It's ok to write poems and put them here

Cops down the close today, chapped front and back and peered in windows
Then walked back out slowly, questioning the biddies
Young Laura was far too excited, leaned out the window, followed it like Love Island
Or Wagatha Christie or whatever, all I know is that cushion will need cleaning
"Boy stays there is dead" she said, maybe, or wanted for something
I spent the afternoon trying to recall if the tenant had changed
Cus all I recall of that house is the dog who tried to repeatedly kill my cat
Chased him back home and jumped at the window, snarling and drooling
Each time eventually his owner came down the lane to drag him home
A cheerful "sorry!", like oh deary me, it's happened again
Like as if he'd dropped crumbs on my carpet
As opposed to try to murder my best friend

Whatever's going on in there it'd take numerous bodies
To jump into the top 3 village dramas
1. pub explosion 2. impaled cyclist 3. "gun siege"
Actually I take it back, fuck that last one

That time some cars got keyed in some domestic shandybang?
More dramatic than "gun siege"
When the councillor didn't turn up to judge the dog show?
More dramatic than "gun siege"
When I spilt Swedish meatballs out that amazingly tasty wrap, and they bounced right down the front of my second best Busan Giants baseball shirt?
More dramatic than "gun siege"
If that boy has fell asleep and just isn't answering the door?
Eh, prolly statistically exactly the same drama as "gun siege"

The worst thing about "gun siege" to me
(not that girl who missed her birthday party, no one was turning up anyway, cus she stunk of piss, and her house stunk of dog)
But the daughter of the perpetrator, crying next day in school
Cus the elder girls were giving her grief

That was fucked up
I can't pass her in the street now without that flashing through my head

But point is, if that dog owner still lives in that house down the close
I've wished death on that boy repeatedly
Sicced the minature demons with their deathrays on him (never worked)
So if it is the same boy, and he is dead in there...

Good.

"SPINELESS"?!? Fuck you I'm all spine, it's just painfully crooked
i came in fourth that one time, why is that still relevant?
OK I don't "own" a baby, but I held one once
It worked out FINE, why is your pinched brain attitude entranching on my territory?

Summatsummat bout yerma, let's try this: SSSSSHHHHHH!
I recall you waltzing with me round this (yes) pretty small room
Did you actually grow multiple inches in your twenties?
Also, when did the Irish learn to speak Italian?

Swirlyswirly, it's (hmmm) possible we'll both get out alive
Are we picking corners now? I only brought one bucket
But when you're pegging it down that street, remember to thank me
Just stop, catch your breath, think of me, and whisper "thanks..."

I like your poems, Jonathan

Your socks are RED and PIRATE, so double lucky
I put "DARE TO DREAM!" in the groupchat, but that was pure posture
It was for the benefit of the youngers, whose brains are still mushy and impressionable
I think it's important to leave some fingerprints on there

Really tho, you heard which song was playing when you walked through the front door
"I Think It's Going To Rain Today"
You tried to distract me with talk of various versions
But c'mon, in this household it's Judy Collins, for now and til eternity

I'm not good with facial expressions, we've discussed this before
The cheatsheets from Jigsaw were less than useless
But that's concern, right? I've seen it a lot recently
Last time from youknowwho, followed with a verbal "are you alright?"

No the Ragdolls don't need a website, the whole folderol's 79% (plus/minus) imaginary
And 3/5 of us can't even spell our name
But while you're buying domains, can I have Timothytherockband.com?
Seriously, you don't get that reference?

You're really far too young for me to be associating with
Do you even remember a period when your arm was an arm?
Take a lap round the estate
(with a lighter that actually works, I'm not a monster)

I remember when vaping was a different concept
Every fucker had that same wooden thing
With that same shitty platitude wrote on the back
Mines prolly in that drawer there, I'll leave it you in my will

Sorry, can I append the following to the preceding:

That girl you brung in? Sat on my sofa saying nothing?
I'm afraid to ask her age
But the way she holds her hand over exactly half her face
Seems like an important statement, if I can only decipher it

IN MEDIAS RES: I'm crouched on the lino
My stomach retches two or three more times
Nothing comes out except... I think it's bile?
Bright yellow like egg yolk, mind them funcy eggs?

