It's ok to write poems and put them here

*than to, dammit

It will take years to
tonight was magic

Genuflect then circumflex, maybe buy a new keyboard
c+p gets me so far then a brick to my head
Question my vocabulary, have you met my family?
Count the characters twice, I guess that you win again

4/4 brings me back in the same perfect circle
7/8 of your life puts you right on the piano stool
Do the "math", yeah I've done it, in fact multiple times over
Another joke your (valid) phrasing won't allow you to get

"wheels within wheels", mumbled physical level
was that meant for a poem or just a personal note?
"people scream differently when they're on fire"
I hope I never remember where I got that from

I need one of those notebooks, with some cheesy shit on the cover
For me to fill up with a shaky hand
Turns out I'm wrong, there's already one on my fridge
Young L. must have gifted it fuck knows years ago

Scanning it now, it's incoherent scribbles
Constant rewrite of the Days Of Christmas
Just scored out lines, and arrows pointing random places
"AND A MOOOOOUTHIE IN THE KEY OF SEEEEE!"

See?

You want to borrow that one line? Fuck You, Pay Me
It comes with hand movements, like in one job lot
Your fake currencies? I think the clue's in the title
I'll take it in Sterling, fucking do it or not

Call it tunnert cash right now on the table
Unless you want to double down
I'll lay it all on that boy there, I know his mother
Whereas I spoke with that weegie, he's a fucking clown

Do a 360, check the lack of astonishment
One time they all seen Kid backflip out The Tree
Everyone cheered then, I just went and cooked breakfast
He doesn't drink but also doesn't use cutlery

Yeah there's hometown applause, but watch who he fistbumps
See? I was one of only two or three
Threatens past "Friends" of his mammy on a regular basis
But never once has had a problem with me

Your pierogi tattoo
Oh yeah that's cute,
Remind exactly where we stand?
"A Better Future", I'll just check my wrists

Oh sorry, got confused, the latter thing is some latter thing...

(genuinly fuck any pierogi tattos)

I LOVE MY JOB!
Just kidding, I don't have a job
Occasionally I get paid to paint pubs
But they make me walk planks, sorry Chief, how bout NAW

I was a waiter once, at a steakhouse, for like 5 minutes
Then they decided I was better off just writing things down
But I was too slow, and stuck my tongue out to concentrate
Then got fired and went back to my bed

For my little brother's 30th birthday I gave him a knife with magic powers
Had my mother hand it over cus I don't mix with that crowd
She didn't understand, but reported back
Apparently he looked at it, smirked, and nodded

He understood
He worked at that steakhouse much longer than me

Jink sideways, mon now son you surely got it from Desert Strike
Have you never learnt lessons applicable to Real Life?
I seen you play two games, did it never occur to you
Hollow Knight was released between the pair of them

Did you never wonder why Kid crouches on the pavement
Before he enters that scummy (necessary) shop?
He's recharging his Soul meter, the fact that I get that
Explains why only one of us pair has been stabbed in our sleep

V. asked me to be in her band, I was chuffed for a second
Til she clarified as back up dancer, "with your sweet sweet moves"
Yeah I'll take the compliment, but the evenings we've spent together
with me chugging away at rhythm guitar with that heavy arm

Or even my drunken three chord piano
Which I surely hauled out that pub cellar for a reason
It sat in my mother's house for about 4 years
The scores on the pavement lasted longer than that

Then I befriended a removal guy
Who had access to a van, and a sweet trolley
Set it down in this room with a out of tune THUNK
I doubt it affected it much, I PREVIOUSLY HAULED IT OUT A PUB CELLAR

V. basically wants a band built around her (clean) new boyfriend
"a musician - a drummer!", well which one is it?
She did not appreciate that joke
My awesome humour is wasted on the wasted

She said Kid can be in on keyboards
She's fucking dreaming, that sounds far too prescriptive
There's a reason why when i formed THE RAGDOLL PHYSISISTS
We had his role down as "Texture"

I don't think I need to be involved in this scheme
Cus me and Kid have an unspoken pact
Right now he's hitting presets on a Roland EG-101
I'm strumming the Velvet chords, ancor' til the sun comes up

true blue, true blue
if you're headed out
I would go with you

Only tell me which half of it was true
and I'll tell you too

JHM I am rooting hard for your band

So My Mother is texting Yxxxx Lxxxx, asking if her partner can come do some job
"He's her tattoo boy, must be cool, right?" NO
FIRST OFF, My Mother, you should know:
He's a PETRIE! Not that cool now, right?
I know you've had run-ins with that family before...
SECOND OFF: That's Lxxxx's boyfriend!
Cool your heels, just consider
When has that ever (EVER!?!) worked out well for this family as yet?

