suicide

talk to us! as we've established, you are among people who like pumpkins VERY much.

one good friend and a bunch of internet ppl xpost

its hard to explain anything without just sounding like a retarded emo

Well, ok, I'm relieved to hear that.

<=====retarded emo usually

i mean its not calling mobile crisis time or anything like that

i did make a change to my life insurance policy but i think i was just feeling grim that day, i wasnt actually contemplating suicide or making a plan. just thinking baout death and dying.

everyone who hasn't been a retarded emo please step forward.

[looks around]

see? you're among friends. Seriously. and thinking baout death and dying can be worth offloading. turns your good thoughts to bad, like a rotten banana in the fruit bowl. you can pour it on. no-one's gonna laugh or point.

xpost Yeah, but when I was in a hole this summer a few times, that I wasn't considering suicide was not a consolation. It was just terrible terrible terrible. And not having, you know, the right people to talk to was a bitch. You don't want to talk to just anyone. And not wanting to put people out with what you think of as your bullshit, your drama.

i feel a little better today. thanks.

you are less crazy than . . . many of us

hear hear!

glad you're feeling better

agreed! excellent news!

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2266/2185484051_496d695120.jpg

man that pumpkin is real dope

Just k-kill me.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G1xpgf7VwPM

with so many friends, and having always being there for them, i dont know how i ended up with no one to talk to. it happened so gradually

Then it's time to gradually make amends. You take little baby steps: go out, call a friend. An old friend. Tell him/her you want to have a drink. I know that extreme depression isn't "erased" that way, but little bits can help. Also, get a therapist, get anti-depressants as a way to kick your body into a happy state.

Also: ILX. We're always here.

thanks for being nice back in sept u guys

So how are you feeling? I hope much better. Don't fear setbacks!

feeling much better. a lot of stress is off of me now.

christ- its been a long whiel for this thread. stress is for the birds

when first I posted on this thread we were chasing osama bin laden out of the chic hills of afghannystan

Glad you're feeling better...you can remember that in the future, too, if you're ever feeling shit again: that those feelings don't last forever. That is my main pulling-through-things strategy/

this is so awesome:

if you're posting here, then almost by definition:

you're a good person
we love you
nabisco (among others) understands you
you are less crazy than . . . many of us

― mookieproof, Saturday, September 26, 2009 2:58 AM

It is indeed awesome. Y'know, fuck people saying internet forums are "fake" cause you don't have real contact. If it can help you, give you comfort, then why the fuck not use a forum as a way to get out of the black hole. Anything to get away from the misery is A OKAY in my fucking book. Also, HUGGELZ to you all. You're great people.

I'm not so sure. Speaking as someone who posted a pathetic cry for help a few years ago which had absolutely fuck all personal response or reassurance (and got dragged up for shits and gigglez on the noize board or 77 or somewhere into the bargain), it really didn't help at all. If you catch the board on a quiet day, or a day when everyone's too busy posting lolcatz to read a personal thread, it can be another kick that you really don't need.

I mean, by all means, post away. It works for a lot of people. But it can have the completely opposite of giving you comfort. If you're already dangerously down, an addtional bout of "oh fuck, even people who don't KNOW me can't even be arsed to talk me down here" really doesn't help.

Of course, Ailsa. I am also sorry that I didn't catch the cry for help. I always do try to answer. What I meant was: that if you do find response, why not? Any way to get out of a black hole is good for me. The best option is of course finding someone in your immediate circle to help, but some people are really alone, y'know.

Oh yes, I understand that. But I'm just not convinced that ILX is always the cuddlestein answer (though obv it is a lot of the time, and one bad experience doesn't detract from all the good ones). It's a really bad time to find out firsthand that it's not always filled with instant goodness and answers and support.

Yes, sometimes ILX makes me really, really mad, too...it's a 'well-rounded' place in re emotional experiences.

sort of like: life

glad to see that ilxors helped pumpkin

sort of like: life

indeed! except I get mad at ILX way, way, way less often than I do at life in general.

Ailsa, that's terrible! ILX fail. >:-(

sort of like: life

Sort of, but not really. ILX is great, but I'm not convinced it's a good place for people who are making a "desperate cry for help," notwithstanding the many smart, sympathetic posters here.

And that's life too in a way: not a place to find help. People have muffled ears when it comes to other people's cries.

*sigh*

you ok E?

no

What's up?

VERY long story. best not to go into it here.

yo man don't kill yourself ok? let me just say that straight. do not kill yourself. as sure as we are both posting on this board & have been for a long time, together in a distant sense, you will soon say "I am super-stoked I did not kill myself on 5/20/10, when I felt so fuckin bad I was sure I wanted to die." OK? Because I spent most of 2009 really really actively wanting to die. And now I am stoked to be alive. As I was you now are. Are I now am you will be in less time than you think. I think I speak on behalf of the board when I say we're all here to listen if you need an ear but the main thing is do whatever you gotta do to hold on, OK? your fellow ilx poster of, what, like a decade now, uaaIhl

hey, what j0hn said. please.

thanks ... for real.

i should take this offline.

so this is j0hn d speaking?!?

thirding aerosmith's post. ppl are here, dude

yeah

because people copy and paste my posts to quote elsewhere I now post under variants of a name & hope that people who've known me a while can address me by my preferred name, aerosmith, and refer to me that way, in perpetuity

however you can call me Rex Reed if it gives you lols and makes you feel better dude

apologies for using your other screen name. i didn't realize that was your motivation for the change.

referring to you as Steven Tyler as kosher move, y/n? ;-)

it's OK -- i know j0hn D, so i feel a bit more comfortable w/ a name i recognize.

:-)

it's ok y'all anything that might distract eisbaer from his pain for a minute is cool by me - I mean seriously, what is the likelihood that a very, very high % of posters on a generally music-oriented board don't know what it feels like to wanna take arms against a sea of troubles, etc? we have all been there. a bunch of times. all in our own ways, for our own reasons, and they all seemed insurmountable at the time. and if we're still here then we can say that some perspective taught us that on balance it was best to stay alive. that it was "worth it," even though, y'know, fuck pain. but distract yourself, man. keep your mind free from the source of the pain until you see some light. you can do it. you will be glad you did.

i know, and that's what everyone keeps saying. and i am trying. but i feel like i'm stuck w/ a tar baby.

i just don't see a good or easy way out of the jam that i am in, even if i manage to survive. and i don't know if i want to survive, anyway.

1) It's a cliche, but it's a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Mike may be being somewhat facetious, but what he says is true. Even if you feel like you are trapped in an unworkable situation, you have not tried every option. Quit your job, leave your home, there are a thousand things you can change. Even if the worst thing you can possibly imagine happens to you (and trust me, I've been there) it's still less final than being dead. Sure, no matter where you go, you will still be yourself, and the same problems may resurface, and you can't change your life until you've changed yourself, but fuck. Wouldn't it be better to change yourself, even temporarily, rather than end yourself forever?

months I spent feeling like that in '09: March - December

now I'm not just "better," I'm runnin' shit