AGING PARENTS

Sending you and family my sympathies, neanderthal.

god i'm so sorry Neanderthal, i wish i had better words to help you and your family

you've been so good to your father, and you've fought so hard for him. he raised a wonderful man and must love you tremendously. i am so goddamn sorry.

my condolences to you as well, La Lechera -- that all sounds rough

So sorry to hear, both N and LL.

thank you so much everyone.

today felt like three days. but we got through it.

Personally I think hospice can be beautiful and freeing, and it also sounds really scary to most people. Glad to know you and your mom have each other.

very much so. I think dad would rather spend his last moments there than alongside a bunch of neglected patients in a nursing home.

it was a tough day for me as I had to play so many roles. gave the doctor his case history going back three years, there to prop mom up as she was faltering. she broke down saying "what am I going to do without him?" and it was so hard to hear that, but....she is resilient and is intent on not making decisions based on what would make us feel better but what would make Dad feel better.

Dad was an independent man all of his life. He fixed cars. He worked on roofs. He managed stores. he was strong and muscular. he has probably been in Hell for years because of losing all of that. I always told him "you took care of us for years - let us take care of you". but he never wanted that for us.

My brother, otoh, is being a right prick about things. I know he's scared and that's how it's manifesting, but he's expressing it in unhelpful ways.

we invited him to dinner to talk about things and he is very much not on board with Mom and I. he feels like we're rushing to 'give up', when in actuality, what we're doing is saying 'if all of the efforts in the hospital don't get him back to swallowing and eating again and restoring his lost muscle mass, dad wouldn't want a feeding tube, and we need to CONSIDER palliative care'. He seems to think even the consideration is a sin against Dad.

so at dinner, he kept interrupting mom and I, being rude, talking over us, nostrils flaring, eyes bugged wide out, saying "dad seemed ok to me when I visited", ironically saying mom and I were raising our voices at him, and then he said at one point that he thought we were in a rush to give up, and idk where I pulled it out of, but instead of losing my famous Neanderthal temper, I got angry (internally) and said outward "we all need to take a breath. every one of us here loves Dad early and none of us wants to lose him, and we're all scared. You (*pointing at bro*) have been interrupting Mom and I since you got here, and Mom has had a really tough day. I need you to LISTEN to me right now - after you listen, then you can offer your two cents". and he finally went silent.

We aren't even moving him to palliative care yet - the hospital wants to see if he responds better after his UTI is cleared, his BUN comes down, and he's more hydrated, and see if he can pass a swallow test there. but I told him point blank - even if he does, he has a BMI of fucking 16 right now. he's malnourished. we'd have to build his weight back up an that is no easy uphill climb. we can try it, but we have to consider the fact that it won't work and then the next step is a feeding tube, and....that could lead to more infections. aspiration. choking. pain. would he want that?

He's still not really on board. I'm trying not to be too hard on him because I know what this is really about - he loves dad, dearly. I don't doubt that. He's getting married in March. it means a lot to him for dad to be there. now today he's hearing not only might he not be there, he might not be with us anymore. that thought hit me today and it stung me too.

but we are also dealing with complex feelings like his, and we need him to quit using his fear as a shield, or expressing it outwardly towards us. as I told him - we're all on the same team. sadly I think this whole ordeal with dad the last three years has caused a bit of a fracture with my brother and I that I didn't think would ever happen and though it won't stop me from loving him or being there for him, is going to leave a lingering resentment that will resonate long after dad is gone. that makes me sad, but I am also a forgiving person.

thank you all again. Love you all.

♥

I'm sorry the family dynamics of this are so complicated and frustrating, Neando, especially when you love everyone involved and you just want what is best for your dad. Sending you love.

So sorry you are going through this, N. All my love to you & family.

so he has an infection and severe dehydration (because they neglected him this week). he's doing a lot better now that he's on an IV and antibiotics, but my mother and I are livid an I've already lodged a complaint and filing one with AHCA right now.

Yes it's infuriating. Our experience was that once we could no longer care for my father at home, the hospital's neglect was what killed him. That was the point where it stopped being a thing we could steer or navigate, we were being swept along and it was more of a struggle just to manage our own reactions and keep pace with the rate of change. Just the shock of losing someone in a matter of weeks to an easily preventable condition after breaking our backs and turning our lives upside down for years.

