I'm sad

I'm finding that procrastination + laziness + low self-esteem all just happily feed on each other and leave me in this constant state of feeling like shit/beating myself up/can't be arsed to fix it. My sister wants to get Skype with a videocam so we can talk more often, the video cam my nephews can see me and not forget who I am...but I have told so many friends that I won't do videocam...and this is so shit, but the reason is I don't want everyone to stare at me and see how badly i've let myself go. And I should just say fuck it, who cares, but I do care...but I'll still happily sit on my arse and feel like I've earned the right to do sweet FA...and I'm just sad. Because I don't really talk about this to anyone. Years are literally whizzing by me and...gah. This is the sad thread, not the whine thread. I need to shut up.

n the end I have to say "fuck you getting older and having all my friends spread out across the country", because that's really what it is. All of my closest friends are hundreds or thousands of miles away.

yeah :(

― holosystolic murmur and the thrill (gbx), Friday, September 25, 2009 8:33 AM (1 hour ago) Bookmark

yeah x2 :o(

its a bummer :(

and you forget how hard it is to make new friends. i mean, it took me my whole life to gather up the excellent group of friends that I left behind...it's taken 7 years to establish that there's one chick I work with who is actually an actual captial F friend. My husband has seen many many great floods of tears from me over the fact that so many people are so superficially nice but not actually friendly. It's like reliving my childhood all over again.

stop bummin me out

xpost

for real. Only instead of 7 years it's only taken a few months.

Be a nazi about friends.

And a kitty cat too.

sorry...again, don't really talk about this much so it comes in a big flood.

this will sound like a cheesy 'make lemonade' 180, but the thing I have found in the past 6 months that really, really makes that distance between me and my friends so much less is, dare I say it, Facebook. My brother and sister are both on there, and some of my best friends in the world, who sometimes late at night I can chat back and forth with on FB and kind of 'find myself' again. i also managed to find the phone number of my oldest and best friend who moved...we ended up doing a party line together with another super-close friend, and honestly, that 45 minutes was like I'd jumped in a teleporter and been whisked back home. You just have to find a way to have those moments with the people you miss, to remember not only them but who YOU were before you left them, and hone in on that to get yourself out of the sads. I mean, if distance from your friends/homesickness is really bringing you down.

Z S, being in a city people become really competitive about friends, don't they? And it's like, if you like someone and have a lot in common with you, they might not give a shit because they say to themselves, "I've got millions of people to choose from. I don't need this guy." And so: superficial friendships.

That's good. Your prior two posts struck a nerve with me, so I'm glad you came back to report some good times, too. Things will be okay. There are (usually) many reasons to be hopeful.

(xp to VG)

(Sorry; Re-read my post and didn't mean to come off condescending (if that's how it sounded). I should have said, "I hope things will be okay.")

A girl I once loved is now pregnant with her new boyfriend. I should be happy for her right. I'm not. Not at all. I've been upset about it for a week now. I will see her on aim, and think, I'll send her this new album I just found, or tell her about this or that. But No She's pregnant!

Have you talked to her at all since you found out? I mean, did you find out from her?

xpost No, you came through loud and clear :)

And xxpost: yeah Z S, bamquern is 100% otm. It took me a long time to realize that I was 100% more needy in the friendship department than the people I was trying to be friends with, and they would break plans like it ain't no thang and I would lose my shit. For a long time I didn't lose my shit at them, just lost it on my own or ranting to my husband on the drive home from work. But I found that it can help to tell people that's where you're at. I mean, you should only tell the people you think can take that info and do something good with it...hard to do it succinctly though, and the tip is not to come across like a total Dr Phil basketcase, but I found once the key people I was trying to connect with KNEW where I was at, they were easier to...befriend. I guess.

Of all things she could've done, getting pregnant? It's so final, so life changing. And includes me in absolutely no way.

Yeah, I don't know...I'm in the "more the merrier" school of friend accumulation, and right now things are not so merry.
sadtrombone.com

The big thing affecting my lack of real friends right now is that most of the people I work with are 20 years older than me or more. And all I do is go to work, pretty much, so that's where my pool of potential friends is at for now. And of course I don't mind hanging ten with people older than me, but there is a sort of gap that makes things difficult.

Well, a new situation might mean a different approach. I had a lot of friends back in Australia, quite comfy circle. Now I have a circle of two: my husband and this other girl I've gotten tight with. The thing is not to focus on the lack. Focus on the quality. Dont' try to recreate your circle, because you will undo yourself with sadness and disappointment going that route.

yeah, missing my friends too :( it's hard when you're no longer sharing a house/working with cool people/etc.. oh, and i feel like i'm kinda cynical about ppl too, like "gahh is this person gonna be worth the effort or are they just gonna be a douche" because my friends and me have a great understanding of each, of our particular kind of friendship, in which we don't get catty if we take ages to get back to each other, or are too busy with stuff to hang out. so i accept i have made little effort to make new friends, but i just wish i could have all my current ones here with me.

the other thing that gives me the sadz: the feeling that my life is my boring job and that everything else is marginal.

