Least promising Sequel/Remake/Franchise/IP-based flick of 2024

just glad we never got a Snyder sequel where there are zombie sex scenes

Yeah, but most times there's at least the opportunity for others to see it, even if its limited. These films aren't even getting that a chance. It's more like the mastering engineer hitting delete on the whole fucking thing after it's been recorded and mastered and ready to be sent back to that band/label.

― Maxmillion D. Boosted (jon /via/ chi 2.0)

i remember reading about a movie that was finished and got canned... there was a gore vidal biopic starring kevin spacey that got canned because, uh, it starred kevin spacey. a lot of people probably worked very hard on it. honestly i personally hate gore vidal for writing myra breckenridge (yes personal animosity is probably an overreaction)... and then there's... one of the things that interests me that i have a book on is film soundtracks that got canned. and sometimes they get released, like craig safan's score for "wolfen", but sometimes...

ah, you know what they say. ars brevis, vita brevis.

just glad we never got a Snyder sequel where there are zombie sex scenes

― never trust a big book and a simile (Neanderthal)

it's true, the monster fucker aficionados would never be satisfied with his approach. way too grimdark.

I'd be more likely to watch the Coyote movie than I would the vast majority of the poll options here

How is Abigail a remake of Dracula's Daughter?

Abigail is an upcoming American monster horror film directed by Matt Bettinelli-Olpin and Tyler Gillett from a screenplay written by Stephen Shields and Guy Busick. Based on and a reimagining of the 1936 Universal Classic Monsters film Dracula's Daughter, the film stars Melissa Barrera, Dan Stevens, Alisha Weir, Kathryn Newton, William Catlett, Kevin Durand, Angus Cloud (in a posthumous film appearance), and Giancarlo Esposito.

Trailer shows no resemblance at all. It looks like a sequel to Ready Or Not

I just cannot fathom being a creator, writer, director, actor or anyone that pours heart and soul into a project and it just *POOF* vanishes without even the chance to be seen by any audience.

This person should never attempt to write a novel.

Hundreds of print on demand books

these days the print part of the equation has become easier, but the demand part remains as intractable as ever

Ballerina (Wick spinoff) - can't be worse than the Wick TV series

Where's the Wick game show

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2008701/

Another film that got canned is Hippie Hippie Shake, starring Sienna Miller and Cillian Murphy.

According to IMDB,

"After the box-office failure of Green Zone (2010), Working Title's parent company, Universal Pictures, wrote off this movie in an attempt to partially off-set that movie's loss of over one hundred million dollars. The insurers reportedly stipulated that the original camera negative be destroyed."

Harsh!

In July 2007, in a piece for The Guardian, feminist author Germaine Greer vehemently expressed her displeasure at being depicted, writing, "You used to have to die before assorted hacks started munching your remains and modelling a new version of you out of their own excreta." Greer refused to be involved with the film, just as she declined to read Neville's memoir before it was published (he had offered to change anything she found offensive). She did not want to meet with Emma Booth, who portrays her in the film, and concluded her article with her only advice for the actress: "Get an honest job."[10] Booth had just told The Brisbane Times, "It's going to be a bit scary playing her. Germaine is this ballsy lady. I am sure she is going to hate me."[11]

well, now i'm sad it was destroyed. germaine greer spewed some extremely vitriolic hatred against things that are, it turns out, totally fucking awesome.

on the other hand:

Ain't It Cool News interviewed a person who had attended a test screening, who said: "There are some predictable scenes, some hammy acting, some bad jokes, but they couldn't spoil my enjoyment. I'm sorry, but I really liked it." The viewer was especially impressed by Sienna Miller, saying, "And yes, there is full-frontal nudity from Sienna. She has a natural, un-made-up look for most of the film, one might even say uglified in places. But when kneeling in a garden drenched in daisies and with a beatific expression on her face, she poses for an 'alternative' Oz centrefold – she is stunningly, stunningly beautiful."[14] Jandy Stone from The Frame opined, "all the actors carry their parts well."

absolute chef's kiss to whatever wikipedia editor juxtaposed those two quotes, incidentally.

