Let's bitch about our stupid, annoying co-workers

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My Mum leaves stuff in the microwave with it beeping every 3 seconds and it drives me absolutely bonkers. I'd start sending him an email for every beep or something.

― Madchen, Thursday, 22 February 2007 15:16 (nineteen years ago)

Not stupid at all, but rather INCONVENIENT: we're both pregnant at the same time. SHEEEIT! This is going to be hell at the end of the year for me!

― nathalie, Thursday, 22 February 2007 15:17 (nineteen years ago)

Sam, I don't think it was rude at all. People be wantin' to do things (even little things like put down their pencil and go to the m'wave) on their own timetable, and get annoyed when they're asked to adjust it, but it's not rude to ask them to if what they're doing is needlessly annoying.

― Rock Hardy, Thursday, 22 February 2007 15:21 (nineteen years ago)

Scene: my office, yesterday.

Marketing sales guy next to me: "Have you got a calendar on your desk I can borrow?"
Me: "Whats wrong with using the one on yr Windows desktop?"
Dumbass: "Windows has a calendar? OH HEY WOW IT DOES! This is so cool!"
Me: .....

― Trayce, Wednesday, 28 February 2007 02:20 (nineteen years ago)

there's only one guy in our office with speakers connected to his PC who sits there playing 'hilarious' youtube clips and stuff he finds online out loud several times a day because the manager of his department is his friend/neighbour and gave him the job as a favour. some of us are annoyed about his general noise, awful laugh (he always does a big over-the-top cough/wheeze type thing to demonstrate how amused he is) and the fact that he's not here to actually do any particularly useful work at all seemingly but feel we can't really say anything to his boss for aformentioned reasons. it would make us look like boring curmudgeons too i guess. sucks.

― blueski, Wednesday, 28 February 2007 16:00 (nineteen years ago)

ah good he's just fucked off early for the day.

― blueski, Wednesday, 28 February 2007 16:03 (nineteen years ago)

I thought you worked on your own! Is this the multiple personalities thing we discussed?

― kv_nol, Wednesday, 28 February 2007 16:05 (nineteen years ago)

omg he has actually started doing Lou & Andy impressions now.

― blueski, Friday, 2 March 2007 14:17 (nineteen years ago)

I thought you worked on your own! Is this the multiple personalities thing we discussed?

i don't work on my own, i'm just the only person in the office who does what i do.

― blueski, Friday, 2 March 2007 14:18 (nineteen years ago)

yeah i know

― onimo, Friday, 2 March 2007 14:19 (nineteen years ago)

bah xpost

― onimo, Friday, 2 March 2007 14:20 (nineteen years ago)

i don't mind 'yeah i know' so much - mainly cos i can pretend it's actually Eccleston Doctor. but saying 'i want that one', in 2007...the mind bogles.

― blueski, Friday, 2 March 2007 14:21 (nineteen years ago)

I got a Little Britain birthday card last year from a family member. It was at this exact point I knew that I had been living away from my family for a long time, and my opinions, likes and dislikes were no longer known about. It was kind of depressing in a way.

― tissp, Friday, 2 March 2007 14:58 (nineteen years ago)

three weeks pass...

sometimes my office takes a turn for locker-room style talk:

You know how you can tell if a girl has something on her like herpes or something? What you do is take a lemon or a lime and you squirt it on her pussy or her mouth and if she acts like it hurt real bad, she has something on her. Its true.

― g®▲Ðұ, Friday, 23 March 2007 00:06 (nineteen years ago)

they got all the juicy details

― haitch, Friday, 23 March 2007 02:36 (nineteen years ago)

when life gives you herpes...

― chaki, Friday, 23 March 2007 02:40 (nineteen years ago)

So have you soured on your workplace, grady?

― The Cursed Return of the Dastardly Thermo Thinwall, Friday, 23 March 2007 02:59 (nineteen years ago)

That sounds like something I might've heard or believed in 2nd or 3rd grade.

Did your co-worker have any suggestions about what kind of ruse might work for putting a twist of lime on a potential partner's snatchhole?

