Why I hate the Daily Mail, as distilled into one edition

Daily Mail comments box trolls are one of those things that never fail to brighten up my day.

I've really developed a fascination with building a picture of the people who rate every single comment underneath a story on there... there must be a three-figure number of them, going through the doggerel, every day, getting some squirt of adrenaline out of it that you or I may never understand

Maybe we could organise a group of four or five hundred people to spend a few weeks rating "wrongly" on the Mail site and change their whole editorial ethos.

It might be the only chance we ever get to influence a New Labour government policy on anything

Maybe we could organise a group of four or five hundred people to spend a few weeks rating "wrongly" on the Mail site and change their whole editorial ethos.

i do this on the rare times i visit, to soothe my conscience for giving them the page-view

The most eye-catching proposal in the document is the one to force schools to introduce statutory lessons in 'educating children and young people about healthy, nonviolent relationships'.

You've got to give them credit for spinning a whole shock horror story from such meagre fare. I hope the Mail never introduces charging, I shall miss it.

Feminist agenda: Under controversial plans, schoolboys will be taught not to beat their partners or any other female

^ What happens when subs stop thinking about what they're writing/reading. I can see how something like that comes about -- "Need to mention controversy! Need to use dog-whistle words! Need to get across the story!" -- but the result is fucking barking nonsense.

they're not just there for the nasty things in life:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1204641/New-ID-cards-supposed-unforgeable--took-expert-12-minutes-clone-programme-false-data.html#

As a chilling twist, he adds a message that would be visible to any police officer or security official who scanned the card: 'I am a terrorist - shoot on sight.'

bit of a dick move for any chilling terrist tbh

Because, even today, after 20 years of feminism, the female voice is like one of those whistles only dogs can hear.

My friends and I call these infuriating incidents 'pine marten moments'. This dates from the time, a few years ago, when my husband Chris and I were on holiday with a group of friends and family in France.

Seated around a table in a rustic restaurant, one of the party noticed a stuffed animal peering beadily from a glass case and a lively discussion ensued.

'I wonder what that is?' said Chris. 'I think it might be a stoat,' said a male friend. 'No, it's a ferret of some sort,' ventured my brother-in-law.

'Actually, it's a pine marten,' I announced confidently.

'Hmm,' replied the friend. 'Wrong colour for a ferret.'

'That's because it's a pine marten,' I repeated.

'Really?' said yet another friend. 'Well, maybe it's a weasel of some kind.'

This debate about woodland fauna carried on over my head for five minutes until my husband quietly ventured

'Could it be a pine marten?', at which there was a roar of masculine agreement. 'Of course! A pine marten! Well done, mate!'

life imitates fast show sketch

Fast Show sketch imitating real life IMO.

oh yeah, definitely. mail feature imitates fast show sketch imitating real life?

Ironic that I heard that sketch on "The Fast Show" first.

xpost ah dammit.

I KNOW IT WAS 15 MINS AGO, I WAS WORKIN!

like one of those whistles only dogs can hear

If only there was a commonly used name for those things.

http://www.watfordobserver.co.uk/news/1757164.print/

Ah, a 'thieving git' moment.

If your xpost was 15 minutes out of date why would you not just click back?

¯\(°_o)/¯

Is that excerpt being cited for wrongheadedness cz of
a) the thieving, not mentioned until later, by someone else;
b) this happens to everyone, not just to women by men, so enough with the ¡que machistas! tone;
c) this never happens at all, moaning bitches (I assure you it does, though I had assumed to everyone, but recent personal examples all went along the same gender lines);
d) it is poorly written, though no more so than 80% of newspaper waffle-pieces?

(I just went to read the rest of the article and couldn't be bothered to wade through it, so I'm not going to bother defending it on d, I guess)

It's fairly obviously bollocks from the start, but b) probably applies too.

¯\(°_o)/¯

― Susan Tully Blanchard (MPx4A), Thursday, 13 August 2009 10:58 (1 hour ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

Because I clicked on it, went to do something, came back, read thread, typed in reply, Submitted, added xpost, resubmitted, then saw how long ago it was wanted to.

I suppose it is clearly bollocks.

Either I am still too annoyed at the last time this happened to me to notice, or I forgot that normal people don't spend as much time thinking about weasels as I do (and I couldn't pick a pine marten out of a lineup either).

As you were...

Well, my first reaction was that it was made up shit, but I guess it could have happened to the Watford woman for real years ago for all I know.

it could be the same woman. what's the betting that two women in the media know each other? and that the one reporting it second-hand got the location wrong? as DM articles go - as DM articles on its website today alone - this is not one to pick on, and i've no idea why you would.