All these super expensive films being shelved is galling because it gives a sense of a grotesquely wasteful money laundering scheme, studios nakedly contemptuous of the public & art in general

Sort of like reading this list

All art as an accounting error is so where we are at.

All manners of bankruptcy

hear me out, what if _capitalism itself was a grotesquely wasteful money laundering scheme_

i know, total galaxy brain take. yes, i'm high. yes, it's 10 am.

Das Kapital V: Labor Theory of Vapor

This person should never attempt to write a novel.

You can write a novel, bind some xeroxes, set up a card table at a local street market, and sell upwards of two copies.

Das Kapital V: Labor Theory of Vapor

― Beyond Goo and Evol (President Keyes)

if that wasn't a vaporwave album before you made that post it is now

You can write a novel, bind some xeroxes, set up a card table at a local street market, and sell upwards of two copies.

― bae (sic)

one of my favorite things is unpublished autobios. somewhere i have a copy of albert glasser's, which i think is called "I Did It!" it seems weird, but it's inspirational to me. it's so easy to compare my writing to all of the great writing that's published. sometimes it's nice to instead compare my writing to albert glasser's autobiography instead.

I've Got My Own Biography To Do!

This will be absolutely terrible and yes I will see it at least twice in theaters ...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wdok0rZdmx4

I wonder if these twisters are the children of the twisters in Twister?

How often do twin twisters give birth to twin twisters?

Twister Sisters

should have put a dollar sign through the second "S," like James Cameron reportedly did in the pitch meeting for Aliens.

There isn't really going to be a Gladiator 2, is there?

― immodesty blaise (jimbeaux), Friday, February 9, 2024 1:58 PM (three days ago) bookmarkflaglink

I wish Independence Day: Resurgence and Men in Black: International had been written off for tax purposes.

“2-wister” was right there

Wicked being in two parts is mind-numbingly masturbatory

Let's Twist Again

As we tried to cut songs or trim characters, those decisions began to feel like fatal compromises to the source material that has entertained us all for so many years.

hi, the original musical runs 2 hours and 30 minutes. the people who are going to see this in droves will not have issues sitting in a theatre for 2.5 hours, because so many tentpole blockbusters are that long anyway (Endgame was THREE HOURS). the fuck you need 3.5 - 4 hours for?

probably adding stuff from the source novel that wasn't in the musical, which....ain't but a small number of people gonna care about.

I mean, it'll do mad money and probably break records. from the perspective of watchability though...bleh

Peter Jackson's The Wizard of Oz

Part 1 will chronicle the tornado that devastates Kansas and the immediate after effects

Part 2 will introduce "Dorothy", who was mysteriously whisked away to Oz after the events of the first movie.

Part 3 will introduce the Cowardly Lion, and then delve into his back story

Part 4 will introduce the Tin Man, and dig into his traumatic past

Part 5 will just be the movie Wicked Parts 1 and 2

Part 6 will introduce the Scarecrow

Part 7 will

“2-wister” was right there

“2-wister” was right there

by David Fincher

I wish I could get excited for Bad Boys 4 but it's definitely going to be a bloated, unfunny mess. Will Smith, Martin Lawrence and a $15 million budget for someone like Craig Zahler but less of a fascist would probably rule.

I weirdly enjoyed Bad Boys 3 a lot

how is not b4d boys ffs

How did they already use Bad Boys For Life? That's when you use the 4!

Bad Boys 4fs

ignore bg's advice at your own peril, Hollywood!

My favourite part of a quiet place was the incredibly stupid exposition whiteboard the guy had in his basement & particularly the newspaper headline he cut out & displayed as a helpful reminder: IT’S SOUND!

So I’m hoping the prequel covers the point in the crisis where they finally deduce that the ear monsters can hear good

someone's carrying a huge boombox down the street and puts on Limp Bizkit, so he is immediately killed.

the people all deduce that the music of Limp Bizkit agitates the monsters, so they ban Limp Bizkit.

more people keep getting killed, including a lady who yelled "FUCKING ASSHOLE" at a nearby cyclist.

the people deduce that profanity agitates the monsters.

it is about two days later when they realize it is sound

Lil Jon yells out "TURN DOWN FOR WHAT?" and an alien eats him

^^^ studio notes for Asteroid City

Harold and the Purple Crayon

surprising that this is the only film based on a book scheduled for this year

I wish I could get excited for Bad Boys 4 but it's definitely going to be a bloated, unfunny mess. 