I hope it doesn't come to that obv, wish for a much better and different outcome for your dad and for you, sincerely. wish i had some helpful words or insights but i don't, though i know what you're going through and i feel for you.

Little more positive today. I got him to smile (I told him a poop joke). First time in weeks.

But I'm a sideshow. He got a jolt of electricity when mom arrived.

They're looking at constipation maybe being a cause of delirium. Nobody checked that yet as it wasn't part of his immediate emergency.

But, being realistic, despite him looking better I still think we're headed towards palliative care. It's just that perhaps he'll be feeling better when it begins.

My brother is relieving me and I am headed for time with friends.mucg needed

things dramatically improved since Saturday in a way that shocked my cynical ass.

there didn't originally seem to be much hope that clearing his infection was going to repair his cognitive impairment and unwillingness to eat. but one of the doctors also noticed he hadn't taken a shit once since being in the hospital and also noticed he was retaining urine, and decided to have his bowels looked at, and they determined he was severely impacted (again), and had him given enemas and a catheter.

I have to say, I've had my (sometimes major) issues w/ this hospital before, but the doctors in the PCU unit are on it. they've read his case history thoroughly, which is how they made some of these decisions, and...between that AND his underlying UTI/other infections clearing...he's restored to a baseline I haven't seen him at in months.

obviously I have to temper my excitement by saying - he is still extremely malnourished and the overall prognosis is still not great. BUT...he's talking again. in fact, more than he did in recent weeks. he's smiled quite often. He waved at the doctors when they left. and...he passed his swallow study and is back on solid foods, albeit in limited quantities at first. he's off of oxygen.

on Friday I thought we might only have a week or two left with him. now I'm slightly more optimistic.

Palliative care may still be the call. I would much rather him be in an environment where he's not neglected and anxious due to his living conditions, and where food isn't withheld because of fear of aspiration, and he's allowed to eat when/how often he wants. and so far, the hunt for new nursing home isn't going great - Medicaid beds hard to find.

but what matters to me is he looks so much more peaceful now. it was scary to see him Friday. he stroked my hair on Sunday, like he used to when he was still living at home.

also I asked him to point to the smartest guy in the room yesterday and he pointed at himself so....he has his sense of humor back ;).

as with all of these things, I expect the news to be akin to waves at a beach, with positive developments offset by setbacks, so I'm planning to just take care of myself the best I can, as is the rest of the family. the plan, as always, is to constantly show dad how much we love him so no matter what he's going through, he never feels alone.

<3

(btw, obviously by 'talking', I really mean 'occasionally repeating what we say or saying 'yes/no' in sotto voce', but he was barely doing that in the last month).

my test for him is me saying "quotes and quotes and quotes, add another quote -" and see if he responds "make it a gallon", since he's a Marx brothers fan. when he says that, usually I know he's doing ok. :)

so he's being discharged today due to his improvement. this created a big quandary, as we had nowhere near enough time to find a new nursing home, especially with labor day weekend, and we absolutely did not want him going back to the previous shithole. also, nobody prepared us this would happen, but likely because they didn't expect the improvement that happened.

we are leaning towards hospice. and I know how that's going to SOUND to everybody, particularly those who don't know how it works. we think, paradoxically, he will improve and do better in this environment than another nursing home. we also don't think he has a long time left in his current condition, as he's malnourished. and also, I know that about 20% of patients graduate from hospice to having a better prognosis on life, at which point we could find a much better nursing home with much more advanced time.

obviously this would be MUCH easier if dad could tell us what he wanted. but he has ways of communicating and he seems receptive to it.

our visits with him in the nursing home were miserable for the last month. mom came home crying at the way he looked multiple times. dad looked stressed. it was chaos in that place.

and the same conglomerate owns a lot of the nursing homes here, so would I trust them?

There is ONE nursing home I would trust sending him to - the very first skilled nursing place he went to. and guess what...it doesn't exist anymore. LMAO. someone else bought it. I'm not going to trust a changed ownership.

my brain keeps saying "you're choosing the easy option" which makes no sense because the 'easy' option is sending him back to his nursing home and then spending five months trying to deal with the guilt of watching him waste away there.

or an option that makes him comfortable and maybe allows him to gain some weight back and not need hospice anymore.

