Like I just want to say, blaming everthing on alcohol?Makes me uneasy slash narked slash actually fucking furiousAs an alcoholic can I just say: I never hit a womanAlcohol makes me fall around the roomMakes me a stuttery incoherent foolNever not one instance made me "violent"My father was a violent drunk (but I'm not sure if I ever met him sober)Yeah he beat me whilst drunk, beat My Mother whilst drunkBUT! (and here's the point right here)Maybe he is/was just a violent personMaybe sobriety just keeps your natural feelings downMaybe I'm naturally an incoherent stumbly fool
Alcohol lets me talk to peopleCus Sober Me really wants to talk to people!Alcohol stops the buzzing in my headSo I can concentrate on "hey, how YOU doing?"I shouldn't mix it with meds, cus then I wake up in a van(TRUE STORY, let's not get into it now)I promised that Lady I'd explain about THE TRIANGLESBut next day it seems as important as carpetBut I remember walking into that roomDon't remember the outcome, but I washed three glassesI can guess who for, I'll smirk from across the bar(just don't mention the van bisnes, we'll never speak of that)
There are three people you need to deal withMyself slash My Demons slash My Dead FriendsWe'll pass the ball between us, before you know it we've killed your owlThey shoulda known better to hang out in that spot
― The Speak Of The Mearns (Jonathan Hellion Mumble), Wednesday, 27 April 2022 11:30 (two years ago) link
*than to, dammit
― The Speak Of The Mearns (Jonathan Hellion Mumble), Wednesday, 27 April 2022 11:36 (two years ago) link
It will take years to tonight was magic
― calstars, Saturday, 30 April 2022 03:40 (two years ago) link
Genuflect then circumflex, maybe buy a new keyboardc+p gets me so far then a brick to my headQuestion my vocabulary, have you met my family?Count the characters twice, I guess that you win again
4/4 brings me back in the same perfect circle7/8 of your life puts you right on the piano stoolDo the "math", yeah I've done it, in fact multiple times overAnother joke your (valid) phrasing won't allow you to get
"wheels within wheels", mumbled physical levelwas that meant for a poem or just a personal note?"people scream differently when they're on fire"I hope I never remember where I got that from
I need one of those notebooks, with some cheesy shit on the coverFor me to fill up with a shaky handTurns out I'm wrong, there's already one on my fridgeYoung L. must have gifted it fuck knows years ago
Scanning it now, it's incoherent scribblesConstant rewrite of the Days Of ChristmasJust scored out lines, and arrows pointing random places"AND A MOOOOOUTHIE IN THE KEY OF SEEEEE!"
See?
― The Speak Of The Mearns (Jonathan Hellion Mumble), Monday, 2 May 2022 12:21 (two years ago) link
You want to borrow that one line? Fuck You, Pay MeIt comes with hand movements, like in one job lotYour fake currencies? I think the clue's in the titleI'll take it in Sterling, fucking do it or not
Call it tunnert cash right now on the table Unless you want to double downI'll lay it all on that boy there, I know his motherWhereas I spoke with that weegie, he's a fucking clown
Do a 360, check the lack of astonishmentOne time they all seen Kid backflip out The TreeEveryone cheered then, I just went and cooked breakfastHe doesn't drink but also doesn't use cutlery
Yeah there's hometown applause, but watch who he fistbumpsSee? I was one of only two or threeThreatens past "Friends" of his mammy on a regular basisBut never once has had a problem with me
Your pierogi tattooOh yeah that's cute,Remind exactly where we stand?"A Better Future", I'll just check my wrists
― The Speak Of The Mearns (Jonathan Hellion Mumble), Monday, 2 May 2022 21:34 (two years ago) link
Oh sorry, got confused, the latter thing is some latter thing...
