A thread for Phil Hartman

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"Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball."

― brianiac (briania), Thursday, 8 September 2005 14:19 (eighteen years ago) link

The cereal ad for Colon Blow ...
"Sounds delicious!"

― when something smacks of something (dave225.3), Thursday, 8 September 2005 14:20 (eighteen years ago) link

"Show me a woman who isn't jealous of another woman and I'll show you a man."

― when something smacks of something (dave225.3), Thursday, 8 September 2005 14:35 (eighteen years ago) link

Bill:"Dave, everyone in that office thinks you're a great boss, every bit as good as Lisa. In fact, there was no real way to choose between you two."
Dave:"Well then why did every single person vote against me?"
Bill:"Joe voted using a computerized random number generater, Beth voted against you because Lisa gets fewer phone calls and doesn't like coffee, and Matthew is a lifelong Republican so he had no choice."
Dave:"And why didn't you vote for me?"
Bill:"I still think I did. This is one of those things we'll never know the full truth of."

― Allyzay knows a little German (allyzay), Thursday, 8 September 2005 14:37 (eighteen years ago) link

WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO STEAL JAMES CAAN AWAY FROM ME!

― Allyzay knows a little German (allyzay), Thursday, 8 September 2005 14:38 (eighteen years ago) link

Oh my god, I completely forgot about the thing where Bill McNeal was Mark Russell in the elevator....

"Someone's in the kitchen with Bob Dole... someone's in the kitchen with Bob Dole... someone's in the kitchen with Bob... that's really all I have right now... say, do you know if Bob Dole cooks?"

― when something smacks of something (dave225.3), Thursday, 8 September 2005 14:38 (eighteen years ago) link

Hahahah. I love you both.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 8 September 2005 14:39 (eighteen years ago) link

"Have you ever heard the expression, 'When life gives you lemons, make lemonade and then toss it in the face of the person who gave you the lemons until they give you the oranges you asked for in the first place'?"

― Allyzay knows a little German (allyzay), Thursday, 8 September 2005 14:40 (eighteen years ago) link

god, you NewsRadio geeks are at it again

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 8 September 2005 15:55 (eighteen years ago) link

god shut up already
just because they don't want you on the flirting thread
don't come here

-- Dr. Glen Y. Abreu (dr_...) (webmail), August 30th, 2005 4:17 PM. (dr g) (link)

― Allyzay knows a little German (allyzay), Thursday, 8 September 2005 15:59 (eighteen years ago) link

Dave: I take the complaint box very seriously and I seem to be the only one who does.
Bill: A complaint about the complaint box, delicious.

And that "This is one of those things we'll never know the full truth of" line is still one of my favorites.

― Pleasant Plains /// (Pleasant Plains ///), Thursday, 8 September 2005 16:15 (eighteen years ago) link

Now this is something the other tour guides won't tell you. In this particular cell-block, Machine Gun Kelly had what we call in the prison system, a "bitch". And one night in a jealous rage Kelly took a make-shift knife or "shiv", and cut out the bitch's eyes. And as if this wasn't enough retribution for Kelly, the next day he and four other inmates took turns pissing into the bitch's ocular cavities.

This way to the cafeteria!

― Phil Hartman, also the king of cameos (nickalicious), Thursday, 8 September 2005 16:19 (eighteen years ago) link

Good lord. How in the world did I forget that?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 8 September 2005 16:20 (eighteen years ago) link

From PANDEMONIUM (Phil was the reporter):

[At a crime scene where five cheerleaders have been turned into a "human shish-kebob"]
Photographer: This must be the act of a maniac.
Reporter: Either that, or a very large chef.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 8 September 2005 16:34 (eighteen years ago) link

According to IMDB, he also apparently did voices for GOBOTS!

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 8 September 2005 16:34 (eighteen years ago) link

When I was driving to work this morning, I was listening to another radio station as we broadcasters sometimes do. What I heard shocked and saddened me. I heard a broadcaster, who will go unnamed, use the word penis on the air. At nine in the morning, not just once but twice, he said... that word twice. Now as a broadcaster freedom of speech is my bread and butter, but I'm also a big fan of a little thing called decency, the meat in the broadcasting sandwich. I am personally outraged by the shock tactics our competitors are using in pursuit of the all mighty ratings. Freedom of speech is one thing, the word penis is another.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 8 September 2005 16:57 (eighteen years ago) link

The best was when Dave and Bill both quit coffee.

Also the line about "Is there anything you won't drink?" "Yeah...POISON. I'm saving it for YOU."

― Allyzay knows a little German (allyzay), Thursday, 8 September 2005 16:59 (eighteen years ago) link

OMG wait a minute...Phil did DEEP THOUGHTS, didn't he!?!?!

