What makes men uncomfortable?
Hanging out in the "down low" tent at Burning Man ??%
― ꙮ (map), Friday, 8 September 2023 20:37 (nine months ago) link
first one is the only one I feel uncomfortable with, but I also have discomfort being naked in front of anybody of any gender identification because I think I'm coarse and ugly― Make the chats AI (Neanderthal)
― Make the chats AI (Neanderthal)
yeah, the 67% for women is probably because, to the best of my understanding, cis women are basically taught from birth to think of themselves that way lol
i actually _like_ my body, which is... rare for someone like me, but i can't imagine the idea of anybody _else_ finding me attractive
shout-outs to the 9% of women who feel uncomfortable wearing pink, fuck patriarchal gender expectations
alternately they could be like me and avoid wearing pink because it clashes with their skintone
crying is, to be fair, at least... i have to be comfortable with crying in front of anyone and everyone at any time. i went in for a routine medical procedure yesterday and cried through the whole thing. i didn't really _want_ to cry through the whole appointment, and i wasn't crying for any reason that had to do _with_ the appointment. that's just where my head was at that time. so i'm not sure it's _entirely_ down to social norms.
― Kate (rushomancy), Friday, 8 September 2023 20:37 (nine months ago) link
i don't usually cry in front of people, but it's like, i feel like i'm often trying to pretend i haven't been crying as i enter the presence of people.
― ꙮ (map), Friday, 8 September 2023 20:41 (nine months ago) link
i bet it feels good to just fuckin cry nonetheless.
― ꙮ (map), Friday, 8 September 2023 20:42 (nine months ago) link
I get weepy every time I see the new Publix commercial.
― immodesty blaise (jimbeaux), Friday, 8 September 2023 20:44 (nine months ago) link
I had my tear ducts removed at an early age, just to avoid ever being seen to cry in public.
― Pontius Pilates (Ye Mad Puffin), Friday, 8 September 2023 20:58 (nine months ago) link
i bet it feels good to just fuckin cry nonetheless.― ꙮ (map)
― ꙮ (map)
the literal reason i started hrt was because i was sad and i wanted to be able to cry and i couldn't
it depends. crying is good a lot of the time. if i feel better after, it's a good cry. if i don't feel better after, that's not so good.
― Kate (rushomancy), Friday, 8 September 2023 20:58 (nine months ago) link
i can only feel comfortable if i'm around other straight cis men who are naked and crying
― Tracer Hand, Friday, 8 September 2023 21:19 (nine months ago) link
maybe go to the down low tent at burning man during a dust storm?
― ꙮ (map), Friday, 8 September 2023 21:21 (nine months ago) link
i can only feel comfortable if i'm around other straight cis men who are naked and crying― Tracer Hand
― Tracer Hand
you're that into the mythopoetic men's movement, huh?
― Kate (rushomancy), Friday, 8 September 2023 21:26 (nine months ago) link
my hypothesis is that because women don't have penises that need comparison, the appeal of being naked in front of others of the same sex doesn't hold the same appeal that it does for men.
― ydkb (gyac), Friday, 8 September 2023 21:54 (nine months ago) link
Probably the reason the scariest scene in Carrie is the locker room and not the prom. 🫠
― ydkb (gyac), Friday, 8 September 2023 21:55 (nine months ago) link
Otm — was gonna say that women judge themselves and each other harshly with their clothes ON
― Piggy Lepton (La Lechera), Friday, 8 September 2023 22:24 (nine months ago) link
Map, it was a TikTok of a well known professor but I can’t remember his name and I can’t find the video. But if you google “testosterone and social behavior” a lot of studies/articles about it come up.
― just1n3, Friday, 8 September 2023 22:59 (nine months ago) link
there's scene in the 1994 The Browning Version where Albert Finney starts crying like an old man who has not cried since childhood, and it's just the gut-wrenching painful sobs, that scene fucking killed me
― Andy the Grasshopper, Friday, 8 September 2023 23:03 (nine months ago) link
xp ty!
