I Need Kitchen Knives plus Kurt Russell is Kicking Your Ass

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DAMMIT ally I just wrote MY version of that scene. Eh. Here it is anyway.

"Can I have an 'Unlawful Entry,' no rocks please?"

"Call me Snake"

"Uh, can I have an 'Unlawful Entry,' no rocks, SNAKE?"

"Call me Snake" etc until customer slaps bartender hilariously

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Tuesday, 30 December 2003 19:39 (twenty-two years ago)

And the jukebox only has John Carpenter!!

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Tuesday, 30 December 2003 19:40 (twenty-two years ago)

The three of you are really clever together, somebody call cable access.

― TOMBOT, Tuesday, 30 December 2003 19:40 (twenty-two years ago)

"Hey, what's playing on the jukebox?"

"It's this...Thing!"

― lawrence kansas (lawrence kansas), Tuesday, 30 December 2003 19:42 (twenty-two years ago)

Dude we don't need cable access, we have the internet.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Tuesday, 30 December 2003 19:44 (twenty-two years ago)

Anyway Spencer your bar totally has to happen, and I want to be a bartender, but I think ME w/an eyepatch saying "call me Snake" is actually funnier than anything we could possibly post to this thread.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Tuesday, 30 December 2003 19:45 (twenty-two years ago)

Tracer OTM, that concept wins

― TOMBOT, Tuesday, 30 December 2003 19:45 (twenty-two years ago)

Chef in Kitchen of Escape from LA: Snake, Which cutlery do you think I should use to prepare this dish?
Bartender: Call me Snake.
Chef: I DID call you Snake.
Bartender: Call me Snake.
Chef: Fuck you. (stabs Snake with an 8" serrated blade purchased from the same supplier that supplies Peter Lugers, the multipurpose bread choice of all Chefs everywhere)

xpost Tracer guess what you're getting for your birthday??? If you didn't guess "eyepatch" you're a moron??

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 30 December 2003 19:47 (twenty-two years ago)

hahahhahahaha oh my God.

Tom you just say that because no one's thought of putting Momus behind the bar yet.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Tuesday, 30 December 2003 19:49 (twenty-two years ago)

Dear god.

In my mind I just constructed a version of this "Call me Snake" dialog.

Between "Snake" (who is now actually Tracer Hand) and Aja. It still hasn't ended in my mind.

I'm going to go outside and have a cigarette before I go insane.

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 30 December 2003 19:50 (twenty-two years ago)

God now it's Momus, Aja and Tracer. "Call me Snake!" "What?" "You're both Republicans you know." "What?" "CALL ME SNAKE!" "What?"

I'm going to go play in traffic, actually.

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 30 December 2003 19:51 (twenty-two years ago)

i've seen a nude photo of Momus, snakes a good name for him

― lawrence kansas (lawrence kansas), Tuesday, 30 December 2003 19:51 (twenty-two years ago)

heh you could also call Momus "Big Trouble in Little China"

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Tuesday, 30 December 2003 19:59 (twenty-two years ago)

― lawrence kansas (lawrence kansas), Tuesday, 30 December 2003 20:00 (twenty-two years ago)

I love Tracer Hand.

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Tuesday, 30 December 2003 20:00 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.carbuyingtips.com/pics/crash8.jpg

― TOMBOT, Tuesday, 30 December 2003 20:03 (twenty-two years ago)

You know, you're the one who brought up Kurt Russell to begin with, you have really no one to blame for all this but yourself. How much more info could you possibly need about all these knives anyway?

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 30 December 2003 20:05 (twenty-two years ago)

Get some Wusthof knives, Tombot.

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Tuesday, 30 December 2003 20:07 (twenty-two years ago)

bringing up Kurt Russell is not exactly an invitation to talk about Aja and Momus' naked wanger within a dozen or so words of one another.

― TOMBOT, Tuesday, 30 December 2003 20:10 (twenty-two years ago)

I love you too Nicole!! I still say Global though.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Tuesday, 30 December 2003 20:11 (twenty-two years ago)

Google in being more helpful than ILX ABSOLUTE FUCKING SHOCKER, film at 11 presented by Sue Simmons and Chuck Scarborough.

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 30 December 2003 20:20 (twenty-two years ago)

I used to call one of my coworkers Snake, incidentally, for a really brief period, because for some reason on 9/11 he kept yelling "Just call me Snake! I will protect you!" and Spencer's bar reminds me of this.

The best thing about this story is one time we saw a mouse in the office, right, and dude shrieked like a girl and jumped on a desk. Way to save the world, Snake.

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 30 December 2003 20:23 (twenty-two years ago)

just back from holiday, global knives are the shit, buy them in fact just buy one, the chef's knife, and a whetstone, and maybe a flexible bladed one. I'll read the thread madness later.

― Ed (dali), Tuesday, 30 December 2003 21:51 (twenty-two years ago)

I've never heard of global knives, but if Tracer and Ed are recommending them they must be the best.

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Tuesday, 30 December 2003 22:21 (twenty-two years ago)

five months pass...

