Why I hate the Daily Mail, as distilled into one edition

¯\(°_o)/¯

― Susan Tully Blanchard (MPx4A), Thursday, 13 August 2009 10:58 (1 hour ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

Because I clicked on it, went to do something, came back, read thread, typed in reply, Submitted, added xpost, resubmitted, then saw how long ago it was wanted to.

I suppose it is clearly bollocks.

Either I am still too annoyed at the last time this happened to me to notice, or I forgot that normal people don't spend as much time thinking about weasels as I do (and I couldn't pick a pine marten out of a lineup either).

As you were...

Well, my first reaction was that it was made up shit, but I guess it could have happened to the Watford woman for real years ago for all I know.

it could be the same woman. what's the betting that two women in the media know each other? and that the one reporting it second-hand got the location wrong? as DM articles go - as DM articles on its website today alone - this is not one to pick on, and i've no idea why you would.

I figured it reasonably likely it was one person using two different bylines - I found it while googling for the Fast Show sketch which I don't actually remember

indeed, tho the watford one says it all happened to her friend, and the DM one says it happened to her

c'mon, there's no way this isn't plagiarism.

Anecdotal women-being-ignored story:

Have just been watching Sky Sports News. They are reading out viewer emails from people talking about the introduction of women's boxing to the Olympics.
Female presenter reads out an email "Sue from Croydon wonders if this means we'll get Chippendales parading round with the boards between rounds" (laughs at this point, evidently getting Sue from Croydon's stupid point and doing that presenterly thing of pretending your viewers are great) "but she's spelled it chip and dales, like Chip and Dale, I'm not sure what that's about".
Bloke presenter: "well, you see, some boxing tournaments have women in bikinis carrying the boards, she means that female boxing might have..."
Female interjects: "yes, I know, but Chip And Dale"...
Bloke ignores her: "yes, female boxing might have scantily clad men, you see"
Female tries to butt in again, bloke looks at her like she's simple and carries on with something else.

Grrrrr.

That pine marten story sounds like a load of bollocks, and the various people who have had this happen to them need to realise that it makes them look like they have a really twatty taste in friends.

Not usually my friends, alas. I signed up for beginners' German lessons, where the class was one male tutor, four women who didn't speak (much) German (it being a beginners' class), and one half-German guy who was pretty much fluent at spoken German but wanted to brush up on his grammar. Most of every lesson was him and the tutor talking - usually in English - about football and films we hadn't seen. Occasionally the tutor would throw a question apparently to the entire group, except this would happen every time a woman answered.

Working in IT, meetings are usually another good source of it.

Why I hate Daily Telegraph readers, as distilled into the comments at the bottom of one article about Islam

http://img216.imageshack.us/img216/4715/tinymaoam.jpg

The other day, while doing our weekly shop, I bought for my two children Benjamin and Ofelia, a packet of Haribo Maoam lemon-and-lime confectionery. It was only after I was leaving the checkout that I noticed the appalling illustration on the packaging.

This consists of a lemon and lime locked in what appears to be a carnal encounter. The lime, who I assume to be the gentleman in this coupling, has a particularly lurid and distasteful expression on his face.

I demanded to see the shop manager and during a heated exchange my wife became quite distressed and had to sit down in the car park.

I was told to register my complaint with the manufacturer. I'm glad I spotted this before my young children, who are both very sensitive.

My wife and I have always tried to maintain their innocence -- and to think our years of careful parenting could have been wrecked by, of all things, a sweet wrapper makes me livid.

I received a reply from the company saying that the wrapper design had been introduced in Germany in 2002 with a view to making the fruit figures 'more modern and lively' to 'better appeal to the consumer.' It said 'at no point was it intended to create sexual images.' It had been shown to a number of children and adults of different age groups, none of whom has made any comments referring to sexual content.

I consider this response to be less than satisfactory. As a member of our local church, I'm now urging other members of our flock to boycott Haribo products until this illustration is removed.

