Also the death of Nicky Tesco somehow made me write like 8 paragraphs about my brother and his favourite song and our our teenage band and his sociopath partner who doesn't let him talk to me and how I have no way to contact him now and I've tried for hours now to turn it into verse but it ain't realistically happening and I shall spare youse the efforts but can I just say I'm drunk as fuck and I miss my little brother and pogoing in our shared bedroom til the record skipped and if you see him tell him I've still got that Sound Of The Suburbs 7", then make that "call me" hand gesture then go back to your crowd
― The Speak Of The Mearns (Jonathan Hellion Mumble), Monday, 28 February 2022 06:06 (two years ago) link
I admit, I was happyto feel the sharp painin my back come backto feel freshly incapacitated and unable to attend the class
The only required supply was Gessobut I didn’t want to goso I stayed home
I wrote an email to the instructorexplaining how I had been movingmusic equipment from one floor to anotherpushing heavy carts to and from the freight elevatorin an old building in the Lemp District
Then I spent that night paintingover a previous paintingrehabilitating itbringing it back from the brinkdocumenting Lazarus with a photobefore putting him back in his cave
I woke up covered in sweatShe wrote back in all capsDo Not Draw on the Canvas With Pencilthis class costs $200 and I missed $40 of itI am level 34 in Elden Ring
― the world's undisputed #1 fan of 'Spud Infinity' (Karl Malone), Wednesday, 2 March 2022 08:16 (two years ago) link
I don’t want to find a new homeI don’t want to listen to the Gymnopédies againI don’t want the door to closeI don’t want to sit on the stairs, listening
My dog wet my bedI love her all the more for it
I no longer want to be outstandingI only want to be happyand when I fall out of itas one mustto be able to come backlike a home, a happy homethat stayswhich is on an old map
I want to nail the Chopin on my deathbedin front of a captive audiencegathered to hear some final jokesbut I play a Nocturne insteadperfectly, the trill hits the optimummy uncle says “I didn’t know he could play”and I look back and say “and you didn’t know him”and die, just like thatand my uncle gives everything to charityevery last cent
― the world's undisputed #1 fan of 'Spud Infinity' (Karl Malone), Wednesday, 2 March 2022 08:24 (two years ago) link
revised
I don’t want to be outstandingI just want to be happyand when I exitas one mustto be able to come back to the happinesslike a home, an old homewhich stays in one placein a telephone bookon an old map
I want to nail the Chopin on my deathbedin front of a captive audiencegathered to hear some final jokesbut I play a Nocturne insteadI want to nail the trills, especiallymy uncle says “I didn’t know he could play”and I look back and say “and you didn’t know him”and die, just like thatand my uncle gives everything to charityevery last centand then maybe he dies too
― the world's undisputed #1 fan of 'Spud Infinity' (Karl Malone), Wednesday, 2 March 2022 08:36 (two years ago) link
still ironing the kinks out of this one
-How long can this last,our pointless nightlong slog throughthis soupy morass?
The soles of our shoesare thickly coated with mudand for what, a ruse?
Picking at this crudwith sticks that keep snapping off.This path is a dud. Now I have a coughon top of holes in my glovesI drink from the trough
Glasses all fogged up.What if we went home, sweet home?But who can we trust?
My mouth starts to foamat the thought of how to leave.Can I be alone?
I think I believethere is comfort in structure.I need some routine.
But I don’t know much.Merely waking up some dayscan take some gumption.
If a voice would sayRight Now, ImmediatelyFull Retreat, Post Haste
Could I hide my glee?Should I be stifling my joywhile full on sprinting?
When I was a boyI would laugh until it hurt.Patched up corduroy.
An iron-on shirtwith characters from Star Wars.Nails covered in dirt.
Now my throat is hoarseFrom yapping about what ought to be, in due course
Our expected lot,Rather than boggy waterand depressing thoughts.
New cannon fodderhanging on to ropes danglingfrom helicopters.
Put a fork in meHow long would I sing a songwhich has no ending?
I guessed for too longat questions with no answersbut I was not wrong.