Remember that one boy who claimed he'd flown THIRTEEN HOURS STRAIGHT to the quiz?
I personally remember that squinty eye you shot at him
Remember that one boy moved his lips when reading
You never looked at that one, just looked at Her, and shook your head
Remember that other guy's explaination for a lack of licence?
"I did 120 in a 30 zone" > CUNT
Remember his smug face, remember that shit I started?
Understand why you never see him round my house

Did you see us slow dancing round your living room?
I know you did, cus you interjected
23 grand, you enjoyed seeing her shocked face
Then we left, after I whispered "40 years ago..."
"Woodworm Willy" was your last words, I had to explain
It was his lifestyle, nothing to do with STDs
I took her home, more slow dancing etcetera
I'll sell your house, just never talk to us again

A POEM CALLED "MY MOTHER'S NEW KNIFE"
Haha no, her knife is rubbish
Fair play, it's metal but painted blue
And doesn't have the appropriate weight

I wanted a neutral perspective, fortunately there was a random lady
Stood right there in your "classy" hall
I put one in each hand, she looked at me weird and said nothing
But I could tell by her face I WIN AGAIN

Deez poemz UK

“You didn’t see this” she said
as she overpoured the beans
into the hopper

Three trophies and lump it, son
Just look me in the eyes and tell me where you're from
Your Big Brother can't help you now
Did you stab that posh boy yet? No? Then you don't get to rhyme

70-40 doesn't add to a hunnert
That means THE GHOSTS are liars, don't listen to them
But still stab the posh boy
Just do it on your own recognisance

"is that even a word?"
Hey Fuck You, maybe ask THE GHOSTS
While you're at it, ask them for Arborio rice
You live on my sofa, maybe contribute

My GHOSTS could take your GHOSTS in a head-on fight
Unless you can think of a word that rhymes with KNIFE
There's only so many times you can rotate the piano stool
You're not stupid, you understand 360° means you're facing the same way as before, right?

Headphones keep your brain cool, they're not even plugged in
But no one is fooled, to your constant chagrin
Sunglasses at night, you claim they're prescription
They're not helping your sight so we know that is fiction

The demons are massing, bearing pool cues and such
But the odd random glassing won't slow you down much
The pins in your arm might set off some alarms
But medallions and alms should protect you from harm

You make a clear beeline to the one that you love
Your brow furrows in realtime as we watch from above
Half and half scarf surely grounds for dismissal
Scarified heart makes you pray for the missiles

(ok, that one got worse and worse as I crowbarred all the internal rhymes in, but I remain proud of "Half and half scarf"/"Scarified heart"...)

New episode of Barry will keep our minds off all the pets to tame
But I'd prefer to gaze out your window, work my psychic powers
If I stare at that forest long enough it'll all burst in flames
WAIT! Did you see that? Definite smoke, mark it down as a win

This bench is definitely halfway round the walk
(if I kinda shuffle on the way back home)
Sit here long enough, that certain dogwalker will pass
I bet he's got a Clipper lighter that works

I wrote this one for the preschool friend who made it to a published book
Ignore the halfhearted bullying when he was desperate to fit in
I wrote it for my brother who made it out that cursed bedroom
He's a fireman now, I apologise for the psychic bisnes

I wrote it for my "soulmate" who writes poetry now to stay clean
She's doing so much better than me
She keeps asking for a date to visit
That's a bad idea, on so many levels

I am not good for nothing
I am getting good at becoming nothing

You wouldn’t last three days living like me
You’d need something to happen
so badly
You would nearly do what
I couldn’t possibly

