Least promising Sequel/Remake/Franchise/IP-based flick of 2024

til Seinfeld's first name is Jerome

People will start saying "Jokerfied" again

Not voting Joker 2 because it's almost impossible for me to imagine disliking it more than Joker the first

Can't wait for Letterboxd edgelords to declare this the Citizen Kane of our times

― badpee pooper (Eric H.), Tuesday, February 6, 2024 3:56 PM (thirty-seven minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

can't wait to do exactly this

I think the Bob Marley one has now passed Wall Street 2 as my most seen trailer ever

Most promising is People's Joker, as it was pretty great

Not including this in this year's poll turned out prescient:

‘COYOTE VS ACME’ is now expected to be shelved and deleted forever.

Warner Bros wanted $75M - $80M for the film and rejected offers from Netflix, Amazon & Paramount, refusing to let them counter-offer.

(Source: https://t.co/CRJ33GW4SK) pic.twitter.com/fivqey7r39

— DiscussingFilm (@DiscussingFilm) February 9, 2024

loving this new trend of shooting movies and never releasing them

So this was not based on the Ian Frazier New Yorker piece?

it's based on a landfill, now!

Coyote Vs Acme is based on the New Yorker piece

I don't really understand why it bothers me that they are never releasing (or maybe outright deleting) a movie I would most likely never watch, but it does bother me for some reason, probably because I worry they might also do this same kind of thing to something I'd like to see.

the total disrespect and dehumanization of people trying to make their art, regardless of the quality?

Right, also the latent (and admittedly very snobby) hunch that the movies studios try to bury are probably way more interesting than the movies studios force upon the mass audience

Anything that's actually faithful to the Looney Tunes aesthetic/ethos is probably a specialty item these days

not to mention completely wasteful re: resources

Seeing mixed reports on whether this is a tax writeoff or not; tax law is completely beyond me tho

wouldn't be surprised if they just make 4 movies a year just to write-off taxes with no intent of release. taking the ashcan copy to new levels

I just cannot fathom being a creator, writer, director, actor or anyone that pours heart and soul into a project and it just *POOF* vanishes without even the chance to be seen by any audience. Not to make any of these disposed of films sound like high art, but surely someone involved put a lot of care and love into what they do and to just see it... gone? It is heartbreaking.

I just cannot fathom being a creator, writer, director, actor or anyone that pours heart and soul into a project and it just *POOF* vanishes without even the chance to be seen by any audience. Not to make any of these disposed of films sound like high art, but surely someone involved put a lot of care and love into what they do and to just see it... gone? It is heartbreaking.

― Maxmillion D. Boosted (jon /via/ chi 2.0)

idk i feel like that's kind of intrinsic part of being a creator, working really hard on something that nobody ever sees?

Kelly Reichart's latest film is an example of that, in more ways than one

I suppose it’s a bit like being an artist and a rich guy buys your painting and sets it on fire

no, it's like being an artist, and being commissioned to create paintings, with the promise that they will be sold to museums for display, and then the purchaser of the paintings driving the painting to the museum, getting to the parking lot, and lighting it on fire in front of the museum curators, laughing

in the background, Jethro Tull's "Thick as a Brick" plays

Sounds like something the Roadrunner might do

There isn't really going to be a Gladiator 2, is there?

idk i feel like that's kind of intrinsic part of being a creator, working really hard on something that nobody ever sees?

Yeah, but most times there's at least the opportunity for others to see it, even if its limited. These films aren't even getting that a chance. It's more like the mastering engineer hitting delete on the whole fucking thing after it's been recorded and mastered and ready to be sent back to that band/label.

Twisters had a $200 million budget and no "name" actors. directed by the minari guy which was quite a different genre.

woody woodpecker scared stupid is the boring but accurate choice.

Nothing communicates "we 100% totally understand the appeal of these movies" more than "the ghosts are faster now" as a sales pitch. pic.twitter.com/72UL1D11sN

— Lon Harris (@Lons) February 9, 2024

Worked with zombies, didn't it?

Dawn of the Dead: Bigger, Dumber, and Hornier

just glad we never got a Snyder sequel where there are zombie sex scenes

Yeah, but most times there's at least the opportunity for others to see it, even if its limited. These films aren't even getting that a chance. It's more like the mastering engineer hitting delete on the whole fucking thing after it's been recorded and mastered and ready to be sent back to that band/label.