― the world's undisputed #1 fan of 'Spud Infinity' (Karl Malone), Thursday, 3 March 2022 21:03 (two years ago) link
missiles fall on distant kievthis counts as merely minor peevewe knows what sides our breads is butteredlet no apologies be utteredwhen all is said and all is donea terrys lots a happy onetoe rag to riches, doughty yeomanto cuntish twentieth century roman
― Ár an broc a mhic (darraghmac), Thursday, 3 March 2022 16:47 (five hours ago) bookmarkflaglink
― Ár an broc a mhic (darraghmac), Thursday, 3 March 2022 22:17 (two years ago) link
what's sad is that this all started in an effort to be more concise. i get bored at some of my long poems while reading them, sometimes, so i'm sure it's much worse for everyone else. so someone suggested haiku but of course i needed more than 3 lines. still, 51 lines is shorter by my standards, and the average length of each line is only 5.667 syllables so it's faster than normal
here is the revised version, which is now called About Quitting
How long can this last,our pointless nightlong slog throughthis soupy morass?
Picking at this crudwith sticks that keep snapping off.This path is a dud.
Now I have a coughon top of holes in the glovesI found in the trough
If a voice would sayRight Now, Immediately Full Retreat, Post Haste
Our expected lot,Rather than the swamp waterand negative thoughts.
I guessed for too longat questions with no answersbut was I all wrong?
-i think it sounds nice read aloud, because of the interweaving rhyme scheme and the concise, consistent number of syllables from the haiku setup. i recognize that without constraints, i just go on and on and on, here and in what i work on, whether i'm painting and accumulating or recording a million tracks or talking endlessly. it's good for me, at least occasionally, to get a STOP signal, or at least a small box to put things in
― the world's undisputed #1 fan of 'Spud Infinity' (Karl Malone), Friday, 4 March 2022 00:33 (two years ago) link
here is a spoken version
― the world's undisputed #1 fan of 'Spud Infinity' (Karl Malone), Friday, 4 March 2022 00:56 (two years ago) link
I am in favourJust now, let's say my "auntie"lives in my Maw's houseTends to leave me notesI come in from pub some nightsFind stuff on table"your cat has puked up"Mostly shit like that or suchI'm not too impressedShe wrote in haiku, but I bosed up to herTold her to work on her metershe scoffed at me, said just wait on ma merbut I knew I could beat herShe lorded over me like every nightI said "try working in sonnets""aye, nae chance!", but it sparked a lightAnd I took something from itAuntie Dorothy, aiutandemema cosé pensa Voi?Andare a bagno, scrivo per teChe cosa trovate poi?Underrate me? Fuck you DotSonnets in Italian? Fuck Yeah, the lot
― The Speak Of The Mearns (Jonathan Hellion Mumble), Friday, 4 March 2022 06:20 (two years ago) link
(pretty rough Italian, but genuinely wrote while she was in toilet and maybe pretend it's Tarantino which it's not but I'm banking on no one knowing one way or the other)
― The Speak Of The Mearns (Jonathan Hellion Mumble), Friday, 4 March 2022 06:26 (two years ago) link
Nothing but apologies for previous. Still drunk but eh
Every time the song playsI grip my knuckles whiteNot a big deal, I recall the breathing exercisesso we exit the situation okay
But then maybe My Mother entrances(when my knuckles still white)"who's this boy?", I turn red-eyedmake some semblence of a shrug
"oh the guy jumped off the bridge?"Just focus on the screen"oh yeah, I heard some blather nonsense..."CONCENTRATE ON THE SCREEN!
Recall them exercises? Now's a good time to practise(we're not stabbing no eyes today)That big news you wanted to share? CoughMaybe save it til next week
My mother smirks, I make coffeeLiverpool don't play til dmorrae..
― The Speak Of The Mearns (Jonathan Hellion Mumble), Saturday, 5 March 2022 01:43 (two years ago) link
god, My Mother
― the world's undisputed #1 fan of 'Spud Infinity' (Karl Malone), Saturday, 5 March 2022 02:08 (two years ago) link
How long does it take for someone to crack?How soon before they're in the nutty shack?How long for someone to lose their marbles?For their cards to fall on the table?
How much pressure can you take?How many straws before you break?How much stress can you handle?Before you're blown out like a candle?