While you go do anything
I stop at nothing
to keep running on empty

Let what is the heaviest sink
in the deepest
sense of meaninglessness
it could change my mind

In the event of happiness
make no sudden movements
do not try to hold onto or
give a name to it
Avoid those notions
which suggest latent shapes of desperation
Act as though you don’t notice it

nothing will happen
eventually
who are we now
is the mystery

When the seagulls follow the tractor
It's cus we live in a valley, they know fish ain't a factor
The crows tip their beaks, thinking "fair play", "well done"
Then they shit on the council, cawing "immigrants welcome"

I was mowing the lawn when you appeared without warning
How many pullups did you get through this morning?
Rub the sleep from your eyes before you come on as sub
Clack the mud off your good shoes if you want let in the club

Your mother's the one thing that I gave up for Lent
But I beg her forgiveness for the texts that I sent
I was in a bad place, specifically Montrose
I'm not your daddy, I'm just wearing his clothes

Truth be told I'll prolly follow him down
But don't judge my nation on one clichéd clown
I heard the spiel, it was all guffament chunder
Never mind chin, he's a lottaless wonder

And when He calls me I will be prepared
Naw, this ain't no literal Jesus thing
Just line your shoes in the hallway, we both know fine well
You're clearly a bigger man than your da

You promised your auntie you'd repaint her fence
I suppose I'll help, once my body regains feeling
I was counting issues but ran out of fingers
Also only play songs that match the tempo of the waving fella

There's been damage from sticks, damage from stones
Damage from broken beds circa 1992
Go sleep out on veranda, your mother never asked why (SHE KNEW!)
17 cats bosied up, established my future life

Scars on your midthighs, scars on my ribcage
The tattoo man said he couldn't cover them up
Pass back and forth the Cowboy Bebop hoodie
Face it, we're both dying in our sleep

HOLDING EACH OTHER

Small victory
42 year history

Muttermutter I cut my nails to keep the dirt out
You don't know the hill paths as well as me
when I scarper into the trees I'm prolly strangling a rabbit
When I emerge, get Ancelotti eyebrow, feign innocence

I genuinelly have like 33 fucking "uncles"
I only have one Mother
I have (now) 3 siblings, I didn't get to pick them
But they never picked me either

The first knife I owned
Bought it from a market in Leporano
The guy tried to indicate to me to hide it in my jacket
I wasn't wearing a jacket...

It’s a lunar eclipse
said to be total in ten minutes or so
it was better when it was still partly lit
when darkness was trimming it down to a sliver

Once again, Earth is getting in the way
hogging all the light from what is closest to us
it’s on a schedule it will happen again

I read somewhere* that all the planets could easily fit
on a line between ourselves and the crescent
I presently pointed my phone at

Zooming with an easy reverse pinch motion
I accidentally used the flash and laughed
at the immediate reminder of my humanity

*caek

https://i.imgur.com/o45OH4o.jpg

"vociferous" yeah, I mean his voice was ferocious
Then you waggled your fingers, I guess to indicate closeness
The hidden context maybe SHUT YOUR FUCKEN MOUTH TIMOTHY
I'm TRYING MY BEST, I swear (maybe don't actually swear tho)

Exactly one year (I lie), ticktick ON THE DOT
But the referee points to the penalty spot
Conversate about I forget what, meaningless shit
But I remember what Benjamin said to the busdriver

Twenty years ago

"Pray for bombs, pray for snow..."

How is it when I walked around Brickfield
Everyone thought I was Doogie?
Teenage girls on the street: "HEY DOOGIE!"
Shouts from high windows: "WHERE YE HEADED DOOGIE?"
I asked Fiona, who lived nextdoor
She said "no joke, you're a deadringer for Doogie"
So apparently I have a doppelganger
Never crossed his path

Malin moved, Fiona died, I stopped walking those streets
But I still think of the people I met
That middle-aged guy dressed up for karate
I paused on the pavement, bowed for him, a mental gong hit
There was no one there to confirm my comedic skills
Except the child who asked me if a had a fag
I said "yes, thanks", and showed him, ALSO HILARIOUS
I was wasted on that estate

Fasetiousness
Come take a piece of this
Come teach me how to spell
Pretend you're doing well

I like your wobble, sometimes subtly encourage it
Nextdoor blatantly cheers on the shimmy
Curtis frequently tussles with his one true best friend
I love them both, but maybe one more than the other

DON'T. MAKE. ME. CHOOSE.