SIMON SIMPKINS
Pontefract, West Yorkshire

lime is clearly the broad, or it's shock horror a gay coupling

This consists of a lemon and lime locked in what appears to be a carnal encounter. The lime, who I assume to be the gentleman in this coupling, has a particularly lurid and distasteful expression on his face.

Someone should tell him the lemon is a dude as well.

lol xpost

Fair play, you put it better

The most disgusting thing about this is that it's a revival of an old, old story

http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/article.html?in_article_id=6148&in_page_id=2

or that it's just a publicity stunt by haribo:

http://www.brandrepublic.com/News/929986/Maoam-carnal-complaint-letter-publicity-stunt/

The old ILX thread about it

"They were especially opposed to the lemon flavoured chews, which 'undoubtedly show a green figure having sex with a lemon.'"

o happy world

The lime has got legs but the lemon hasn't, makes it look like some sort of fruit-based decapitation scenario. Disgusting.

http://zalandria.files.wordpress.com/2007/12/boxing_helena.jpg

boxing helemon

boxcar helemon

children would be shocked to find that they were the product of a carnal encounter, quite possibly conducted with grim expressions on the faces of each party

Guy on the right's face looks like he's just sucked a lemon.

oh mercy me look at that sexy fucking lemon. what i wouldn't do to her if I was a young juicy lime.

I wonder how many trolls get letters in.

Lucky it wasn't a tomato...

tomato-flavoured chewing-gum is something that could only have been forged in the Stygian vaults of a particularly British imagination

These things are all over the internet:

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_tdHEb3gxUr8/RykSkpciS-I/AAAAAAAAAo4/C_ftP94M69U/s400/maoam%2520clos201%5B1%5D.jpg

http://www.oeft.at/images2008/maoam_cherry.jpg

This lemon/lime thing is a "silly season" story. Wikipedia notes that:

In many languages, the silly season is called "cucumber time" or similar.

I kinda liked this story, but only cos the guy looks like Mick Hucknall in Jarvis Cocker specs.

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2009/08/24/article-1208724-062A8DDD000005DC-954_233x390.jpg

Could you get more stereotypically crepey perv?

Michael Caine's weird cousin.

These things are all over the internet

The cherry one is real though!

those citrus fruits are actually depicted in a carnal encounter, though. i mean, is that even in dispute?

Fruit don't have genitals, Darramagh.

http://www.fearlessgearless.com/files/images/20050917_Phallic_Fruit_05_0.preview.jpg

http://img15.imageshack.us/img15/1293/27000295z.jpg

The story is as follows... last Saturday's first edition Express had several headlines containing the word “finally”, including a spread: Can Dec finally match Ant? so a decision was made to change it to “at last”.

o_O

In the science section to-day.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-1223225/Will-world-end-December-21-2012-The-worrying-evidence-ancient-astrologers-claim-film-inspired.html

"It has since emerged that Heene planned to build an underground bunker to protect his family in the event of the sun exploding in 2012."

Good luck there buddy.

Awesome caption: "The 2012 date is based on the sudden demise of the Mayans, whose skulls are seen above"

Q&As here: http://astrobiology.nasa.gov/ask-an-astrobiologist/intro/nibiru-and-doomsday-2012-questions-and-answers

So disappointed every A to the likes of "All my school friends are telling me that we are all going to die in the year 2012 due to a meteor hitting earth. Is this true?" isn't "Don't be a fucking gullible dick!"

Another 'the end is nigh' story to promote a crap film. DM readers hinting that Brown or Blair are in on it made me chuckle.

WAHT

I am not suggesting that any British scientists are currently conducting experiments comparable to those which were allowed in Nazi Germany or in Soviet Russia.

But

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/article-1224858/Yes-scientists-good-But-country-run-arrogant-gods-certainty-truly-hell-earth.html

lol i was on my here to post that!

no way

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/article-1224858/Yes-nazism-not-cool-But-think-bout-it-this-way.html

saying ecstasy is safe in our sink estates = not so bad an idea

The only difference between Hitler and previous governments was that he believed, with babyish credulity, in science as the only truth.

Wait, what?