Slowly raise up, check my legs are still working
Carefully place a single square of paper down
Rinse my mouth with... VODKA? Fuck has my life come to?
Make sure everyone sees my teeth as I walk back in

Crouch by the records, as an excuse to crouch
Pretend to scan the spines, as if I don't know them by heart
"Inspector Norse again?" comes the cry from the cheap seats
"No" I lie, pulling literally whatever's where my finger landed

It was a Numero comp of gospel music
We all sat there in silence til both sides played out
It was really cool, but that night I imagined everyone lying in bed
Pondering exactly why I picked that specific record

Frankly Kid, I disagree
We've reached the point in the year when I need to go visit your auntie
Sit in her backyard, smoke a few cigarettes, unload everything onto the slabs
I know she'll not hug me, just hesitate then pat my head

That's all I ask for

I deliberately won't preannounce my arrival
Cus I feel bad when she lays out the big spread
2 pots of coffee and an ashtray, I'm set
Find sneaky banknotes in my jacket pocket after I've left

That's not necessary
She's no more well off than me

The wind hits my face as I turn down the lane to the harbour
Detour past the Bamse statue, tip my hat, if I'm wearing one
Inhale the chinese fumes as I scuttle through the tunnel
Oh they've got a sign now, good for them

Never going in there again
They will ask me about Someone Dead, that's too upsetting
Also their menu is far too lengthy for my feeble mind

Fucking 2 decades younger than me, apparentley 2 decades smarter than me
Like, mimicked my groan, mimicked my body language
The same two fingers pointed at the same screen
Tbh, she's prolly fucking hilarious on a day-to-day basis

HOW MANY CHILDREN HAVE WE LEFT OUTSIDE?
I didn't care til she bust out that singsong voice
Fuckit, let's feed EVERY SINGLE ONE of them
You gunna make tempura batter?

OH WOW, SHIT, I'M EXPECTED TO DO THIS?
YES I'M AWARE I'M BETTER AT IT THAN YOU!
No problem, I just want it documented in a book:
"Timothy Fed The Children."
"Jennifer just stood and watched."

Oh yeah this morning, when my mother walked in
My dick was in your hand, we immediately broke apart
I somehow developed a deep interest in that stack of boardgames there
You were suddenly making coffee, which I know you're shit at
You sighed three times while she was sat on my sofa
She smoked 4 of my cigarettes, she better fucking pay me back
You sighed a final time as she walked out the door
Then just giggled, I caught Curtis as he walked past, we all just giggled
This afternoon, that time spent on the carpet, the three of us giggling
I forgot the reason, Curtis never knew the reason, we still carried on
Giggled til my chest hurt, Curtis eventually got bored and left
Me and you never spoke a word to each other, but eventually we were just gazing in each others eyes
Just smirking at this point, but you never looked cuter

One of the cousins visiting from Australia, WOW!
Give me some football snark, I have some genuine upper ground
I fed you fish pie, AT MY MOTHER'S HOUSE!
Like, I genuinelly cooked a fish pie from what was available AT MY MOTHER'S HOUSE!
It got late, you whipped out the whisky
Cus apparently you'd been on the west coast
I forget what distillery, but I just called it "pleaseantly peaty"
"not peaty at all", you said
Ah fuck off ye smug fuck
Just cus me & Mark can't afford these bottles
But then when drinks were taken it all gets political

I said "so yeah, seems better now in Australia, from what I've followed?"
"Albanese, better than Scomo?" "NO!"
"They're all EVIL!" "yeah I guess I agree..."
It got quite cool when you called for "REVOLUTION!"
Less cool when followed up with "...or Demagogue..."
I deliberately went out to smoke, missed the end of your sentence
On reentrance: "what Trump got right..." I had multiple pairs of eyes looking at me
It was only that one hand on my chest, I got it, maybe sit this one out
When he started some shit about immigrants
My mother joined in, "both sides" yeah whatever
I brought up the Tasmanian genocide, he started fucking fuming at me
I lit a fag, walked up the street, sat on my sofa, petted cat, wrote this

btw SORRY KM, THESE WEDDING FOOTBALL COUSINS TURNED OUT TO BE APPARENTELY MASSIVELY RASCIST! someone bring me hard drugs right now

i hate when that happens! but not your fault.