― The Speak Of The Mearns (Jonathan Hellion Mumble), Monday, 2 May 2022 21:38 (two years ago) link
(genuinly fuck any pierogi tattos)
― The Speak Of The Mearns (Jonathan Hellion Mumble), Monday, 2 May 2022 21:39 (two years ago) link
I LOVE MY JOB!Just kidding, I don't have a jobOccasionally I get paid to paint pubsBut they make me walk planks, sorry Chief, how bout NAW
I was a waiter once, at a steakhouse, for like 5 minutesThen they decided I was better off just writing things downBut I was too slow, and stuck my tongue out to concentrateThen got fired and went back to my bed
For my little brother's 30th birthday I gave him a knife with magic powersHad my mother hand it over cus I don't mix with that crowdShe didn't understand, but reported backApparently he looked at it, smirked, and nodded
He understoodHe worked at that steakhouse much longer than me
― The Speak Of The Mearns (Jonathan Hellion Mumble), Tuesday, 3 May 2022 22:48 (two years ago) link
Jink sideways, mon now son you surely got it from Desert StrikeHave you never learnt lessons applicable to Real Life?I seen you play two games, did it never occur to youHollow Knight was released between the pair of them
Did you never wonder why Kid crouches on the pavementBefore he enters that scummy (necessary) shop?He's recharging his Soul meter, the fact that I get thatExplains why only one of us pair has been stabbed in our sleep
V. asked me to be in her band, I was chuffed for a secondTil she clarified as back up dancer, "with your sweet sweet moves"Yeah I'll take the compliment, but the evenings we've spent togetherwith me chugging away at rhythm guitar with that heavy arm
Or even my drunken three chord pianoWhich I surely hauled out that pub cellar for a reasonIt sat in my mother's house for about 4 yearsThe scores on the pavement lasted longer than that
Then I befriended a removal guyWho had access to a van, and a sweet trolleySet it down in this room with a out of tune THUNKI doubt it affected it much, I PREVIOUSLY HAULED IT OUT A PUB CELLAR
V. basically wants a band built around her (clean) new boyfriend"a musician - a drummer!", well which one is it?She did not appreciate that jokeMy awesome humour is wasted on the wasted
She said Kid can be in on keyboardsShe's fucking dreaming, that sounds far too prescriptiveThere's a reason why when i formed THE RAGDOLL PHYSISISTSWe had his role down as "Texture"
I don't think I need to be involved in this schemeCus me and Kid have an unspoken pactRight now he's hitting presets on a Roland EG-101I'm strumming the Velvet chords, ancor' til the sun comes up
― The Speak Of The Mearns (Jonathan Hellion Mumble), Wednesday, 4 May 2022 00:11 (two years ago) link
true blue, true blueif you're headed outI would go with you
Only tell me which half of it was trueand I'll tell you too
― Bruce Stingbean (Karl Malone), Friday, 6 May 2022 07:34 (two years ago) link
JHM I am rooting hard for your band
― Bruce Stingbean (Karl Malone), Friday, 6 May 2022 07:47 (two years ago) link
So My Mother is texting Yxxxx Lxxxx, asking if her partner can come do some job"He's her tattoo boy, must be cool, right?" NOFIRST OFF, My Mother, you should know:He's a PETRIE! Not that cool now, right?I know you've had run-ins with that family before...SECOND OFF: That's Lxxxx's boyfriend!Cool your heels, just considerWhen has that ever (EVER!?!) worked out well for this family as yet?
Remember that one boy who claimed he'd flown THIRTEEN HOURS STRAIGHT to the quiz?I personally remember that squinty eye you shot at himRemember that one boy moved his lips when readingYou never looked at that one, just looked at Her, and shook your headRemember that other guy's explaination for a lack of licence?"I did 120 in a 30 zone" > CUNTRemember his smug face, remember that shit I started?Understand why you never see him round my house
Did you see us slow dancing round your living room?I know you did, cus you interjected23 grand, you enjoyed seeing her shocked faceThen we left, after I whispered "40 years ago...""Woodworm Willy" was your last words, I had to explainIt was his lifestyle, nothing to do with STDsI took her home, more slow dancing etceteraI'll sell your house, just never talk to us again
― The Speak Of The Mearns (Jonathan Hellion Mumble), Saturday, 7 May 2022 18:49 (two years ago) link
A POEM CALLED "MY MOTHER'S NEW KNIFE"Haha no, her knife is rubbishFair play, it's metal but painted blueAnd doesn't have the appropriate weight
I wanted a neutral perspective, fortunately there was a random ladyStood right there in your "classy" hallI put one in each hand, she looked at me weird and said nothingBut I could tell by her face I WIN AGAIN
― The Speak Of The Mearns (Jonathan Hellion Mumble), Saturday, 7 May 2022 19:10 (two years ago) link
Deez poemz UK
― calstars, Saturday, 7 May 2022 19:20 (two years ago) link
“You didn’t see this” she said as she overpoured the beans into the hopper
― calstars, Saturday, 7 May 2022 19:39 (two years ago) link
Three trophies and lump it, sonJust look me in the eyes and tell me where you're fromYour Big Brother can't help you nowDid you stab that posh boy yet? No? Then you don't get to rhyme
70-40 doesn't add to a hunnertThat means THE GHOSTS are liars, don't listen to themBut still stab the posh boyJust do it on your own recognisance
"is that even a word?"Hey Fuck You, maybe ask THE GHOSTSWhile you're at it, ask them for Arborio riceYou live on my sofa, maybe contribute
My GHOSTS could take your GHOSTS in a head-on fightUnless you can think of a word that rhymes with KNIFEThere's only so many times you can rotate the piano stoolYou're not stupid, you understand 360° means you're facing the same way as before, right?
