I would EXCELSIOR, but I haven't got a ZING to LOL

an early st patrick's felicitation

xp ♥

oh so i don't

lj

st patrick's fellatiation?

^^^i know i call excelsior dead ten times a twelvemonth but i reckon this might actually have done the job

Lol failure phadraig

superb work mo chara

you cant buy lingual like that cinnte

i think i like this one even better out of context:

At one point a very drunk guy stood up and yelled "OK BUT WHAT'S A GENITAL CAT????"
― intern at pepe le pew research (Simon H.), Thursday, March 25, 2021

I guess if you're comfortable dealing with Python packages, there are some QR generator packages.

― o. nate, Monday, 29 March 2021 21:20 (two hours ago) bookmarkflaglink

i for one am super comfortable dealing with python packages

― John Cooper of Christian rock band Skillet (map), Monday, 29 March 2021 21:21 (two hours ago) bookmarkflaglink

"meanwhile the US is taking a nationalised approach to a public health matter for the first time in decades, and finding its way more efficient than the local and private bottlenecks once the vaccines arrive"
What US is that?
― the last unvaccinated motherfucker on earth (PBKR), Wednesday, March 31, 2021

Philadelphia is still in Phase 1A
― Muswell Hillbilly Elegy (President Keyes), Wednesday, March 31, 2021

xp yeah maybe thats how they do it in Upper Samaraland but here in the home of the brave we're still hanging out behind walgreens after closing time
― nobody like my rap (One Eye Open), Wednesday, March 31, 2021

^^ sharpest line Lana Del Rey ever wrote
― So who you gonna call? The martini police (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Wednesday, March 31, 2021

Did we figure out the Imperioli connection to all of this just yet?

― soaring skrrrtpeggios (jon /via/ chi 2.0), Wednesday, 31 March 2021 14:40 (thirty-seven minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

Imperioli provides the hair curlers for Kev’s perm

― Position Position, Wednesday, 31 March 2021 15:13 (four minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

imperioli is a known huge fan and i'm guessing he'd just heard the inside word about the reissues somehow

― ufo, Wednesday, 31 March 2021 15:15 (two minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

MBV have entered their Imperioli phase

― jmm, Wednesday, 31 March 2021 15:17 (fifty-seven seconds ago) bookmarkflaglink

Something looks missing from bedpo-
Oh. pic.twitter.com/EZPDFLHtLe

— Justin Fenton (@justin_fenton) March 29, 2021

― superdeep borehole (harbl), Wednesday, March 31, 2021 2:23 PM (five hours ago) bookmarkflaglink

i jumped a bit when the red pillow showed up, v unexpected

― eisimpleir (crüt), Wednesday, March 31, 2021 5:50 PM (one hour ago) bookmarkflaglink

Amazing level of aesthetic commitment

― jmm, Wednesday, March 31, 2021 5:54 PM (one hour ago) bookmarkflaglink

Schindler's Listing

― pplains, Wednesday, March 31, 2021 6:13 PM (one hour ago) bookmarkflaglink

plus if gonzaga wins tonight, they go on to fight their true nemesis: king kong.

― voodoo chili, Monday, April 5, 2021 6:15 PM (one hour ago) bookmarkflaglink

lol

Lil Yachty re: his like "My new bitch yellow / she blow that dick like a cello": "I fucked up. I thought Squidward played the cello. He don't. That's a flute. I fucked up."

― justfanoe (Greg Fanoe), Thursday, April 8, 2021 2:00 PM bookmarkflaglink

(also, he actually plays the clarinet)

― justfanoe (Greg Fanoe), Thursday, April 8, 2021 2:00 PM bookmarkflaglink

I am dead

SILVIO: I don’t know, T. That digital looks pretty rough. Doesn’t sit right with me.

PAULIE (nodding): PD150. It’s to be expected.

TONY: Again with this shit. It’s an AESTHETIC DECISION!

― jammy mcnullity (wins), Friday, April 16, 2021 2:47 PM (three days ago) bookmarkflaglink

do you have more of that written?

― rob, Friday, April 16, 2021 3:16 PM (three days ago) bookmarkflaglink

From the SoM thread:

Adrenochrome just keeps getting better with age.

― stirmonster, Thursday, April 22, 2021 9:39 AM (forty-eight minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

that’s not what I’ve heard

― JoeStork, Thursday, April 22, 2021 12:29 PM (one minute ago) bookmarkflaglink

Haw :)

these celebrity leftists always have a few good takes, that's how they get you

― Left, Saturday, 24 April 2021 16:30 (four hours ago) bookmarkflaglink

Why don't you fuck off and stop bringing everybody down, you miserable puritanical cunt?

