another maniacal Armond White review, this time "Fahrenheit 9/11"

they're not actors, they're OPERATIVES

marvel at their operations

can't spell operative without opera and this film is pop opera at its finest. steven spielberg would be proud.

white is clearly stating sommers uses actors like bresson

I like when Armond White writes in second person.

crossposting from the gi joe thead cause dammit this took like 5 minutes:

complete list of other films armond cites in this review:

iron man
star trek
harry potter 6 ("and the half-blooded chintz"--good one dude!)
the mummy
transformers 2
wanted
3:10 to yuma
drag me to hell
transporter 3
torque (those last two are "superior pop art")
the laura (sic) croft films
thunderbirds
the hurt locker ("now overrated")
united 93
cloverfield
mars attacks
in praise of love

One of these things is not like the other. . .

Can someone do a complete list of the critics that Armond is citing? Guessing that would be longer.

"This Eiffel Tower image also recalls the postmodern epigraph that closes Godard’s In Praise of Love : 'I will go to my grave with more visions than man has previously ever known." Uh huh.

will gladden

at this point is he doing this just to see if anyone's still reading?

Meh, he's the only critic I remember what he thinks of any given movie more than a few weeks after it opens. Granted, it's because he's predictable, but still ...

but i mean, throwing that godard quote in there, it's just trolling really. who does he think his audience is, besides people who tune in to watch him be crazy?

he's the glenn beck of film critics

One of these things is not like the other. . .

yeah, Mars Attacks is the great one.

Isn't Will Gladden the third string QB for the Seahawks?

the very realistic appreciation of militarism as a foundation for capitalist freedom that supplies delight

fuck this sentence, fuck this guy

"yeah, Mars Attacks is the great one."

I thought you liked the Hurt Locker.

slocki what part are u objecting 2

i do, but it's no Mars Attacks! xp

I bet you just like it less now that it's been overrated.

kinda like the president amirite

heyo

That sentence isn't really all that risible, because I can imagine GI Joe's audience being cool with both guns and money.

Armond's nuts, cuz i understand there is no one named Joe in that film.

slocki what part are u objecting 2

― a narwhal done gored my sister nell (cankles), Tuesday, August 11, 2009 11:06 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

i guess the idea that that shit is "innocuous" and awesome... i didnt not take that sentence as a critical read... then again it is really fuckin humid in here

GI Joe IS innocuous and awesome

the very realistic appreciation of militarism as a foundation for capitalist freedom that supplies delight

YOOOO JOE!

that sentence doesnt really "do" anything critical, it just sort of sits there hoping for you to disagree

yeah exactly

when i first encountered armond i dont think i had ever read a critic whose POV was completely unpredictable to me. i didnt have any idea what he'd say about a movie. he would often come at it in such a way that i was sorta floored--almost having fun with the idea of interpretation itself--that many, many times he forced me to reconsider films i thought i knew/understood from the ground up.

of course, this only worked a few times and once you're on to the trick it kinda loses its power.

he used to be different, really.

As I read it I kept running into parts i wanted to quote and respond to but I really don't want to waste the time. This wasn't written by a real person it was written by someone living in Michael Bay world.

I probably wouldn't dislike Armond White much at all if he didn't have his bizarre vendettas against successful movies. Like the dude loves to celebrate trash/genre pictures/crowd pleasers, but he can't stomach the occasional schmaltz of a Pixar movie?

His vendetta is against critically acclaimed movies though. Whether or not you or me liked or saw a movie means nothing. Did Johnny Critic love it? Oh you bet Armond's gonna contrive a reason to fuckin' hate it.

yeah the next (first?) Pixar movie that critics despise will be Armond's favorite animated film ever.

Oh sure. Heck if revisionist critics retroactively decided they hated Up, he'd turn it its biggest booster overnight.

Armond is at his best these days championing commercially invisible filmmakers like Julian Hernandez, who (rounding off) none of you have ever seen or will see.

yeah the next (first?) Pixar movie that critics despise will be Armond's favorite animated film ever.

a reason to be excited for Cars 2.

really guys, i'm glad your hatred for ppl who depart from the consensus isn't limited to politics.

He's not departing from any consensus – he's making poorly reasoned arguments.

""really guys, i'm glad your hatred for ppl who depart from the consensus isn't limited to politics."

Not so glad that your pension for acting like a smug douchebag isn't limited to your opinions about politics.

penchant

unless you meant that morbius was really fucking old (which works)

Hah the former.

guys i'm sensitive and i don't want to see armond come between anyone :(

a pension for acting like a smug douchebag is part of the health plan. socialized crankiness.

Others are waiting on the two-faced asshole stipend.

Alfred, what does reasoning have to do with critical opinions? It is based on, as a guy in high school once said of English lit papers, "the art of persuasive bullshitting." AW is just increasingly unpersuasive.

what does reasoning have to do with critical opinions?

solid gold for all time

You just answered your own question with your last sentence. If I can't parse someone's reasoning, then they're unpersuasive.