― Being cheap is expensive (snoball), Sunday, 6 March 2022 22:57 (two years ago) link
It’s that time of yearfor the first timesince it happened
I’ll remember what I can on his birthday, later this monthHe would have been sixty-sevenFour days later I’ll remember his deathUndefeated Always on the wayThe arrival seen coming but sudden all the sameThe before and the afterWhat gets shaken out of all of us
When death comes knocking you don’t hear itNo need to worry, someone will answer the dooror else it well let itself in
By the time you smell death it’s already down the throatThe first scent is a signpost at the end which reads
All Roads Meet HereFinal MergeTurn Off CarRemove Keys From IgnitionWait
I would like to be askedto go outsideto flat out liedown on the sidewalkto see and be seen by the others up and down the streetwho were asked to do the same as meto step out of our housing unitssilentlythe neighborhood strangerswho lost everythingthe one in thirty-three who have a close relative who dieda lot of us did not say goodbyeI would lay my forehead on the cementuntil I am sereneand wait for others to join me
There is no national day of remembrancebecause it’s still happeningbecause a lot of people are invested in it being overblownbecause we had to get used to it
One can imagine opening the door to the inevitablewith a line long memorizedcalmly methodicallooking it straight in the eye and sayingWhy you’re right on time
Or, slamming and bolting the doorthat should be enough, rightthough maybe stacking a couch against it can only helpAny time at all which can be bought is worth itonly a second more is to die for
Or, ripping off the bandagesmarching straight through hell without a guideshaking the foundationunholy primal screamingwe’re all innocentor none of us areit doesn’t make a difference
The weapons of mass nonsense are proliferatingStrangers explain comorbidities to meexplain vaccines are destroying my fertilityexplain alternative treatmentsexplain the government did not want me to see the data explain comorbidities reacting with the vaccinesand the only possible treatments were part of an elitist schemeinvolving the world bank and UN and CDC and Bill Gatesand the Great Reset and Planet Xthe entire Biopharmaceutical industryI can’t sleep, I can’t sleepit’s all been written, don’t you see, we see itthat they actually want this to keep this so-called pandemic going
My blood runs coldIt would be better to go numb insteadMuch easier to nod and play along to their songYes, ivermectin, very interestingthis and that study, incredible
(Keeping the rebuttals unstatedmaybe even not thought of at allideally)
I spent some time with The Atlantic article“Why America Became Numb to COVID Deaths”and it made me think about why I became numb to Americans
There are endless forms of escapismI do it tooWe all have to do it
Still, If you can’t say anything nicewell, you’re fucked, I guessRight? In this instanceYou’re supposed to grin and bear itpretend like they make sense
You’re supposed to say it is what it is butI refuse to accept that it is what it isbecause everything changes and that’s as it should bethings that are about to be, approachingthat’s what is happening, along with what already is
― the world's undisputed #1 fan of 'Spud Infinity' (Karl Malone), Wednesday, 9 March 2022 04:08 (two years ago) link
The bathroom within a bathroom is easy to findYou walk into the outer bathroom, then say“I have to go to the bathroom.”Then you’ll know the way
― the world's undisputed #1 fan of 'Spud Infinity' (Karl Malone), Thursday, 10 March 2022 05:41 (two years ago) link
Man rules the day with his calls and computer, Deliberate, restless, engorged with the fluid of importance,He stands astride his home office as a Colossus.
His only match, the night’s master, The swift and furry specter that undoes his hard workSwiping at air pods, glasses, the spoils of civilization itself.
When the sun rises, man must rebuild The broken city leveled by his rival. O the Sisyphean joys of owning a cat!
― treeship., Saturday, 12 March 2022 01:59 (two years ago) link
I was gunna write something HATEFULCus I woke up thinking of that boy againBut everytime I wash my bodyI forget everything
Or just cook something, that works tooHoi, maybe pop some corn!Aye hush, I'm banned from using hot oilBut frankly the grownups can fuck each other
My shoulders hurt from hunchingMy knuckles hurt from clenchingMy feet have lost all feeling from the stupid way I'm crouchingMy back hurts from I donno idolatry I guess
Last week I thunk you up a masterpieceI had it down to punctuation in my head förfanThen I took a showerAnd it all whirled down the drain
"I'd rather write a symphony"You used to play that song constalikeI hated it then, cus offentill I need to sleepBut I hate it still, from memory
Just because
― The Speak Of The Mearns (Jonathan Hellion Mumble), Saturday, 12 March 2022 17:52 (two years ago) link
that's my favorite of yours that i've read, JHM
and i love treesh entering the fold!
― the world's undisputed #1 fan of 'Spud Infinity' (Karl Malone), Saturday, 12 March 2022 18:02 (two years ago) link
You gave me dispensation to invent words! I membered midways.