So I sat on a sofa, in a weed house
I was half (eh prolly three quarters) cut when I arrived
And IT WAS LOVELY! Lots of positive vibes
UNTIL! (yeah obv there's an UNTIL!)
This kid (NOT Kid, another kid) who (I think?) lived there said something like...
Like...
(forgive my poor memory, I was half-cut, at least)
"It's just words, words can't harm anyone..."

So I went into a rant, can't recall the specifics
(cus, well yeah)
But it definitely involved the Rwandan genocide
And multiple references to the use of the word "cockroaches"
And machetes, far too many machetes
Possibly the holocaust, I forget
but definitely Ricky Gervais, "Gamergate", JK Rowling and spitTwitter
(blehblehbleh, wash your mouth with another tin)

The one thing I remember, the old guy who was the actual tenant
(I know he'll be 70 this year, cus he's the same age as My Mother)
(I know cus his daughter told me so, fuck is this another tangent? Kill it at birth)
(just this one time we were talking about the Rolling Stones in Hyde Park after Brian Jones died and they both NO! NOT RELEVANT!)
This guy who was silent all evening
Applauded me at the end of my spiel
His son sat there, I could see his cheeks burning
I stood up, made some flamboyant gesture and left

Last night I overheard my mother talking to a cousin, in the kitchen
On my way back from the upstairs toilet
Apologising for me, said "he only sees things in black and white"
"it's because of his disabilty"
I gritted my teeth, went back to the party room
Poured the wine I acquired from eh long story
Pondered on that statement tho, even when I got home, yknow she's probably right
BUT I WILL NEVER APOLOGISE

Fuck the Queen, Fuck the Pope
Also fuck the fucks who write "Fuck the Pope"
Fuck the children who throw rocks at Curtis
In fact, fuck everyone who isn't Curtis

He maybe has longer legs than me
But is eternally the Little Spoon
Singing Kettle in the village tomorrow
Some family going, me and Curtis said FUCK NO thank you

That cousin had an objection about Qatar
No, not the basic slavery deaths
But apparently one referee is from Rwanda and female SHOCK HORROR!
Imma shut up now, maybe die in my sleep

Rubbish cups, squint the buttons look like tinnies
Curtis can't keep eyes open, Áine either
I chucked the Lucky Pirate Socks, worth sum total of fuckall
"beacons" yeahnaw, we might burn down your house tho?

(6'1", apparently. pffft...)

Sample and hold? Story of my life
Just happy to have a younger riding the filter knob
We walk in Pub, That One Lady shouts "IT'S HARD BEING JOHNNY MUMBLE!"
I was trying to gauge the sarcasm level before I decided how much offence to take

Some Jacamo Fuck thinks he can criticise my physical being?
I caught the eye of my eh Secret Sexual Partner
He blinked something to me in code, I didn't catch it
But then started fluttering his lashes to the beat of the jukebox

Threw in the occasional cheeky syncopation
It was the cutest thing I've ever seen

In Silence
they’re still waiting

to unlock the gate
to the theme park we made
and turn on the rollercoasters
just for us

The machines would whir to life
in the dead of night
the time they prefer to work
when our bodies are on autopilot
when our conversation dries up for a while

Our midnight passes indicate
we are visitors from the mind
We shave our hair in the parking lot
and float into the park like holograms

Our dim shades look just right under
drooping strands of pale christmas lights
tracing the paths of old waiting lines

winding toward the biggest rides
waiting in this emptiness
walking among the dead
and what was left for it

you and me, passing between our dreams
and my stomach is somewhere back there in a ceiling

I played JUKES in the panto, he had Megadeth lyrics on his sword
(personal choice), never helped my backstory
You shaved my trousers, I guess I'll think on my feet
The bottoms were blown off by FUCKEN CANNONBALL!

