Let's bitch about our stupid, annoying co-workers

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three things i DON'T want to know about:

yr baby's sportswear
yr baby's poo
yr baby's penis

― The Man Without Shadow (Enrique), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 12:37 (twenty years ago)

Oh God, the endless debate over the rights and wrongs of having a toaster upstairs when downstrairs toaster was removed after upstairs person made toast downstairs and set all the fire alarms off. Followed by the debate over who from upstairs is to blame for thos e downstairs knowing we still have a toaster. Jesus, three months ago everyone was all about giving up wheat.

― Anna (Anna), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 13:37 (twenty years ago)

oof, i just got ZINGED.

i work with a dire, racist new zealander; it was pointed out that when our cuntwit colleague ****** leaves i will be the only male in the department. and she cam back 'more like the only girl', presumably because of my slender build and dynamic cheekbones and non-kiwi ways.

― The Man Without Shadow (Enrique), Thursday, 2 March 2006 15:35 (twenty years ago)

not from me, but from a friend of mine:

So part of my job is posting finished real estate transactions on a dry-erase board for everyone to see. I do it after I have reviewed the contracts and approved the sale, but some people CAN'T FUCKING WAIT for me to approve the sales, so they write it on the board themselves, which they're not supposed to do.

So this morning, I saw this one sale on the board written in red ink. I promptly erased it, expecting the lady to come in and complain, at which point I would explain to her that I write the names on the board, not her.

Five minutes ago, in she comes.

Her: "Did you erase 999 Fuckmyass Rd. from the board?!"

Me: "Yes, I did. My boss told me that we don't write sales on the board until he and I approve them."

Her: "Well, don't ever do that again. I write my sales in Red on the board, because it symbolizes the blood of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. Without Him, none of us would be able to sell real estate."

Me: *stunned*

― wangdangsweetpentangle (teenagequiet), Thursday, 2 March 2006 15:39 (twenty years ago)

She was kidding, right? Right...?

― Archel (Archel), Thursday, 2 March 2006 15:41 (twenty years ago)

"I write sales in black which signifies the devil, who is behind all capitalism. Check."

― Dave will do (dave225.3), Thursday, 2 March 2006 15:44 (twenty years ago)

If I ask you what your arbitrary, made-up column title on your matrix means when you want me to tell you what should go against it, it means I DON'T KNOW. Saying "it's the column that used to be other arbitrary, unhelpful, made-up title" like I'm supposed to know what that was SINCE IT'S YOUR MATRIX AND YOU OBVIOUSLY CAN'T EXPLAIN IT EITHER doesn't make it any clearer.

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Thursday, 2 March 2006 15:48 (twenty years ago)

(.. after long discussion about planning & days)
CW: how does 3 + 3 = 5?
Me: because I'm using logic, not formulas. Starting on May 3 + 3 days of work means it finishes on May 5. It's *inclusive.*
CW: I think you have your methodology mixed up.

methinks: You are on a totally different plane.

― Dave will do (dave225.3), Thursday, 2 March 2006 16:02 (twenty years ago)

one month passes...

Constant foot-tapping Kansas-listening no-eye-contact deadly-party-throwing engineer guy from upthread is now MY OFFICE MATE. Truly, this is the point of no return.

― Jaq (Jaq), Monday, 10 April 2006 23:55 (twenty years ago)

one month passes...

Quote from the director this morning: "The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the tyranny of numpties"

― Mädchen (Madchen), Monday, 15 May 2006 10:03 (twenty years ago)

Leave work on my chair instead of in the inbox? Fuck you you fuckin' fuck.

― Dr Morbius (Dr Morbius), Monday, 15 May 2006 12:16 (twenty years ago)

My chair is my inbox :/

― Markelby (Mark C), Monday, 15 May 2006 12:19 (twenty years ago)

please send me no more chain emails of soldiers in iraq holding puppies that say 'break this chain and you will suffer tonight'. you cretins.

― Ste (Fuzzy), Monday, 15 May 2006 14:41 (twenty years ago)

FUCK THAT HSTENCIL GUY

― electro-acoustic lycanthrope (orion), Monday, 15 May 2006 18:08 (twenty years ago)

oh, you're-fired-paws

― hstencil (hstencil), Monday, 15 May 2006 18:09 (twenty years ago)

"have you ever seen a picture of the solar system? don't you think it's weird how the water on earth just doesn't fall out?'

― tokyo nursery school: afternoon session (rosemary), Monday, 15 May 2006 19:08 (twenty years ago)

"i can't help swearing, it's the way I was brought up."

― tokyo nursery school: afternoon session (rosemary), Monday, 15 May 2006 19:10 (twenty years ago)

"Ugh, Indian people. They all smell."