Sometimes this crowd sounds like a choir of angelsSometimes everything tumbles on the the floor and bursts openSometimes I just need to blow my noseMy chest hurts
I also love treeship, jennalike
― The Speak Of The Mearns (Jonathan Hellion Mumble), Saturday, 12 March 2022 18:21 (two years ago) link
Let's play DEVOLUTION Baby!I found a comfy rut right hereOh I'm sorry, the birds are dying?B-b-but there's a defibrillator
2.6 miles from pub, 0.1 from my sofa(but yeah, that's all uphill)Think about it, it's perfectly placedImma outlive erry one of youse fools
Sometimes this crowd sounds like a choir of angelsSometimes everything tumbles on the the floor and bursts openSometimes I just need to cough up some bloodSometimes I just need a duvet to hug
My knees hurt from kneelingMy teeth hurt from sugar, and clenchingBecause of YOU(yeah, THEM, but also YOU)
― The Speak Of The Mearns (Jonathan Hellion Mumble), Saturday, 12 March 2022 18:43 (two years ago) link
Cut my hair for youGoing broke buying solid color shirtsA mason jar for pencil shavings
― calstars, Saturday, 12 March 2022 20:17 (two years ago) link
my last one was way the fuck too long, here is a one minute version that's slightly edited
I would like to be askedto go outsideto flat out liedown on the sidewalkto see and be seen by the others up and down the streetthe neighborhood strangerswho were asked to do the same as meto step out of our housing unitssilentlythe neighborhood strangersthe one in thirty-three who lost everythingmany of us did not get to say goodbyebut I did, I had my ten minutes, aloneI would lay my forehead on the cementuntil I am sereneand wait for others to join methat is how I want the rememberjust me and the othersall of us together
― the world's undisputed #1 fan of 'Spud Infinity' (Karl Malone), Sunday, 13 March 2022 01:00 (two years ago) link
Jennalike Baby, calm yer fucken heelsYou've maybe smoked yersel to death"Young George, Son Of George", wind yer neck inKovaKovaKovacic, take a deep breath
I'll smirk, fingerguns, I know the teenagers rate meWhile the fireworks whizz past my headThrow your fingers up, quote that line from what film?I will elegise you when you're dead
Siccemmup Curtboy, I know yer fucken holdingWe been this road too many times beforeYou got your spot, the rest of the room is mineThe other business we'll just whistignore
Boom did ye feel that? the whole room rumbledI'll ride this rug like A Lad In HellIf I give you this French chalk just promise meYou'll draw a line around where I fell
― The Speak Of The Mearns (Jonathan Hellion Mumble), Sunday, 13 March 2022 19:18 (two years ago) link
poems are hard to justifybut easier to understand than the stock market
if i had the discipline to write a petrarchan sonnet i would
― treeship., Monday, 14 March 2022 00:14 (two years ago) link
There Is Not Here
Here is another letterLetter to the editor
Editor of the opinion pagespages her boss to discuss the documentdocument the date it was receivedReceived too late to answer
Answer he couldn’t acceptAccept nothing but regretsRegrets we all share, exceptExcept perhaps the one there in the back
Back in the time of beepersbeepers could arrange a talk with powerful menMen whose family owned the town newspaperNewspaper revenue would be decliningDeclining steadily ever since, for yearsYears and years when the advertisers leftleft for the internetinternet perpetually under construction
Construction without interruptioninterruption via a botched interventionintervention rejected and buriedburied twelve feet deepdeep in the woods off the mind’s highway
Highway lines twisting and vanishingVanishing off of the pavementPavement lines becoming disorientingdisorienting and dissipatingDissipating until the heart is still Still, we keep going untilUntil we know that we’re thereThere is not here
― the world's undisputed #1 fan of 'Spud Infinity' (Karl Malone), Monday, 14 March 2022 21:03 (two years ago) link
Don't bosie up to me, ye fucken childThere's one key difference tween the two of usYou've drunk "14 beers!", hmmm is that number just random?I don't drink, I'm just waiting on the bus
Yeah I know fine well we're both "medded up"Is your cat also waiting outside?I lied to the doctor, I lied to you just nowMy cat isn't outside, my cat died
You want to hang with the grownups?Well, I've got some advice for you Is that Diazepam? Just hoard itAt least for a day or two
Yeah cos we can't afford to drink every dayAnd the scrip isn't all that strongDrink all weekend, then double meds from mondayIf the voddy even lasts that long
Oh, your best mate's got Ritalin?Well that's of no interest to meGet up to the high school, sell it to childrenCome back here, fan the bills out, then we'll see...