North Wales is the land of my forefathers
But the Mearns is the land of three of my four fathers
Black Bart has like a million glossary references
My Mother has apparently one, hid her face when the notebook crowd asked

Operating on one eye now
Why? WHY? Ask yer cousin's Plus One
Jilly John is now mouthing off
Anyone understand French please expain it

MY HOUSE. MY RULES.
One of them is DON'T BE BRINGING DEAD ANIMALS IN HERE
Try to bog me down in semantics about the contents of my fridge
Whatever, but you're not entering holding THAT
Oh OK, you're just gunna sit there on my lawn
Scaring away... wait... who am I expecting?

I cut every Fascist and Bigot out of my life
All I'm left with now is Creeps and Bullies
Everyone decent scarpered to London
Everyone half decent scarpered to Glasgow
Out of those left, anyone with a driver's licence
Just fucken DROVE, I guess til they fell in the sea

I've spent time in London, I've spent time in Glasgow
Those times were filled with Fascists and Bigots and Creeps and Bullies
So I guess I don't understand the Exodus
If I try harder to be better, could you please come back?
Yeah YOU individual, I don't care about the rest
Show me the list again, I'm ready this time

I mean it.

"Deal with it!"
Pure distraction, point then flit
The main problem with your brother's coin game
Is the constant crossing the road

Moue, "who, me?"
Barrel of bunting sat there for free
Pass the Duchy left until it falls in the sea
And pray nightly it drowns

In high school when asked my solution for our situation
I proposed swordfights for the tallest hills
Everyone laughed, I was King For A Day
But now I'm 42 and googling "swords buy uk"

Don't come to me with your teenage bullshit
Maybe cut off your ear, that will surely impress her
Paint her a picture of some random shit
Just don't go out in the fields, they all look like DEATH

I used to see Angels, like full-on actual beings
Lurking at bus stops, or memorial fountains
Fuzzy shapes, they made my eyes water
If I looked at them too long

I mean, I called them angels, to give them a name
I am now fully aware that was the onset of mental illness
And in my wiser years I know not to point such things out publicly
Doesn't matter, I don't see them anymore

These days it's all about the Black Cats
Constantly lurking in my peripheries
A comforting presence, if I don't think too hard
Force ghosts of my favourite boys

Face North: DEATH.
Face East: DEATH.
Face West: give me one good reason
(I will never face South)

You walked in the room muttering to yourself
I heard "(somethingsomething), only one left now"
But I have no idea what that could be a reference to
Certainly nothing related to HERE or ME

"What were you up to last night?" I forget, let's check...
Oh, arguing on the internet
With Some [alt-right adjacent] boys, they got no respect
For me or my loved ones

I remember writing those verses for (I assume) you
but I don't remember exactly what I wrote
I remember signing some shit for your crew cus they asked me to
but I never knew exactly what I was signing

I'm sure we'll find out eventually

My position was shaky right from the get-go
Ever met anyone in real life who says "potatto"?
Ah fuck it, cut the child in half
I'll take the part flipped the bird as it bled out

Shouting numbers out loud while I'm trying to Deal With Shit
You think it's hilarious, me less so
But that 4/4 THUMP THUMP constant beat
Hides the fact you only really use one meter

Hides the fact you only really have one master

And a multitude of your other sins

Yeah I'm comfy here, please stop asking
This window points the same direction as mines
OK true, I live at a higher elevation
So mibbe keep an eye out for THE FLOOD

Yeah I've warned of THE FLOOD, I'll stop going on now
"Is it a metaphor?" Who even knows at this point?
But every morning I catch Curtis squinting warily at the sky
And he knows a thing or two more than you or me

I'll be fine for this evening, hot and cold drinks both welcome
If I stand and turn I can recognise windmills
But answer me one thing (phones allowed for this question):
When is this rain due to stop?