In a flip between heating and eating, I chose drinking
Seemed like the best of both worlds at the time
It's good that your siblings are increasingly politicised
But your mother needs to not be on facebook

Yon Kid smirked, said I only write of "knives and mothers"
Not true, I frequently mention you too
But next time he retunes my guitar to some weird shit
I'll stab his maw with a knife, then maybe write about it...

This poem is called QUAGLIARELLA, for Reasons
Come here
Sit on my sofa
And try to talk me out of it

Dusty pockets, bottle rockets
Doublecheck what's on the docket
Female, about 9 years too young, she needs to not apologise
Count her cats, ignore Twitch chat
Hallucinate more vampire bats
Six steps from the stairway is the best place to hypothesize
N-n-n-nineteen is somewhat green
But she's been on the café scene
Squinted at her wrists, clean of slashes and/or needlemarks
A litany of past mistakes
And Gochugaru chili flakes
Reverberate throughout but I knocked it out the park

(the answer to your first question: my little brother)

Sorry about when I threatened Kid's mother
It was a joke
I would NEVER
NEVER, I SAY!
In fact I'll name my next-but-one cat Kid's government name
Cus, y'know...
I love him
Y'know?
(also his mother)

(in anticipation of your next question: KOSTAS)

V.'s getting pissed off at the words that I send her
"Why don't you just MARRY HER then?"
Cus she left like THREE YEARS AGO!
She's prolly in London, most everyone is
Not everything I write is contemporary
I thought that's how poetry works
What do I know?
But if you see her, tell her I miss her
Her name starts with an A
First time I went to that shithole alone I slept on a sofa myself
In the room of a guy whose name started with B
I jokedly grumbled "I was told these streets were paved with gold..."
Maybe I'll call him, I've still got his details
Tell him to look out for a girl who's name starts with an A
Otherwise
Just tell the penguins me and my sister said hi

(...ictoria. NO MORE QUESTIONS!)

Try to clear my mind
But the puns return again
Honkin’ on bobo

All eyes turn to me when the mediator asks me what I think
I just tip my head back to get the last dregs of the drink
That's the only reason I notice the stains on the ceiling
They somehow give me power to explain just how I'm feeling

You've met my father, eh? Well tell me what route to follow
You're Lobby McCuntface, and I claim ALL THE AMERICAN DOLLARS
Come summer and Gala week I'll lay it all down on some duck
But if that boy's on the bridge again I guess we'll be shit out of luck

Pop Quiz Hotshot! What comes in flurries? Snow, and... blows?
What else could I expect today? Who knows
Small mercies, at least there's ice for the swelling
And sledging later, and exaggerated stories for the telling

Brandy/Coke in plastic bottles, a natural chillbox on the ground
Kid takes one big swig and promptly sprays it all around
Can't be a spit-take, I've been assured I'm not that funny
Maybe he's just sharing the wealth, like his maw does with my money

Cops down the close today, chapped front and back and peered in windows
Then walked back out slowly, questioning the biddies
Young Laura was far too excited, leaned out the window, followed it like Love Island
Or Wagatha Christie or whatever, all I know is that cushion will need cleaning
"Boy stays there is dead" she said, maybe, or wanted for something
I spent the afternoon trying to recall if the tenant had changed
Cus all I recall of that house is the dog who tried to repeatedly kill my cat
Chased him back home and jumped at the window, snarling and drooling
Each time eventually his owner came down the lane to drag him home
A cheerful "sorry!", like oh deary me, it's happened again
Like as if he'd dropped crumbs on my carpet
As opposed to try to murder my best friend

Whatever's going on in there it'd take numerous bodies
To jump into the top 3 village dramas
1. pub explosion 2. impaled cyclist 3. "gun siege"
Actually I take it back, fuck that last one