― Maxmillion D. Boosted (jon /via/ chi 2.0)

i remember reading about a movie that was finished and got canned... there was a gore vidal biopic starring kevin spacey that got canned because, uh, it starred kevin spacey. a lot of people probably worked very hard on it. honestly i personally hate gore vidal for writing myra breckenridge (yes personal animosity is probably an overreaction)... and then there's... one of the things that interests me that i have a book on is film soundtracks that got canned. and sometimes they get released, like craig safan's score for "wolfen", but sometimes...

ah, you know what they say. ars brevis, vita brevis.

just glad we never got a Snyder sequel where there are zombie sex scenes

― never trust a big book and a simile (Neanderthal)

it's true, the monster fucker aficionados would never be satisfied with his approach. way too grimdark.

I'd be more likely to watch the Coyote movie than I would the vast majority of the poll options here

How is Abigail a remake of Dracula's Daughter?

Abigail is an upcoming American monster horror film directed by Matt Bettinelli-Olpin and Tyler Gillett from a screenplay written by Stephen Shields and Guy Busick. Based on and a reimagining of the 1936 Universal Classic Monsters film Dracula's Daughter, the film stars Melissa Barrera, Dan Stevens, Alisha Weir, Kathryn Newton, William Catlett, Kevin Durand, Angus Cloud (in a posthumous film appearance), and Giancarlo Esposito.

Trailer shows no resemblance at all. It looks like a sequel to Ready Or Not

I just cannot fathom being a creator, writer, director, actor or anyone that pours heart and soul into a project and it just *POOF* vanishes without even the chance to be seen by any audience.

This person should never attempt to write a novel.

Hundreds of print on demand books

these days the print part of the equation has become easier, but the demand part remains as intractable as ever

Ballerina (Wick spinoff) - can't be worse than the Wick TV series

Where's the Wick game show

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2008701/

Another film that got canned is Hippie Hippie Shake, starring Sienna Miller and Cillian Murphy.

According to IMDB,

"After the box-office failure of Green Zone (2010), Working Title's parent company, Universal Pictures, wrote off this movie in an attempt to partially off-set that movie's loss of over one hundred million dollars. The insurers reportedly stipulated that the original camera negative be destroyed."

Harsh!

In July 2007, in a piece for The Guardian, feminist author Germaine Greer vehemently expressed her displeasure at being depicted, writing, "You used to have to die before assorted hacks started munching your remains and modelling a new version of you out of their own excreta." Greer refused to be involved with the film, just as she declined to read Neville's memoir before it was published (he had offered to change anything she found offensive). She did not want to meet with Emma Booth, who portrays her in the film, and concluded her article with her only advice for the actress: "Get an honest job."[10] Booth had just told The Brisbane Times, "It's going to be a bit scary playing her. Germaine is this ballsy lady. I am sure she is going to hate me."[11]

well, now i'm sad it was destroyed. germaine greer spewed some extremely vitriolic hatred against things that are, it turns out, totally fucking awesome.

on the other hand:

Ain't It Cool News interviewed a person who had attended a test screening, who said: "There are some predictable scenes, some hammy acting, some bad jokes, but they couldn't spoil my enjoyment. I'm sorry, but I really liked it." The viewer was especially impressed by Sienna Miller, saying, "And yes, there is full-frontal nudity from Sienna. She has a natural, un-made-up look for most of the film, one might even say uglified in places. But when kneeling in a garden drenched in daisies and with a beatific expression on her face, she poses for an 'alternative' Oz centrefold – she is stunningly, stunningly beautiful."[14] Jandy Stone from The Frame opined, "all the actors carry their parts well."

absolute chef's kiss to whatever wikipedia editor juxtaposed those two quotes, incidentally.

All these super expensive films being shelved is galling because it gives a sense of a grotesquely wasteful money laundering scheme, studios nakedly contemptuous of the public & art in general

Sort of like reading this list

All art as an accounting error is so where we are at.

All manners of bankruptcy

hear me out, what if _capitalism itself was a grotesquely wasteful money laundering scheme_

i know, total galaxy brain take. yes, i'm high. yes, it's 10 am.