Hello Glasgow Folk
I travelled south to get here
Thank you for the pavements firm beneath my feet
Thank you for the bushes in the park that I will sleep in tonight

Thank you for the secret vodka in the secret shop
The one the they give you when you ask for "the cheap one"
Thank You specifically, the one of youse taught me that magic trick
I wouldn't have made it without you

Maybe that would've been better
Til these questions started I thought flounder was a fish
You say you never hounded anyone out of anything
You're hounding pretty heavy right now

You should have some respect for the OCD masses
Put a double N in your made-up word
You're speaking aloud, how do I know that you didn't?
I can tell

I CAN TELL

Gird Up Thy Loins! Don't give me that shit
Short shorts then big shirts is how I grew up
Still working on that coal to diamond process
I was shaving in a pub cellar (until it blew up)

Long story short, I deboned fourteen chicken thighs
Muttered "fail better", cus I couldn't fail worse
I walked in the side door, saw your hand on treble twenty
Biro cheat codes on your forearm, bleeding through your shirt

I hit on a random til they brung up the flute shit
Then whipped medallions out, flashed the broken teeth
Your partner's from "Melbin", ask them say "Embra"
Then punch them in the face, shout WELCOME TO LEITH

Medication scarcity is fucking up our day-to-day
Your auntie's youngest still available to me
Eyeball the youngling whilst ignoring that one thing
We're both flipping coins, I bet we die on the same day

Keep up now son, you genuflect, but I genuinelly just checked
You're exactly (to the day) ten years younger than me
Proselytize but tell no lies (I see your father in your eyes)
Comparing tattoos (whisper) I got mine for free

Exhalation, procrastination, sceptical of fashy-nation
You have more towels than maneki neko... but it's close
Lying on the lino fucked on amaro and vino
I've done a survey, we have more scurvy than most

Sorry, that was terrible

Lino doesn't rhyme with vino, for a start

When you briefly stepped away
(to the fridge? to the toilet?)
I took a sneaky peek at your notation
Written on graph paper, three colours and so much geometry
I heard you coming back and rapidlike took my spot again
But I got it
These days I want you to to know, I got it
I don't understand it, but I got it then and I get it now
Fuck, I could show my (SCIENTIFIC) guitar solo chart
Or my double-sided chord progression wheel
(but not before I patent it)

One side major, one side minor

I mind all them righteous rocks you threw
I mind when you claimed every word was true
I mind when that guitar was shiny and new
Most importantly, I mind YOU
You had a different name then
But the same offbeat nod
The same involunantary twitches
The same way you'd glance sideways
Raise your right eyebrow
Whatever goes down
I'm still Team You

(ok, I woke up to that drunkenshit unsent in the text box, I kinda hate it all, especially the misspelling of involuntary, for once that's not deliberate)

I had started on At Last! A Poem About My Cat! but now I'm in a mood and deleted the whole thing. Also had some note about how discussing the opposite of onomatapeia is NOIOSO, it was very clever but I couldn't figure it out

The savage youngers close in on my lawn
I stay silent, interlock my fingers, drop to my knees
Yeah I threatened to kill him
But I added "in Roblox" so I'm legally sound

I'll be walking high street by like latest tomorrow eve
Smirk across the pub at the chud fucken narc
Wave a knife at him through two kitchen windows, that's legal, right?
Rope the kids into a Busby Berkeley routine on the tarmac, find a specific charge for that

Pick it up like some Ramsey, drop it like it's Franco
I've got more fingers than my Granda, sitting pretty pretty
If you didn't go full tankie in Disco Elysium
I can't even look at you

You've been spielling now for dunno hours, the shadow hit my foot and I stopped listening
I still don't believe Darth Vader killed Martin Luther King
Save your platitudes, I'm Christopher Walken here
Look outside, flash count, 11 enemies and one chainsaw

Eleven faces, twentysummat eyeballs tracking me
Scarper to the hall, you'll miss me kickflip off the wall
Yeah that happened. I have a witness! Oh, she passed out
When she wakes up youse pair can debate the length of my dick

I took a walk round the estate, re-entered to the same Batshit
Checked the running time, fuck you're only halfway through!
Knives don't require charging, what was I up to?
Don't ask, winkyface...

Just checking with tu padre, che é vero, che non é vero
How rapid is your brother rotating right now?
Same old sammiches, same old quotes from the same old books
If you continually stand in my room I'll continually raise whatever eyebrows I have left

Cheapish chinos, she wiped the blade on them with a finger to her lips
Then we both plastered on the grin, Simultaneous "HELLO!" as you entered
Checked the fridge, not giving you that, hell, definitely not THAT
Brew you black coffee, this is a dairy-free house, you heard!

