The art of maintaining romance with no money at all

Message Bookmarked

Bookmark Removed

Not all messages are displayed: show all messages (156 of them)

View Previous Page...

(Sorry, didn't mean to defile the romance thread!)

― Hanna (Hanna), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 11:29 (twenty-one years ago)

It's OK, I already have - just we don't need to get any more graphic here!

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 11:30 (twenty-one years ago)

hanna, i've asked for you on the oral sex thread, hopefully someone will answer!

― colette (a2lette), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 11:32 (twenty-one years ago)

done.

― Velveteen Bingo (Chris V), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 11:35 (twenty-one years ago)

Thank you!

― Hanna (Hanna), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 11:45 (twenty-one years ago)

The thought of my other half doing something sexual for me because they know I like it but I know *they* don't is an utter turn-off.

(though sometimes I can convince myself that just this once, they *are* enjoying it)

― Markelby (Mark C), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 12:30 (twenty-one years ago)

It's not so much "don't like it" as "mildly indifferent towards it".

I can't think of any circumstances under which I would do something I actively disliked sexually for a partner. A partner who loved me wouldn't ask me to. (Well, not more than the once it would take to find out that I didn't like it.)

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 12:32 (twenty-one years ago)

Essentially I just agree with Archel's theory that even the concept of sexual favours creates relativistic issues that I wouldn't want to deal with. That doesn't mean that within the strict confines of bedroom games it might not be acceptable, but as an actual socio-political tactic it's a dud from the start.

― Markelby (Mark C), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 12:36 (twenty-one years ago)

i think too much is being read into this. If I wanted to lavish some romance on my boy & i thought part of it was oral, then that would be more for him. I enjoy doing it, I wouldn't do it otherwise, but I would want it to be all about him, not about me, that is why you can 'treat' a partner sexually. Invariably I wouldn't do it if I didn't enjoy it.

― PinXor (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 12:39 (twenty-one years ago)

x-post to Mark...

Some people have a problem with power games in the bedroom?

But the bedroom is exactly the place FOR power games.

Keep them in the bedroom, keep them out of places in the relationship that they don't belong. (Such as jealousy over the previous life before said relationship, something which *I* personally would find utterly unacceptible in a partner. So it only goes to show that everybody has a different idea of what they would or wouldn't find OK in a relationship - that's why there's chocolate *and* vanilla.)

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 12:40 (twenty-one years ago)

Well, I do want to demonstrate consideration and romance and stuff and I will do that sexually sometimes. I guess it would easy to get into too much of a boring routine if the concept of giving your partner a treat *never* enters into sex.

ha, xpost with Pink. Yes.

― Archel (Archel), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 12:44 (twenty-one years ago)

In that case, Kate, I think we're agreeing!

― Markelby (Mark C), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 12:45 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't think power games necessarily have a place in relationships at all tbh, but if you are talking about say for example playing the dominant one in the bedroom, then that's fine.

― PinXor (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 12:45 (twenty-one years ago)

'Games' is the operative word here I think...

― Archel (Archel), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 12:47 (twenty-one years ago)

Don't get me wrong, sex games are fine, but not 'games' as in some sort of power struggle within the relationship you know.

― PinXor (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 13:02 (twenty-one years ago)

Well... I *thought* (perhaps wrongly, considering what eventually ended up happening within the relationship) that sexual power games in the bedroom were a good way of symbolising or diverting or preventing actual power games outside of the bedroom.

Not in a negative "withholding sex/rewarding" sort of way, but more in a "let's play symbolic sexual games instead of actual power games" sort of way.

But boy, was I wrong...

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 13:08 (twenty-one years ago)

Not really sure what you are getting at K, (brain is mush due to a crappy day at work) but I would have thought the bedroom was the one place where it was better to be up front & honest,no?

― PinXor (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 13:15 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm not talking about being dishonest! I'm talking about turning your partner over your knee and beating him with a cane when you're experiencing tensions in other parts of your lives!

Though unfortunately, the effect of that eventually wears off...

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 13:17 (twenty-one years ago)

Hm, to be honest if I've got issues in a part of my relationship, the last place I would want to sort them out would be during sex, but's it's a interesting point that you've made.

― PinXor (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 13:20 (twenty-one years ago)

Thing is, it did actually work in the short term. But, very obviously, it didn't work in the long term. It was just another way of diverting or avoiding arguments which could not be indefinitely avoided.

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 13:23 (twenty-one years ago)

I think it;s a valid viewpoint kate, wish that could work for me. although i'm sure there have been a few anger sessions in the bedroom at times!

― PinXor (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 13:24 (twenty-one years ago)

If they are arguments which are silly and don't really affect much of anything, then I think it works. But, unfortunately, there were too many VERY IMPORTANT arguments which needed to be discussed and resolved - it was just another way of avoiding dealing with them.