That time some cars got keyed in some domestic shandybang?
More dramatic than "gun siege"
When the councillor didn't turn up to judge the dog show?
More dramatic than "gun siege"
When I spilt Swedish meatballs out that amazingly tasty wrap, and they bounced right down the front of my second best Busan Giants baseball shirt?
More dramatic than "gun siege"
If that boy has fell asleep and just isn't answering the door?
Eh, prolly statistically exactly the same drama as "gun siege"

The worst thing about "gun siege" to me
(not that girl who missed her birthday party, no one was turning up anyway, cus she stunk of piss, and her house stunk of dog)
But the daughter of the perpetrator, crying next day in school
Cus the elder girls were giving her grief

That was fucked up
I can't pass her in the street now without that flashing through my head

But point is, if that dog owner still lives in that house down the close
I've wished death on that boy repeatedly
Sicced the minature demons with their deathrays on him (never worked)
So if it is the same boy, and he is dead in there...

Good.

"SPINELESS"?!? Fuck you I'm all spine, it's just painfully crooked
i came in fourth that one time, why is that still relevant?
OK I don't "own" a baby, but I held one once
It worked out FINE, why is your pinched brain attitude entranching on my territory?

Summatsummat bout yerma, let's try this: SSSSSHHHHHH!
I recall you waltzing with me round this (yes) pretty small room
Did you actually grow multiple inches in your twenties?
Also, when did the Irish learn to speak Italian?

Swirlyswirly, it's (hmmm) possible we'll both get out alive
Are we picking corners now? I only brought one bucket
But when you're pegging it down that street, remember to thank me
Just stop, catch your breath, think of me, and whisper "thanks..."

I like your poems, Jonathan

Your socks are RED and PIRATE, so double lucky
I put "DARE TO DREAM!" in the groupchat, but that was pure posture
It was for the benefit of the youngers, whose brains are still mushy and impressionable
I think it's important to leave some fingerprints on there

Really tho, you heard which song was playing when you walked through the front door
"I Think It's Going To Rain Today"
You tried to distract me with talk of various versions
But c'mon, in this household it's Judy Collins, for now and til eternity

I'm not good with facial expressions, we've discussed this before
The cheatsheets from Jigsaw were less than useless
But that's concern, right? I've seen it a lot recently
Last time from youknowwho, followed with a verbal "are you alright?"

No the Ragdolls don't need a website, the whole folderol's 79% (plus/minus) imaginary
And 3/5 of us can't even spell our name
But while you're buying domains, can I have Timothytherockband.com?
Seriously, you don't get that reference?

You're really far too young for me to be associating with
Do you even remember a period when your arm was an arm?
Take a lap round the estate
(with a lighter that actually works, I'm not a monster)

I remember when vaping was a different concept
Every fucker had that same wooden thing
With that same shitty platitude wrote on the back
Mines prolly in that drawer there, I'll leave it you in my will

Sorry, can I append the following to the preceding:

That girl you brung in? Sat on my sofa saying nothing?
I'm afraid to ask her age
But the way she holds her hand over exactly half her face
Seems like an important statement, if I can only decipher it

IN MEDIAS RES: I'm crouched on the lino
My stomach retches two or three more times
Nothing comes out except... I think it's bile?
Bright yellow like egg yolk, mind them funcy eggs?

Slowly raise up, check my legs are still working
Carefully place a single square of paper down
Rinse my mouth with... VODKA? Fuck has my life come to?
Make sure everyone sees my teeth as I walk back in

Crouch by the records, as an excuse to crouch
Pretend to scan the spines, as if I don't know them by heart
"Inspector Norse again?" comes the cry from the cheap seats
"No" I lie, pulling literally whatever's where my finger landed

It was a Numero comp of gospel music
We all sat there in silence til both sides played out
It was really cool, but that night I imagined everyone lying in bed
Pondering exactly why I picked that specific record

Frankly Kid, I disagree
We've reached the point in the year when I need to go visit your auntie
Sit in her backyard, smoke a few cigarettes, unload everything onto the slabs
I know she'll not hug me, just hesitate then pat my head

That's all I ask for

I deliberately won't preannounce my arrival
Cus I feel bad when she lays out the big spread
2 pots of coffee and an ashtray, I'm set
Find sneaky banknotes in my jacket pocket after I've left