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 8 September 2005 17:00 (eighteen years ago) link

He did the announcer voice introducing DEEP THOUGHTS but I don't believe he was the man actually reading the DEEP THOUGHTS.

― Allyzay knows a little German (allyzay), Thursday, 8 September 2005 17:01 (eighteen years ago) link

Ally OTM, Jack Handey read the actual Deep Thoughts.

― n/a (Nick A.), Thursday, 8 September 2005 17:16 (eighteen years ago) link

Male Customer: Do you support the decision to send troops to Somalia?

Bill Clinton: [ chews his McMuffin ] Mmm.. that's a good question. Yes, I do, and let me tell you why. See, right now, we're sending in.. [ holds us McMuffin ] ...food... [ puts McMuffin in front of Male Customer ] ...to Somalia... but it's not getting to the people who need it because... [ brings McMuffin back to himself ] ...it's being intercepted by the warlords. [ chews McMuffin some more ] And it's not just us. It's other countries, too... [ grabs a McNugget from another customer ] Your McNugget is aid from Great Britain... [takes it to other customer, then gobbles it down ] ...intercepted by warlords! [ grabs someone's Filet-o-Fish ] This man's Filet-o-Fish sandwich over here is relief from Italy.. [ pops it in his mouth ] ...warlords! And you can send all the food you want... [ grabs different items ] ...a McDLT, hot apple pie...it's just gonna end up with... [ puts it all in his mouth ] ...the warlords! Now, with a broad-based international military force, we can make sure that the McRib sandwich... [ grabs one and places it on someone's tray ] ...gets to the people who need it. [ picks it up and gobbles it anyway ] Can I get a Coke?

― J.D. (Justyn Dillingham), Thursday, 8 September 2005 18:32 (eighteen years ago) link

As Sinatra to Billy Idol (Sting)

"PEOPLE WANNA LIKE YOU!"

― Phil Dokes (sunny), Thursday, 8 September 2005 18:54 (eighteen years ago) link

Bill: Where you're from, the biggest news story is that a cow got loose in the city.
Dave: I'm from Milwaukee, which has a population of about a million people.
Bill: So it must have been some hub-bub when that cow got loose.

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 8 September 2005 19:55 (eighteen years ago) link

Hahahahahaha! To it all!

― marianna lcl (marianna lcl), Thursday, 8 September 2005 20:08 (eighteen years ago) link

argh! that should've read *in class* not in cass. i am not a ham sandwich.

-- latebloomer: snakes, snails, and puppydog tails (posercore24...), September 8th, 2005.

nor a necro...

-- when something smacks of something (right.knewi...), September 8th, 2005.

ironically i do have an iq of 32, though!

― latebloomer: snakes, snails, and puppydog tails (latebloomer), Thursday, 8 September 2005 23:11 (eighteen years ago) link

As Sinatra to Luther Campbell (Chris Rock): "Kid, you got talent! You don't have to work blue!"

― Rickey Wright (Rrrickey), Thursday, 8 September 2005 23:21 (eighteen years ago) link

"but i don't HAVE any talent! this is all i got!!"

― J.D. (Justyn Dillingham), Thursday, 8 September 2005 23:24 (eighteen years ago) link

"The Sinatra Group": greatest sketch ever?

― Rickey Wright (Rrrickey), Thursday, 8 September 2005 23:26 (eighteen years ago) link

I mean, even Sting is funny in that shit. [Makes exaggerated sneery face.]

― Rickey Wright (Rrrickey), Thursday, 8 September 2005 23:27 (eighteen years ago) link

For Nick:

http://giganticmag.com/images/ilx/hartman_broccoli.jpg

― Paunchy Stratego (kenan), Thursday, 8 September 2005 23:40 (eighteen years ago) link

It took me about 90 seconds to find that and download it. All-time famous sketch.

― Paunchy Stratego (kenan), Thursday, 8 September 2005 23:44 (eighteen years ago) link

And something about that photo has made me think for the very first time, "Phil Hartman was a very handsome man."

― Paunchy Stratego (kenan), Thursday, 8 September 2005 23:47 (eighteen years ago) link

have we mentioned that he co-wrote Pee Wee's Big Adventure, and shows up at the end as a reporter?

or that Jan Hooks completely improvised her Alamo tour guide bits?

― kingfish superman ice cream (kingfish 2.0), Thursday, 8 September 2005 23:52 (eighteen years ago) link

I hate to speak ill of the dead, but the SNL Best of also made me think that he might have harbored some misogyny.

