"we'll change the things that need changing and that's all we'll change": the paSUKification of post-brexit politics 2021

Can’t wait for Wes as leader

I'm so broken. I have to go to McDonalds.

— Wes Streeting MP (@wesstreeting) August 24, 2013

would like to clarify that rumours that he's wet his trousers are an unfortunate exaggeration...

— Wes Streeting MP (@wesstreeting) March 14, 2009

"The absolute best case scenario for Starmer here is the police decide he didn't do anything wrong"

the tories might be conflicted between accusing the police of double standards and political interference if they don't fine him and then concern that he's such a gift to them it might be a bad strategy to encourage his demise.

Ok..

💥Statement at 4pm - Starmer WILL pledge he will resign if found to have breached rules. Wording will be crucial

— Jessica Elgot (@jessicaelgot) May 9, 2022

Going down well in Starmer's target demographic pic.twitter.com/whzXKHo9YW

— Dr. Professor Sir Bane QC KCB MP PhD (@BaneNook) May 9, 2022

https://c.tenor.com/A2OWoemwcOEAAAAd/youre-not-a-clown-youre-the-entire-circus.gif

Lol

BREAKING- Starmer says he'll resign if he gets an FPN.

Starmer: "I believe in honour...intergity...I'm absolutely clear that no laws were broken...but if the police decide decide to issue me with a fixed penalty notice, I would of course do the right thing and step down."

— Lewis Goodall (@lewis_goodall) May 9, 2022

I cannot fucking stop laughing

BREAKING: Footballer Paul Gascoigne has arrived at press conference saying he is a friend of Keir Starmer

— Stan Account (@tristandross) May 9, 2022

Rayner could be fucking off too.

Breaking - Angela Rayner says she would also resign if fined

"We have a prime minister who has been found to have broken the rules, lied about it and then been fined. If I were issued with a fine, I would do the decent thing and step down"

— Eleni Courea (@EleniCourea) May 9, 2022

pic.twitter.com/mwuCmQ8ZXq

— wint MP (@parliawint) May 9, 2022

I think it’s unlikely he will be fined but it’s effectively now open season on any Labour MP who can be shown to have breached the rules, as almost all of them will have done at some point.

I’m sure some of them will be fine.

as someone off the borad just noted to me, the durham bobbies -- who already said they don't fine retospectively in ref dom cum -- may say something like "well we don't fine retospectively but if we'd known abt this at the time we WOULD have fined him"

just for spite like (i bet they too hate him)

The good news keeps coming

The Queen has been forced to pull out of the big State Opening of Parliament tomorrow.
Palace says: “The Queen continues to experience episodic mobility problems, and in consultation with her doctors has reluctantly decided that she will not attend the State Opening of Parliament

— Chris Ship (@chrisshipitv) May 9, 2022

Queen's corpse deemed to mouldy to open parliament

WEEKEND AT BRENDA’S (2022)

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/FSVLRinWYAMvcDD?format=jpg&name=large

'if pinocchio had human parents' is a weird framing, pinocchio not having human parents is pretty central to the whole pinocchio story. Also looks anti-semitic even though it isn't.

missed opportunity to riff on Kieth wishing he was a real boy

the day these two lovebirds bury the hatchet and have procreational sex is so not going to happen!

pic.twitter.com/clgyibRUoL

— Jay (@jaycgallagher) May 9, 2022

From watching Tysky Sour I just learned a fact I didn't know:

16-year-olds can vote in (local only, I suppose, as yet) elections in Scotland and Wales!

To some people this must have been well known. But I have never heard it mentioned till now.

This is a big deal!