― Authoritarian Steaks (Tom D.), Saturday, 24 April 2021 16:54 (four hours ago) bookmarkflaglink

in conclusion, Charlie Chaplin was a land of contrasts.

― Camaraderie at Arms Length, Saturday, 24 April 2021 16:55 (four hours ago) bookmarkflaglink

killed me

Would've extended the (already edited) sequence to cap off with:

eat shit

― Left, Saturday, April 24, 2021 1:34 PM (three hours ago) bookmarkflaglink

fuck men

― Left, Saturday, April 24, 2021 1:34 PM (three hours ago) bookmarkflaglink

(Re Bill and Melinda Gates divorce)

Their press release states that they will continue to run it together, so it seems probable that it will keep the name.

― bobo honkin' slobo babe (sic), Tuesday, May 4, 2021 8:38 AM bookmarkflaglink

who gets which hemisphere

― intern at pepe le pew research (Simon H.), Tuesday, May 4, 2021 8:47 AM bookmarkflaglink

which hemisphere
Wait, what are we talking about exactly?

― pomenitul, Tuesday, May 4, 2021 8:51 AM bookmarkflaglink

Kennedy's brain

― maf you one two (maffew12), Tuesday, May 4, 2021 8:53 AM bookmarkflaglink

Do we need a 'bands whose names are probably references to semen' thread? I think we almost certainly do.

― You Can't Have the Woogie Without a Little Boogie (Old Lunch), Friday, 30 April 2021 16:09 (four days ago) bookmarkflaglink

the jizz is on mary chain

― A viking of frowns, (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Friday, 30 April 2021 16:11 (four days ago) bookmarkflaglink

My mum always says stupid is as stupid does

― Pinefox reviews Reviews (wins), Tuesday, May 4, 2021 4:56 AM (six hours ago) bookmarkflaglink

She’s a fucking dimwit though

― Pinefox reviews Reviews (wins), Tuesday, May 4, 2021 4:56 AM (six hours ago)

I LOLed.

I thought that was the pinefox at first. It would have been out of character, to say the least.

That’s the downside of parody screen names, innocent posters get associated with my orrible posts

Life is like a box of chocolates: figuring out what's what requires a bit of reading

Dru Tat...

1. Growlin' Dog
2. Rockin' Rock
3. The Eternity of Always
4. Stairway to Tears of Rain in Heaven
5. Hallucination Mountain
6. Drummin' Sticks
7. Headed for a Location
8. When the Water Floods

― longtime caller, first time listener (man alive)

Dru Tat...

call me old fashioned but i still think sweatpants (joggers are sweatpants) in public are only appropriate when you are going to or from the gym

― diamonddave85​​ (diamonddave85), Friday, April 23, 2021 4:50 PM (two weeks ago) bookmarkflaglink

old fashioned

― lag∞n, Friday, April 23, 2021 7:33 PM (two weeks ago) bookmarkflaglink

why did I laff so hard, so long

not sure

probably best to ask a medical professional

excited to read this mlb.com article

https://i.imgur.com/iBn1LcI.png

― yr local jerk, (Karl Malone), Thursday, May 13, 2021 11:16 AM (eleven minutes ago)bookmarkflaglink

Writer’s dad pumped for son’s first headline

― Michael F Gill, Thursday, May 13, 2021 11:19 AM (seven minutes ago)

baseball-related; no need to know anything about baseball

In a very deep field, that has to be one of the most Oniony non-Onion headlines I've ever seen.

Why do so many people (billionaires) want to go to space?

Guillotines need gravity to work.

― BlackIronPrison, Monday, 7 June 2021 15:03 (yesterday) bookmarkflaglink

:)

Yes but being blown out of the cargo bay into space without a spacesuit on requires being in space, so

in space you cannot have a last cigarette.

it's true, but in space you can use those little thrusters on each side of the capsule to do lateral movements. would be fun to exhaust bezos out of the cargo port and then just baaaaaarely thrust away from him so it shoots him off in the other direction (toward the sun)

let's see where your lordship over global supply chains gets you THEN, jeff

the middle of the sun - that's where christ lives

His fiery Throne

the sad thing is, i'm pretty sure bezos really DOES have an iron man suit prototype somewhere deep down in his cargo shorts, and he would probably annihilate the sun and claim this solar system as a new base for his galaxy supply chain

you could also attach those little thrusters to the guillotine blade. the ops folks at amazon always find a way to execute.

^^

frequently bought together:

guillotine blade refill pack
thruster fuel
party hats