I figured it reasonably likely it was one person using two different bylines - I found it while googling for the Fast Show sketch which I don't actually remember

indeed, tho the watford one says it all happened to her friend, and the DM one says it happened to her

c'mon, there's no way this isn't plagiarism.

Anecdotal women-being-ignored story:

Have just been watching Sky Sports News. They are reading out viewer emails from people talking about the introduction of women's boxing to the Olympics.
Female presenter reads out an email "Sue from Croydon wonders if this means we'll get Chippendales parading round with the boards between rounds" (laughs at this point, evidently getting Sue from Croydon's stupid point and doing that presenterly thing of pretending your viewers are great) "but she's spelled it chip and dales, like Chip and Dale, I'm not sure what that's about".
Bloke presenter: "well, you see, some boxing tournaments have women in bikinis carrying the boards, she means that female boxing might have..."
Female interjects: "yes, I know, but Chip And Dale"...
Bloke ignores her: "yes, female boxing might have scantily clad men, you see"
Female tries to butt in again, bloke looks at her like she's simple and carries on with something else.

Grrrrr.

That pine marten story sounds like a load of bollocks, and the various people who have had this happen to them need to realise that it makes them look like they have a really twatty taste in friends.

Not usually my friends, alas. I signed up for beginners' German lessons, where the class was one male tutor, four women who didn't speak (much) German (it being a beginners' class), and one half-German guy who was pretty much fluent at spoken German but wanted to brush up on his grammar. Most of every lesson was him and the tutor talking - usually in English - about football and films we hadn't seen. Occasionally the tutor would throw a question apparently to the entire group, except this would happen every time a woman answered.

Working in IT, meetings are usually another good source of it.

Why I hate Daily Telegraph readers, as distilled into the comments at the bottom of one article about Islam

http://img216.imageshack.us/img216/4715/tinymaoam.jpg

The other day, while doing our weekly shop, I bought for my two children Benjamin and Ofelia, a packet of Haribo Maoam lemon-and-lime confectionery. It was only after I was leaving the checkout that I noticed the appalling illustration on the packaging.

This consists of a lemon and lime locked in what appears to be a carnal encounter. The lime, who I assume to be the gentleman in this coupling, has a particularly lurid and distasteful expression on his face.

I demanded to see the shop manager and during a heated exchange my wife became quite distressed and had to sit down in the car park.

I was told to register my complaint with the manufacturer. I'm glad I spotted this before my young children, who are both very sensitive.

My wife and I have always tried to maintain their innocence -- and to think our years of careful parenting could have been wrecked by, of all things, a sweet wrapper makes me livid.

I received a reply from the company saying that the wrapper design had been introduced in Germany in 2002 with a view to making the fruit figures 'more modern and lively' to 'better appeal to the consumer.' It said 'at no point was it intended to create sexual images.' It had been shown to a number of children and adults of different age groups, none of whom has made any comments referring to sexual content.

I consider this response to be less than satisfactory. As a member of our local church, I'm now urging other members of our flock to boycott Haribo products until this illustration is removed.

SIMON SIMPKINS
Pontefract, West Yorkshire

lime is clearly the broad, or it's shock horror a gay coupling

This consists of a lemon and lime locked in what appears to be a carnal encounter. The lime, who I assume to be the gentleman in this coupling, has a particularly lurid and distasteful expression on his face.

Someone should tell him the lemon is a dude as well.

lol xpost

Fair play, you put it better

The most disgusting thing about this is that it's a revival of an old, old story

http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/article.html?in_article_id=6148&in_page_id=2

or that it's just a publicity stunt by haribo:

http://www.brandrepublic.com/News/929986/Maoam-carnal-complaint-letter-publicity-stunt/

The old ILX thread about it

"They were especially opposed to the lemon flavoured chews, which 'undoubtedly show a green figure having sex with a lemon.'"

o happy world

The lime has got legs but the lemon hasn't, makes it look like some sort of fruit-based decapitation scenario. Disgusting.

http://zalandria.files.wordpress.com/2007/12/boxing_helena.jpg

boxing helemon

boxcar helemon

children would be shocked to find that they were the product of a carnal encounter, quite possibly conducted with grim expressions on the faces of each party

Guy on the right's face looks like he's just sucked a lemon.

oh mercy me look at that sexy fucking lemon. what i wouldn't do to her if I was a young juicy lime.

I wonder how many trolls get letters in.

Lucky it wasn't a tomato...

tomato-flavoured chewing-gum is something that could only have been forged in the Stygian vaults of a particularly British imagination