― The Speak Of The Mearns (Jonathan Hellion Mumble), Friday, 18 March 2022 18:35 (two years ago) link
Not happy, my constant deletions to deliberately remove context harmed this one, I wanted to make clear the creeping nazification of the youth (like when they've drunk exactly 14 beers, or bet 88 on the duck race on gala day), and also the lying to the doctor is that you aren't currently drinking, in order to acquire benzos. I don't feel either of those things come across in this version, I'll rewrite it (spoiler: I won't). Also I just realised my stream of conciousness switched from me as an elder being harassed by youth to me as a youth being intimidated by elders and that doesn't work at all. SHUT IT DOWN
― The Speak Of The Mearns (Jonathan Hellion Mumble), Friday, 18 March 2022 18:44 (two years ago) link
Find the cord in the toiletFind the correct glass when you stumble back to the roomFollow my finger slowly with your eyesFollow the street back to your mammy's houseIt's a pretty baller move if you ask mePass out on the kerb, roll down the streetYou've played crazy golf, it works exactly the same, work the anglesYou'll wake up in the gutter pretty close to where you want to be
Crazy Golf? Don't get me started on that8 under par, let's call it a PhoenixFound 10 kroner on the walk over the dunesAlready dropped it by the ice cream shackAt 8 years old that felt like a mass executionThe hateful look from your father made you sink into the sandThe look from the other kids somehow felt even worseI'm sorry, no ice cream today
So let's never play golf againAlso you're dreaming if you think I'm getting back in those little carsFirst time it died on me, everyone laughedSecond time my brother... well let's not talk of thatBut I always loved being inside the big manI had the skill for it, slipped between levelsNo one ever found me until I turned up for the barbecueWalked away from that, found a quiet place, and just prayed
Yeah seriously, I used to prayTil my knuckles and knees felt the same numbness as each otherMy whole body achieved a sense of unityThen I'd walk back to the fire
― The Speak Of The Mearns (Jonathan Hellion Mumble), Friday, 18 March 2022 20:52 (two years ago) link
Lookee Lady, you know I love youBut consider for a mintytooIf this was 500 years agoYou'd be BURNT AS A WITCH!
Yeah calm down, these are your best qualitiesYou're outspoken, as is your bahgiven rightI'm just saying, in ye olden timesYou'd be BURNT AS A WITCH!
Fucksake, stop hitting my headMy heart will bust if you keep up with that gazeJust imagine 1542 if I didn't speak up for youYeah you died in a fire
― The Speak Of The Mearns (Jonathan Hellion Mumble), Saturday, 19 March 2022 08:51 (two years ago) link
Track and Field, Baby! Make me FEEL!Living is easy when your window points East"The Secret Life Of Plants" on repeat til the sun melts the vinylWe can play any boardgame with an exclamation in the title
Today's drug is Promethazine, No Thank You LadyThat shit will just slow me downI'll stick with lager, and a punch to the chestFrom (genuinely) my oldest friend
Portraits of LOSERS, portraits of my enemiesA dart through that postcard of ChurchillA blade for the neighbours, the scribes and the PhariseesA jog round the Den, then go home and pass out
― The Speak Of The Mearns (Jonathan Hellion Mumble), Sunday, 27 March 2022 13:37 (two years ago) link
You’re not hereYou’re not in your urnYou’re not up thereor down there, either
You know what I mean by that
You’re gone
― Karl Malone, Sunday, 27 March 2022 16:06 (two years ago) link
Emo Kid, count to three, is this where you want to be?Someone somewhere's thinking of your legacyEat the bunny ears and smile cus that's all you'll get tonightNovel handytowels, but I still gave you a fright
Shave your face off in the mirror, Twist And Shout then count to tenChips are falling, we've just got to work out whenThe walls are moving in, peel your scabs then spin for daysYour family is judging you in many different ways
Drop your pocks, clear them out, just flip out what you're ableWe'll close our eyes and then count what's on the tableIf you caught me looking you too must have had a peekFuck you I'm short, you still owe me from last week
Levarage the beverage, remind him what means mostHis daughter lives on my sofa, makes both of us toastDunking foreheads but I'm the one who buys the breadExcept at Easter when it's bunny ears instead
― The Speak Of The Mearns (Jonathan Hellion Mumble), Sunday, 27 March 2022 21:51 (two years ago) link
Nah I'm not fucking that girl on the sofaShe's far too young, and sometimes the wrong genderBut every morning she brings black coffee to my bedwe touch foreheads, I close my eyes, we kiss on the cheekAnd for those few seconds I am calm
I pass her father in the streeetHe's only a few years older than meWe nod at each other, and continue our businessWe've never discussed the elephant in the roomThat is, that his daughter lives on my sofa
Every so often I have visitorsOld schoolfriends, fuckbuddies, or family membersThey don't understand why this girl's on my sofaAnd I can't really explainAt least not in a way they'd grasp