Ned Raggett once said:
"I don't believe that radical subjectivity obliberates the platforms
so much as creates a series of dispruptions within axioms as chosen"
Now, ask me how I recall that word for word?
DECADES LATER! I didn't look it up, I swear
That shit is tattooed on my heart...

Dammit I realise I fucked up the literal one sentence that I wasn't meant to fuck up. "to be tested within limits as chosen", I thnk the end was

Is it time for a redemption arc?
Let's me and you talk a walk down the park
I can tell who's at the window without turning round
(different bells have different sounds)

Drummie Games, an annual tradition
Just keep the shades on, no one knows who I am
After a point stop explaining to Canadians
"Heavy Stone Throwing" is an actual event

I'm holding right til the end of the level
I'm holding this baby til her mammy returns
I'm "Holden Caulfield"? fuck you, am I fuck
I'm holding nothing, forget it, I fold

Still better than A Child's Christmas In Wales
That horse skull still haunts me in my sleep

Debate hitboxes with the scurvy kids
Try to not look impressed at the scorpion kicks
The Good Witch blessed me whilst I was lurking on the left wing
Pearly curl, but in return, never talk to those people again

"finish your thought" sounds more aggressive each time she says it
Each time an extra word gets an exclamation mark
I can take it, I know she's got my back
When the Nardise close in she's taping a torch to her shotgun

(metaphorically I mean)

"sounds unlikely" I said whilst smirking
The cops left but that one boy still lurking
Imma carve a swastika into his forehead
Then get off on mental incapacity

Or whatever...

First off: that's an exaggeration
Second off: it was entirely justified
Third off: ok, it wasn't an exaggeration, every word is true
Now I've said it out loud can you please remove the handcuffs?

Why are the neighbours contacting the other neighbours who contact My Mother when I'm away from my house for like four hours?
I mean, I know that particular wifey is a KIDNAPPER
The cat can sit outside, it's particulary clement wether
Flick a fag-end in her back garden as a sign I'm home

Day One (yeah I know say that every day)
My Mother owns no pearls to clutch
We play "The Xabi Song", it's not called that but we all in unison mutter his name over that other name
And when youse all leave I will raise a glass to his memory

But pour nothing out
C'mon, that's wasteful
Curtis just stumbled and acccidentally hit a certain piano chord
It was the sound of DOOM

Last one is called "Nothing Is On Fire", or "The Dangers Of Playing With Knives", or possibly just "Autism"

So I'm working on a new language, it's kinda latin based mixed with scandi but then transcribed phonetically by a computer, this is what we'll be speaking in the post-apocalyptic wasteland, imagine this coming to you from some RPG NPC:

Noonky partson ventry dakky
Dammy undro kwalky sommy si?
Yaya, "kee", canfar ulty zaza ney
Tosi "dungbanny" nen farfaran nenty

Ba septi mes darnar

Undre, drakko, trick, fan
tis sorly frakken de ney
Mik prolly mik bond
Kapshi, tempy venty?

(your clues are the the last line is "did you know, the storm is coming?" and you can see the counting to four line. Work from there)

This is tough going, trying to write poetry in a foreign language + still keep the flow + also establish new words as needed which must follow the etymological formula. Kansky = maybe. Framty = future. Cordy = remember. I've retranslated "undre" to "preem" as new details emerged. I've wrote 4 lines in 6 hours. I need like 8 more whiteboards and a gofundme.

Foory sol kansky nunky de foory
Voo framty mig, forfanny da hey
Jully preem, sunnerary por preemy
Neme cordy tally por "bank"

So I spent all morning trying to translate "numerical midfield superiority" and eventually came up with "siffry park vint", and now I've forgot why that was important. The other thing I got today is "dalto" means "sum", in case that comes up.

