Real England

but... I don't know why anybody thinks I, a former lumberjack who'd just been kicked off my property that day, and have clearly thought about the right conditions for chopping down this tree, would chop down this tree

If I Chopped It

saw

an ungodly amount of sticky pollen in the spring

that's most likely honeydew aka aphid excretions! you can sometimes see it coming down from under sycamores like a miniature rain shower.

Sick Amor

i don't think so. mine produces these large yellow tufts of pollen that when they fall become little sticky balls that almost act like chewing gum. if you step on them they stick to the bottom of your shoe and are hell to get off.

but i am aware of the "honeydew" too! it gets all over the leaves of everything underneath it. delightful.

Earlier in the summer, Widget got a load of that sticky tufts pollen stuck to the fur between his toes. It was not fun for either of us to have to remove.

ah right, that stuff! anyway, til that in real england a scarf cut is known as a GOB.

a what and a what

this

all these fancy words its just tree murder

I fed an A.I 10,000 melancholy hauntological essays about the Sycamore Gap tree. the A.I is now calling itself Brother Soil and says I am 'an enemy of the moss'

— Stefan Mohamed (@stefmowords) October 3, 2023

When the moon hits your eye
Like a big pizza pie, sycamore

I have become more apprehensive about zebra crossings over the last year. Specially when I visit my mother (who lives in Kent though also true in inner London) I assume drivers (white van or not) are getting a kick out of not stopping for you.

Had this yesterday from some twat in a van when trying to cross at a zebra crossing. It's getting to the point where using them is legitimately dangerous - a lot of them just refuse to yield

— Tom Blackburn (@malaiseforever) October 5, 2023

Guess the question is whether this is recent or just my mind playing games: things are getting worse so it impinges upon your judgement on things like this.

This is one of the reasons why I hate dopey pedestrians thanking motorists for stopping at pedestrian crossings - you have right of way don't thank the cunts for following the law of the land. Not only do I never thank motorists for stopping I make sure I saunter as leisurely as possible when crossing.

I've felt like speeding and road rage have increased since Covid too, even before media framing of LTNs, ULEZ etc.

Still occasionally have a chuckle remembering the time Mr White Van Man yelled some sexism at me on Clerkenwell Road, but had to wait at the zebra at Hatton Garden to let me cross. I did the Hustle in the zebra for about five minutes, incorporating obscene gestures into the dance routine. This was deeply, deeply satisfying.

https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2023/oct/12/atrocious-behaviour-visitors-accused-of-sabotaging-batley-library-1-book-sale

Batley hasn't been so unruly since the great black friday riot of 2014, where people fought to the death over discounted hd tvs at Tesco.

there's a Carnegie library in Hull, i didn't realise they were a thing

i mean it's probably not functioning as a library any more but there's a building

Ummmmm, I can think of another event…

Mair had already stolen all the Hitler books from Batley Library

last time I signed on I was sent to a *career advice* interview at Dewsbury Library, this was pre UC. Not many books there and it is a way too small a space to host a library, it's an ugly and grim 70's glass and concrete monstrosity of a building that is joined on to the job centre and seemed more to be purposed for shit like the Citizen's Advice Bureau. The og library was a large and attractive, actually quite stunning sandstone building that is a rundown unused banquet suite now. It got damaged and flooded during a fire and whoever owns it probably hasn't got the big bucks required for a renovation. This destruction happened under a Labour council, in the Blair years.

not that it didn't seem weird at the time, but the whole Captain Tom Moore phenomenon feels really incomprehensible three years on with covid lockdowns long over

https://cdn.ecommercedns.uk/files/9/243909/1/13739141/il-fullxfull.jpg

https://c8.alamy.com/comp/2FND49N/bronze-resin-statues-of-the-late-sir-captain-tom-moore-who-raised-over-37-million-for-the-nhs-the-statues-were-created-by-clark-sculptures-2FND49N.jpg

https://l450v.alamy.com/450v/2fnd4ek/bronze-resin-statues-of-the-late-sir-captain-tom-moore-who-raised-over-37-million-for-the-nhs-the-statues-were-created-by-clark-sculptures-2fnd4ek.jpg

https://imgs.heart.co.uk/images/218698?crop=16_9&width=660&relax=1&format=webp&signature=5p3JzkcISAy9d_1ViBL9uzsZjMs=

have they signed on Michael Caine for the biopic?

never before was do much grift committed on so many by so few

xp they haven't announced a lead for this yet, but it's being directed by the guy who did Slade In Flame and the Sting version of Brimstone and Treacle

https://www.standard.co.uk/showbiz/captain-sir-tom-moore-to-begin-filming-autum-2023-director-richard-loncraine-b1082443.html

No-one (apart from on here) wants to admit the whole thing was organised as a grift by the psycho daughter to pay for her house extension! I guess it all spiralled out of control.

the description of the film in that article doesn't make it sound like it will be bad, but a film that focussed specifically on the 'grift that spiralled out of control' angle could have potential as a black comedy

doesn't make it sound like it will be good, rather

slade in flame is great

also i kinda want to read his three (3) books which he wrote in one (1) year

Start your year with the uplifting and heartwarming life lessons from a truly inspirational man, Captain Sir Tom Moore

'Full of the infectious energy that inspired the nation' Daily Mirror
'A dose of wisdom from a British hero . . . A paean to the power of positive thinking' Daily Telegraph
________

'One small soul like me won't make much difference' Captain Tom

If Captain Tom's big heart and generosity of spirit helped see us through difficult days, this was his parting gift.

In Life Lessons, Captain Tom has shared all that he learned from living a full and vibrant life. With cherished anecdotes and his signature humour, these heartening life stories will teach you how to:

· Be comfortable with who you are
· Keep smiling through the tough times
· Walk in someone else's shoes
· Keep an open mind
· Find your purpose

·What happens at genocide club stays at genocide club
·You can't choose your fckin kids

Captain Tom's daughter defends decision to keep book profits

Following from Sir Captain Tom's example I will also be writing three (3) books in one (1) year.

the year he managed to have one and a half shits a week without soiling or wetting himself or making an embarrassing grope at a female carer was the point his daughter realised this old mofo could be MONEY!

i've lived in the UK all my life and am vaguely familiar with its media culture and therefore the Sir Captain Tom story is all too comprehensible

I've only briefly holidayed there and same

I feel like the whole episode should be made into a modern-day Ealing comedy like Kind Hearts and Coronets, directed by Ben Wheatley, maybe?, and with a cgi Alec Guinness playing all the members of the Moore family.

this cinematic masterpiece must include the daughter's brother-in-law's legendary attempt to cheat by strategic coughing on who wants to be a millionaire

daughter's brother-in-law also played by holographic alec guinness obv

(also in the course of hunting these exciting facts down i discovered that CsT was once on blankety blank)

*downs another bottle of softly herbacious capt tom gin*

Do we have a solid lead on Major Charles Ingram being Colin Ingram's brother? Would love it to be true but I haven't actually found anything substative, think it might be a canard that gets repeated because it would be so perfect.

Captain Cum definitely was on Blankety Blank though, a christmas episode no less

facts: good enough for modern-day ealing IMO

(yes i think it's an internet artefact firmed up by AI)

have they signed on Michael Caine for the biopic?

― Andy the Grasshopper, Thursday, 12 October 2023 20:30 (two days ago)

Sir Michael Caine has confirmed he has retired from acting, following the release of his latest film.

retired from acting many years ago amirite?