I can't even remember how it startedI think she just needed somewhere to stayBut the single thing I knowI LOVE HERAnd at this point I don't think I could live without her
― The Speak Of The Mearns (Jonathan Hellion Mumble), Sunday, 27 March 2022 23:23 (two years ago) link
Fuck what you heard, I wasn't present for the drainpipe bisnesI was at my mother's for teaI could say who the perpetrators were, but I ain't no snitchIt's established by now tho, all three
I also wasn't present when the pub blew upBut everyone now accepts that was an accidentIt made the news, fucksake, there's thrash songs about it"I left the gas on..." is the best final line ever
The second time the village has been on the newsAnd at least for once they got the name rightOh wait, no, third, there there was that time we had a "gun siege"Plus the obvious impalation
While we're here, Fuck Donald Trump tooHe vocally hated our windmillsBut those paid for two defibrillatorsWith enough change for a statue of James Taylor
Widdly widdly woo, kerchunk "I left the gas on..."
― The Speak Of The Mearns (Jonathan Hellion Mumble), Monday, 28 March 2022 15:34 (two years ago) link
Duvet system, damn, I fucken missed themToo many parents just fucken burn my fucken eyesScour up to Dundee, I forgot to fucken listenToo many knifewounds and far too many lies
Breathe the signifiers, at some point it just got funny"monna cook for us". it's all a fucken jokeDriedel substitutes, some day it will get betterFlip a coin, spare the ox and spare the yoke
1743, monna guess the significance?No point trying, I just made that out of clothDrovers count for summat, hoi moderate your languageCount the sins, you're at least at two or Sloth
Several diversify, "Zoomers" are a thing nowMultiple weapons but they're all cased in Yon RoomYour offspring lactify, mines if it counts multiplyMy fake children all maybe all just tick tick boom
― The Speak Of The Mearns (Jonathan Hellion Mumble), Monday, 28 March 2022 18:56 (two years ago) link
Fillerup!
Pull up the hood and take a look if you would
Top off the fluidsCheck the air on my spareRotate the tiresWipe the windowsDrain the oilI’ll take the synthetic
Put a mileage reminder on the windshield if you would Power-Vac the muddy floorPour fresh water into the gallon jugs andPerfectly park the car Four inches from the curb
Insert the chip and leave a tipEnter the telephone numberMember benefits incrementWe’ll do it again in three thousand miles
On the way home I forgot to turn the music onSitting and moving in silencePure driving excitementTaking the scenic route out of habit
I used to lean into the curves and accelerateI drove way too fast on country roadsBut I knew them like the back of my hand
But I was also scaring my friendsI knew that and kept doing itThat’s why they got madI deserved worse than that
I used to flip the headlights off at nightFor a secondSometimes a fewSometimes laughing as I did it I thought I was making a point about chanceor how frivolous our existence is
What a mess I made When people were trying to be my friendAnd sometimesThey would laugh, tooI think they were trying to understand where I was coming fromeven after surviving aNight drive in total darkness
True blue, true blueI know where we’re going toNo one says my voice is soothingbut you say you do
Now I drive the speed limitI get home and make a meal that I’ve plannedI go to bed at the normal time
I am not expecting forgivenessI am hoping for much more than emptinessI want to regain faith in the public interestI’d like to be a fountainReplenishing and not subtractingA wellspring to the creek The one you want to see when things get bleak
― Karl Malone, Monday, 28 March 2022 21:49 (two years ago) link
Love that second half
― The Speak Of The Mearns (Jonathan Hellion Mumble), Tuesday, 29 March 2022 06:17 (two years ago) link
In fact after pacing the living room early morn, smoking and drinking, I realised what song it was niggling me to play, it was Blackness by Arab Strap. Summat about speeding deadeyed through country roads. So I listened to that song and it was great and I can go back to bed now thank you
― The Speak Of The Mearns (Jonathan Hellion Mumble), Tuesday, 29 March 2022 06:48 (two years ago) link
firstup flip a coin, wave your hands it's gone for goodglaze in your eyes gives away your route to foodsecondov multililly and just take a mint to breathethey know finewell other card is up your sleevethirdface nonexistent, fingerguns and that's your lottake deep breathe and whoosh reflect on all forgotjankiyell the last time, this one for all the marbswe'll feed yer maw if they agree to stick to carbs
rousen up the deadbones pick the cat up down yon lanetake two interventions to decide whose drum to blamelather up pianner and spin it twice for luckstart lines with a zed if it gets you out the muckseventeen is evergreen, no one walks out cleanno respect for patter but they all loved the leanburn the dismal sentinels, what's yer backyard for?bumpbumpbomp y'rellers when you pick me off the floor