― The Speak Of The Mearns (Jonathan Hellion Mumble), Saturday, 7 May 2022 21:21 (two years ago) link
Headphones keep your brain cool, they're not even plugged inBut no one is fooled, to your constant chagrinSunglasses at night, you claim they're prescriptionThey're not helping your sight so we know that is fiction
The demons are massing, bearing pool cues and suchBut the odd random glassing won't slow you down muchThe pins in your arm might set off some alarmsBut medallions and alms should protect you from harm
You make a clear beeline to the one that you loveYour brow furrows in realtime as we watch from aboveHalf and half scarf surely grounds for dismissalScarified heart makes you pray for the missiles
― The Speak Of The Mearns (Jonathan Hellion Mumble), Monday, 9 May 2022 10:35 (two years ago) link
(ok, that one got worse and worse as I crowbarred all the internal rhymes in, but I remain proud of "Half and half scarf"/"Scarified heart"...)
― The Speak Of The Mearns (Jonathan Hellion Mumble), Monday, 9 May 2022 10:37 (two years ago) link
New episode of Barry will keep our minds off all the pets to tameBut I'd prefer to gaze out your window, work my psychic powersIf I stare at that forest long enough it'll all burst in flamesWAIT! Did you see that? Definite smoke, mark it down as a win
This bench is definitely halfway round the walk(if I kinda shuffle on the way back home)Sit here long enough, that certain dogwalker will passI bet he's got a Clipper lighter that works
I wrote this one for the preschool friend who made it to a published bookIgnore the halfhearted bullying when he was desperate to fit inI wrote it for my brother who made it out that cursed bedroomHe's a fireman now, I apologise for the psychic bisnes
I wrote it for my "soulmate" who writes poetry now to stay cleanShe's doing so much better than meShe keeps asking for a date to visitThat's a bad idea, on so many levels
― The Speak Of The Mearns (Jonathan Hellion Mumble), Monday, 9 May 2022 19:20 (two years ago) link
I am not good for nothingI am getting good at becoming nothing
You wouldn’t last three days living like meYou’d need something to happen so badlyYou would nearly do whatI couldn’t possibly
While you go do anythingI stop at nothingto keep running on empty
Let what is the heaviest sinkin the deepestsense of meaninglessnessit could change my mind
In the event of happinessmake no sudden movementsdo not try to hold onto orgive a name to itAvoid those notionswhich suggest latent shapes of desperationAct as though you don’t notice it
nothing will happen eventually who are we now is the mystery
― Bruce Stingbean (Karl Malone), Thursday, 12 May 2022 23:42 (two years ago) link
When the seagulls follow the tractorIt's cus we live in a valley, they know fish ain't a factorThe crows tip their beaks, thinking "fair play", "well done"Then they shit on the council, cawing "immigrants welcome"
I was mowing the lawn when you appeared without warningHow many pullups did you get through this morning?Rub the sleep from your eyes before you come on as subClack the mud off your good shoes if you want let in the club
Your mother's the one thing that I gave up for LentBut I beg her forgiveness for the texts that I sentI was in a bad place, specifically MontroseI'm not your daddy, I'm just wearing his clothes
Truth be told I'll prolly follow him downBut don't judge my nation on one clichéd clownI heard the spiel, it was all guffament chunderNever mind chin, he's a lottaless wonder
― The Speak Of The Mearns (Jonathan Hellion Mumble), Sunday, 15 May 2022 17:29 (two years ago) link
And when He calls me I will be preparedNaw, this ain't no literal Jesus thingJust line your shoes in the hallway, we both know fine wellYou're clearly a bigger man than your da
You promised your auntie you'd repaint her fenceI suppose I'll help, once my body regains feelingI was counting issues but ran out of fingersAlso only play songs that match the tempo of the waving fella
There's been damage from sticks, damage from stonesDamage from broken beds circa 1992Go sleep out on veranda, your mother never asked why (SHE KNEW!)17 cats bosied up, established my future life
Scars on your midthighs, scars on my ribcageThe tattoo man said he couldn't cover them upPass back and forth the Cowboy Bebop hoodieFace it, we're both dying in our sleep
HOLDING EACH OTHER
Small victory42 year history
― The Speak Of The Mearns (Jonathan Hellion Mumble), Sunday, 15 May 2022 23:29 (two years ago) link
Muttermutter I cut my nails to keep the dirt outYou don't know the hill paths as well as mewhen I scarper into the trees I'm prolly strangling a rabbitWhen I emerge, get Ancelotti eyebrow, feign innocence
I genuinelly have like 33 fucking "uncles"I only have one MotherI have (now) 3 siblings, I didn't get to pick themBut they never picked me either
The first knife I ownedBought it from a market in LeporanoThe guy tried to indicate to me to hide it in my jacketI wasn't wearing a jacket...