― Hurting (Hurting), Friday, 9 September 2005 02:55 (eighteen years ago) link

Gee, I can't imagine why he would have felt a little bitter about one woman in particular...

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 9 September 2005 03:02 (eighteen years ago) link

Oh well yeah, um, well I guess there is that.

― Hurting (Hurting), Friday, 9 September 2005 03:04 (eighteen years ago) link

Hey heres something from the IMDB triv on him I have to admit I didnt know: The character of Phillip J Fry in 'Futurama' is named for him.

Thats sweet.

― Trayce (trayce), Friday, 9 September 2005 03:24 (eighteen years ago) link

I hate to speak ill of the dead, but the SNL Best of also made me think that he might have harbored some misogyny.

Say more.

― jaymc (jaymc), Friday, 9 September 2005 04:32 (eighteen years ago) link

All of the women in that SNL book spoke very very highly of him, about him being one of the few men in the cast at the time who was supportive the female cast members. Of course, the book was written after his death, but it rang true to me.

― n/a (Nick A.), Friday, 9 September 2005 13:19 (eighteen years ago) link

I hate to speak ill of the dead, but the SNL Best of also made me think that he might have harbored some misogyny.

Say more.

-- jaymc (jmcunnin...), September 9th, 2005.

Just seemed like a lot of the skits he's in happen to involve him berating or talking down to women. Maybe one of the writers just kept writing him those parts though, or maybe it's just what they selected.

Anyway, it's not in a "what a misogynistic prick" kind of way so much as a repressed anger kind of way, which, as said above, might be understandable.

― Hurting (Hurting), Friday, 9 September 2005 13:48 (eighteen years ago) link

I don't think you can judge by the skits that he did. He may have been (and probably was) lampooning that type of character. Maybe one of the things he always found extremely funny was the misogynist type like you'd see in a lot of movies. .. think of Laurence Olivier in Rebecca... Hilarious!

― when something smacks of something (dave225.3), Friday, 9 September 2005 13:56 (eighteen years ago) link

Loved her? Loved her? You perfect fool! I hated her!

― accentmonkey (accentmonkey), Friday, 9 September 2005 14:17 (eighteen years ago) link

Bill: You know what it's like? It's like taking your daughter to the fair and buying her cotton candy and winning prizes for her and then you get on the Ferris wheel and she wants to make out.

Lisa: Ok...

Bill: Well how could she do that to me, Lisa? How could she... french her daddy?

― Paunchy Stratego (kenan), Friday, 9 September 2005 20:08 (eighteen years ago) link

dave225 OTM. I think he was very good at playing that sort of clueless authoritarian figure and so was cast in sketches that played upon that strength.

― jaymc (jaymc), Friday, 9 September 2005 20:11 (eighteen years ago) link

i hear carol o'connor was a racist

― oops (Oops), Friday, 9 September 2005 20:12 (eighteen years ago) link

"Gazziza Dilznoofus it's Bill McNeal saying get with the crezappy taste of Rocketfuel Malt Liquor... Rocketfuel's got tha upstate prison flavor that keeps you ugly all night long. So when you wanna get sick remember, nothing makes yo' feet stank like Rocketfuel Malt Liquor... DAMN! It's crezappy!!!"

― Paunchy Stratego (kenan), Friday, 9 September 2005 20:19 (eighteen years ago) link

"I respectfully suggest we move away from the Simpsons-geekery (for which we have many many other threads) and back to the Hartman celebration."

pffft. I fail to see how lines from NewsRadio (an innocuous and forgettable sitcom) are somehow inherently more worthwhile than his work on the Simpsons (the greatest television show of the last 20 years).

― Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Friday, 9 September 2005 20:19 (eighteen years ago) link

I agree. There is a lot of overlap between Simpsons love and Hartman love, and you can't just make that go away. YOU CAN'T!

― Paunchy Stratego (kenan), Friday, 9 September 2005 20:21 (eighteen years ago) link

I feel like there's more HARTMAN in NewsRadio, since you can see his face and his actions, and since I've noted I think he's actually a great ACTOR. I like his Simpsons work too, but I think it's more about the writers than his voicework. And then when you get into text quotes of the Simpsons, you lose all of the Hartman and it's JUST about the writers. So really, I'd prefer to stay away from contextless quoting completely and actually discuss Hartman's work, but that's just me and I'm sure I'll be overruled.

― n/a (Nick A.), Friday, 9 September 2005 20:27 (eighteen years ago) link

I was writing that as I was thinking about it, so that's why I kind of contradict myself. The last sentence is the most important part.

― n/a (Nick A.), Friday, 9 September 2005 20:28 (eighteen years ago) link

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