― ꙮ (map), Saturday, 9 September 2023 00:10 (nine months ago) link
Being naked in a men's changing room: Eh, it was uncomfortable the first few times I went to a gym as an adult, but now it's one of those things I just accept and don't think too hard aboutCrying in front of male friends: Crying in front of anyone is uncomfortable to me!Saying "I love you" to a male relative: Depends on the relativeGoing to a gay bar: I've done it, it was unremarkable, was a little confused by the arrangement of the bathroomPutting sunscreen on a male friend's back: idk I just use spray-on sunscreenSharing a bed with a male friend: Nah, get yer own bedWearing pink: I have a few coral t-shirts but any other shade of pink does not look good on me
― c u (crüt), Saturday, 9 September 2023 00:22 (nine months ago) link
get a life!
― the dreaded dependent claus (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Saturday, 9 September 2023 00:40 (nine months ago) link
xp I love my straight male friends who are even the least bit open to difference, but you sound very close-minded
― Dan S, Saturday, 9 September 2023 00:44 (nine months ago) link
straight men should learn to love themselves and each other and maybe even kiss a guy or two, then there’ll be world peace― ivy., Friday, September 8, 2023 11:18 AM (eight hours ago) bookmarkflaglink
― ivy., Friday, September 8, 2023 11:18 AM (eight hours ago) bookmarkflaglink
I hereby volunteer to be the kissee :)
― soup of magpies (geoffreyess), Saturday, 9 September 2023 00:45 (nine months ago) link
i rub in spray-on sunscreen: am i wasting my time or just looking for an excuse to bro down or what
― difficult listening hour, Saturday, 9 September 2023 00:45 (nine months ago) link
like it doesn't take as much moby-dick-style kneading as the regular and no doubt highly freighted stuff but yknow to get an even coat.
― difficult listening hour, Saturday, 9 September 2023 00:47 (nine months ago) link
i'm trying!
― c u (crüt), Saturday, 9 September 2023 00:54 (nine months ago) link
I love my straight male friends who are even the least bit open to difference, but you sound very close-minded
was this to me? man I'm sorry, I didn't realize I was coming off like a jerk. I was just thinking about my own personal experiences with the things mentioned
― c u (crüt), Saturday, 9 September 2023 00:58 (nine months ago) link
I'm ready to rub sunscreen on your backs, I'll only kiss you if you're nice.
― the dreaded dependent claus (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Saturday, 9 September 2023 00:59 (nine months ago) link
(I should clarify that "get yer own bed" is not specifically towards male friends)
― c u (crüt), Saturday, 9 September 2023 01:00 (nine months ago) link
It sounds like the only way we'll possibly work through this is to hold an ILX men's retreat featuring lots of kissing and sunscreen application therapy.
― Muad'Doob (Moodles), Saturday, 9 September 2023 01:03 (nine months ago) link
sorry crüt, I know you aren't a jerk
― Dan S, Saturday, 9 September 2023 01:07 (nine months ago) link
lol Moodles
― out-of-print LaserDisc edition (sleeve), Saturday, 9 September 2023 01:12 (nine months ago) link
I'm down
― the dreaded dependent claus (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Saturday, 9 September 2023 01:41 (nine months ago) link
How can you laugh?
― The Thin, Wild Mercury Rising (James Redd and the Blecchs), Saturday, 9 September 2023 02:10 (nine months ago) link
It's easy when you're ticklish and prone to giggles
― Muad'Doob (Moodles), Saturday, 9 September 2023 02:13 (nine months ago) link
Got it, JRatB
― more difficult than I look (Aimless), Saturday, 9 September 2023 02:59 (nine months ago) link
Spray sunscreen is not good! If doesn’t give enough coverage!
― just1n3, Saturday, 9 September 2023 04:29 (nine months ago) link
Uncomfortable dining with anyone of any gender in a restaurant.
― Daniel_Rf, Saturday, 9 September 2023 05:44 (nine months ago) link
I’d take Alfred up on that offer if only because it’s very sunny where he lives
― ɥɯ ︵ (°□°) (mh), Saturday, 9 September 2023 13:17 (nine months ago) link
filial delphia
― close encounters of the third knid (darraghmac), Saturday, 9 September 2023 13:24 (nine months ago) link
― ɥɯ ︵ (°□°) (mh)
Negronis for everyone!
― the dreaded dependent claus (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Saturday, 9 September 2023 13:44 (nine months ago) link
brb hopping a plane
― ɥɯ ︵ (°□°) (mh), Saturday, 9 September 2023 13:52 (nine months ago) link
I have a pair of red cotton Gap shorts that I've been wearing for years; the last couple of summers they've attracted comments from strangers. It seems without me noticing they have faded to a perfect baby pink. I love 'em.