― The Speak Of The Mearns (Jonathan Hellion Mumble), Sunday, 15 May 2022 23:52 (two years ago) link
It’s a lunar eclipsesaid to be total in ten minutes or soit was better when it was still partly litwhen darkness was trimming it down to a sliver
Once again, Earth is getting in the wayhogging all the light from what is closest to usit’s on a schedule it will happen again
I read somewhere* that all the planets could easily fiton a line between ourselves and the crescentI presently pointed my phone at
Zooming with an easy reverse pinch motionI accidentally used the flash and laughedat the immediate reminder of my humanity
*caek
― Bruce Stingbean (Karl Malone), Monday, 16 May 2022 04:04 (two years ago) link
https://i.imgur.com/o45OH4o.jpg
― Bruce Stingbean (Karl Malone), Monday, 16 May 2022 04:08 (two years ago) link
"vociferous" yeah, I mean his voice was ferociousThen you waggled your fingers, I guess to indicate closenessThe hidden context maybe SHUT YOUR FUCKEN MOUTH TIMOTHYI'm TRYING MY BEST, I swear (maybe don't actually swear tho)
Exactly one year (I lie), ticktick ON THE DOTBut the referee points to the penalty spotConversate about I forget what, meaningless shitBut I remember what Benjamin said to the busdriver
Twenty years ago
"Pray for bombs, pray for snow..."
― The Speak Of The Mearns (Jonathan Hellion Mumble), Monday, 16 May 2022 10:28 (two years ago) link
How is it when I walked around BrickfieldEveryone thought I was Doogie?Teenage girls on the street: "HEY DOOGIE!"Shouts from high windows: "WHERE YE HEADED DOOGIE?"I asked Fiona, who lived nextdoorShe said "no joke, you're a deadringer for Doogie"So apparently I have a doppelgangerNever crossed his path
Malin moved, Fiona died, I stopped walking those streetsBut I still think of the people I metThat middle-aged guy dressed up for karateI paused on the pavement, bowed for him, a mental gong hitThere was no one there to confirm my comedic skillsExcept the child who asked me if a had a fagI said "yes, thanks", and showed him, ALSO HILARIOUSI was wasted on that estate
― The Speak Of The Mearns (Jonathan Hellion Mumble), Monday, 16 May 2022 13:23 (two years ago) link
FasetiousnessCome take a piece of thisCome teach me how to spellPretend you're doing well
I like your wobble, sometimes subtly encourage itNextdoor blatantly cheers on the shimmyCurtis frequently tussles with his one true best friendI love them both, but maybe one more than the other
DON'T. MAKE. ME. CHOOSE.
In a flip between heating and eating, I chose drinkingSeemed like the best of both worlds at the timeIt's good that your siblings are increasingly politicisedBut your mother needs to not be on facebook
Yon Kid smirked, said I only write of "knives and mothers"Not true, I frequently mention you tooBut next time he retunes my guitar to some weird shitI'll stab his maw with a knife, then maybe write about it...