Oh man, sometimes I love you ILX. Here's a catbus.

http://i.myspace.com/50/18/1968105/10405115_l.gif

― ARL (Adrian Langston), Sunday, 30 May 2004 12:12 (twenty-two years ago)

I. CAN'T. STOP. STARING. AT. IT.

― Allyzay, Monday, 31 May 2004 06:47 (twenty-two years ago)

I GOT A CATBUS PLUSH TOY! U JEALOUS?

― phil-two (phil-two), Monday, 31 May 2004 06:52 (twenty-two years ago)

http://i.myspace.com/50/18/1968105/10467340_l.jpg

that's a catbus at the top of the pyramid. I AM WINNAR. (in, uh, a distinct loser kind of way.)

― ARL (Adrian Langston), Monday, 31 May 2004 08:31 (twenty-two years ago)

I wonder when my eyepatch gets here.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Monday, 31 May 2004 11:59 (twenty-two years ago)

Holy CatDog in a CarTruck, that Catbus is HappyCreepy.

― Crickets Dance On Tequila Booty (Barima), Monday, 31 May 2004 12:21 (twenty-two years ago)

Email me your address and I will mail you an eyepatch and some POMADE, Tracer Hand Man of the Streets.

― Allyzay, Monday, 31 May 2004 21:11 (twenty-two years ago)

my god, not only did I learn about knives and Kurt Russell, but I got to see the Catbus, all on ILX. And I get to say: I too have a catbus plush toy and, though quite small it is The Best (shopping for it in Vancouver's chinatown involved much: "No, I don't want a totoro, just a catbus. Yes, totoro is cute, but I'm looking for a catbus. etc.") Thank you, ILXers.

― rrrobyn (rrrobyn), Monday, 31 May 2004 22:43 (twenty-two years ago)

http://store5.yimg.com/I/anime-spectrum_1790_98676610

say hello to my very own plushie ark of the covenant.

― ARL (Adrian Langston), Monday, 31 May 2004 23:48 (twenty-two years ago)

~:D

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Tuesday, 1 June 2004 00:33 (twenty-two years ago)

MIYAZAKI WILL PAY FOR HIS CRIMES

― Kingfish Disraeli (Kingfish), Tuesday, 1 June 2004 01:24 (twenty-two years ago)

ten months pass...

I still never got that fuckin eyepatch.

― Allyzay Subservient 50s-Type (allyzay), Friday, 15 April 2005 02:34 (twenty-one years ago)

We do have the catbus though.

― TOMBOT, Friday, 15 April 2005 02:53 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah but I promised TRACER an eyepatch, not MYSELF a catbus.

― Allyzay Subservient 50s-Type (allyzay), Friday, 15 April 2005 03:17 (twenty-one years ago)

But YOU got a catbus without even ASKING for one and TRACER got a graduate degree from UK LAND.

― TOMBOT, Friday, 15 April 2005 03:21 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.cdfa.ca.gov/dairy/images/Cheese-flow-chart-clr.gif

― Remy (x Jeremy), Friday, 15 April 2005 03:21 (twenty-one years ago)

this thread is one of the greats.

― g e o f f (gcannon), Friday, 15 April 2005 05:08 (twenty-one years ago)

did he actually get a degree? he rang the other night but it was after half past nine and we'd long had our horlicks and gone to bed.

― Ed (dali), Friday, 15 April 2005 05:09 (twenty-one years ago)

one year passes...

How do we feel about this deal?

― this, however, is the crucial moment from the libertine's point of view (kenan), Monday, 23 October 2006 15:05 (nineteen years ago)

three years pass...

Classic Americana, distilled into 3 minutes.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mp5Nt2MUHms

― kingfish, Monday, 11 January 2010 23:26 (sixteen years ago)

I bought a block at IKEA and they're all still holding up fine.

we did this, and they bend while cutting bread. wil buy individually any more i think.

― Not a reactionary git, just an idiot. (darraghmac), Tuesday, 12 January 2010 12:51 (sixteen years ago)

otm. I used to have a little Sabatier kitchen knife that previously belonged to my late Granny and which stayed sharp forever. Last year I spotted a block of Sabatier knives in TK Maxx reduced to £50 or so and figured they would be a good bet. Rong. Total junk, they weren't properly sharp even when brand new.

― Bill A, Tuesday, 12 January 2010 12:59 (sixteen years ago)

I've got a Global chef's knife and a paring knife. That's about it.

― mh, Tuesday, 12 January 2010 15:17 (sixteen years ago)

I have those IKEA knives. For the money, they've certainly served me well, but in the end they are bendy & dull, & always have been tbh. I've been thinking about investing in a decent set. Are Wusthofs overrated? I know they are sharp as fuck when they are new, but how are they for longevity?

Also, I really need to see Escape From New York.

― Dino-linguist Noam Chompsky (Pillbox), Tuesday, 12 January 2010 17:08 (sixteen years ago)

ten years pass...

still love my globals

― El Tomboto, Thursday, 21 May 2020 02:40 (six years ago)

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