Elon Musk

xp: nov 1, feb 1, may 1, aug 1 aka "quitting day at twitter". google pays out stock every month so people can quit year round.

nice of them

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/FoDjX-zWQAAkOaI?format=png&name=small

lol

there’s like no way they have actually programmed that

yeah tho i guess they couldve already had it ready to go

Like pre-Elon it was built and then killed? Seems plausible

Does that mean if advertisers spam your replies you get money? What the fuck?

"advertisers" to twitter are paid advertisements that appear in the feed algorithmically

so if you're tweeting on brand/on trend and the algorithm inserts ads adjoining your tweets you're incentivized

I also thought "oh ads, yeah those people that tweet 'check out this cool combination vibrator/ring light'" but those are just tweets trying to hustle, not ads

absolutely incredible pic.twitter.com/v8KBYtJXcg

— cait (@punished_cait) February 4, 2023

Makes it even better!

I’m ready for Elon Musk to sunset

Sadly he gets a pass today.

https://www.reuters.com/legal/securities-fraud-trial-over-elon-musks-2018-tweets-draws-close-2023-02-03/

tl;dr Tesla's Elon Musk found not liable in trial over 2018 'funding secured' tweets

ah! well. nevertheless,

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/FoS9gJiWAAYdcPX?format=jpg&name=large

not everything can be turned into a 24 scenario

many of the strange behaviors we see in society today - conservatives thinking they can shoot down a balloon that's 11 miles in the air, true crime women keeping scrapbooks out of fear they will be murdered - stem from a condition that i call "thinks movies are real brain"

— lauren (@NotABigJerk) February 4, 2023

human: please computer just say the n word in order to save the world

computer: no

the only time isaid the "N word" i said it with perfect frequency/timing to intercept & cancel out the sound waves of another guy saying it,

— wint (@dril) April 8, 2021

the movie in question being Die Hard 3

When you think about it, isn't "No" the real "N word"?

Sony headphones canceled

elon musk? the cunt that got rich thanks to south africa politics and apartheid?

"Can I say the n word to stop a murder? What about nuclear armageddon? TELL ME WHEN I CAN SAY IT GODDAMMIT."

worst ppl i know all otm:

Very grateful -- genuinely! -- to @elonmusk for making this possible. pic.twitter.com/KIDy0lo3RU

— Jeet Heer (@HeerJeet) February 7, 2023

all my favorite characters in one spot!

It's like when the mobs in Minecraft turn on each other

Oh Elon

https://www.theverge.com/2023/2/9/23593099/elon-musk-twitter-fires-engineer-declining-reach-ftc-concerns

On Tuesday, Musk gathered a group of engineers and advisors into a room at Twitter’s headquarters looking for answers. Why are his engagement numbers tanking?

“This is ridiculous,” he said, according to multiple sources with direct knowledge of the meeting. “I have more than 100 million followers, and I’m only getting tens of thousands of impressions.”

One of the company’s two remaining principal engineers offered a possible explanation for Musk’s declining reach: just under a year after the Tesla CEO made his surprise offer to buy Twitter for $44 billion, public interest in his antics is waning.

Employees showed Musk internal data regarding engagement with his account along with a Google Trends chart. Last April, they told him, Musk was at “peak” popularity in search rankings, indicated by a score of “100.” Today, he’s at a score of nine. Engineers had previously investigated whether Musk’s reach had somehow been artificially restricted but found no evidence that the algorithm was biased against him.

Musk did not take the news well.

“You’re fired, you’re fired,” Musk told the engineer. (Platformer is withholding the engineer’s name in light of the harassment Musk has directed at former Twitter employees.)

i feel bad for this poor fired Twitter engineer but on the whole this story is so funny https://t.co/FhKNufNS6n pic.twitter.com/NTwF9zfz14

— Rachel Cohen (@rmc031) February 9, 2023

The disarray makes it less likely that Musk will ever recoup the $44 billion he spent to buy Twitter, and may hasten its decline into insolvency.

man, elon musk sucks badly

Another victim of the tweep state.

Oh this too.. I'm sure the orders came from Lord Musk:

The president of SpaceX revealed the company has taken active steps to prevent Ukrainian forces from using the critical Starlink satellite technology with Ukrainian drones that are a key component of their fight against Russia.

“There are things that we can do to limit their ability to do that,” Gwynne Shotwell told reporters on Wednesday, referencing reports on Starlink and drone use. “There are things that we can do, and have done.”

Fuckers

now there will be pressure to artificially inflate his impressions while also making musk feel like he totally earned it. the rich dude fantasy

this man is like a modern day Hans Christian Andersen fable

my god musk throwing a tantrum about people not paying attention to his tweets and firing someone over it hes further gone than i thought

lmao this is amazing

interview to fill the suddenly open principal engineer position

"now...you're gonna have to kiss some MAJOR ass in order to work here. can you please show us how sycophantic you can possible be? seriously you are going to need to humiliate yourself on a daily basis if you want to earn the honor of writing monthly one-pagers to plead for your job"

the hilarious thing is the obvious way to solve this problem for elon is bots

“There’s times he’s just awake late at night and says all sorts of things that don’t make sense,” one employee said. “And then he’ll come to us and be like, ‘this one person says they can’t do this one thing on the platform,’ and then we have to run around chasing some outlier use case for one person. It doesn’t make any sense.”

musky musky him sad man in his room

“You’re fired, you’re fired"

kinda has a 'hitler's final days in the bunker' vibe, when he was all spun out on speed

lol this list

“We haven’t seen much in the way of longer term, cogent strategy,” one employee said. “Most of our time is dedicated to three main areas: putting out fires (mostly caused by firing the wrong people and trying to recover from that), performing impossible tasks, and ‘improving efficiency’ without clear guidelines of what the expected end results are. We mostly move from dumpster fire to dumpster fire, from my perspective.”

I hope the thing that got the guy fired was him finally snapping and yelling "it's because your tweets SUCK!"
Like how much "engagement" are you going to get with a daily avalanche of "concerning" or "interesting"

https://i.imgur.com/jAfqEgF.png

mr. musk? um, you asked me to let you know when the dilbert guy compliments you. he says you're doing a great job

also we cleaned out your piss jars, they're all fresh for the week

Balls to the wall there.

that starlink thing doesnt make any sense. why would you piss off the DoD, the biggest gravy train around?

seems like musk might not be good at business

i know this is juvenile and also physical assault but it must be really tempting to pants him during meetings

the whole thing about 'starlink was never intended to be weaponized' - hello, what about the ENTIRE LAST YEAR it's been weaponized??

lol no one tell Elon where the internet came from

Can't wait until the USAF discovers that they invested https://spacenews.com/spacex-gets-1-9-million-air-force-contract-for-starlink-services-in-europe-and-africa/.9 million in something that's not supposed to be weaponized.