― Oilyrags, Friday, 23 March 2007 03:02 (nineteen years ago)

Dear annoying co-worker now confirmed to also be stupid - if you are going to use another person's laptop to send email, log them out and log yourself in. Especially if you are using it to job hunt.

PS. The Montana State Highway Patrol would like you to know you are not qualified.

― Jaq, Wednesday, 4 April 2007 15:36 (nineteen years ago)

two weeks pass...

i paraphrase, but basically:

"dear grimly. thanks for the e-mail you sent my colleague, which has been passed on to me. i'd like to open the attachment [nb, fact fans: the attachment was a fucking .txt file] in MS word. could you re-send the e-mail with the attachment pasted into the body of the e-mail so i can then cut and paste it into word?"

i despair. i really do.

― grimly fiendish, Sunday, 22 April 2007 22:15 (nineteen years ago)

"Have a GREAT day." Sweet Jesus, George Carlin is right, in 80 years we get about 6 great minutes, so STFU.

― Dr Morbius, Monday, 30 April 2007 19:48 (nineteen years ago)

now that i've identified the pattern, this has become more amusing than annoying, but one of my coworkers always waits until i'm one bite into my lunch to come over to my desk and ask me to do something for her. this happens at least 3 times a week...

― anhell*ca, Tuesday, 1 May 2007 18:57 (nineteen years ago)

There was a sales rep who used to pull that shit on me, and the amount of "I'm sorry I'm not organized" humiliation I would put her through depended on the number of witnesses in the break room.

― Rock Hardy, Tuesday, 1 May 2007 20:06 (nineteen years ago)

There is a woman at work who knows everything. Another lady just brought in her 6 week old puppy for a visit.

Mrs Know-It-All in a know-it-all tone: Oh I can clearly see he's going to be huge.
Mrs Puppy Owner, deadpan: It's a Pomeranian. How big do you think it's going to grow?

― Hard like armour, Thursday, 3 May 2007 03:03 (nineteen years ago)

dear secretary,

you are a v. v. sweet lady, but the countries kazakastan, byran, mynamar, omad and mylasia do not exist. please consult a map, an atlas, a globe, your 9 year old's geography book... something. it's driving me crazy!

love,

-t

― tehresa, Thursday, 3 May 2007 03:11 (nineteen years ago)

and oh yeah, please stop saving over documents in the database with new material. COPY and open as a new document, then edit and save. when we need to access it in 3 years and the doc id number brings up something entirely different/unrelated, it won't seem so harmless!

― tehresa, Thursday, 3 May 2007 03:19 (nineteen years ago)

gawd anybody knows it's mylanta!

― lfam, Thursday, 3 May 2007 04:08 (nineteen years ago)

Co-workers who keep 1) shrieking 2) cackling 3) talking loudly and condescendingly with that faux-posh-brit accent, today I hate you all. Please stop now.

― Jaq, Wednesday, 9 May 2007 23:13 (nineteen years ago)

colleague who told another department that no, nobody on the features desk would be interested in having a ferrari for the weekend: i don't yet know who you are, but when i find out you are toast.

― grimly fiendish, Wednesday, 9 May 2007 23:17 (nineteen years ago)

I'm not one to complain about people using certain words, but saying "AHAHABsoLUTEly" after any statement ever is really greating.

― the next grozart, Thursday, 10 May 2007 00:57 (nineteen years ago)

Yeah, keep filling my inbox at 3:50 on Friday, you tubercular ass

― Dr Morbius, Friday, 11 May 2007 19:56 (nineteen years ago)

Ha, Grimly, we had a similar situation with a vintage Rolls last year.

― Madchen, Saturday, 12 May 2007 07:55 (nineteen years ago)

FUCKING STOP CRUNCHING ON ICE CUBES ALL DAY LONG, you perpetually thickheaded lazy ass cuntbubble who sits next to me!!!!! RAAARGH.

― Trayce, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 05:08 (nineteen years ago)

I don't know where to start with these cnuts this week.

Actually I do.

Dear Mr Big Boss Man,
Don't waste an hour of my staff's time asking them why they are leaving half an hour early for the airport. This wastes everyone's time including your "valuable" own and negates your original cuntish intention.
Regards,
O

― onimo, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 07:06 (nineteen years ago)

Woman who comes in two days a week and does nothing,

Turn you fucking horrendously loud obnoxious ringtone down or at least be at your desk once in a fucking blue moon to answer the fucking thing. Even better, carry it with you - it's a MOBILE phone!

