.

forensic plumber (harbl), Wednesday, 29 January 2020 13:51 (three weeks ago) link

How close to the sidewalk was the racism post?

pplains, Wednesday, 29 January 2020 14:34 (three weeks ago) link


(I've removed the location info)

mike t-diva, Wednesday, 29 January 2020 14:43 (three weeks ago) link

What happened on January 31st?

☮️ (peace, man), Wednesday, 29 January 2020 14:52 (three weeks ago) link


Le Bateau Ivre, Wednesday, 29 January 2020 14:54 (three weeks ago) link

I don't know where Mike lives, but

2020 – The United Kingdom's membership of the European Union will cease in accordance with Article 50 after 47 years of being a member state.

pplains, Wednesday, 29 January 2020 16:08 (three weeks ago) link

That is correct. The UK leaves the EU at 11pm UK time on Friday Jan 31.

mike t-diva, Wednesday, 29 January 2020 16:42 (three weeks ago) link

lol. anytime there's fireworks, cue the people complaining how rude it is to their pets

forensic plumber (harbl), Wednesday, 29 January 2020 22:57 (three weeks ago) link

Oh fuck yes, get a thundershirt for your furbaby and STFU.

santa clause four (suzy), Wednesday, 29 January 2020 23:29 (three weeks ago) link

Observed on Bay Place, a shoplifter confronted by a Whole Foods employee, who then smashed his beverage containers upon the sidewalk. I followed him across the street and captured his visage for posterity.

sarahell, Sunday, 2 February 2020 20:22 (three weeks ago) link

I found an even dumber sort of group: I got invited to a catch-all group for graduates of my high school (which I obviously did not join)

There is a discussion thread where people are debating what year had the largest graduating class. 1976? No, 1980 was surely larger. Some people are sure they know the exact number in their class, and remember their class rank (?!)

I have no idea why anyone would know or care, is where I am at

babu frik fan account (mh), Sunday, 2 February 2020 21:27 (three weeks ago) link

this is a question that can probably be solved with a 30-second phone call to the school's admin department, and can absolutely never be answered by simply guessing on facebook

great work

don't care didn't ask still clappin (sic), Sunday, 2 February 2020 21:57 (three weeks ago) link

I don’t think mundane discussions are about ephemera as much as they’re about people looking for a reason to have mundane discussions

I should start one asking if the school had an official mascot, and if so, when

babu frik fan account (mh), Sunday, 2 February 2020 22:04 (three weeks ago) link


In case you were stocking a Shirley temple.

pplains, Sunday, 16 February 2020 03:11 (one week ago) link

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