Elon Musk

nah dude, alcohol made me a track and field champion. after a fifth of vodka before my 100m race, I lurched into my opponent's lane, stepped on his foot and broke it so he had to drop out

i feel like babe ruth drank a lot and didn't seem to hurt him on the field or with the ladies

it hurt when he drove cars into trees, which he did often during his lowest point

cars drive themselves now

into trees even

This has come up a bunch in testimony, so it's worth spelling it out: Musk seems to believe that the fact that he once tweeted that Tesla stock price was too high but it immediately went higher absolves him of any subsequent attempt to manipulate the stock price by tweet. https://t.co/K0bsyHigzL

— E.W. Niedermeyer (@Tweetermeyer) January 23, 2023

legal genius

feel like i followed niedermeyer an age ago but checking his TL says i didn't

or that elon pressed the the big red button that makes me unfollow his foes w/o me knowing

lol re-following is already paying dividends, further down this thread he links to a story in nme.com!

wow shameless. i hope the sec fines him one million dollars

just literally using the Trump playbook of saying all kinds of shit so that no one can pin you down on any one thing

Whenever my co's CEO tells us something big that'd affect our stock price we're all told REALLY STRONGLY that we are not to touch our shares or tell anyone else, on pain of legal/criminal punishment. Its not rocket science. Musk surely cant be that stupid. You talk acquisitions, you halt trading ffs.

hes really testing americas permissive regulatory regime, for no good reason

yeah, he’s being stupid but in a crafty way

it’s like when your parents told you something was the LAW and you’re like, ok, I am going to be cautious because if I do this things the cops will know and come arrest me! then you see others do the thing and the cops never show up. pretty soon you realize that it’s rare people get caught, but if they have money, they can lawyer their way out of it anyway, like a rich old man who never puts the required license plates on his car but just pays the fine every time

eventually you have money and haven’t seen any real enforcement and you’re Elon and you just do whatever because if you are a billionaire the cost of fines and lawyers far outstrips your gaming of the market

in the US the supposed checks and balances system is kind of a farce and an afterthought based on constitutional interpretation (branches to create, execute, and judge according to to law) but we kept adding little hacks and totally new things like the stock market appeared, agencies that may or may not have actual teeth to do things. and there are even libertarian types who have now argued that regulatory agencies can’t enforce anything, and the concept is going through courts. are the SEC, FCC, etc really able to block things or levy fines without a jury trial? maybe not!

https://www.bbc.com/news/business-64384278

likeness captured

Doesn’t look enough like a waterlogged corpse.

https://news.bloomberglaw.com/business-and-practice/elon-musks-epic-quest-for-lols-is-only-hurting-tesla

ooof tremendously sad interaction

Thank you, Sir Doge!

— Mr. Tweet (@elonmusk) January 25, 2023

please clap

Mr. Tweet

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/FnXIhv_acAIDbNd?format=jpg&name=900x900

DETAILS: Rick Ross won't ride in Teslas because he's afraid they will automatically drive him to the police

"I've always had in the back of my mind, the government could tap into the brain of the car. 'OK, where's Rick? Nah, bring him in for questioning.'https://t.co/bWkCL9b3sP

— XXL Magazine (@XXL) January 25, 2023

guess he forgot he is police

Rick Ross - Fuck Tha Me

The poor engineers at Twitter have to talk to these weirdos Elon invites and pretend like they're trying to solve the imaginary problem that their tweets don't get enough likes pic.twitter.com/Ikalc8GN1o

— Wild Geerters (@steinkobbe) January 27, 2023

twitter engineers supplying dave rubin with a black box that makes his posts less shit

at last a task worthy of AI

it has self driving tho

@elonmusk @TeslaOwnersWW @BLKMDL3 Family was excited to receive Tesla Y delivery on 1/24/2023. Was driving on highway and all the sudden steering wheel fall off, was lucky enough there was no car behind and I was able to pull on devider #SafetyFirst #Fixit #TeslaModelY #help pic.twitter.com/4UMokFA2cv

— Prerak (@preneh24) January 30, 2023

#fixit

If your steering wheel falls off just lean to the right or left to turn the car.

You are too strong. I wasn’t able to fall off any steering wheel of my two Teslas. Lol

— Khlee (@Khlee15052283) January 30, 2023

xpost - Elon leaned so hard to the right that he's still spinning in circles out in the parking garage

https://thumbs.gfycat.com/ClearcutAptGecko.webp

it kills me that the I Think You Should Leave focus group sketch is basically Tesla irl

he admit it!

threb

2️⃣ The verification scandal in November was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Data from the Standard Media Index (SMI) suggests that ad spend on Twitter dropped by 71% in December year on year. It was 55% in November.

— John McCarthy (@JohnGeeMcCarthy) January 31, 2023

Since the Elonjet thing this guy seems to have scaled back his public bullshit. Maybe someone was able to convince him to stfu.

omg

God it's so fucking funny that he fired everyone who knows how the site works pic.twitter.com/cPxvEIUWkN

— Ashley Feinberg (@ashleyfeinberg) February 1, 2023

supposedly bonuses get paid out today so there may be another exodus happening

i think Twitter just straight up doesn’t have a support team anymore. an A-list celebrity’s account being hacked and used to phish payment info from fans isn’t something that used to just stay unresolved for over 24 hours lol pic.twitter.com/ELjISQcXPq

— LeMucus Triller Moth (@legotrillermoth) February 1, 2023

xp: nov 1, feb 1, may 1, aug 1 aka "quitting day at twitter". google pays out stock every month so people can quit year round.

nice of them

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/FoDjX-zWQAAkOaI?format=png&name=small

lol

there’s like no way they have actually programmed that

yeah tho i guess they couldve already had it ready to go

Like pre-Elon it was built and then killed? Seems plausible

Does that mean if advertisers spam your replies you get money? What the fuck?

"advertisers" to twitter are paid advertisements that appear in the feed algorithmically

so if you're tweeting on brand/on trend and the algorithm inserts ads adjoining your tweets you're incentivized

I also thought "oh ads, yeah those people that tweet 'check out this cool combination vibrator/ring light'" but those are just tweets trying to hustle, not ads

absolutely incredible pic.twitter.com/v8KBYtJXcg

— cait (@punished_cait) February 4, 2023

Makes it even better!

I’m ready for Elon Musk to sunset