clever kids and flauty fuds are running the estatescurvy son bought flashybangs but turned up far too latejennyfash is judging me, i think i look no badline it up on front lawn, the best we ever had?the rescue chooks admittedly are balder than expectedbut layman overbooks are better when reflectedprotect the squinty mammies from all selfmade young teamscome spend a day here and you'll work out what that means
― The Speak Of The Mearns (Jonathan Hellion Mumble), Tuesday, 29 March 2022 18:26 (two years ago) link
actually, switch "overbooks" for "copybooks"
― The Speak Of The Mearns (Jonathan Hellion Mumble), Tuesday, 29 March 2022 18:39 (two years ago) link
also "multililly" should be "lilywhites"
― The Speak Of The Mearns (Jonathan Hellion Mumble), Tuesday, 29 March 2022 18:42 (two years ago) link
Now Can You See Me
Last we spoke we were in the woodsI had eaten two or three mushroom headsand went to find the tallest, thickest treeI wasn’t looking for epiphany but there really was a very, very long momentstaring up at the structure of its developmentstill growing at the tips
when the sun really did burst out from behind the cloudsand found its way through the April limbs and leavesso beautifully that I fell to my knees
and thought about when all the light shone for oneand what if that could happen to us allso I could be with you again and undo what had been done
In the April Wisconsin breezeMy rented cabin visible through the treesthe tears filling up the bottoms of my eyesknowing that it wasn’t happeningand the clouds were quickly coming backI offered a compromise toward the sky
Please Can you at least see me Trying, trying See me struggling Struggling with what you said
Though I completely rejected your methodYou couldn’t see an alternateMost nights I couldn’t wait to drive off and forget
Thinking, you can’t catch meYou won’t see me
The difference between now and then isan understanding that we both believedin things that could never be provenlike keeping going when you’re losing badlyor treating a one-way conversation with the windas a turning point in a relationship
I want to let go of all of it Except these things
You taught me to trust myselfYou didn’t try to argue with meYou believed that I had decent reasonsEven if you didn’t understand themYou were very patient with meWould that I have offered the same to you
The sun was covered againthe tallest tree dropped the last leaves from last yearas the wind picked upand the linseed oil kept my palette wetback at the cabinthinking, now that you can’t catch menow can you see me
― Karl Malone, Wednesday, 30 March 2022 20:51 (two years ago) link
I just did something braveI just did something bad
Something of an itinerantburning books of magic
An old memory, perfectedloopingdisintegratingrecorded, listened I listen
Something of a Scavenger I can be foundDigging through discarded matterFinding things I had forgottenTurning back the corners of rotten calendarsCovered up with coffee grounds and egg shellsEvery day is a field day for the earthworms
The mess left behind after an explosionWaking up in a different zip code
So often, it’s after an endingwhen we finally beginto walk again with a sense of purposeI saw myself making another promise
to forget the past and
to try to come back to being in the moment
but if that is living, as I speak now or as you hear itthen what is it when we are dreamingwhen we submit to the moment’s whimsSensing another and catching a glimpseof unrepeatable depths of subconsciousness
You try to go back and it looks like mist
Moving through walls that shiftlike sand sifting throughcracks in the ceiling Throw a tarp over the most expensiveRug that keeps going and going
A long conversation turning in on itself
(I try to turn the light back on)
The lost can be foundLooking for traces of their lives in the remainsof a time that still feels frozen
― Karl Malone, Friday, 1 April 2022 06:29 (two years ago) link
All those hand moves you've beem mocking me for?I've been trying to restrain, but I've decided NO MOREImma let them run rampant, but you deserve a cheatsheetJust so in future you know what I'm going for
First off, that two fingers against the thumb?That's the standard, it just means I'm thinkingMaybe I can't find the right wordIt's called STIMMING, never call me out for that
Secondly, the wave that follows, accidentally towards your face?That just means I'm finished with my thoughtI never meant to threaten violence towards youNot just now, or any other of them times
Thirdly, the drumming on the bar?It accompanies the subtle gaze aroundMaybe some teuchter in here wants to do me harmIt never hurts to be cautious
The full-on hand swivel, originates at the wrist?fingers splayed, while I'm in conversationThat means I don't trust that personGet me out, please somehow GET ME OUT
The clenched fists, rubbing up and down my jeans?Means I can tell that somehow I've fucked upI don't get facial cues but I can tell by your vocal toneThat I'll prolly walk home tonight
― The Speak Of The Mearns (Jonathan Hellion Mumble), Friday, 1 April 2022 21:49 (two years ago) link
With a bang of the gavelthe time to travel arrives.