The other big factor is that for my entire life I made friends by meeting people through good friends that I already had. That worked for a long time, until I went to grad school, and now moved to DC. In both cases I know absolutely no one. Turns out I'm not so good at making friends "cold". Don't get me wrong, I'm doing what I can; I'm making an effort to try to hang out with the one new dude at work who isn't a nervous wreck or uptight as hell. But all I really want is to be sitting around my house and then someone just drops by and hangs out. Or vice versa. That level of casualness is totally missing now. It sucks to have to make "friend dates".

as a side note good LORD Smokey Robinson looks insane now.

I was gonna xpost but I guess this applies to you too, just1n3:

Accept the 'surface' friends as they come, take what enjoyment they give you and let yourself not require anything more than that of them. That'll help some of the loneliness. The trick is to focus on what you do have, and what you are getting, than only seeing what's missing. I'm sure you're still seeing dotted outlines of the spaces where your friends should be, I know I did that for a long time...but you know that they would not want you to replace them. They still want to be friends too. So now you get new, different, other friends. Not as many. Not as quickly. But you'll get em.

I work for a major oil company, that just about narrows my friends at work to zero. These are good ole boys who hunt, drive big trucks, and dip chewing tobacco. I don't know how I cope with it. All of my friends are in austin or new york, while I'm, working in the south, soon to be Georgia. I try to go out to these run down honky tonks, but really I can't talk to these people about anything serious. My friend that is now pregnant was the gem I found amongst all of the duds. Red wine, my records, and movies help to some extent. And there lilly my cat.

Last, depressing point I'll make - Over and over the past few months I've had this horrible feeling about going to grad school and getting a "real" job. I honestly don't care about money at all. I was way happier back in the day when I was working as a sales clerk at a crappy cd store for $7 an hour and kickin' it every night with all my best friends. Then I went to grad school and accumulated so much debt that now I HAVE to work a "real" job that I hate. The nagging horrible feeling has been "I made a terrible mistake and now I can't turn back"

My real job has removed me completely from everything I loved. The money is great, but I can;t tell if I'm living. I understand exactly what you mean. I chose this work for the money and out of and nagging feeling that I needed to grow up and get a real job. But I was much happier djing and working odd jods.

I chose my field of study because I thought I'd be able to make a real, positive difference in people's lives, and knowing that I might have to make some horrible trade-offs (moving far away from friends, having to wear dress shoes every day and be in meetings and pretend that I'm serious about everything when I'm just a goofball for the most part), but that it would be worth it. But then I didn't manage to land a job that is satisfying....WHOOPS

xpost to vegemitegrrrl - yeah, I hear you about making friends, eventually. I know I will with time. The tough part is trying not to lose my mind in the meantime!

Well, look, on the job thing.... I left my family and friends to get married, and took the first job I could find because I was going to get deported without one. That was my 'transition' job...til I got something that I really wanted to do. Reality is, I'm still doing that 'transition' job, 7 years later.

It's not always a bad situation. It feels bad, it feels like you're letting your team down, but if you can make some scratch and maybe get to do some things you enjoy, or find something outside of work to feed the talents you may have left 'dangling'...that can be a good way around it. If you're 100% hating it, you can do something else. It's not easy, and changing direction's often a big undertaking...but you're not always as trapped as you feel. You just have to stop staring at the walls and find a window. or something. ugh. I should write greeting cards, sheesh.

I don't hate my job, I enjoy the actual work part of it. It's my surroundings that get me down from time to time. Though recently I've been thinking of going back to school.

I moved to where I live 17 yeears ago - I'm about 900kms interstate from my whole family, so I have no family support at all in the practical sense. I'm used to it now, and I have a network of friends here now but it's taken time and people have come and gone. Whats making me sad is seeing my partner, who moved here from perth 2 years ago (not to be with me - that was a nice bonus) now feeling a bit bereft and lacking friends and missing his mates back in perth. It makes me feel really really useless, like I'm not enough? :/ Argh shut up me.

ZS, not many folks post on the DC threads, but are any of the folks who post on the capital swamp thread (on ilx) or the Brad Pitt DC (ILE) thread in your age range? I'm old

xpost. Aw Trayce. It kills me that you feel that way...especially because in my own sweptupedness of 'oh woe I moved away and left my family and friends behind', I hadn't ever given a whole lot of thought as to how my feeling that way might reflect back on Mr Veg. That's some heavy stuff you're laying down there. I don't know what to say, but you know...it might sound weird to say it but I think it's a good person who feels that so deeply for him. I'm sure he knows how lucky he is to be in Melb with you.

also: hugs?