This poem is called QUAGLIARELLA, for ReasonsCome hereSit on my sofaAnd try to talk me out of it
― The Speak Of The Mearns (Jonathan Hellion Mumble), Monday, 16 May 2022 17:06 (two years ago) link
Dusty pockets, bottle rocketsDoublecheck what's on the docketFemale, about 9 years too young, she needs to not apologiseCount her cats, ignore Twitch chatHallucinate more vampire batsSix steps from the stairway is the best place to hypothesizeN-n-n-nineteen is somewhat greenBut she's been on the café sceneSquinted at her wrists, clean of slashes and/or needlemarksA litany of past mistakesAnd Gochugaru chili flakesReverberate throughout but I knocked it out the park
― The Speak Of The Mearns (Jonathan Hellion Mumble), Tuesday, 17 May 2022 01:04 (two years ago) link
(the answer to your first question: my little brother) Sorry about when I threatened Kid's motherIt was a jokeI would NEVERNEVER, I SAY!In fact I'll name my next-but-one cat Kid's government nameCus, y'know...I love himY'know?(also his mother)
(in anticipation of your next question: KOSTAS)
V.'s getting pissed off at the words that I send her"Why don't you just MARRY HER then?"Cus she left like THREE YEARS AGO!She's prolly in London, most everyone isNot everything I write is contemporaryI thought that's how poetry worksWhat do I know?But if you see her, tell her I miss herHer name starts with an AFirst time I went to that shithole alone I slept on a sofa myselfIn the room of a guy whose name started with BI jokedly grumbled "I was told these streets were paved with gold..."Maybe I'll call him, I've still got his detailsTell him to look out for a girl who's name starts with an AOtherwiseJust tell the penguins me and my sister said hi
(...ictoria. NO MORE QUESTIONS!)
― The Speak Of The Mearns (Jonathan Hellion Mumble), Tuesday, 17 May 2022 01:57 (two years ago) link
Try to clear my mindBut the puns return againHonkin’ on bobo
― Agnes, Agatha, Germaine and Jack (Willl), Tuesday, 17 May 2022 02:16 (two years ago) link
All eyes turn to me when the mediator asks me what I thinkI just tip my head back to get the last dregs of the drinkThat's the only reason I notice the stains on the ceilingThey somehow give me power to explain just how I'm feeling
You've met my father, eh? Well tell me what route to followYou're Lobby McCuntface, and I claim ALL THE AMERICAN DOLLARSCome summer and Gala week I'll lay it all down on some duckBut if that boy's on the bridge again I guess we'll be shit out of luck
Pop Quiz Hotshot! What comes in flurries? Snow, and... blows?What else could I expect today? Who knowsSmall mercies, at least there's ice for the swellingAnd sledging later, and exaggerated stories for the telling
Brandy/Coke in plastic bottles, a natural chillbox on the groundKid takes one big swig and promptly sprays it all aroundCan't be a spit-take, I've been assured I'm not that funnyMaybe he's just sharing the wealth, like his maw does with my money
― The Speak Of The Mearns (Jonathan Hellion Mumble), Friday, 20 May 2022 21:57 (two years ago) link
Cops down the close today, chapped front and back and peered in windowsThen walked back out slowly, questioning the biddiesYoung Laura was far too excited, leaned out the window, followed it like Love IslandOr Wagatha Christie or whatever, all I know is that cushion will need cleaning"Boy stays there is dead" she said, maybe, or wanted for somethingI spent the afternoon trying to recall if the tenant had changedCus all I recall of that house is the dog who tried to repeatedly kill my catChased him back home and jumped at the window, snarling and droolingEach time eventually his owner came down the lane to drag him homeA cheerful "sorry!", like oh deary me, it's happened againLike as if he'd dropped crumbs on my carpetAs opposed to try to murder my best friend
Whatever's going on in there it'd take numerous bodiesTo jump into the top 3 village dramas1. pub explosion 2. impaled cyclist 3. "gun siege"Actually I take it back, fuck that last one
That time some cars got keyed in some domestic shandybang?More dramatic than "gun siege"When the councillor didn't turn up to judge the dog show?More dramatic than "gun siege"When I spilt Swedish meatballs out that amazingly tasty wrap, and they bounced right down the front of my second best Busan Giants baseball shirt? More dramatic than "gun siege"If that boy has fell asleep and just isn't answering the door?Eh, prolly statistically exactly the same drama as "gun siege"
The worst thing about "gun siege" to me(not that girl who missed her birthday party, no one was turning up anyway, cus she stunk of piss, and her house stunk of dog)But the daughter of the perpetrator, crying next day in schoolCus the elder girls were giving her grief
That was fucked upI can't pass her in the street now without that flashing through my head
But point is, if that dog owner still lives in that house down the closeI've wished death on that boy repeatedlySicced the minature demons with their deathrays on him (never worked)So if it is the same boy, and he is dead in there...
