Real England

i've lived in the UK all my life and am vaguely familiar with its media culture and therefore the Sir Captain Tom story is all too comprehensible

I've only briefly holidayed there and same

I feel like the whole episode should be made into a modern-day Ealing comedy like Kind Hearts and Coronets, directed by Ben Wheatley, maybe?, and with a cgi Alec Guinness playing all the members of the Moore family.

this cinematic masterpiece must include the daughter's brother-in-law's legendary attempt to cheat by strategic coughing on who wants to be a millionaire

daughter's brother-in-law also played by holographic alec guinness obv

(also in the course of hunting these exciting facts down i discovered that CsT was once on blankety blank)

*downs another bottle of softly herbacious capt tom gin*

Do we have a solid lead on Major Charles Ingram being Colin Ingram's brother? Would love it to be true but I haven't actually found anything substative, think it might be a canard that gets repeated because it would be so perfect.

Captain Cum definitely was on Blankety Blank though, a christmas episode no less

facts: good enough for modern-day ealing IMO

(yes i think it's an internet artefact firmed up by AI)

have they signed on Michael Caine for the biopic?

― Andy the Grasshopper, Thursday, 12 October 2023 20:30 (two days ago)

Sir Michael Caine has confirmed he has retired from acting, following the release of his latest film.

retired from acting many years ago amirite?

His final film has just been released.

Just heard him on the radio. He's written a novel. Spare us.

only supposed to blow the bloody dust-jacket off

this is some Real England shit right here

Workers on London’s Millennium Bridge are hanging a bale of straw under the structure after triggering an ancient bylaw.

Repair works to the footbridge mean straw must be dangled to warn oncoming boats of the work going on beneath it.

According to the Port of London Thames Byelaws, clause 36.2: “When the headroom of an arch or span of a bridge is reduced from its usual limits, but that arch or span is not closed to navigation, the person in control of the bridge must suspend from the centre of that arch or span by day a bundle of straw large enough to be conspicuous and by night a white light.

weak sauce! the REAL real england is the yearly paying of the QUIT RENTS = a blunt knife, a sharp knife, six horeshoes and 61 nails, for two parcels of land of uncertain location in shropshire and hertfordshire, rent now paid annually for some eight centuries

https://www.liverycompanies.info/fellowship-of-clerks/sheriff-matters/quit-rents.pdf

https://Twitter.com/mrjacklowe/status/1715788692298608954?s=46&t=zQbxLGLurMqWqcXnRpq5zA

Chiltern Railways apologise for David Bowie pic.twitter.com/YQe2lHUKha

— simon read (@simonnread) October 25, 2023

https://www.swindonadvertiser.co.uk/news/23911145.elderly-couple-threaten-go-police-meal-brewers-fayre/

i understand, it’s a lot

brewers fayre

I’ve never heard of a chicken allergy.

look i think we can agree they're deeply irritating people with too much time on their hands who shouldn't be encouraged and indulged by the gutter local press without calling them liars

they both have the allergy it seems

and they are both FURIOUS

if I had a chicken allergy I would simply not order the chicken item

i would order "left* ribs no chicken"

*to include right ribs

s/b "none chicken left* ribs"

*includes right ribs

gimme the surf and turf, double the turf, no surf

so… two steaks then?

NO!!!! i’m allergic to fish!!!!!! *loses mind*

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lYHFMBAwZho

https://i.imgur.com/cgr8UKg.png

They keep getting Normaler and Normaler. pic.twitter.com/EkvxTlQsjV

— Chłoddy (@OfSymbols) November 13, 2023

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/athletics/67432970

Ultra-marathon runner Joasia Zakrzewski has been banned for 12 months by UK Athletics for using a car in a race. Zakrzewski accepted a medal and trophy for finishing third in the 2023 GB Ultras Manchester to Liverpool 50-mile race on 7 April.Tracking information later showed she travelled by car for about 2.5 miles before continuing the race.Zakrzewski claimed she told officials she used a car and finished the race "in a non-competitive way".

"The claimant had collected the trophy at the end of the race, something which she should have not done if she was completing the race on a non-competitive basis," said an independent disciplinary panel.

"She also did not seek to return the trophy in the week following the race.

"Even if she was suffering from brain fog on the day of the race, she had a week following the race to realise her actions and return the trophy, which she did not do.

"Finally, she posted about the race on social media, and this did not disclose that she had completed the race on a non-competitive basis."

If you could push a button to fast-forward to the end of the race, would you?

ultramatathons aren't really about the finish line though, they're about uber drivers we meet along the way

"Finally, she posted about the race on social media"

It's only the definite article there that makes this an unusual story

A different take on the thread title but I love this series - "Blossom Trees and Burnt Out Cars" - A reinterpretation of "the countryside" through the prism of radical history, urban flowerboxes and more

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/p0cl4wxx

Not Real Ireland

wkd and guinness 🥰 pic.twitter.com/V26yVTy4oI

— hammy. (@iamhamesh) November 28, 2023

want

lived with a Spanish guy once, he was a prick but anyway he introduced me to kalimotxo (red wine + coke) which I loved and spent the following decade introducing to house parties, so I have no business looking down on this tbh

Is this a new trend? I pretty much only drink Guinness and have been asked about the wkd mix three times in the last month

is this shopped? my eyesight is crap and I can't always identify obvious photoshops but I thought guinness would be heavier than blue wkd or maybe my booze science is bad.

gasoline/blue wkd would look good, that would float

https://www.irishcentral.com/culture/guinness-defies-laws-of-physics

This isn't that different to a Black Velvet in principle

I have just spent a few minutes on youtube and can confirm it's true, the guiness is poured over the back of a spoon and is full of bubbles.

I've done guinness and cider before, but never guinness and champagne. Champagne is so overrated I can only imagine it being improved by mixing other booze with it.

this prick

Today, I had to evict somebody out of my property with a chainsaw.

If they were at a hotel and refused to check out, security would break entry within the hour.

My lawyer suggested I send a certified bailiff, but I figured it was more fun doing it myself. pic.twitter.com/NSG8a63mb7

— Samuel Leeds (@samuel_leeds) December 13, 2023

a certified bailiff has powers that he himself probably doesn't have.

he's obviously a dick and is being told as much in all the replies.

https://t.co/haaR4f04y6 pic.twitter.com/xX76HKp4wJ

— Dan Douglas (@dandouglas) December 14, 2023

sounds like he's not a 'former' illusionist after all