I don't know. I'm scared and tired....but my decisionmaking, mom's, and hopefully my brother's will be based on his experience, not ours.

sending y’all love and glad to hear his condition has improved, Neanderthal!

fwiw I have known people who have left hospice and lived for years after, as well as those who entered and were much more comfortable and at peace in their final months. do not feel guilty for doing what is best for his health and happiness and you and your family’s sanity

thanks!

so apparently whatever nursing home we get dad sent to, they'll be another layer of protection, going to that facility rather than it being in-patient.

the case manager did not want to help us initially find another place, saying it would be 'easier for us to do it on our own' even despite the fact it was Labor Day weekend and all of the admissions offices closed until today, but the hospice care leader asked her to talk to us and help with it.

if he has to go back to the old shithole...well...at least he will have the hospice care team assisting and consulting with the nurses there on his care, as well as helping with things that are getting overlooked.

as always thank you tabes - and thanks for that perspective!

Hospice nurses are very capable, special people generally - my mom was in hospice at home for her last few weeks of life and they also really helped me and my sister process what was happening.

I know how that's going to SOUND to everybody, particularly those who don't know how it works. --- I don't know. I'm scared and tired

Just keep thinking about his needs and know in advance that there's no option that will do as much for him as your love desires. In the end it is the love that registers, not the details of the outcome. However awful you feel at times, by any objective measure you are coming through for your dad like a champion.

My experience suggests that your moving your dad to a nursing home was the step most likely to elicit undercurrents of disapproval from casual acquaintances or workmates. You've already moved beyond that one. The news that your dad has entered hospice is far more likely to elicit responses that assume your dad is inches away from death and awkward condolences for your loss - even though he's still alive.

You shouldn't have to shoulder the burden of explaining everything to people who are at the far periphery of your real life. By now you'll know who to open up to and who to fob off with generalities. Again, much love to you and your family.

Does he qualify for inpatient hospice (aka GIP hospice)? Because if not hospice services will be provided where he is living i.e. the crappy nursing home.

oh sorry you already said that. Yeah, I see zero down side to hospice at this time. It isn't a one-way street--if you decided to do another hospital admission, he'd just discharge from hospice, do the hospital stay, then could go back onto hospice.

Danger with this plan is good chance of dying in the hospital without as much morphine as he might benefit from.

So the nurses and doctors were great but the case workers were useless. Spent all this time trying to find a new place for him only to tell us after they didn't know he was Medicaid and because he is, he has to go back to original nursing home and we have to work out a transfer with them.

Only alternative is bringing him home and we can't go back to that.

Now I get to break another promise to Dad because we were misinformed.

However we do know of a nearby facility with a bed and we're working on a transfer.

Hopefully it's not long. My AHCA complaint generated a mandatory inspection of the facility. Maybe the care temporarily improves. Idk.

We could have been calling and discussing this for two hours if we hadn't been misinformed. Now they're basically pushing us out the door.

I can file an appeal over the discharge and considering that to buy more time.

I just cannot take on more lifting right now. Mom has got to. I missed work both of my last few days because of this.

Appealed the discharge. We're doing this on our terms.

It's going to be denied because I don't have a truly valid reason to do it. But it gets us two days.

Mom met with the old nursing facility and they appeared shook by it. They are amenable to us transferring but plan to move him to a new room until then.

Stupid case manager tried to tell me if we lose the appeal, we have to pay for the days he stayed during appeal.

I've done Kepro appeals before and know we would only be liable from noon of the day we're informed of denial, not the days in between. So I told her that.

dad's much better today. the previous nursing facility, we are going to give another chance, but will be ready to move him to another at a moment's notice. they are giving him his old room/nurse back, and he was getting much better care in that room. but we'll be on top of them.

the idiot Case Manager here said he has to be discharged today, even though there's a pending Kepro appeal (it isn't finished - most times the Kepro case manager calls you and the facility around the same time, and nobody called me, so it's not possible.