Good.
― The Speak Of The Mearns (Jonathan Hellion Mumble), Saturday, 21 May 2022 22:31 (two years ago) link
"SPINELESS"?!? Fuck you I'm all spine, it's just painfully crookedi came in fourth that one time, why is that still relevant?OK I don't "own" a baby, but I held one onceIt worked out FINE, why is your pinched brain attitude entranching on my territory?
Summatsummat bout yerma, let's try this: SSSSSHHHHHH!I recall you waltzing with me round this (yes) pretty small roomDid you actually grow multiple inches in your twenties?Also, when did the Irish learn to speak Italian?
Swirlyswirly, it's (hmmm) possible we'll both get out aliveAre we picking corners now? I only brought one bucketBut when you're pegging it down that street, remember to thank meJust stop, catch your breath, think of me, and whisper "thanks..."
― The Speak Of The Mearns (Jonathan Hellion Mumble), Sunday, 22 May 2022 01:44 (two years ago) link
I like your poems, Jonathan
― Dan S, Sunday, 22 May 2022 01:51 (two years ago) link
Your socks are RED and PIRATE, so double luckyI put "DARE TO DREAM!" in the groupchat, but that was pure postureIt was for the benefit of the youngers, whose brains are still mushy and impressionableI think it's important to leave some fingerprints on there
Really tho, you heard which song was playing when you walked through the front door"I Think It's Going To Rain Today"You tried to distract me with talk of various versionsBut c'mon, in this household it's Judy Collins, for now and til eternity
I'm not good with facial expressions, we've discussed this beforeThe cheatsheets from Jigsaw were less than uselessBut that's concern, right? I've seen it a lot recentlyLast time from youknowwho, followed with a verbal "are you alright?"
― The Speak Of The Mearns (Jonathan Hellion Mumble), Sunday, 22 May 2022 12:32 (two years ago) link
No the Ragdolls don't need a website, the whole folderol's 79% (plus/minus) imaginaryAnd 3/5 of us can't even spell our nameBut while you're buying domains, can I have Timothytherockband.com?Seriously, you don't get that reference?
You're really far too young for me to be associating withDo you even remember a period when your arm was an arm?Take a lap round the estate(with a lighter that actually works, I'm not a monster)
I remember when vaping was a different conceptEvery fucker had that same wooden thingWith that same shitty platitude wrote on the backMines prolly in that drawer there, I'll leave it you in my will
― The Speak Of The Mearns (Jonathan Hellion Mumble), Sunday, 22 May 2022 13:20 (two years ago) link
Sorry, can I append the following to the preceding:
That girl you brung in? Sat on my sofa saying nothing?I'm afraid to ask her ageBut the way she holds her hand over exactly half her faceSeems like an important statement, if I can only decipher it
― The Speak Of The Mearns (Jonathan Hellion Mumble), Sunday, 22 May 2022 13:36 (two years ago) link
IN MEDIAS RES: I'm crouched on the linoMy stomach retches two or three more timesNothing comes out except... I think it's bile?Bright yellow like egg yolk, mind them funcy eggs?
