Bait My Clickhole

http://www.clickhole.com/article/changing-times-random-house-has-instructed-toni-mo-6628

^^^ this is wonderful

http://www.clickhole.com/article/must-see-tv-vanna-white-revealed-true-name-god-whe-6722

the tags

http://www.clickhole.com/article/emotional-confession-giada-de-laurentiis-wrote-hea-6770

prepare to die

someone was inspired!

http://www.clickhole.com/quiz/can-you-match-stephen-king-monster-novels-drawn-ou-6856

This has to be the angriest thing I've seen on Clickhole or The Onion

http://www.clickhole.com/article/we-employees-clickholecom-have-voted-unanimously-d-6952

That is the first Clickhole article I've seen that isn't tagged with "WOW"

ironically enough, wow

4d checkers

you guys! this one!

http://www.clickhole.com/quiz/how-well-do-you-know-6-parts-dog-6949

also, that One Direction history was inspired.

http://www.clickhole.com/article/if-youre-five-boys-you-can-do-anything-oral-histor-6913

Niall Horan: Zayn leaving knocked out huge chunks of our back catalog. We couldn’t perform “Zayn’s Lament,” “A Zayn Will Rise (The Cycle Of Zayn Part II),” or even “A Trial And A Reckoning (The Cycle Of Zayn Part VII).” We were sending fans home disappointed every night.

A re-up, so you may have seen it already, but still absolutely worth reposting.

http://www.clickhole.com/quiz/which-one-my-garbage-sons-are-you-1458

https://scontent-iad3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t31.0-8/23826050_1971430463097210_6741132498910659370_o.jpg?oh=4b8f1bde79e2176b00a16266bfae0e3b&oe=5A894BE9

lmfao

The garbage sons thing is one of the crowning achievements of the internet (no sarcasm)

its one of the best pieces of writing

and we dont know who wrote it!

its not brendan ohare as someone suggested upthread btw, i know because patricia lockwood tweeted saying she me the writer in chicago on her book tour and the day she was in chicago ohare posted a picture from pennsylvania, i tweeted at lockwood asking who it was and no response

lmao

this has been bother me for a while!

every time i reread i forget about the blowhole full of bones, it's so beautiful

the person who wrote that is responsible for most of clickhole's best content i think, and is probably the pre-eminent american humorist of our age

whoever they are

are you a big jazz boy or a little jazz boy is their other masterpiece

i just had to stop reading "Garbage Boys" on the bus because i was embarrassed at how hard i was stifled laughing

It's a very post-Tim and Eric thing, the way "big jazz boy" "garbage sons" "nice dad" etc are repeated throughout.

saab owners die angry

One time, all my garbage sons got together to build an enormous marble statue of me weeping in the front seat of my wonderful car. The base of the statue had the inscription “I Don’t Cry. I Saab.”

its not brendan ohare as someone suggested upthread btw, i know because patricia lockwood tweeted saying she me the writer in chicago on her book tour and the day she was in chicago ohare posted a picture from pennsylvania, i tweeted at lockwood asking who it was and no response

― lag∞n, Tuesday, November 21, 2017 11:37 AM (two hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

this prompted me to reread "the lake isle of innisfree"

saab owners die angry

― mh, Tuesday, 21 November 2017 19:22 (one hour ago) Permalink

I really want this shirt tbh

The big jazz boy piece reads a little like a Ginsberg poem

or something beat anyway, not sure if I'm thinking of ginsberg

http://images2.onionstatic.com/clickhole/5100/6/16x9/800.jpg

Making Things Right: The Pentagon Is Launching A Ballistic Missile Attack On Hawaii To Restore Faith In The Nuclear Alert System

Thanken to mein goode educatardo, ay rememberen thar sturry ov Jengus Christler dyinn on thar crossler far thar sens ov mandkindler, sparcefically masturbatarto. Thez ez warst sen en thar eyyes ov Godde.

http://www.clickhole.com/quiz/und-hungry-hogg-have-aten-oll-th-bibles-een-aur-ve-7189

I'm in awe

also, this. while i'm at it.

http://www.clickhole.com/article/5-dove-commercials-lean-pretty-heavily-biting-head-7128

wow

ha, Dove ads should be the target of more Clickhole imo

the Hung’ry hOgge one is an incredible treasure

https://i.imgur.com/9p3DqtN.png

Finally:
http://www.clickhole.com/article/much-needed-fix-ea-has-announced-upcoming-patch-ge-7188

http://images2.onionstatic.com/clickhole/5156/3/original/800.jpg

this is amazing

Gut-wrenching: Italian Waiter Grinds Fresh Black Pepper Onto Daughter’s Grave pic.twitter.com/HBofeIw7c6

— ClickHole (@ClickHole) February 13, 2018

lol jesus christ

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=fCFRbcSmvCc

https://youtu.be/fCFRbcSmvCc

Fuck, i dont know how to do this

Don’t blame yourself the auto-embed is pretty specific.