That's not necessary
She's no more well off than me

The wind hits my face as I turn down the lane to the harbour
Detour past the Bamse statue, tip my hat, if I'm wearing one
Inhale the chinese fumes as I scuttle through the tunnel
Oh they've got a sign now, good for them

Never going in there again
They will ask me about Someone Dead, that's too upsetting
Also their menu is far too lengthy for my feeble mind

Fucking 2 decades younger than me, apparentley 2 decades smarter than me
Like, mimicked my groan, mimicked my body language
The same two fingers pointed at the same screen
Tbh, she's prolly fucking hilarious on a day-to-day basis

HOW MANY CHILDREN HAVE WE LEFT OUTSIDE?
I didn't care til she bust out that singsong voice
Fuckit, let's feed EVERY SINGLE ONE of them
You gunna make tempura batter?

OH WOW, SHIT, I'M EXPECTED TO DO THIS?
YES I'M AWARE I'M BETTER AT IT THAN YOU!
No problem, I just want it documented in a book:
"Timothy Fed The Children."
"Jennifer just stood and watched."

Oh yeah this morning, when my mother walked in
My dick was in your hand, we immediately broke apart
I somehow developed a deep interest in that stack of boardgames there
You were suddenly making coffee, which I know you're shit at
You sighed three times while she was sat on my sofa
She smoked 4 of my cigarettes, she better fucking pay me back
You sighed a final time as she walked out the door
Then just giggled, I caught Curtis as he walked past, we all just giggled
This afternoon, that time spent on the carpet, the three of us giggling
I forgot the reason, Curtis never knew the reason, we still carried on
Giggled til my chest hurt, Curtis eventually got bored and left
Me and you never spoke a word to each other, but eventually we were just gazing in each others eyes
Just smirking at this point, but you never looked cuter

One of the cousins visiting from Australia, WOW!
Give me some football snark, I have some genuine upper ground
I fed you fish pie, AT MY MOTHER'S HOUSE!
Like, I genuinelly cooked a fish pie from what was available AT MY MOTHER'S HOUSE!
It got late, you whipped out the whisky
Cus apparently you'd been on the west coast
I forget what distillery, but I just called it "pleaseantly peaty"
"not peaty at all", you said
Ah fuck off ye smug fuck
Just cus me & Mark can't afford these bottles
But then when drinks were taken it all gets political

I said "so yeah, seems better now in Australia, from what I've followed?"
"Albanese, better than Scomo?" "NO!"
"They're all EVIL!" "yeah I guess I agree..."
It got quite cool when you called for "REVOLUTION!"
Less cool when followed up with "...or Demagogue..."
I deliberately went out to smoke, missed the end of your sentence
On reentrance: "what Trump got right..." I had multiple pairs of eyes looking at me
It was only that one hand on my chest, I got it, maybe sit this one out
When he started some shit about immigrants
My mother joined in, "both sides" yeah whatever
I brought up the Tasmanian genocide, he started fucking fuming at me
I lit a fag, walked up the street, sat on my sofa, petted cat, wrote this

btw SORRY KM, THESE WEDDING FOOTBALL COUSINS TURNED OUT TO BE APPARENTELY MASSIVELY RASCIST! someone bring me hard drugs right now

i hate when that happens! but not your fault.

So I sat on a sofa, in a weed house
I was half (eh prolly three quarters) cut when I arrived
And IT WAS LOVELY! Lots of positive vibes
UNTIL! (yeah obv there's an UNTIL!)
This kid (NOT Kid, another kid) who (I think?) lived there said something like...
Like...
(forgive my poor memory, I was half-cut, at least)
"It's just words, words can't harm anyone..."