Aching and wearyI say my teary goodbyes.
The prisoner in my mindis in no kind of condition
to note our cognitive dissonanceever since he stopped listening.
To me it was the crimeand the hard times that followed
which made the sound of my adviceto change our life ring so hollow.
Somebody had to keep the plates spinningwhen I was sinning in the wilderness.
But it was then that my inner voice made a choice to narrate my mess
It began to influence the movement of my body.I sensed it plotting to change my direction
and pushed back against its arrangementsto swerve my ship around icy obstructions.
I think we both tried to take the helmand quell the other’s resistance
If we were thirsty for plot development for a moment it was quenched.
My wreck was accompanied by sad violins. Since then it’s mostly been the silent treatment.
Unanswered questions festering intent.
The great editor in the skyrealizes there will be no mending
of an independent film with a horse-sized pill of an ambiguous ending
― Karl Malone, Tuesday, 5 April 2022 19:27 (two years ago) link
revision
The prisoner in my mindwas in no kind of condition
Somebody had to keep the plates spinningwhile I was sinning in the wilderness.
I think we both tried to take the helmand quell the other’s resistance.
We were thirsty for plot development.For a moment it was quenched.
The wreck was accompanied by sad violins. Since then it’s mostly been the silent treatment.
Two bodies in water that is choppywith temperatures dropping rapidly.
In the last days of the stormI ached for his reformed voice to speak back to me.
I wanted our feet back on the ground.but my efforts amounted to nothing.
I only had myself to thank.My heart sank while we were floating.
Sank to the very bottom of the oceanA motion to plead guilty.
Guilty to the very last drop.But which things should I stop doing.
Nodding and wearyI say my teary goodbyes
to the other side of my reflectionthe section that once tried
It’s not my farm to sell.Tell them truth or tell them lies.
― Karl Malone, Tuesday, 5 April 2022 20:38 (two years ago) link
through a combo of my computer being destroyed, trying to do some weird bullshit via the accessibility options accessible via pressing the power button 3 times in succession, some bad luck, and some worse judgment, i somehow completely destroyed my Notes file of poems. i posted a lot of them on here, but i almost always updated them afterward and changed a lot of things. i am an idiot. but that's ok. i feel like a tornado just destroyed everything, and it's nice to start with nothing in some ways
― Karl Malone, Thursday, 7 April 2022 04:34 (two years ago) link
:(
― assert (matttkkkk), Thursday, 7 April 2022 05:07 (two years ago) link
Seventyskyline, look west and then lieI've met yer imaginary friendSeriously we gunna start on them boys?Kevincusin always looked out for yerma
the devintyfellas have a deep lefteyeeyeball straight at yer familyWhose got their hand up? I only count one or twoI shout for Ceirwen, the only one bornteshit
and then the room shout kicks you out of your reverieshow your hands, naw, it's not importantyou know this kids, naw skid just back off of ityou found your corner, just take deep breaths and then wut
Imembered this boy, for whatever it's worthDuntree algoth, I still member him stillstillHands off me, I REMEMBER THAT EVENINGFlock yer pockets, you know it's the truth
― The Speak Of The Mearns (Jonathan Hellion Mumble), Friday, 8 April 2022 20:37 (two years ago) link
i almost always updated them afterward and changed a lot of things
the important changes happened in yer brain. don't reset it to the factory defaults and yer ok.
― more difficult than I look (Aimless), Friday, 8 April 2022 20:48 (two years ago) link