Aw thanks VG, you're good people - from some of what you've said it seems like we had a simlar daggy aussie childhood =)

I'll drink to that!! Maggoty garbage and dead cows ahoy ...

yeah trayce: my husband gets super sad when i moan how much i miss home/my friends/etc. but obv there's nowhere i would rather be than with him. i mean, yes i love and miss my friends, but he's my best mate and i never get sick of his company and let's be real: if i missed my friends that much, i could always move back to nz!

Well that makes me feel a bit better guize, ta :) I feel bad - he's younger than me and he's stoked for the madness of gigging and being in bands and whatnot and lol, I dont feel like I can keep up like I used to hahaha. Pathetic innit.

Am I really sitting here staring at the Christmas tree, listening to music of the genre "modern classical", half drunk with watery eyes by myself?

I've been trying to make an effort to be more active the past few months, and get myself back into some creative projects like I used to spend all my time by default (fuckin' stupid santa is god wiped out my sunday, and at the time I felt like I was actually waking up from some weird slumber. And I've been working with an environmental task force at my city council on wednesdays, which has been nice while everyone's not screaming at each other). But the second I turn on the news it all just comes back. Climate scandal, emails CRU "some say a conspiracy" on and on and on for 5 minutes, then a buried "of course it's true that none of this affects the underlying science, BUT-", then a story about Tiger Woods hot on the heels. Fuck off Charlie Gibson, I hope Edward Murrow finds you in the imaginary spirit netherworld and rips your arms off. And Ben Nelson. BEN NELSON.

I feel like pulling a Horrible WashPo Article About TARP Guy Who moves to N. California and Builds a Shed, and I wasn't even charge of $700 billion.

So in this whiny moment I can only hope that maybe everyone will pitch in and help me post some uplifting pictures

http://www.bettybowers.com/graphics/footprints424.jpg

I'm sad too! But this thread makes everybody happier: feats of dexterity and technical prowess that make you feel awed and inadequate

Also, Santa Is God was an A+++++++ piece of work and you have the cuetest of gfs and nobody has anything but warmth for ya, also Copenhagen will produce results! Believe! I'm going to be going to my local climate demonstration over the next couple of days and will try to post pics here! :)

sheesh LJ,you sure know how to bust out the nice comments, thanks!
And def post those pics here (or over on the energy thread or the "question about global warming thread", I'd love to see'em

Here's some stuff other people have already done!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ewylsFZHnZ4

OK, eat my lens

http://photos-h.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc3/hs031.snc3/11839_652922755770_36910239_41585912_6976107_n.jpg

http://photos-e.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc3/hs011.snc3/11839_652922770740_36910239_41585915_7183093_n.jpg

http://photos-b.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc3/hs031.snc3/11839_652922785710_36910239_41585918_7396876_n.jpg

http://photos-e.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc3/hs011.snc3/11839_652922805670_36910239_41585922_6875138_n.jpg

http://photos-c.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc3/hs011.snc3/11839_652922810660_36910239_41585923_2072909_n.jpg

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http://photos-h.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc3/hs031.snc3/11839_652922820640_36910239_41585925_5537458_n.jpg

feel better this song is stuck in my head

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G6-t16lzOb0

I've been working on my undergrad so long I make Sarah Palin look like Doogie Howser. I don't like anything I do. I miss my dog and still cry about him every day. I feel like it's my fault he died & the guilt is killing me. I'm putting weight on for no discernible reason. I puke every couple days for no discernible reason. I spill and break everything. I cry at the drop of a hat.

All this shit wld make sense if I was pregnant but I'm not (keep taking those at-home tests bcz all the symptoms just line up so much in favor of babby, but alwaqys neg neg neg).

Well, you don't drink (anymore?) and you don't smoke, so if you ARE pregnant, you'll find out eventually and probably be no worse for wear.

Actually I should have phrased that as a question, because I have no idea what other things are in your life, like meds or reasons you shouldn't have/didn't want babby or wahtever.

I wonder how much sad/depressed brain is like pregnancy/baby brain. A number of my friends have recently just had babies and they talk about this distracted mental state they have that in some ways is similar.

Abbie, dear, you're grieving for your dog. It's okay. You get to do that, even if it makes you start crying in public or something. Fuck the public, they're YOUR feelings. They're valid, and you're okay.

Do try not to bleed it over into already-fragile self-esteem? It's not good for you, doll.

Ha no meds but I do drink a lot lately. My abdomen was just kicking with pain for no reason on Thursday & part of me was trying to convince myself it's an ectopic pregnancy I just know it. That was just one day though.