Least promising Sequel/Remake/Franchise/IP-based flick of 2024

Bad Boys 4fs

ignore bg's advice at your own peril, Hollywood!

My favourite part of a quiet place was the incredibly stupid exposition whiteboard the guy had in his basement & particularly the newspaper headline he cut out & displayed as a helpful reminder: IT’S SOUND!

So I’m hoping the prequel covers the point in the crisis where they finally deduce that the ear monsters can hear good

someone's carrying a huge boombox down the street and puts on Limp Bizkit, so he is immediately killed.

the people all deduce that the music of Limp Bizkit agitates the monsters, so they ban Limp Bizkit.

more people keep getting killed, including a lady who yelled "FUCKING ASSHOLE" at a nearby cyclist.

the people deduce that profanity agitates the monsters.

it is about two days later when they realize it is sound

Lil Jon yells out "TURN DOWN FOR WHAT?" and an alien eats him

^^^ studio notes for Asteroid City

Harold and the Purple Crayon

surprising that this is the only film based on a book scheduled for this year

I wish I could get excited for Bad Boys 4 but it's definitely going to be a bloated, unfunny mess. 

Same writer and directors as BB4L tbf

There isn't really going to be a Gladiator 2, is there?

In 2006, he said that none of the scripts that had been developed since 2001 had resolved his concerns about how to follow the original film and the main character’s death. He was apparently unconnected to the Nick Cave version circa 2009. In 2017, he said he was happy with an idea of how to deal with the dead lead. In 2018, he negotiated to sign on to a greenlit project. From 2019, he worked with the writer of his previous film (and another subsequent one) on a script that does not require resurrection. It filmed from June 2023, stood down for the SAG strike, wrapped three weeks ago, and is due out in November. (10 months from wrap to release.)

His previous film was announced in 2020, started shooting in February 2022, wrapped in June, and premiered in November 2023. (5 months.)

The one before that, he bought adaptation rights to soon after the book came out in 2000, attempted to get up in 2006, handed off to his daughter in 2012, signed on in November 2019, got funding in April 2020, completed another already-in-progress massive production in between COVID lockdowns, started shooting in February 2021, wrapped on May 8th and premiered on November 9th, three weeks after his previous one. (6 months.)

That previous one was announced in July 2019, began shooting on February 14th, wrapped after shutdowns on October 14th, and premiered a year and a day later because cinemas weren’t open. Which is pretty hard to blame on him.

His last pre-pandemic was reported in March 2017, shot from May to August, reshot for nine days in November after the sex criminal near-lead was cancelled, and premiered on December 18th, six months after his previous film. (19 days.) (!)

That previous was a sequel to a semi-sequel-kinda-prequel he had released in 2012 (32 years after his original, in the face of much skepticism), and he had announced his intention to do it before the 2012 release. It shot from April to July 2016, and premiered in May 2017. (10 months, lots of FX.)

In 2014, he signed on in May to a film that had been in development for 14 months, started shooting six months later, wrapped in March, and premiered in September. (6 months.)

That was following the least-acclaimed film of his career, which he announced in June 2012, shot from October 2013, wrapped circa January and released on December 4th 2014 (about 10 months, but timed to Xtian celebration.)

Four months before announcing that one, he’d signed on to his previous, begun shooting it four months later, took a week off for his brother’s death, resumed in September 2012, probably wrapped that month, and premiered in October 2013 (12-ish months, but might have taken some time to grieve between shoot and post.)

Meanwhile: he’d been in development on Alien 5 since 2000-2001, stepped away when AvP was greenlit, returned to developing it circa 2008, attempted to produce for another director, clashed with Fox in June 2009 over his attachment as director, signed on in July, hired another writer, announced the script was complete in June 2010, set a shoot for January 2011, saw another writer assigned to make it a standalone rather than a prequel in July 2010, and confirmed that screenplay in December, with the shoot pushed to March 2011, with principal wrapping in December and pickups in January 2012; premiere was April (2.5 months.)

That’s halfway back; nine films in 12 years, an average of 6.5 months between wrap and premiere for the eight where cinemas existed.

In the 12 years between that and Gladiator, he cracked out eight, three of which also starred Russell Crowe, and another of which was a highly-doubted-in-development sequel to a huge hit with seemingly-insurmountable challenges in casting.

Pretty reliable track record that makes it unlikely any film he’s wrapped wouldn’t complete post, let alone in that time frame, I reckon.

https://www.theguardian.com/film/2024/feb/13/madame-web-marvel-movie-review

There is nothing gritty or believable about any of it. The film is as dumb and schlocky as the worst of the genre, with lousy network TV effects, uninvolving action and unfunny and inelegant dialogue, its characters drowning in poorly written exposition (even if the much-memed viral line from the trailer is sadly not in the movie itself).

wtf

What is the viral line?