So I went into a rant, can't recall the specifics
(cus, well yeah)
But it definitely involved the Rwandan genocide
And multiple references to the use of the word "cockroaches"
And machetes, far too many machetes
Possibly the holocaust, I forget
but definitely Ricky Gervais, "Gamergate", JK Rowling and spitTwitter
(blehblehbleh, wash your mouth with another tin)

The one thing I remember, the old guy who was the actual tenant
(I know he'll be 70 this year, cus he's the same age as My Mother)
(I know cus his daughter told me so, fuck is this another tangent? Kill it at birth)
(just this one time we were talking about the Rolling Stones in Hyde Park after Brian Jones died and they both NO! NOT RELEVANT!)
This guy who was silent all evening
Applauded me at the end of my spiel
His son sat there, I could see his cheeks burning
I stood up, made some flamboyant gesture and left

Last night I overheard my mother talking to a cousin, in the kitchen
On my way back from the upstairs toilet
Apologising for me, said "he only sees things in black and white"
"it's because of his disabilty"
I gritted my teeth, went back to the party room
Poured the wine I acquired from eh long story
Pondered on that statement tho, even when I got home, yknow she's probably right
BUT I WILL NEVER APOLOGISE

Fuck the Queen, Fuck the Pope
Also fuck the fucks who write "Fuck the Pope"
Fuck the children who throw rocks at Curtis
In fact, fuck everyone who isn't Curtis

He maybe has longer legs than me
But is eternally the Little Spoon
Singing Kettle in the village tomorrow
Some family going, me and Curtis said FUCK NO thank you

That cousin had an objection about Qatar
No, not the basic slavery deaths
But apparently one referee is from Rwanda and female SHOCK HORROR!
Imma shut up now, maybe die in my sleep

Rubbish cups, squint the buttons look like tinnies
Curtis can't keep eyes open, Áine either
I chucked the Lucky Pirate Socks, worth sum total of fuckall
"beacons" yeahnaw, we might burn down your house tho?

(6'1", apparently. pffft...)

Sample and hold? Story of my life
Just happy to have a younger riding the filter knob
We walk in Pub, That One Lady shouts "IT'S HARD BEING JOHNNY MUMBLE!"
I was trying to gauge the sarcasm level before I decided how much offence to take

Some Jacamo Fuck thinks he can criticise my physical being?
I caught the eye of my eh Secret Sexual Partner
He blinked something to me in code, I didn't catch it
But then started fluttering his lashes to the beat of the jukebox

Threw in the occasional cheeky syncopation
It was the cutest thing I've ever seen

In Silence
they’re still waiting

to unlock the gate
to the theme park we made
and turn on the rollercoasters
just for us

The machines would whir to life
in the dead of night
the time they prefer to work
when our bodies are on autopilot
when our conversation dries up for a while

Our midnight passes indicate
we are visitors from the mind
We shave our hair in the parking lot
and float into the park like holograms

Our dim shades look just right under
drooping strands of pale christmas lights
tracing the paths of old waiting lines

winding toward the biggest rides
waiting in this emptiness
walking among the dead
and what was left for it

you and me, passing between our dreams
and my stomach is somewhere back there in a ceiling

I played JUKES in the panto, he had Megadeth lyrics on his sword
(personal choice), never helped my backstory
You shaved my trousers, I guess I'll think on my feet
The bottoms were blown off by FUCKEN CANNONBALL!

North Wales is the land of my forefathers
But the Mearns is the land of three of my four fathers
Black Bart has like a million glossary references
My Mother has apparently one, hid her face when the notebook crowd asked

Operating on one eye now
Why? WHY? Ask yer cousin's Plus One
Jilly John is now mouthing off
Anyone understand French please expain it

MY HOUSE. MY RULES.
One of them is DON'T BE BRINGING DEAD ANIMALS IN HERE
Try to bog me down in semantics about the contents of my fridge
Whatever, but you're not entering holding THAT
Oh OK, you're just gunna sit there on my lawn
Scaring away... wait... who am I expecting?

I cut every Fascist and Bigot out of my life
All I'm left with now is Creeps and Bullies
Everyone decent scarpered to London
Everyone half decent scarpered to Glasgow
Out of those left, anyone with a driver's licence
Just fucken DROVE, I guess til they fell in the sea

I've spent time in London, I've spent time in Glasgow
Those times were filled with Fascists and Bigots and Creeps and Bullies
So I guess I don't understand the Exodus
If I try harder to be better, could you please come back?
Yeah YOU individual, I don't care about the rest
Show me the list again, I'm ready this time

I mean it.