Mom and I agreed we're not going to fight it this time because we think he's ready to go back, and I did it as a 'time-buying' measure. he ate a full meal today AND took the spoon out of my hand to feed himself four times. But I am filing a care complaint re: the case managers and their ineptitude because they have butchered the discharge and caused me to miss work yesterday and my mother a lot of distress, as well as my father. and they've had no accountability.

however I also wrote a thank you for all of the doctors and nurses because they were exemplary and it's only fair that I recognize good care too.

interesting twist - we couldn't ask Dad what he wanted to do last week when it looked like feeding tube time, since he wasn't talking. the assumption based on prior conversations was that he wouldn't want that.

we were wrong! he says if it's ever required, he does want it. and he told us two different ways. go figure.

it might be hard to tell but the overall tone of that post is positive.

nevermind, Kepro found out what they were doing and called them to say "what the fuck are you doing, you can't forcibly discharge him". we can still voluntarily do it and may still do it but they're getting told it's on our terms.

I didn't intend to set that ball in motion, but I had asked them about it .

i gotta learn to just let things go when they might cause further harm.

but then again, their confusion/lack of compliance w/ law isn't my fault either. they called mom instead of me because they feel I'm unreasonable.

they think I'm undermining things but it's like....they keep giving us wrong info. and they need to know they're doing this, because they're going to keep doing it to other people!

false alarm. Mom believed they were telling her he had to leave. they claim mom asked for him to go today (which is bullshit). I'm guessing the CM has no communication skills.

I told mom let's just let him go tomorrow like was originally planned and I'm going to cease any action because it's not gonna help anything. nursing home agreed to that and wasn't even expecting him today.

ooooi. now I will get eyeballs and be the 'difficult' son for one day.

💪

so the AHCA called me about my complaint about my father. they're doing an inspection of the facility to ensure that patients there are being treated properly, based on my complaints. they'll be making sure all patients on thickened liquid diets are getting them as expected, interviewing a few of the nurses who cared for my dad, and basically making sure what happened to him isn't happening to others.

admittedly I was focused mostly on my dad when I made the complaint, but the thought that many of these other patients may benefit from it as well warms my heart a little. most of the other patients don't get frequent visitors (possibly because of not having family in state) and there can be a tendency to neglect those patients because of that, even if subconscious.

interesting twist - we couldn't ask Dad what he wanted to do last week when it looked like feeding tube time, since he wasn't talking. the assumption based on prior conversations was that he wouldn't want that.

My dad made the opposite choice in 2000, after being on a tube for several months (he could no longer swallow, 8 years after a stroke). The latest tube wasn’t working and they wanted to situate a new one. He told my mom no more tubes, and we moved over to hospice where the caregivers were tbf wonderful through to the end.

that's the thing, based on all of the things dad told us before the stroke, I reaaaally thought he wouldn't want it. and maybe he feels differently when the choice is made.

dad's back in the nursing home today. Mom said it was electric there, like the staff was much more responsive across the board. The health care inspector I talked to on the phone was going to a sampling of rooms of people with thickened liquid and making sure it was all thickened. Including my dad's room.

he of course began choking on food again (not severely - he's always been an aspiration risk and this was a milder case per mom), but they actually called the doctor immediately this time. (it's ok, nothing majorly to worry about as of yet).

he's getting hospice services there now too.

I didn't think I had in me what I did this week. I don't think mom think she had it in her either. we have a strong familial bond and when we thought he was reaching the end, it just kicked us into overdrive. just like being on a battlefield and getting shot in the leg and using the adrenaline to get you to safety before the pain hits you.

we're in for many more tough weeks I'm sure - he'll have setbacks. all I wanted was for dad to see how much we love him because he gave everything for us and he's been asked to endure so much. I hope we can finally bring him to some peace for however much longer he's around.

You might not claim the description, but your post abounds with hard won wisdom.

brother shows up at nursing home and because dad's roommate was shouting a bit, he immediately messages me "WE need to move him, this place sucks".

I said "We? Ok, well get right on that, buddy - mom and I are spent, and we literally just got him situated here."

every place I reached out to this past week had no male LTC Medicaid beds available. the one that did has reviews just about as mediocre as this place. he doesn't seem to get that the types of rooms we can get are typically not private rooms and any of these Medicaid-accepting communities are likely to have dementia patients who might shout now and then. it sucks. I don't like it. long-term, sure, I want to find a new place, but he's been back for like 7 hours.

I told him in no uncertain terms that if he felt passionate about this, he can do it himself because mom and I don't have it in us. for the record, I don't like this place either, but we were told there was no way to set up an alternate destination due to the Medicaid dollars, that we had to do this on our own with the current facility and any new one we found.

swear to God he like acts so pious like he's the only one who gives a shit about dad sometimes - despite doing little of the work. I spent more time in the hospital this last week than I did working.