“He was in the Amazon with my mom when she was researching spiders right before she died.”

THANK GOD FOR NEPOTISM i scream every time Dakota Johnson opens her mouth pic.twitter.com/qUX4VgsI0n

— Carrie Wittmer 👻 (@carriesnotscary) February 8, 2024

That guy seems like a dunce too tbf, the reason the line was memed was because of how clunky it is not because it’s confusing out of context

Johnson was fine in her short-lived sitcom with Nat Faxon, tbh mid-level sitcom is probably more the lane she should have stayed in.

Dakota Johnson + Elvis's granddaughter in a remake of Thelma & Louise - you can send me a check or Venmo to get this project going, Hollywood

Who can be the nepobaby Brad Pitt?

Will Smith's kid?

Bon Jovi’s kid

Peak Dakota:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WUj8t9WOOS4

Jesus Christ she was Gold in that scene

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5iPfg5U6Mhs

I never saw the 50 Shades movies but she seemed like an odd casting choice

I think I did a good job editing this movie considering I was playing Counter Strike on my primary monitor the entire time https://t.co/kURVFcSVQh

— Lead Actor from Pixar’s Sodas (@ByYourLogic) February 13, 2024

had to keep rewatching the first 5 seconds like wtf are there two of her or what

keeping their powder dry for twist3r

― memphis milano: the new trend of the 80s (bizarro gazzara)

starring a femboy who still manages to pass better than i do

Pretty reliable track record that makes it unlikely any film he’s wrapped wouldn’t complete post, let alone in that time frame, I reckon.

I'm not questioning Scott's ability to get it done, I'm aghast at the entire idea.

I think I already voted in this and can’t remember my vote

But now I feel passionately that the correct answer is The Fall Guy, a show that barely existed even when it was a going concern

The Fall Guy was huge in the UK

I have an unexplainable fondness for The Fall Guy but I don't remember ever seeing an actual episode just memories of the intro where he's bombing around in his baby shit brown lifted pickup.

good theme song iirc

Road House definitely has a chance to bomb spectacularly only if because the original's charm is the merging of nonsensical, bizarre material with po-faced delivery. even if they recreate Ben Gazarra's unhinged driving to "Sh-Boom", or deliver new things that are equally batty, it'll feel forced.

part of me feels like Swayze was about the only lead who could play Dalton and give it the ott commitment that ridiculous role required

I'm going with Harold and the Purple Crayon...I know Kal Penn has retired from acting but it's just mean to replace him with a crayon

fond memories of texting a friend and asking if he wanted to see TAKEN 3 and he responded "only if the poster says TAK3N"

needless to say, yup

4TAKEN

father why have you 4taken me

I remember watching The Fall Guy a lot as a kid, probably because it was on.

But tbf, the film has a solid cast (anchored by two leads each nominated for an Oscar this year), and the director can be pretty smart with big and dumb. I won't see it, but I'd see it before, like, "Twisters."

david leitch has never made a good movie

let alone “smart with big and dumb”

Josh has previously confused Leitch with Stahelski

i guess every attempt bullet train made to seem smart and self-reflexive made it aggressively dumber and more irritating, that takes work, talent even

i'll give him this. he was the right guy for deadpool 2

Fall Guy was one of my favorite shows when I was 4. I don't remember anything about it. Might still have my toy truck around here somewhere.

want to know something funny?

I read that Ryan Gosling was going to be in The Fall Guy the other day and in my tired state, I got it mixed up with the video game Fall Guys and thought "oh, guess that makes sense after Barbie"

“ Fall Guy was one of my favorite shows when I was 4. I don't remember anything about it.”

I was slightly older but same

The Fall Guy

If it could only be a remake of https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0020869/....

and then a movie about an eccentric millionaire who has a ranch full of horses.

The Foal Guy

I used to watch The Fall Guy all the time (along with other 80s imported US action shows like The A-Team, Airwolf, Blue Thunder, Knight Rider etc etc)

Haven't seen it in almost 40 years but could still probably sing most of the theme tune

Actually, was Blue Thunder a show or a movie? Or was it both?

A movie and then a show, I think

It was both. (The TV show starred Dana Carvey, believe it or not.) But the show was a failure and only lasted 11 episodes, unlike Airwolf, which ran for four seasons.

fond memories of texting a friend and asking if he wanted to see TAKEN 3 and he responded "only if the poster says TAK3N"

needless to say, yup

2KEN