love

I've told two women I loved them (my first girlfriend, my wife), both before we had started going out. The stereotype of the distant man who dates someone without feeling (or expressing his feeling) is strange to me. No offence to any men who operate this way.

A lot of people seem to wonder if their pet "really loves" them. I don't know if Tuffy the cat does, but I'm sure he trusts me and relies on me, and it is a sacred bond; almost more so than my marriage, because he is so much more vulnerable (though his needs and desires are much simpler than my wife's). So my love for the animal has a lot to do with compassion towards weakness.

Finally, as someone who was 16 in 1988, it's hard for me to think of this question without considering that a primary authority on the topic of love, Dr. Sam Hagar, noted that it not only "lasts forever" but also it's "just something you feel together".

i tell my two best friends I love them all the time (one male, one female). both feel like siblings to me at this point.

hell I even say it to other friends. life is too short, let people know you love em, and back it up with your actions.

Saying that, I can't do. I would have had a hard time even saying it to my parents as an adult.

heart react

i've become someone who says it a lot! sometimes it just flies out of my mouth! (like to friends, not first dates lol)

I said it far to early to my wife when we were dating! But tbf I didn't say it to any of my previous girlfriends so it reflects certainty rather than lack of self-control!

I think I say it to my pets more than her these days, and I probably say it to her minimum three times a day. To friends though? Basically never. It's a great idea, wish I did it, just can't muscle it up. Too open, too revealing, too vulnerable. Good on you to those who can, I'd love to work towards that, it's an admirable thing to do.

well I definitely think there's a gender/queer thing at play there, like my understanding is that yr a straight man given your descriptions of your relationship, and I do think it's a lot easier for gay men such as myself or women, or other queer people perhaps, to say these things

i used to say it a lot to straight male friends! i think of myself as someone who says it to friends a lot! but now that you mention it, it's been years?? wtf, when did it get weird?

it's so annoying how intimacy becomes so weird growing up!!

I'm good for a 'love you, brother' or 'love you dudes' but not "I LOVE YOU"

I started saying it regularly to my mom and siblings a few years ago, and now we say it to each other whenever we talk. It's like everyone was just waiting for someone to go first.

awwww yea I've noticed that pattern elsewhere

xp 😂😂

lol oh god i hated that, whatever you do don't say "love you dude" or "bro" to a gay friend, it's like saying "love you #nohomo", better to say nothing

One of my closest friends said "I love you like a brother" and I was deeply moved.

that's different (and very sweet)!

obsessed

hey del
i read your post a few times, it was such a salve to me! thanks.

Cool!

i think this is an ok place to talk about spiritual love? i assume you are talking about concepts like wahdat al wujud and ego death, but correct me if i'm wrong!

Yes.

i think the sense of Oneness, once you find it, takes real discipline to sustain. it's funny because spiritual and ritual practices are the center of my life, but my practices are devoid of anything approaching mysticism (and probably also discipline, i'm afraid

Yeah, I'm gonna guess that everyone reading this has had experiences of Oneness, the truth, but yeah accessing it or living it moment-to-moment is I guess difficult for most of us past the initial self-congratulatory phase. It is ultimately about abidance, as the Dude character in The Big Lebowski said.

what does humility mean to you?
i am usually really grateful to be here on this rock, maybe that's the most important part.

That in itself is so good, I think. There is so much complaining and negativity, i.e. 98 percent or so of the internet that is just completely and totally unhelpful. You don't have to be a overly-glib "positivity" person to realize that enormous amounts of psychic/psychological energy are wasted on bumming out about stuff and phenomena in general. (So I say, who starts every day by looking at Twitter/X and reading on the latest grim- and bleak-ness)

To answer your specific question, oh gosh, there is so much I could type, but in the spirit of the question I will ruthlessly edit, if not censor myself. What it means to me in part is realizing that nothing lasts == body, mindstream, etc. Humility is kind of everything. It removes so many encumbrances. Seeing the good and ignoring the "bad" in people. Everyone equal, manifestations of God/the Absolute/the Divine/potential Buddhas, etc., depending on one's specific view. It levels the playing field as it were in a huge way. We could all die at any moment. Nothing lasts. What we are is what matters, though it's fun for a time to think of other things.

Also I think that people sometimes exaggerate the importance of the intellect. The worst sin is to be dumb, the greatest virtue is to be smart. But. These have, I dunno as much to do with wisdom. Our actual being is love, the heart. We try to apply to intellect to things that it, is not only useless at, but that it also actively makes things worse.

Also I think that people sometimes exaggerate the importance of the intellect. The worst sin is to be dumb, the greatest virtue is to be smart. But. These have I dunno as much to do with wisdom. Our actual being is love, the heart. We try to apply to intellect to things that it, is not only useless at, but that it also actively makes things worse.

In terms of romantic relationships, we assume that we know what others may think of us, and are arrogant in that sense, while in reality we hardly know what we think of our own ostensible selves, from moment to moment. But somehow at the same time we presume to "know" what others think of us, moment to moment? So that limited realization, in itself I think is valuable in terms of thinking about humility and love. We don't know! while at the same time assuming a lot of garbage. In some traditions the idea is that there is nothing to achieve per se, but the point is rather to see the falseness of those wrong ideas. The wrong ideas block us from reality, i.e., God, i.e., Love, i.e. the Reality.

I guess it was the Sam Elliot character and not the Dude who talked about the Dude abides but, the reader presumably gets my point...

I keep going back to Robert Ashley “three men have loved her, one a decade on average” (sorry if that’s inaccurate quote)…. Kate so otm on this thread re deserving and not deserving and the self-fulfilling prophecy

I keep going back to Robert Ashley “three men have loved her, one a decade on average” (sorry if that’s inaccurate quote)…. Kate so otm on this thread re deserving and not deserving and the self-fulfilling prophecy

Sometimes it seems as though there are two kinds of people in the world -- those who as young children got the message very clearly that they were loved unconditionally and they could just be without worrying constantly about fucking up and losing that love, which, particularly at that young age feels like you will just about die without it, and otoh those who felt like they had to constantly do some ongoing social equivalent of acrobatic feats in life to maintain that sense of well-being even in some small way. Sadly much of human history is probably shaped by people reacting to and trying to (over-)compensate for those feelings of lack and deprivation. If one is in the latter category, when witnessing ppl in the first it almost seems like you are watching magical beings who glide through so many life circumstances sans friction. Almost like the way the average person might view a psychopath. There are so many psychological burdens that they are not involved in from the getgo.