...whereas in England the new id requirements allow oap travel cards as id but exclude young people's Railcards

it's a cross party project: Labour making democratic participation seem like a waste of fucking time to young people, but still hopeful of getting their votes despite offering next to nothing to them. They are supposed be more of an existential threat to the Tories, but I really don't see why these days because I wouldn't want to meet an enthusiastic young Labour voter right now. It's not just young people, it's the poor and low income ethnic minorities amongst them who are a large self-interest group amongst the electorate with no party who will lift a fucking finger for them. Another case of Starmer being the perfect LOTO for a Tory govt.

i hate starmer even more, if it were possible, for making me aware of the existence of the phrase "fixed penalty notice" which even now i'm not really sure what it is

i'm going to wake up in a shiver with the phrase "fixed penalty notice" pulsating across my brain and a ghostly memory of being chased by a large sweaty ham

it's just a pointlessly prolix bit of legalise to use when "fine" does the same job.

It just means it'll cost you *this*, no more, no less.

where *this* is yr political aspirations 🤞🏽

Oh yes.

Captain Tom gin pulled from sale after ‘breach of charity law’

Michael Owen has got nothing on the Capt Tom family of grifters.

bahahahahaha

Westminster voting intention:

LAB: 36% (-3)
CON: 35% (+2)
LDEM: 10% (-1)
GRN: 8% (+2)
REF: 4% (+1)

via @YouGov, 05 - 06 Mayhttps://t.co/WCXPp19q7D

— Britain Elects (@BritainElects) May 10, 2022

any other curry would be 20 points ahead

bier korma must resign

Step aside for Lisa Nanbread.

Andy Bhuna for LOTO

you do realise Nandy is of Indian descent xp

Yes. I'm waiting for Rebecca Long Balti to make a comeback.

These are good gags!

I remembered RLB tonight, and the disgusting treatment of her, and thought: she hasn't commented on KS. Hope she's happy.

In the book it's suggested she didn't want to run, and went on a December holiday she was so not arsed about it and Lavery was willing to step in, but she was a McD protege and Lavery was told to no chance and she was persuaded to run. She was quite lethargic and lacking in conviction, but Eagleton talking about her lack of charisma is wrong imo. Is he saying Kieth had charisma? I don't care about charisma, it's her seeming lack of principles (as well as energy) which was bad about her campaign.

I still agree that the Starmer dog-whistle campaign against her (whilst running as a unity candidate) at the time was a fucking disgrace. But when you are running against someone who is backed by by crooked property developers and bet366, then you've got to be in the game or don't bother at all. But saying that, the cunt would have probably still won - such a set of guileless simps the majority of the membership were at the time.

They have always laughed at us.

i simply would have made this announcement from any other room, wearing any other outfit https://t.co/2u1XNn6Vj5

— rax ‘leads with her crotch’ king (@RaxKingIsDead) May 10, 2022

you do realise Nandy is of Indian descent xp

― imago, Tuesday, 10 May 2022 bookmarkflaglink

Lol who fucking cares.

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/FSbVEI3XsAEo6pu?format=jpg&name=900x900

it's quite a comforting thought that no matter how fucked you become, you'll always be more dignified than these grotesque freaks

most grotesque freaks poll: Sun sub-editors v. the Royal family

i can't tell -- and i'm not sure the sub-editors can either -- if this is undiluted simpering or undiluted mockery (or somehow both at once)

Conservative MP Lee Anderson says there isn't a massive need for food banks in the UK, it’s just that people “cannot cook properly, they can't cook a meal from scratch, they cannot budget.” pic.twitter.com/sfOrll7v0E

— Adam Bienkov (@AdamBienkov) May 11, 2022

he forgot to mention they can afford smartphones and 50" televisions so therefore can't be in food poverty.

Reported for harassment

During the speeches made by the proposers of the Queen's Speech today, light-hearted, good-natured fun is traditionally poked at the Opposition.
Not once did Angela #Rayner break into a smile, just sat there and sulked. pic.twitter.com/Lkg4oeKV4q

— Michael Fabricant 🇬🇧🇺🇦 (@Mike_Fabricant) May 10, 2022

gosh it must very difficult to remain stern faced during such all-time hilarious banter

x-posts.

"i can't tell -- and i'm not sure the sub-editors can either -- if this is undiluted simpering or undiluted mockery (or somehow both at once)"

Because it's the Sun, I'm assuming it was simpering but ... yes, it doesn't really do Charles any favours does it?

I reckon it's mockery masquerading as simpering.