I mean, it's a good way to get out of an argument about whose turn it is to do the dishes. It's not a good way to get out of an argument about whose flat you are going to live in.

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 13:26 (twenty-one years ago)

If you want to go the uber-slick route, slow dance with her in a very very dimly lit room.

― Je4nne ƒury (Jeanne Fury), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 13:27 (twenty-one years ago)

All we need to make sure is that bedroom games are understood as "sexxxy fun and pretending etc." while power games are defined as "manipulative, divisive struggles for control in the holistic relationship" or somesuch. Does that make sense?

― Markelby (Mark C), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 13:28 (twenty-one years ago)

Yes, it makes sense. And I still stand by the assertation that sometimes, when used in the right way, bedroom games can prevent or at least sublimate power games.

Maybe it didn't work in the long run, but it did work for over a year.

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 13:33 (twenty-one years ago)

Jeanne is OTM.

Personally I dont' think I'd ever know what to do with a book of coupons, I'd never use them.

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 13:43 (twenty-one years ago)

Ooh yes jeanne, definitely!

― PinXor (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 13:46 (twenty-one years ago)

If you are going to cook her a meal, make sure you go the whole way & dress up in a suit aswell.

― PinXor (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 13:47 (twenty-one years ago)

I'd be too busy laughing my ass off to slow dance with anyone.

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 13:48 (twenty-one years ago)

Cooking while in the suit can be a trouble, though.

(I am getting better at making tomato sauces, so the next step for me is considering homemade pasta.)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 13:48 (twenty-one years ago)

In the right mood i think that would be lovely. each to their own though I guess.
x-post
Change at the last minute ned innit? ;-)

― PinXor (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 13:49 (twenty-one years ago)

Or cook nude, whatever works best.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 13:50 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah, I hope your dong enjoys being scalded with bacon grease then.

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 13:50 (twenty-one years ago)

*shudders* oh the splashback!

― PinXor (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 13:50 (twenty-one years ago)

*bows* Thus the 'whatever works best' caveat. For all I know some people are into that!

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 13:51 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm gonna barf.

― Homosexual II (Homosexual II), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 14:05 (twenty-one years ago)

You could make paper aeroplanes.

― jel -- (jel), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 15:58 (twenty-one years ago)

Go dumpster diving!

― Homosexual II (Homosexual II), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 16:00 (twenty-one years ago)

Sit in town and make up stories about people as they walk by.

― jel -- (jel), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 16:02 (twenty-one years ago)

I second bake her a cake. I know that's what I'd want.

― Cathy (Cathy), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 16:10 (twenty-one years ago)

what about boys? what do the boys like? i feel like girls are much easier to captial "R" Romance . . .

― kelsey (kelstarry), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 16:15 (twenty-one years ago)

Eggs and flour don't run for free.

― jel -- (jel), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 16:15 (twenty-one years ago)

I like smiles and cuddles. That'll do me.

― Markelby (Mark C), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 16:26 (twenty-one years ago)

Laugh at my lame jokes and compliment my hair.

― jel -- (jel), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 16:29 (twenty-one years ago)

Sit in town and make up stories about people as they walk by.

That's so Annie Hall!

― Je4nne ƒury (Jeanne Fury), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 16:43 (twenty-one years ago)

If a boy baked me a cake, I'd be flattered but it's really not enough to encompass an entire birthday surprise is it? If I were to describe my perfect birthday surprise it'd be: a roomful of beanbags, mint milano cookies, peach chardonnay, and "Mannequin" (THE FILM) - oh and GETTIN DRUNK and then prank calling people. I'm very mature.

― Homosexual II (Homosexual II), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 16:44 (twenty-one years ago)

jel & markelby...what about doing something a little out of the ordinary? are boys that simple?

― kelsey (kelstarry), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 17:26 (twenty-one years ago)

If you are going to cook her a meal, make sure you go the whole way & dress up in a suit aswell.
-- PinXor

Oooh yes and slow dancing both.

What do boys like? Dress ups.

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 20:24 (twenty-one years ago)

Kelsey, I think I feel uncomfortable if someone goes out of their way to please me. Mayeb I feel that the attention is a bit much, or that I don't deserve special treatment? Which is odd cos I love doing it for the people I care about. But yeah, having my gf be loving, attentive aand proactive and HAPPY is perfect for me.

― Markelby (Mark C), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 21:04 (twenty-one years ago)

The best birthday I ever had, my gf welcomed me at the door, blindfolded me, led me to bubblebath, put champagne in my hand, tray of oysters on ice on my lap, then back to the kitchen for her to finish special dinner with candles.

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 21:11 (twenty-one years ago)

Skipping 56 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

You must be logged in to post. Please either login here, or if you are not registered, you may register here.