The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power series

nah it's brass knuckles for a balrog

The credit sequence already is bits of metal forming the nine rings

God DAMMIT I fucking KNEW it, argh.

How about a credit sequence that has people in it? Or a hammer smashing eggs How about an extreme closeup of a pimple getting squeezed, or a cute wolverine smiling?

Something, anything, other than the same ONE IDEA getting flogged to death by prestige streaming media companies.

If someone paid me to do credits for a Netflix/HBO/whatever show (which they won't), it would be a grainy video of me typing the credits, badly, on a circa-1977 manual typewriter, and the closing credits would be me correcting the inevitable mistakes using Wite-Out.

Or one of those Warhol movies where it's a guy snoring or the Empire State Building or some shit

Can no one rid me of this 2020s visual cliche

I mean...the end of the credit sequence is literally one big ass ring dissolving into the center space. Can't see how you missed it! :-D

the one ring is a toilet seat?

Magmarillion

― the floor is guava (Ye Mad Puffin), Monday, October 3, 2022 11:13 PM (yesterday) bookmarkflaglink

Worst twin tribute band ever

Enjoying this show, despite caveats. Dialogue and stupid decision-making by some of the characters being the primary ones. Last episode: was so appalled that Arondir would give low-key dark blade addict Theo responsibility for handing said blade to the elves, that I was ambushed + exponentially appalled by the fact that the blade turned out to be an axe. Truly astonished that no one unfolded that cloth. Someone else can blind hold an axe and a knife and see how much different they feel from one another, my guess is “very.”

The characters are solid enough*, as concepts.

I’m generally fine with the acting, the better acting ranging from really very good (Galadriel, Adar, Arondir, the dwarves, Elrond) to almost everyone else not on Numenor**.

*Biggest problem spots with characters for me have been the Harfoot caravan — decent acting but Ireland should probably sue the show.

**Numenor has broader soap opera-y acting (from the Gerald Butler clone picking fights and leading failed union movements, to the Failson of Pharazôn) but at least Numenor looks impressive. Speaking of failsons, Isildur does seem like the perfect mark for Sauron’s “one last heist” plan to stay afloat decades later at Mt Doom.

I’m not sold on it being a failure at all, but if I was more steeped in the lore I might feel that way. The manner in which the last episode played out for most of the runtime (violent, tense, bloody) gives me some hope.

This show is unbelievably boring. I’m out.

― 𝔠𝔞𝔢𝔨 (caek), Saturday, September 24, 2022 3:00 PM (one week ago) bookmarkflaglink

It pulled me back in.

I’m not sold on it being a failure at all, but if I was more steeped in the lore I might feel that way.

I'm right here, you know. (This assessment is accurate.)

It pulled me back in.

At this point the three of us on the podcast are essentially watching with grim fascination -- or rather observing it rather than engagedly watching it. If I can draw distinction, it is driving me crazy that I have wait another six days for a new Andor episode, while the fact that the new episode of this show debuts in less than two hours from now is making me resent I have to spend time on it.

I think the major reason I’m actually excited to see new episodes is because the 11 year old is pretty thrilled by the show. Despite having read and apparently memorized the Silmarillion, he doesn’t seem too thrown by the deviations at this point. We’ll see how he feels when Galadriel sleeps with Sauron (joking of course….unless…?)

Andor episode 3 was sort of a masterclass in how to make a damn thrilling episode of a show with little in the way of FX, just some effective mapping out of a location and absurdly effective sound design. TROP has the spectacle but could take similar lessons in such use of other elements from that show (or from the Jackson trilogy in scenes such as the pre-battle sequence at Helm’s Deep.)

Ironically I thought the best part of their Helm's Deep ripoff was the psych fakeout when they come to the gate and...nobody's there.

Okay you know how I said last week's episode was at once the best yet and also completely batshit? REPEAT THAT again. (Arguably better this time but I was telling my cohost Jared "I don't trust it, the ending will have something stupid" and it did...TWICE.)

And speaking of my cohost

when you adapt something you don’t have to do it 1:1, but you should consider the meaning of events, because they’re a game of jenga and if you pull out the wrong symbolic brick, the meaning of the story comes cascading down

— Bram Stoker's Jared Pechaček (@vandroidhelsing) October 7, 2022

now trending on quora: COULD ELVES WITHSTAND A NUKE?

Ned's cohost is spot on, but for Amazon, Inc what they bought was a 'property' not a story full of meaning. You probably already know that they dream of turning it into the kind of property exemplified by Marvel Productions or Disney's version of Star Wars. They'd love the hardcore Tolkien fans to come along for the ride, but they will jettison you in favor of new fans whose allegiance is to Amazon's version of Middle Earth.

they will jettison ned at their peril

what if they cast him into the cracks of doom

ash nedg durbatulûk etc

Middle Management Earth

Ned will cast them in first!!

Not all those who wander are Ned

bright blue his JACKET is
and his BOOTS are YELLOW

wait why are there three blue wizards (saurons)

and why so many elvis impersonators?

cant have elvish w/o elvis (sauron)

You have invoked quite a dream here

What has it got in its Raggettses?

im calling it: no one has ever used the word "yester-eve" outside poorly written fiction

what shall we call it instead lord adar
hobbiton

My cohosts and I were, how you say, not taken with that name change business and how it was conveyed. I was hoping for neon letters underneath Mordor reading "Under New Management."

Enjoy a last trailer?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6D5w2TG8IqM

That musical background is just so lazy and generic it could be something they pulled off a shelf that's already been used in dozens of other trailers.

I’m several episodes behind but I’ve seen 75% of the shots in that final episode trailer already.

this is just so stunningly bad

it's like lifeforce or battle beyond the stars

My cohosts and I were, how you say, not taken with that name change business and how it was conveyed. I was hoping for neon letters underneath Mordor reading "Under New Management."

it was so tonally wrong and unbelievably cheesy it stood out in what was the worst episode so far

Still so, so, so lacking in actual rings of power.

The worst thing about this episode was I completely missed Isildur being taken out of action, which was where the Queen regent lost her vision as well. I know what scene it was, it was the catastrophically directed bit with the house afire and then collapsing. I just didn’t follow the action somehow.

Thought for a minute that the big fella bringing the apple orchard back to life would lead to them deciding to settle down there. Missed opp for parallel title card change at the end.

I’m late to this and thus not reading the thread yet, but had to check in to vent my despair at the horrible, bland, awkward dialogue. Every time the story threatens to become interesting we get some cretin in costume leaning in saying “and your name is … ?”

the title card change was great

“ok, it’s painfully obvious to everyone who has watched or read anything related to this what the implication is”

“hmm, but what if our audience is really thick?”

👉🏾 NOW A DEBATABLE AND DESERT LAND 👈🏽

“Yester-eve” really stood out to me as well. There’s a lot of straining for heightened language which doesn’t work, and I just don’t understand how no one noticed how stilted and awkward it can be.

I’m still not used to emotional elves.

but how did the land name change happen, was there a referendum or what

It was a vibe shift

the land name change is like when you throw the one ring in the fire and letters appear, but with a volcano

the land name reveal parties are getting a bit over the top, i blame the elves

we very much need to see orcs in ordinary down-time, chatting, chilling, not pillaging, debating small local issues like borough signage, ash clearance, bin collections

Hear me out but as the orc tele-cinematic universe expands maybe we can get the occasional trade dispute between rivals. Or complaints about orcs “juking the stats” with regards to manflesh supply.

xp arguing over who the bins get delivered to..

Enjoy a last trailer?

Is there only one episode left this season? Jesus

So, so bad