Same writer and directors as BB4L tbf

There isn't really going to be a Gladiator 2, is there?

In 2006, he said that none of the scripts that had been developed since 2001 had resolved his concerns about how to follow the original film and the main character’s death. He was apparently unconnected to the Nick Cave version circa 2009. In 2017, he said he was happy with an idea of how to deal with the dead lead. In 2018, he negotiated to sign on to a greenlit project. From 2019, he worked with the writer of his previous film (and another subsequent one) on a script that does not require resurrection. It filmed from June 2023, stood down for the SAG strike, wrapped three weeks ago, and is due out in November. (10 months from wrap to release.)

His previous film was announced in 2020, started shooting in February 2022, wrapped in June, and premiered in November 2023. (5 months.)

The one before that, he bought adaptation rights to soon after the book came out in 2000, attempted to get up in 2006, handed off to his daughter in 2012, signed on in November 2019, got funding in April 2020, completed another already-in-progress massive production in between COVID lockdowns, started shooting in February 2021, wrapped on May 8th and premiered on November 9th, three weeks after his previous one. (6 months.)

That previous one was announced in July 2019, began shooting on February 14th, wrapped after shutdowns on October 14th, and premiered a year and a day later because cinemas weren’t open. Which is pretty hard to blame on him.

His last pre-pandemic was reported in March 2017, shot from May to August, reshot for nine days in November after the sex criminal near-lead was cancelled, and premiered on December 18th, six months after his previous film. (19 days.) (!)

That previous was a sequel to a semi-sequel-kinda-prequel he had released in 2012 (32 years after his original, in the face of much skepticism), and he had announced his intention to do it before the 2012 release. It shot from April to July 2016, and premiered in May 2017. (10 months, lots of FX.)

In 2014, he signed on in May to a film that had been in development for 14 months, started shooting six months later, wrapped in March, and premiered in September. (6 months.)

That was following the least-acclaimed film of his career, which he announced in June 2012, shot from October 2013, wrapped circa January and released on December 4th 2014 (about 10 months, but timed to Xtian celebration.)

Four months before announcing that one, he’d signed on to his previous, begun shooting it four months later, took a week off for his brother’s death, resumed in September 2012, probably wrapped that month, and premiered in October 2013 (12-ish months, but might have taken some time to grieve between shoot and post.)

Meanwhile: he’d been in development on Alien 5 since 2000-2001, stepped away when AvP was greenlit, returned to developing it circa 2008, attempted to produce for another director, clashed with Fox in June 2009 over his attachment as director, signed on in July, hired another writer, announced the script was complete in June 2010, set a shoot for January 2011, saw another writer assigned to make it a standalone rather than a prequel in July 2010, and confirmed that screenplay in December, with the shoot pushed to March 2011, with principal wrapping in December and pickups in January 2012; premiere was April (2.5 months.)

That’s halfway back; nine films in 12 years, an average of 6.5 months between wrap and premiere for the eight where cinemas existed.

In the 12 years between that and Gladiator, he cracked out eight, three of which also starred Russell Crowe, and another of which was a highly-doubted-in-development sequel to a huge hit with seemingly-insurmountable challenges in casting.

Pretty reliable track record that makes it unlikely any film he’s wrapped wouldn’t complete post, let alone in that time frame, I reckon.

https://www.theguardian.com/film/2024/feb/13/madame-web-marvel-movie-review

There is nothing gritty or believable about any of it. The film is as dumb and schlocky as the worst of the genre, with lousy network TV effects, uninvolving action and unfunny and inelegant dialogue, its characters drowning in poorly written exposition (even if the much-memed viral line from the trailer is sadly not in the movie itself).

wtf

What is the viral line?

“He was in the Amazon with my mom when she was researching spiders right before she died.”