The good news: the near-term issues with my mother appear to be solvable, given sufficient supplies of money, energy, and willpower.

The bad news: while we probably have enough money, the required amounts of energy and willpower on my part look daunting from where I am right now.

Sending love and good vibes. Just thinking of the task at hand when having to take on a much bigger role with a parent can be terrifying.

My advice is to try and look at it like "what do I need to do to be successful today?" - and accepting some days those goals might not be met and that's ok. Also self-care a must - just being honest with yourself about how you're feeling and finding pockets of time to 'reward' yourself, whether it's going out to dinner, making plans with a friend, etc. Having things to look forward to makes it a little easier.

Wishing the best for you and feel free to vent whenever you need.

dad's improvements have all vanished since he's been back, and it's not the nursing facility.

this isn't unusual for someone in dad's condition, but was just naively hoping we'd have a week of 'recovery' after last week.

i'm doing ok. mom isn't and I understand - they've been married 50 years! i also have moments when I'm not ok, like yesterday.

hospice nurses have done an amazing job making him comfortable.

my brother continues to be a little shit. He's coming to visit dad now and I'm stealing myself up for a speech that is equal parts harsh but empathetic.

word has reached me that my mom, who turned 80 last month and also is leaving her current home to move 300 miles east in a couple weeks, has a boyfriend!?!?

her current place is not appreciative of their snogging, presumably due to liability issues. remains to be seen if they ask me to talk her down, which would be hilariously awkward

she has yet to mention any of this to me; looking forward to seeing if she says anything about it when i next call

That's a tough one mookie and also sounds like a rejected Seinfeld plot.

FUCK FUCK FUCK SHIT FUCK

Mom, why are you so set on that Forest Glen condo development? (It's a gated community right by a Metrorail station. There's a shopping center four blocks away, but the walk involves an underpass under the Capitol Beltway. And it's accessible to downtown Silver Spring, but I can get there from the neighborhoods I want. Also, a sunken living room seems like a really bad idea.)

dad's roommate is pretty late stage Alzheimer's but he has a booming voice and has episodes a lot, which is to be expected. he's also blind. so obviously I can't be mad at the guy.

but the situation is just frustrating. when my dad may be entering his last stages here, not being able to visit without hearing his roommate screaming "TAKE EM BACK THE OTHER WAY" for a half an hour is extremely upsetting. I was also trying to work and I couldn't focus and hearing the same phrase shouted over and over for a half hour (with his poor daughter trying to help him) was too much for me and I had to leave the room to work and try to go back later.

Private rooms are pretty much an impossibility here unless someone dies, which I don't wish on anybody. only a 55 patient capacity.

mom keeps talking about wanting to ask about moving him to another room but I don't want dad elevated above all of the other patients in terms of importance. if his roommate is moved, he'll likely get worse care. besides...I don't think it's going to matter pretty soon. dad can't swallow at all now. and we're not doing a feeding tube.

most days I can tune the roommate out and it's not a big deal. but today I can't.

xpost j.lu I'm sorry to hear about that development. have you had any success trying to convince her since Sunday?

I haven't tried yet. I'll probably try to talk to her this weekend.

hoping for the best. I know the entire enterprise has got to be stressful as hell for you :(

sending you love, Neando

Thank you.

We think he's moved to the last stage. He's no longer eating or drinking and breathing heavy.

We called the hospice nurse who concurred and was really sweet

In a rare example of someone who is looking out for us, dad's roommate unfortunately had the worst sustained outburst lasting almost 90 minutes of screaming and yelling while my mother and I were crying on dad's shoulders.

I msged my friend "I can't say goodbye to him this way". Mom looked ready to fall apart.

The hospice nurse got dad qualified to his own IPU room where we can spend his last hours as a family in a private room, in peace, without any of the commotion or stress of this nursing facility.

So he's moving there now. Finally can actually spend some final moments with dad without listening to screaming and the attitudes of nasty nurses.

It's how we wanted it.

Hospice nurses are superheroes. Glad your dad’s was so helpful right at the moment it was needed.

Thinking of you.

I hope you find some peace and closure Neando, and when you’re ready, take a minute to reflect on the time and care you put into helping your dad through this stage, and your mom in coping with it. All that stress and upheaval, a selfless gift and a sustained act of love.

sending you and your family a lot of love, Neando. may yr dad’s transition be guided by love and light.