Slowly raise up, check my legs are still workingCarefully place a single square of paper downRinse my mouth with... VODKA? Fuck has my life come to?Make sure everyone sees my teeth as I walk back in
Crouch by the records, as an excuse to crouchPretend to scan the spines, as if I don't know them by heart"Inspector Norse again?" comes the cry from the cheap seats"No" I lie, pulling literally whatever's where my finger landed
It was a Numero comp of gospel musicWe all sat there in silence til both sides played outIt was really cool, but that night I imagined everyone lying in bedPondering exactly why I picked that specific record
― The Speak Of The Mearns (Jonathan Hellion Mumble), Sunday, 22 May 2022 20:31 (two years ago) link
Frankly Kid, I disagreeWe've reached the point in the year when I need to go visit your auntieSit in her backyard, smoke a few cigarettes, unload everything onto the slabsI know she'll not hug me, just hesitate then pat my head
That's all I ask for
I deliberately won't preannounce my arrivalCus I feel bad when she lays out the big spread2 pots of coffee and an ashtray, I'm setFind sneaky banknotes in my jacket pocket after I've left
That's not necessaryShe's no more well off than me
The wind hits my face as I turn down the lane to the harbourDetour past the Bamse statue, tip my hat, if I'm wearing oneInhale the chinese fumes as I scuttle through the tunnelOh they've got a sign now, good for them
Never going in there againThey will ask me about Someone Dead, that's too upsettingAlso their menu is far too lengthy for my feeble mind
― The Speak Of The Mearns (Jonathan Hellion Mumble), Sunday, 22 May 2022 21:14 (two years ago) link
Fucking 2 decades younger than me, apparentley 2 decades smarter than meLike, mimicked my groan, mimicked my body languageThe same two fingers pointed at the same screenTbh, she's prolly fucking hilarious on a day-to-day basis
HOW MANY CHILDREN HAVE WE LEFT OUTSIDE?I didn't care til she bust out that singsong voiceFuckit, let's feed EVERY SINGLE ONE of themYou gunna make tempura batter?
OH WOW, SHIT, I'M EXPECTED TO DO THIS?YES I'M AWARE I'M BETTER AT IT THAN YOU!No problem, I just want it documented in a book:"Timothy Fed The Children.""Jennifer just stood and watched."
― The Speak Of The Mearns (Jonathan Hellion Mumble), Sunday, 22 May 2022 22:55 (two years ago) link
Oh yeah this morning, when my mother walked inMy dick was in your hand, we immediately broke apartI somehow developed a deep interest in that stack of boardgames thereYou were suddenly making coffee, which I know you're shit atYou sighed three times while she was sat on my sofaShe smoked 4 of my cigarettes, she better fucking pay me backYou sighed a final time as she walked out the doorThen just giggled, I caught Curtis as he walked past, we all just giggledThis afternoon, that time spent on the carpet, the three of us gigglingI forgot the reason, Curtis never knew the reason, we still carried onGiggled til my chest hurt, Curtis eventually got bored and leftMe and you never spoke a word to each other, but eventually we were just gazing in each others eyesJust smirking at this point, but you never looked cuter
― The Speak Of The Mearns (Jonathan Hellion Mumble), Monday, 23 May 2022 00:01 (two years ago) link
One of the cousins visiting from Australia, WOW!Give me some football snark, I have some genuine upper groundI fed you fish pie, AT MY MOTHER'S HOUSE!Like, I genuinelly cooked a fish pie from what was available AT MY MOTHER'S HOUSE!It got late, you whipped out the whiskyCus apparently you'd been on the west coastI forget what distillery, but I just called it "pleaseantly peaty""not peaty at all", you saidAh fuck off ye smug fuckJust cus me & Mark can't afford these bottlesBut then when drinks were taken it all gets political
I said "so yeah, seems better now in Australia, from what I've followed?""Albanese, better than Scomo?" "NO!""They're all EVIL!" "yeah I guess I agree..."It got quite cool when you called for "REVOLUTION!"Less cool when followed up with "...or Demagogue..."I deliberately went out to smoke, missed the end of your sentenceOn reentrance: "what Trump got right..." I had multiple pairs of eyes looking at meIt was only that one hand on my chest, I got it, maybe sit this one outWhen he started some shit about immigrantsMy mother joined in, "both sides" yeah whateverI brought up the Tasmanian genocide, he started fucking fuming at meI lit a fag, walked up the street, sat on my sofa, petted cat, wrote this
― The Speak Of The Mearns (Jonathan Hellion Mumble), Friday, 27 May 2022 23:54 (two years ago) link
btw SORRY KM, THESE WEDDING FOOTBALL COUSINS TURNED OUT TO BE APPARENTELY MASSIVELY RASCIST! someone bring me hard drugs right now
― The Speak Of The Mearns (Jonathan Hellion Mumble), Saturday, 28 May 2022 00:07 (two years ago) link
i hate when that happens! but not your fault.
― Bruce Stingbean (Karl Malone), Saturday, 28 May 2022 00:08 (two years ago) link
So I sat on a sofa, in a weed houseI was half (eh prolly three quarters) cut when I arrivedAnd IT WAS LOVELY! Lots of positive vibesUNTIL! (yeah obv there's an UNTIL!)This kid (NOT Kid, another kid) who (I think?) lived there said something like...Like...(forgive my poor memory, I was half-cut, at least)"It's just words, words can't harm anyone..."