― tokyo nursery school: afternoon session (rosemary), Monday, 15 May 2006 19:11 (twenty years ago)

I don't even understand the 1st one?

― Thermo Thinwall (Thermo Thinwall), Monday, 15 May 2006 20:04 (twenty years ago)

"He won't like that. Change it to something dull"
"Shouldn't we let him not like it first? I think he'll like it"
"No. Something dull."

― stet (stet), Monday, 15 May 2006 20:08 (twenty years ago)

HAHAHAHAHAH o god, no, really? no. i'm so glad i'm not there tonight.

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Monday, 15 May 2006 20:39 (twenty years ago)

FAMILY GUY QUOTES ALL DAY

― city of gyros (chaki), Monday, 15 May 2006 21:21 (twenty years ago)

SERIOUSLY THIS HSTENCIL GUY CAN"T MAKE UP HIS MIND ABOUT WHAT TO LISTEN TO!!!!

― electro-acoustic lycanthrope (orion), Monday, 15 May 2006 21:30 (twenty years ago)

hpencil changed songs. (June Is Finally Here - Don Caballero)
hpencil changed songs. (My Home Is The Sea - Matt Sweeny & Bonnie Pr)
hpencil changed songs. (Esoterica of Abyssynia - Sun City Girls)
hpencil changed songs. (Stuck On You - Rose Tattoo)
hpencil changed songs. (Venus In The Morning - Mayo Thompson)
hpencil changed songs. (sleeping is the only love - Silver Jews)
hpencil changed songs. (A Child's Lullaby - Philip Lynott)
hpencil changed songs. (God's Song (That's Why I Love Mankind) - Ran)
hpencil changed songs. (Instant Archaeology - Sun City Girls)
hpencil changed songs. (Think About Me - Fleetwood Mac)
hpencil changed songs. (Goat And Ram - Matt Sweeny & Bonnie Prince
hpencil changed songs. (Emerald - Thin Lizzy)
hpencil changed songs. (emerald - Thin Lizzy)
hpencil changed songs. (Without Epression - Terry Reid)
hpencil changed songs. (Lost Love Blues (unissued alternate take #2))
hpencil changed songs. (I Have Always Been Here Before - Roky Ericks)
hpencil changed songs. (punks in the beerlight - Silver Jews)
hpencil changed songs. (Stevie (For Steven S.) - Royal Trux)

― JW (ex machina), Monday, 15 May 2006 21:34 (twenty years ago)

my co-workers are finding the hypothetical name 'mike hunt' hilarious right now. they've never heard this amazing joke ever before.

― the confusing situation Enrique currently endures (Enrique), Tuesday, 16 May 2006 12:13 (twenty years ago)

have they heard mike omicallyunderdevelopedsenseofhumor?

― teeny (teeny), Tuesday, 16 May 2006 12:37 (twenty years ago)

my new team leader fell asleep in a meeting with a government client!! thank god it wasn't a meeting for one of my projects, he was good enough to stay awake for those.

― lil' merzbow wow (haitch), Tuesday, 16 May 2006 12:43 (twenty years ago)

also the senior programmer basically went on a one-man crusade today to make alterations to the company style guide, which has been in service for several years without complaint, and which he won't ever need to use because he's a programmer.

― lil' merzbow wow (haitch), Tuesday, 16 May 2006 12:46 (twenty years ago)

whereas the six people in the organisation who actually create content will have to go through and manually change every occurence of what he wants changed through company documentation and what-not.

oh and now I remember my story about the admin girl who won't answer her phone. I spoke to my old team leader, who went and spoke to the area manager, who then got in a fight with two other managers for 'leaking information' to me!! when it was another manager entirely who tipped us off to the slackarse's ways in the first place.

― lil' merzbow wow (haitch), Tuesday, 16 May 2006 12:52 (twenty years ago)

YOUR DREAMS BORE ME

― Enrique IX: The Mediator (Enrique), Thursday, 18 May 2006 11:36 (twenty years ago)

Conversation between my boss and me this morning.

Boss “have you seen The Da Vinci code?”
Me “Erm no, i haven't read the book either”
Boss “it’s .......”
Me “like I say, I haven’t seen it”
Boss “oh, sorry.”
Me “right! I’m just going downstairs”

― not-goodwin (not-goodwin), Monday, 22 May 2006 09:38 (twenty years ago)

thankfully, and even in an office as large as mine, there hasn't been one discussion about the da vinci code movie/book yet.

― Ste (Fuzzy), Monday, 22 May 2006 09:47 (twenty years ago)

Bloody hell the co-worker is being annoying right now. He keeps singing fragments of songs, and shouting out nonsense phrases - anyone would think he had Tourettes.

