another maniacal Armond White review, this time "Fahrenheit 9/11"

http://www.filmmakermagazine.com/winter2004/features/images/critic.jpg

that's him? for some reason i always thought he was that dorky guy with dreads. who am i thinking of??

elvis mitchell?
http://www.buzzine.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/06/elvis_mitchell_20080630.jpg

lol
On April 27, 2008, Mitchell was returning from Toronto to Detroit when border guards found Cuban cigars and $12,000 in cash on him.

yeah, mitchell! lmbo

what i like about white is that he's so far off in the wilderness, ranting away in whatever's left of the new york press, that he's easy to forget about until somebody does something like revive this thread. but whenever you happen to tune in, he's right there as crazy as always, getting crazier all the time. like a mad preacher on some staticky AM station you occasionally run across at 2 in the morning.

(and get tired of as soon as the novelty wears off again)

Really, he's most amusing when two competing sensibilities jerk knees at the same time. Like Redacted, pitting his love for De Palma against his love for Dubya's war in Iraq.

haha yes, or when demme casts denzel/altman uses digital video/etc

p.s.

G.I. Joe’s in the same innocuous class as the Laura Croft and Thunderbirds movies. It has the spirit of Saturday Afternoon toy commercials, even to the extent of extolling basic American values: the very realistic appreciation of militarism as a foundation for capitalist freedom that supplies delight in both G.I. Joe and Transformers 2. There’s more realpolitik here than in the now-overrated The Hurt Locker.*

Sommers isn’t quite in Michael Bay’s directorial class, but he has the ability to envision a nightmare and spin it into a provocative coup the Surrealists wouldn’t dare.

not sure what this means:

This Eiffel Tower image also recalls the postmodern epigraph that closes Godard’s In Praise of Love : “I will go to my grave with more visions than man has previously ever known.” The trashy secret of G.I. Joe is its ironic capitalizing on the fact that awesome, dread-filled visions don’t necessarily destroy childhood innocence. Seeing the Eiffel Tower fall is part of loving it (which could not be said of the World Trade Center). The Brothers Grimm understood. That’s why people are queuing-up, contributing to the Jackpot.

http://nypress.com/article-20189-gi-joe-the-rise-of-cobra.html

*btw he previously said, "Kathryn Bigelow's latest joins the short list of great Iraq War films" but i guess that was before everyone else started praising it, so now he has to back off lest he be forced to agree with others.

thanking youuuu

I'm trying to remember the Armond White review I was anticipating, but I can't now.

Oh wait it was his GI Joe review. I will have to savor this now.

the "now-overrated" hooooo boy

"As for acting, operatives Tatum and Wayans look great in their special Accelerator suits, surging through the air, tumbling and weaving in dreamlike acrobatics to gladden the wide-eyed part of your aesthetic sensibility."

Yes, acting.

Wait there is no talk of acting in that sentence?!?! WTF?

they're not actors, they're OPERATIVES

marvel at their operations

can't spell operative without opera and this film is pop opera at its finest. steven spielberg would be proud.

white is clearly stating sommers uses actors like bresson

I like when Armond White writes in second person.

crossposting from the gi joe thead cause dammit this took like 5 minutes:

complete list of other films armond cites in this review:

iron man
star trek
harry potter 6 ("and the half-blooded chintz"--good one dude!)
the mummy
transformers 2
wanted
3:10 to yuma
drag me to hell
transporter 3
torque (those last two are "superior pop art")
the laura (sic) croft films
thunderbirds
the hurt locker ("now overrated")
united 93
cloverfield
mars attacks
in praise of love

One of these things is not like the other. . .

Can someone do a complete list of the critics that Armond is citing? Guessing that would be longer.

"This Eiffel Tower image also recalls the postmodern epigraph that closes Godard’s In Praise of Love : 'I will go to my grave with more visions than man has previously ever known." Uh huh.

will gladden

at this point is he doing this just to see if anyone's still reading?

Meh, he's the only critic I remember what he thinks of any given movie more than a few weeks after it opens. Granted, it's because he's predictable, but still ...

but i mean, throwing that godard quote in there, it's just trolling really. who does he think his audience is, besides people who tune in to watch him be crazy?

he's the glenn beck of film critics

One of these things is not like the other. . .

yeah, Mars Attacks is the great one.

Isn't Will Gladden the third string QB for the Seahawks?

the very realistic appreciation of militarism as a foundation for capitalist freedom that supplies delight

fuck this sentence, fuck this guy

"yeah, Mars Attacks is the great one."

I thought you liked the Hurt Locker.

slocki what part are u objecting 2

i do, but it's no Mars Attacks! xp

I bet you just like it less now that it's been overrated.

kinda like the president amirite

heyo

That sentence isn't really all that risible, because I can imagine GI Joe's audience being cool with both guns and money.

Armond's nuts, cuz i understand there is no one named Joe in that film.

slocki what part are u objecting 2

― a narwhal done gored my sister nell (cankles), Tuesday, August 11, 2009 11:06 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

i guess the idea that that shit is "innocuous" and awesome... i didnt not take that sentence as a critical read... then again it is really fuckin humid in here

GI Joe IS innocuous and awesome

the very realistic appreciation of militarism as a foundation for capitalist freedom that supplies delight

YOOOO JOE!

that sentence doesnt really "do" anything critical, it just sort of sits there hoping for you to disagree

yeah exactly

when i first encountered armond i dont think i had ever read a critic whose POV was completely unpredictable to me. i didnt have any idea what he'd say about a movie. he would often come at it in such a way that i was sorta floored--almost having fun with the idea of interpretation itself--that many, many times he forced me to reconsider films i thought i knew/understood from the ground up.

of course, this only worked a few times and once you're on to the trick it kinda loses its power.

he used to be different, really.

As I read it I kept running into parts i wanted to quote and respond to but I really don't want to waste the time. This wasn't written by a real person it was written by someone living in Michael Bay world.

I probably wouldn't dislike Armond White much at all if he didn't have his bizarre vendettas against successful movies. Like the dude loves to celebrate trash/genre pictures/crowd pleasers, but he can't stomach the occasional schmaltz of a Pixar movie?

His vendetta is against critically acclaimed movies though. Whether or not you or me liked or saw a movie means nothing. Did Johnny Critic love it? Oh you bet Armond's gonna contrive a reason to fuckin' hate it.

yeah the next (first?) Pixar movie that critics despise will be Armond's favorite animated film ever.