So I went into a rant, can't recall the specifics(cus, well yeah)But it definitely involved the Rwandan genocideAnd multiple references to the use of the word "cockroaches"And machetes, far too many machetesPossibly the holocaust, I forgetbut definitely Ricky Gervais, "Gamergate", JK Rowling and spitTwitter(blehblehbleh, wash your mouth with another tin)
The one thing I remember, the old guy who was the actual tenant(I know he'll be 70 this year, cus he's the same age as My Mother)(I know cus his daughter told me so, fuck is this another tangent? Kill it at birth)(just this one time we were talking about the Rolling Stones in Hyde Park after Brian Jones died and they both NO! NOT RELEVANT!)This guy who was silent all eveningApplauded me at the end of my spielHis son sat there, I could see his cheeks burningI stood up, made some flamboyant gesture and left
Last night I overheard my mother talking to a cousin, in the kitchenOn my way back from the upstairs toiletApologising for me, said "he only sees things in black and white""it's because of his disabilty"I gritted my teeth, went back to the party roomPoured the wine I acquired from eh long storyPondered on that statement tho, even when I got home, yknow she's probably rightBUT I WILL NEVER APOLOGISE
― The Speak Of The Mearns (Jonathan Hellion Mumble), Saturday, 28 May 2022 11:03 (two years ago) link
Fuck the Queen, Fuck the PopeAlso fuck the fucks who write "Fuck the Pope"Fuck the children who throw rocks at CurtisIn fact, fuck everyone who isn't Curtis
He maybe has longer legs than meBut is eternally the Little SpoonSinging Kettle in the village tomorrowSome family going, me and Curtis said FUCK NO thank you
That cousin had an objection about QatarNo, not the basic slavery deathsBut apparently one referee is from Rwanda and female SHOCK HORROR!Imma shut up now, maybe die in my sleep
Rubbish cups, squint the buttons look like tinniesCurtis can't keep eyes open, Áine eitherI chucked the Lucky Pirate Socks, worth sum total of fuckall"beacons" yeahnaw, we might burn down your house tho?
(6'1", apparently. pffft...)
― The Speak Of The Mearns (Jonathan Hellion Mumble), Sunday, 29 May 2022 00:41 (two years ago) link
Sample and hold? Story of my lifeJust happy to have a younger riding the filter knobWe walk in Pub, That One Lady shouts "IT'S HARD BEING JOHNNY MUMBLE!"I was trying to gauge the sarcasm level before I decided how much offence to take
Some Jacamo Fuck thinks he can criticise my physical being?I caught the eye of my eh Secret Sexual PartnerHe blinked something to me in code, I didn't catch itBut then started fluttering his lashes to the beat of the jukebox
Threw in the occasional cheeky syncopationIt was the cutest thing I've ever seen
― The Speak Of The Mearns (Jonathan Hellion Mumble), Sunday, 29 May 2022 23:15 (two years ago) link
In Silencethey’re still waiting
to unlock the gateto the theme park we madeand turn on the rollercoasters just for us
The machines would whir to lifein the dead of nightthe time they prefer to workwhen our bodies are on autopilotwhen our conversation dries up for a while
Our midnight passes indicatewe are visitors from the mindWe shave our hair in the parking lotand float into the park like holograms
Our dim shades look just right underdrooping strands of pale christmas lightstracing the paths of old waiting lines
winding toward the biggest rideswaiting in this emptinesswalking among the deadand what was left for it
you and me, passing between our dreamsand my stomach is somewhere back there in a ceiling
― Bruce Stingbean (Karl Malone), Wednesday, 1 June 2022 18:05 (two years ago) link
I played JUKES in the panto, he had Megadeth lyrics on his sword(personal choice), never helped my backstoryYou shaved my trousers, I guess I'll think on my feetThe bottoms were blown off by FUCKEN CANNONBALL!
North Wales is the land of my forefathersBut the Mearns is the land of three of my four fathersBlack Bart has like a million glossary referencesMy Mother has apparently one, hid her face when the notebook crowd asked Operating on one eye nowWhy? WHY? Ask yer cousin's Plus OneJilly John is now mouthing offAnyone understand French please expain it
― The Speak Of The Mearns (Jonathan Hellion Mumble), Saturday, 4 June 2022 22:46 (one year ago) link