Regards,
O

― onimo, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 07:08 (nineteen years ago)

Self confessed "luddite" bloke,
Yes we can check all the links in your document for you if you really can't work out how to do so yourself (if you put them in, surely you can fucking CLICK A MOUSE BUTTON?!), but can you at least get ONE of them right? Just one? Surprise me.

Regards,
O

― onimo, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 07:11 (nineteen years ago)

Oh man that phone is ringing again. I'm going to smash the fucking thing.

― onimo, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 07:13 (nineteen years ago)

Dear bosses everywhere. Team meetings do not automatically become "fun" just because you let us wear our jeans to them. And don't tell us you'd thought about having the meeting in the pub then decided against it because then we just spend the whole meeting thinking about how it might actually have been a teeny bit more fun if we were all pished instead of listening to people talking about sales targets.

love, staff everywhere

― ailsa, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 07:19 (nineteen years ago)

Daerest commercial manager,

Sitting at the other end of the office bitching loudly about how the event I've organised for Monday and Tuesday next week doesn't achieve what you want it to achieve, when you haven't offered any input to the agenda at all, and you don't even have to go anyway since one of your staff is.

Teambuilding can be sitting round in the evening with a beer instead of abseiling down Cheddar Gorge, the difficult thing is getting a lot of quite important people in the same place, at the same time, and justifying it. Plus we're not allowed to refer to Teambuilding at all any more, the word is banned.

Hugs 'n' shit,

aldo

― aldo, Friday, 18 May 2007 15:09 (nineteen years ago)

[iTurn you fucking horrendously loud obnoxious ringtone down or at least be at your desk once in a fucking blue moon to answer the fucking thing. Even better, carry it with you - it's a MOBILE phone! [/i]

cant you pour some water on it when no one is looking. and then when she comes back, go, oh weird, i didnt see anything, but i only just got back myself

― 696, Friday, 18 May 2007 15:19 (nineteen years ago)

delivery of chairs this morning, sat there outside the office. so i pick one up and carry it in. it's bulky and there are two half-flights of stairs but hey... 30 minutes later and 5 people, all seemingly able-bodied, have since arrived and yet the other 3 chairs are all still sat outside.

― koogs, Wednesday, 23 May 2007 07:57 (nineteen years ago)

"Can we all get together to discuss tomorrow's meeting?"

No, that would make it today's meeting!

― onimo, Wednesday, 23 May 2007 08:04 (nineteen years ago)

I often wonder why people gossip so much. Don't they realize that if you talk everyone's back, people get easily bored by it?

― nathalie, Wednesday, 23 May 2007 08:10 (nineteen years ago)

Memo to receptionist at magazine: when scheduling lunch cover, please feel free to staff the phones with someone who is not patently terrified of answering them or routing calls.

― suzy, Wednesday, 23 May 2007 08:51 (nineteen years ago)

Stupid, annoying manager of support team just brought down part of our website running a ridiculous SQL query on our live production table, not using NOLOCK and doing a LIKE on a fucking TEXT field. When oh when will DBA just revoke her access FFS.

― Colonel Poo, Thursday, 24 May 2007 15:18 (nineteen years ago)

Lately I've been working in an open-plan office room in which there are no cubical walls and only chairs and tables. The programmer one table over has a Star Wars Imperial March ringtone and its loud enough to piece through whatever I'm listening to on my iPod.

― Elvis Telecom, Thursday, 24 May 2007 23:14 (nineteen years ago)

You have non-leaking headphones, I hope?

― Mark C, Friday, 25 May 2007 00:13 (nineteen years ago)

Hey, everybody loves Spaceman 3!

― nickn, Friday, 25 May 2007 00:18 (nineteen years ago)

coworker says revelant rather than relevant..

― Drooone, Friday, 25 May 2007 01:45 (nineteen years ago)

Coworker says "Elementary my dear Jackson". Dick. Head.

― Hard like armour, Friday, 25 May 2007 01:47 (nineteen years ago)

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