Hoping you and your Mom get some peaceful time with Dad.

Thank you so much.

You are all very sweet.

I've frequently had dreams of dad in the last year where he's talking again.

Last few weeks the very limited speech he was capable of has gone and he's stopped squeezing our hands.

I just kept thinking how much I'd love to hear his voice again. To have one last conversation.

But then I realized his voice already reverberates through me whether I hear it or not. I tell his jokes. I learned so many life skills from him while stubbornly pretending I wasn't listening. He instilled in all of us a closeness that has never wavered.

Dad worked crazy hours growing up but he refused to be the absent father. Yes, sometimes it meant missing a ballgame or two, but he went out of his way to rework his schedule so that he could be at most of them. And he always wanted to hear about it if he couldn't be there.

He wasn't perfect. He could be a tough son of a bitch as a kid. He had a temper. I can't deny those things. He wasn't abusive. But he was a hard ass and sometimes we resented him for it.

But he didn't want to be that way and he saw how his anger issues impacted us and he transformed significantly. He mellowed out significantly because he loved us and he worked to change.

There was one night in college where he outright saved me. He doesn't know it. But I'll tell him when I have private time with him tonight.

When I was 19, in college, I was severely depressed and suicidal in my second semester of college. I finally reached the point where I was ready to attempt it. I made a plan to take my entire bottle of SSRIs when I got back to my dorm.

Dad was driving me six hours home from Orlando to Tallahassee. The entire ride all I could think was "six more hours then it's all over. Five more hours. Four." I kept fantasizing about dad leaving and me being alone with my pills and nobody being able to stop me. It was my singular focus. I was almost excited by it.

I stared out the window the entire drive. Deathly silent. He picked up on it and tried to engage me in conversation and I was very checked out.

As we got deeper into the drive, there was a hint of desperation in his voice. "Rob, are you ok?"

Normally I'd deny something was wrong aggressively or reassure him but I had no interest in doing that. I just faintly responded "I'm ok", with as much energy as I could muster to try and fool him.

He was not fooled. He would ask again a few more times. Now I was starting to get mad. "Fuck", I thought, "he's going to ruin this for me". I was worried that I wouldn't be able to get rid of him.

I tried harder and harder to fool him into thinking I was ok. But he knew I wasn't.

Maybe if it had been two years ago, he'd have yelled WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU out of frustration. But instead I heard fear in his voice.

I realized he'd figured out what was going on. He knew this wasn't me being sad, tired, or down. He knew my mind had gone to another level beyond that and he was scared.

We were about an hour away and I wasn't budging. Fuck, you can't let him suss this out, he'll ruin it! You have to get him to leave when he drops you off!

Dad's pleas were getting a bit more desperate. "Rob, I can tell you're not ok. Can you talk to me?", with his voice breaking. Suddenly he was cutting through to me a little.

At this point I didn't have the energy to put on the acting performance to convince him I was ok. I just told myself I'd say whatever I had to when he dropped me off to get him to leave and then I'd be able to do it.

Finally, we got to my dorm and I thought I'd succeeded. But we got to the dorm and he threw a hail Mary.

"Rob - I don't know what's going on right now. I know you're not ok. I'm scared. I love you. I'm afraid to leave you right now. I can't drive home unless I know you're ok. You don't have to talk to me about what's going on right now but can you tell me honestly if you're ok?"

He was outright weeping by now. And it cut through hard.

This time, my response was genuine, where I forced a response (while going to pieces internally) and I smiled - "I'll be ok, dad".

He responded softly to me "can you promise to tell me if that changes - at any point?"

I reassured him I would and that he didn't need to worry. We hugged, with him still crying heavily. He said "ok", and departed.

Once I shut the door I had an emotional breakdown where I was crying uncontrollably for about five minutes. He'd won.

I had no friends, self-esteem, and I was abandoning my schoolwork. I hated myself.

But dad's actions that night made me think - if my father loves me this much... maybe I could learn to love myself. I decided not to do anything that night. I was still very depressed that semester and almost flunked out of school...but I never had those thoughts again.

That's the kind of dad he is. Love seeps out of his pores.

I'm going to send a hug to you. It should be there shortly.

That’s so powerful. No wonder you love him like you do.