I eat poop for breakfast
I eat poop for lunch
and when it's time for dinner
on poop I munch
I love the texture
I love the crunch
and when I'm feeling fancy
I eat poop for brunch

what were you thinking
what were you drinking
when you signed
on that line

they appeared in your video
you name dropped them
on the radio
right on time

how can we trust you
seems that you will do
anything for
money

product placement
paid for your basement
rumpus room

Lying on the lino, 6:40am, I'm bringing sweaty back
You walk in the back door, look down and roll your eyes
YES I've been to bed, [rapid scan updown your body] unlike SOME
Yeah, sofa sounds good, there are cigarettes there

Stop your nipping, I had a heavy day
I touched three dogs on the head
And went in two different shops and zero freaked out
YES accompanied by "Her"

Also established the bigger eggs are laid by the rescued chickens
Squinted and Columboed that out

I wish you'd been there
Just so I could see your approving gaze
And the mildest of smirks

That's how I know you're proud of me

I walked in late for the drummer tryouts
Lit a fag, said "give me a mammydaddy"
He did it perfect, I said "you're hired!"
And went to scrounge up a drink

My hands don't work right, at least the destra doesn't
So it was always mammydamammyda
Which sounded fine, but was not what I wanted
We need someone with SKILLS

I never turned up for the PA interviews
Started drinking from stress, walked the hills from stress
But I precoached my preferred candidate
Smoke? Cats? Just say "yes"

But, like, with more enthusiasm

No, not that much enthusiasm

OK perfect

The Young One says I swear too much in front of children
I denied it, then with unintentionally comedic timing immediately shouted FUCK OFF FLY!
And stumbled, gesticulating wildly
Because some beastie was trying to investigate my inner ear

Oh yeah, I do recall barking WOULD YOUSE PAIR OF CUNTS PLEASE NOT!
When two flies landed on the Moscow Mule that I had painstakingly prepared for you
But I only swear at insects
And anyway, there were no children present then

Exhaled, went to wipe my shades on my shirt
Aw shit, I'm not wearing a shirt
Is there any way I can flex my way out of this?
Prolly naw

In fact, good point! Why am I not wearing a shirt?
I'm sure I was at some point
This heat... [turn towards sun, wipe brow dramatically]
Makes SAVAGES of us all...

HEY KIDS! Did you ride on the tractor?
Pronounce flykiller like it rhymes with Dracula
Pretend to know the difference between a Jaguar and a Jazzmaster
btw, the name of this band is IMMEDIATE VOID

Spurn the GUITAR children, sus chords are sus!
But minor chords are my old friend
Who I love but don't quite trust
Not to fuck me over in the end

Sorry for the swears, all youse Mammies & Grammies
I know you don't see me as Father Material
I'll just give a sly wink to those two Ladies
Whom I'm PRETTY SURE I fathered their children

Oh, this star, saying "REALLY STRONG"?
I stole it from that cheese stall
I think I merited it
Damn, I'm somewhat drunk...

Woke up on the sofa at Stupid O'Clock
Stumbled to bedroom, The Livingston boy snuggled into me
Never opened his eyes, just said I smelt of perfume
Yeah I do, he knows fine well why and fine well of who
He smacked his lips like a schizophrenic
Laid on his back with all limbs askew
I slept for like 2 hours
Woke up to LOWING, is there cattle in that field now?
Could do with a Caprisun
Who's gunna fetch it for me? No one
Get up as gently as possible
Still disturbed the cat and the kid
The feline ran to the kitchen, expecting breakfast
The human flipped on all fours, muscles tensed, ready to fight
He denied it later, but he DEFINITELY reached for a non-existent knife
I worry about him
But I know he worries about me more

There are many reasons against suicide
Like, the lives left behind that it ruins
having made no sense of it
it wasn’t our fault
many reasons not to do it
it was no one’s fault
we live with it
pushing the glass off of __
I’ve had that crazy feeling too

It gets so quiet
we don’t need to believe
because it already happened
we saw it together

I worry that I have forgotten the wrong things
but I am happy to forget so much of it
The scorekeepers lost track
How many steps until the next switchback
They’re already up there
I wave up and they don’t see me

Junkyard kids
Tripping mom on the restaurant porch
they’re going wild at Dodger stadium
no one wants to leave