Das Kapital V: Labor Theory of Vapor

You didnt like how every scene was just people rapid-fire spitting exposition at each other because they had to rush through 6 plotlines in 100 minutes?

https://nerdist.com/article/alien-tv-series-noah-hawley-artificial-intelligence-weyland-yutani/

a mysterious CEO called Boy Kavalier. Essie Davis and Adarsh Gourav also join the series as Dame Silvia and Slightly.

a character named Tootles

who keeps naming alien franchise characters like this and can i get them to saddle my enemies with similarly comical sobriquets

Wendy, who is a hybrid, a meta-human who has the brain and consciousness of a child but the body of an adult

they're not actually doing a bornsexyyesterday are they? there must surely be some kind of subversion to the trope here, nobody would do that straight anymore?

Didn’t Emma Stone just win an Oscar playing that role?

probably, i wasn't paying attention

i need to stop being surprised when people make the dumbest choice possible!

wau @ the plot to that emma stone joint i just looked up, btw

It's a great film though.

Also, I'm giving the Alien series the benefit of the doubt due to Hawley's involvement

same. he’s done some great television and I’m curious how he’ll do sci fi/horror

I just read that the Wicked movie is almost three hours long and it's only the first half of the thing? Is the Broadway show six hours long? That seems like a lot.

there's an hour of flying monkey torture

no, Broadway show is 2.5 hours, plus intermission. they padded this

Apparently one of my wife's work colleagues was at a showing last night that devolved into a shoving match because one lady was super pissed off that another family was very loudly singing along.

DRAMA

I saw that some theaters apparently have signs saying things to the effect of "please do not sing along at this showing. we have a sing-along showing in december!"

I've already seen friends posting pre-show anxiety - "IF I HEAR YOU SINGING YOU AND I ARE GONNA COME TO BLOWS".

when I saw the Rent movie musical nobody was doing it but it's probably because they were upset that it sucked

three hours and it's only half of the story? fucking hell.

For those that’ve been to a Taylor Swift show, is the stage volume loud enough to drown out the singalong tweens, or is the majority of what you hear the audience? I’d imagine that is licensing the Wicked participants.

President Keyes took over this annual thread in my absence last year, and if they’re still around I’ll leave them—or anyone else—with the option to start the 2025 one, mostly because I’m busy enough these days to sacrifice the hour I might spend combing Wikipedia for terrible films in the service of something more valuable. Not that I won’t still do it, of course—I just didn’t want to presume to snatch back ownership after leaving the board for a while. But really, I just wanted to give someone else the chance to take it off my hands.

By the way, I was only reminded of this thread this afternoon after I misread the listing of an upcoming Netflix film called La Dolce Villa as a remake of La Dolce Vita. So at least that doesn’t exist.

Not looking good so far:

Wolf Man
Superman
How To Train Your Dragon
The Smurfs Movie
Bride Of Frankenstein
Lilo & Stitch
Frankenstein
The Fantastic Four: First Steps
snow White
The Running Man
The Chronicles Of Narnia

oh, also a new adaptation of 'Animal Farm'

And The Toxic Avenger

You can have it back cryptosicko. Too many complaints from the voters.

Least promising Sequel/Remake/Franchise/IP-based flick of 2025

https://variety.com/2025/film/news/coyote-vs-acme-rescued-warner-bros-axed-finished-film-1236342588/

Ketchup Entertainment is expected to land distribution rights for “Coyote vs. Acme.” Thought the sale has not closed, the price tag will reportedly in the $50 million range, according to Deadline, which broke the news.

Ketchup Entertainment, an independent distributor, recently spearheaded the theatrical release of “The Day the Earth Blew Up: A Looney Tunes Movie” after Warner Bros. Discovery decided to shop that film as well. “The Day the Earth Blew Up” opened in theaters on March 14 and has grossed $3.9 million at the domestic box office to date.

...

Ketchup Entertainment was founded in 2012 and has released independent films such as Michael Keaton’s comedy “Goodrich,” Ben Affleck’s thriller “Hypnotic” and Jessica Chastain’s drama “Memory.”

Day The Earth Blew Up is delightful, thank you mysterious money launderers and I promise to see your $50M mistake if physically able