― fetter, Sunday, 10 September 2023 10:01 (nine months ago) link
i would've thought those numbers would be flipped. my hypothesis is that because women don't have penises that need comparison, the appeal of being naked in front of others of the same sex doesn't hold the same appeal that it does for men.― J0rdan S.
― J0rdan S.
can confirm firsthand, women's penises are incomparable
fwiw, limited, anecdotal sample size, but the trans women i know aren't super into comparing dicks. a lot of the women i know aren't proud of their dicks and don't like talking about them or showing them off.
not a lot of comparisons in general either. mostly it's one woman self-deprecating and the rest of us attempting to counter the self-deprecation. the self-deprecation isn't compliment-fishing, it's more like a standard narrative that everyone else is gorgeous and amazing and the person self-deprecating is disgusting and unloveable. trans women are inculcated pretty hard with that narrative.
it's different from the social behavior i observed around girls growing up. a lot of my friends lament not having been born cis women, and i never have. i'm not sure my life would have been significantly improved if i'd grown up a fat, autistic _cis_ dyke. the girls i grew up around were pretty relentlessly cruel to each other in ways that boys never were. (i did pay a lot of attention to girls' social behavior. social behavior in general was kind of a mystery to me, but i never had any real desire to fit in with the boys. that song "i'd much rather be with the girls" is a great queer song, but for me, it hits hardest if you take sexual and romantic relationships out of the equation entirely.)
i didn't like locker rooms or changing rooms, but it's a little too easy to make everything about dysphoria, to put this filter on everything. i didn't swim shirtless because i was fat. body shame isn't something that only women have. i was fat, and a lot of the time i got bullied it was in the locker room, and i think both those things were significant causes of my discomfort.
the strongest locker room memory i have, though, is from a trip my boy scout troop took to the y, my first year in scouts. i don't know how old i would have been - 11? 12? - and a lot of people in my troop were significantly older. i got to see the effects of male puberty (i hit puberty late) firsthand. i remember catching a glimpse of the senior patrol leader, who would have been around 17, with his body just covered in thick matted hair. he saw me looking at him and said to me "kate, don't go through puberty if you can possibly avoid it". i felt like that was some of the best advice anybody had ever given me. body horror is very relatable from a trans perspective, and this was absolutely body horror. the thought that my body would turn into this disgusting, alien _thing_...
as it turned out i failed spectacularly at taking his advice. not only did i go through puberty, but i did it _twice_. oh well.
― Kate (rushomancy), Sunday, 10 September 2023 13:02 (nine months ago) link
Going to a gay bar: I've done it, it was unremarkable, was a little confused by the arrangement of the bathroom
Wait. How are the restrooms arranged differently?
― pplains, Sunday, 10 September 2023 15:06 (nine months ago) link
Gay bars have no bathrooms. You piss into each other's mouths while the audience applauds.
― the dreaded dependent claus (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Sunday, 10 September 2023 15:08 (nine months ago) link
big "how does a czar eat potatoes" vibes
― Kate (rushomancy), Sunday, 10 September 2023 15:31 (nine months ago) link
oh, and for the record, i only thought men were "disgusting, alien _things_" when i believed i had to be one. hairy guys with dad bod are hot.
― Kate (rushomancy), Sunday, 10 September 2023 15:33 (nine months ago) link
last time I was in a gay bar I could not help but notice at the far end of the bar were two people, a man and a woman, who dancing with an extreme focus, but I could not see who they were dancing with. but whoever it was they were staring pretty intensely at them. anyway I had to use the bathroom and figured I'd take a look and it turned out to be a full length mirror. maybe its my small town Wisconsin brain but I was fascinated with those people
― frogbs, Sunday, 10 September 2023 15:47 (nine months ago) link
straight couples at the gay bar sometimes are of A Type for sure
― ɥɯ ︵ (°□°) (mh), Sunday, 10 September 2023 16:57 (nine months ago) link
petition to rename straight couples "strouples"
― Kate (rushomancy), Sunday, 10 September 2023 17:05 (nine months ago) link
it was probably specific to the bar that I went to but there was a large open space with places to sit that were not toilets
― c u (crüt), Sunday, 10 September 2023 17:35 (nine months ago) link
just gonna check real quick you said 'sit' there that's 'sit'?
― close encounters of the third knid (darraghmac), Sunday, 10 September 2023 17:45 (nine months ago) link