Elon Musk

My favorite Velvet Underground outtake.

lag00n iirc this is your pet theory

We obtained internal $TSLA documents from a number of whistleblowers that prove that Tesla and Elon Musk have been defrauding investors for years in a variety of different ways. But the most important is that Tesla has been lying about how many cars it sells.

— PlainSite (@PlainSite) June 15, 2022

wasn't this all well-known for years? didn't someone actually spot a parking lot full of "sold" Teslas in Arizona or something?

is this going to be like when college professors make their students buy their crappy book

to drive up "sales", i mean

that was a common trick with Scientologists, to keep Hubbard's shitty books on the NYTimes bestseller list

L. Ron and Elon seem to share some personality traits

I'm not going to read that tweet thread or do any actual research on my own, but when every single fucking car on the road is already a Tesla, why would they want to lie about how many they sell?

to get into the s&p500 to boost their stock price?

to have a market cap 5 times ford and toyota combined?

when every single fucking car on the road is already a Tesla

i see a lot of teslas these days too. the other day a tesla parked next to me as i was walking downtown and three people got out of it and actually irl right there on the sidewalk in front of me started shouting at each other about whose fault it was the door locks weren't working. they wanted to leave their tesla, skirt their way around the homeless, and patronize one of our many fine downtown boutiques; but they couldn't because the door locks weren't working, and they blamed each other. they opened and closed doors and tugged on handles and fumed and barked "try it now" and "no stop just stop!" it was so pornographic i thought it had to be a dream, but it wasn't.

lol

lmaooooooo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5SbEss4svXk

wow!

i was just watching a recommended facebook video about ancient egyptian locks, earlier this morning. the basic mechanics of them have barely changed in thousands of years, it's amazing

and yet here we are

gemstones scene much better because less on-the-nose. my story is true but hacky

is this going to be like when college professors make their students buy their crappy book

― Bruce Stingbean (Karl Malone), Wednesday, June 15, 2022 10:45 AM (fifty-three minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

Yeah, except many of those professors don't make dick, and Musk makes enough in one minute to support you and me for a year if not more. Lay off the easy targets.

One day, probably in my lifetime, the only thing the US government will be able to actually do is fund cops & military, and force you to buy a Tesla

lag00n iirc this is your pet theory

― 𝔠𝔞𝔢𝔨 (caek), Wednesday, June 15, 2022 1:35 PM (one hour ago) bookmarkflaglink

very interesting

I genuinely don't know if I've ever seen a Tesla in real life. I'm sure there are some in my state, but my city doesn't really attract the kind of d-bags who would buy them.

will be interesting to see if/when owning one starts to communicate "i am a republican"

not many teslas in vermont tho i do see more than the previous none

what if instead of database just jira

How do we know? $TSLA revolves around a product called JIRA, a bug database commonly used at software companies. At Tesla, JIRA tracks more than just software—it tracks *everything*. Weird A/C smell? JIRA ticket. Console glitch? JIRA ticket. Car catch on fire? JIRA ticket.

— PlainSite (@PlainSite) June 15, 2022

so... what's the delta? by how many cars is TSLA over-reporting by?

I think a lot of normies own them but Musk really seems to be chasing the d-baggiest sector of the market there is

if he can get the bros who’ve heretofore purchased $80k trucks as status symbols/personality replacements/to own the libs to switch to his farting car then that proves he’s smart

A journalist just asked me if I wanted to send them a recording of the all hands with musk tomorrow “off the record”.

in hilo i now see multiple teslas literally every time i leave the house. may have been a "libertarian" influx lately (guys in search of compound space etc) but probably most of these are driven by well-off liberals who wanted something cooler than a leaf. (the one person i actually know with one is a retired public schoolteacher, so i can't rly be less than nice about it.)

Both of the two coworkers I know that have recently bought Teslas are blue lives matter cops' kids who constantly harp on "Biden's gas prices". Insignificant sample size sure, but hard to imagine these would be the Tesla buying types even three years ago.

I see a couple of Teslas every day, one of them is the Model X SUV that remains the ugliest vehicle on the road and another is a regular S with CRYPTO vanity plates. Haven't seen that one in a couple of weeks so it might be getting repoed.

I’ve never seen one either. Maybe I’d know if one hit me.

Along with the Range Rovers, they are the bane of the carpool line at my son's school.

they definitely have the highest percentage of vanity plates of any vehicle make

pour one out for the Teslas silently driving themselves back to the dealership in the wake of crypto crashing

A journalist just asked me if I wanted to send them a recording of the all hands with musk tomorrow “off the record”.

― 𝔠𝔞𝔢𝔨 (caek), Wednesday, June 15, 2022 3:27 PM (fourteen minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

cant believe max would do that

I see many more of them now, and the racial makeup of those driving them is pretty even in my majority minority city.

Like any very expensive thing, they are a status symbol, little more.

I will say that the first time I saw one, though, I was living in Chico, CA, and some asshole Tesla owner parked ACROSS TWO SPACES at the local grocery store that was always packed because it had the best quality/price ratio. I left a note on it that said, "LEARN HOW TO PARK YOUR FANCY CAR."

figure it’s just a matter of time til I see one modded out to roll coal

guys, the libertarians owning teslas have been there the whole time. utopian tech nerd overlap

The first Tesla I saw was parked in a friend's neighbor's driveway in Berkeley and had a bumper sticker that said "this car runs on coal"

3% of California's power comes from coal, but ok.

I don't know, if these people are the jackasses that would normally buy a giant land rover, and instead are buying an electric car? I guess that's a good thing overall

plus they're more likely to burn to death in a Tesla because they can't open the door

guys, the libertarians owning teslas have been there the whole time. utopian tech nerd overlap

― mh, Wednesday, June 15, 2022 3:56 PM (thirty-two minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

they were the first buyers, sure, but it's like an expensive prius now in california, i.e. totally mainstream family car.

pour one out for the Teslas silently driving themselves back to the dealership in the wake of crypto crashing

:)

A single tear coming from a headlight.

libertarian Wall -E

I wear headphones when walking so I have no way of even suspecting if a car is a tesla

very much enjoyed dlh’s little sketch tho

They are one of the most popular cars here in Vancouver. A lot of older guys mostly I think. My friend bought one when he retired and theres like 5 on his block. First time I was in it he wanted to demonstrate the self-drive thing, although we were screaming at him not to. The car immediately sped up to 20km over the speed limit (this was in a place where deer regularly leap out onto the road). When we got to our destination his seat automatically started tipping him out the door, which had the effect of crushing my foot, because I was jammed in the cramped back seat. I actually thought it was going to break bones but in the end it was ok probably only because I had boots on.
More seriously, he couldn't even find the proper version of Daddy Cool by Boney M on the special Tesla streaming radio thing. Only a 2000s remix. Crap car.

lmao

xxp they’re the ones that accelerate toward you when you’re using a crosswalk