― Forest Pines (ForestPines), Monday, 22 May 2006 10:12 (twenty years ago)

a) singing "Oh, what a breast!" about once a minute
b) humming the main riff from War of the Worlds
c) reading out random phrases from the website he's working on.

― Forest Pines (ForestPines), Monday, 22 May 2006 10:14 (twenty years ago)

d) whistling the theme tune from Steptoe And Son (badly)

― Forest Pines (ForestPines), Monday, 22 May 2006 10:29 (twenty years ago)

One sharp blow to his temple will stop him annoying you forest!

― not-goodwin (not-goodwin), Monday, 22 May 2006 10:46 (twenty years ago)

i'm probably a pretty annoying co-worker. i have larry david-esque levels of interest in other people's lives, and basically spend the day occasionally roffling at ilx.

― Enrique IX: The Mediator (Enrique), Monday, 22 May 2006 10:48 (twenty years ago)

Another annoying thing about Big Dave: his lunch breaks. Everyone here gets an hour for lunch. Everyone either sits at their desk eating (and surfing the web in some cases, including me), or goes out for an hour. Dave, on the other hand, goes out of the building for 75 minutes or so - and *then* comes back and eats his lunch at his desk.

― Forest Pines (ForestPines), Monday, 22 May 2006 12:27 (twenty years ago)

Erm, i do this, but i eat it before i go to soak up the beer. No one complains though as they usually come with me.

― not-goodwin (not-goodwin), Monday, 22 May 2006 13:59 (twenty years ago)

HALF AN HOUR, PEOPLE.

― teh_kit has 21 friends (g-kit), Monday, 22 May 2006 14:01 (twenty years ago)

This dumb scrunt sitting across from me has gone to lunch and left her computer on with the lite/smooth-'jazz' station playing loud enough for me to hear through my headphones.

I think I am about to accidentally kick her power cord out of the wall.

― Keywords: revenge, knife, granddaughter, demonic-possession, rock-star, eel (Aus, Monday, 22 May 2006 16:25 (twenty years ago)

Big Dave is having an affair.

― Tracey Hand (tracerhand), Monday, 22 May 2006 17:06 (twenty years ago)

I know he's definitely seeing someone in his lunch breaks - it's hardly an affair, though, because he's not seeing anyone else.

Today, he's alternating between singing The Birdie Song and whispering "oooh bloody nora! ya little monkey!" in a "comedy old man" voice.

― Forest Pines (ForestPines), Tuesday, 23 May 2006 07:54 (twenty years ago)

Forest; ask him why on earth he’s singing the birdie song.

Everybody’s annoying me today.

― not-goodwin (not-goodwin), Tuesday, 23 May 2006 08:16 (twenty years ago)

I have two preggers coworkers, so our lunch hours are spent discussing constipation, throwing up, and the pains of labour.

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Tuesday, 23 May 2006 12:41 (twenty years ago)

The worst. Any comment asking them not to discuss clearly means you hate all kids and other women, correct?

A good policy for new mums returning to work, I feel, is to PRETEND that there is a person in the office who cannot have kids for biological reasons, and IMAGINE what it would be like to be considerate to that person. That way you do not annoy other women in the office by ducking out of responsibilities with the OH MY BABY excuse (this happened at the last non-magazine office I worked at).

― suzy (suzy), Tuesday, 23 May 2006 12:49 (twenty years ago)

Can’t believe my boss, she’s done it again (see Conversation between my boss and me this morning upthread)

Boss “have you seen XMen 3?”
Me “I’m going tonight”
Boss, tells me more than I’d like to know.
Me “like I say, I haven’t seen it”
Boss “I’ve done it again haven’t i?”
Me “yes!”

― not-goodwin (not-goodwin), Tuesday, 30 May 2006 08:47 (twenty years ago)

fwiw, it's a hard movie to ruin, since it comes pre-ruined.

― Keywords: revenge, knife, granddaughter, demonic-possession, rock-star, eel (Aus, Tuesday, 30 May 2006 11:22 (twenty years ago)

new team leader came in with 10 years' writing and editing experience and launching a redesigned website on his cv. turns out he was, in fact, totally fucking useless in front of a computer (a bit of a problem when it's an IT company!) and couldn't follow the simplest instructions to save himself. he handed in his notice after SIX DAYS!! god I was furious, since it was me who he kept asking to cover his own incompetence.

― lil' merzbow wow (haitch), Tuesday, 30 May 2006 11:52 (twenty years ago)

My supe just complained to me about her daughter in law, who she accused of trying to 'ruin' her seven year old grandson because 'she would make him a sissy if she could, she's so bad.' Her crime? She wants to teach him to make sure his clothes match.

― Keywords: revenge, knife, granddaughter, demonic-possession, rock-star, eel (Aus, Tuesday, 30 May 2006 12:28 (twenty years ago)

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