There Will Not Be Blood: What Menopause Means to You

Thank you! To keep on topic, it took a few years of fertility treatments, and I did wonder vaguely if I was racing menopause toward the end.

Horseshoe I totally saw that on fb and flipped the fuck out inside because I was so happy for you but then I wasn’t sure if I should say anything but omgiamsohappyforyou!

Thanks for running with this in orbit - love the title <3

So yeah, dry eyes is the one I never knew, dear god it is irritating esp because I already have frequently blurry vision anyway from not getting used to my multifocal glasses.

My last period was *thinks*.. maybe August last year? So yeah I'm well on the way at this point, as far as I can tell.

Am seriously considering HRT. It isnt dangerous anymore, right?

Carl, hi! I feel really good tbh; second trimester has been chill! I hope you and Ivy and Jeff are doing well!

fertility treatment high five. Ivy is the product of the best reproductive technology (our) money could buy. We are good! I'm so happy about baby horseshoe.

Oh and congrats horseshoe! Gah Im working cant keep up

And yeah I haven’t ruled out having a kid. I had my AMA tested two years ago because I was curious and my egg reserve was very good but I know at this point it is depleting every day. But that’s another good example - I didn’t even know that was just a test you can ask for!

Wait AMH

(thanks, E!) I have been weird about announcing bc it was so hard to get pregnant and I was scared of stuff going wrong, and also because being publicly pregnant is so fraught, and because I know people who want to get pregnant can’t always and it’s just annoying being a woman fin.

Luckily I never wanted kids, though my partner keeps jokingly demanding "GIVE ME A BABY GIRL" (he has 2 teen boys, he is joking)

But it is happy news and fertility treatment high five back at you, carl

It’s wonderful. The world needs more moms like you tbh. That’s a lucky kiddo right there. :)

re: the birth control pills and the PMDD, last hear at around the time of the Cavanaugh confirmation hearings (aka that week when everything was a trauma trigger), my GP took me off the birth control because of blood pressure concerns and my whole mental health state spiraled. I probably only got more or less back to baseline last August maybe? I do feel much more stable now, but I will not be coming off the pill to see if I'm done with this process any time soon.

year not hear

Aw, thanks!

But back to the thread topic - one of my colleagues was out a lot last year because of really bad menopause symptoms and the management was not happy. That’s actually one of the things that made me interested in it - she was suffering so badly and I was like oh wait? Can it be that rough? And it looks like it can and it should absolutely be talked about more often.

That was an xpost to E; I’m so sorry that PMDD was such a bear, Carl, but I’m glad the pill is working!

ugh it sucks so much when women’s health things affect attendance at work bc the workplace sucks about it, as it does about so many things

Here’s another symptom I didn’t know was a thing - itching! My boss was itching like crazy last year. She is 47 so went to the doc and the itching was hormonal! She’s perimenopausal but she thought she was too young and was shocked.

sadly the kavanaugh shit was fall 2018! i completely lost it around then too and went back on the HBC shortly afterward. i don't plan to ever stop taking it bc the PMDD is still there it's just not as bad. i am actually quite worried about what menopause will do to my emotional state.

She went out after work with girlfriends for a drink and mentioned that her dry skin was driving her nuts and they were all like oh uh . . .

xp esp as i am trying to rebuild life after losing my longtime job that i felt very strongly about
i guess we'll see!

i do have a weird itch on my head that won't go away!!!

Thankfully that’s one factor I won’t have to wonder about. I’ve had a copper IUD since 2006 and haven’t been on hormonal birth control since college.

Good grief, so that took two years (there were other complicating factors, so it wasn't just menopause). I do remember us losing it together. <3 xp

My mom was really good about prepping me for it because she felt rough through hers, and I had really bad fibroids starting in my late 30s which were so awful/huge I had to have a hysterectomy three years ago (kept the ovaries though, for the hormones).

I was dreading menopause because my aunt got such bad hot flashes she steamed up the windows of any car she was in when it happened. Even after the hysterectomy I would have ridiculous hot flashes but they seem to have stopped.

Symptoms I have known:

- CONSTANT fatigue and something I learned is called "crashing fatigue" where I have to just go lie down because I'm overwhelmed to the point of feeling drugged
- hot flushes/being overly hot esp at night
- copious, heavy sweating (i suspect alcohol aggravates that)
- dry eyes to the point they feel like there is grit in them
- phantom cramps
- really sore boobs
- occasional flashes of irrational, uncontrollable anger and/or upsetness a la PMT
- aching joints (this one might just be general poor fitness/too much drinking heh)

Vitamin D, zinc, magnesium. All helped me.

I also had the breast tenderness for the whole summer of 2019 (I thought I was pregnant trr).

Re flashes of irritation: How would you know?? I'm irritable at the best of times. :D

Aching joints were a horrible problem for me all last winter & spring & summer. I just started getting better recently by dealing with the inflammatory effects + moving and stretching more. I'm taking daily turmeric & Vit D now.

I'll def give the supplements a go, certainly cant hurt.

Magnesium did actually hurt me; apparently some people are sensitive to it. It made my heart skip like crazy and I couldn't exercise for a summer until I figured out what was going on. I think that's pretty rare but just a heads up.

Way to bury the lede, horseshoe!!!! So happy for you <3 <3 <3 if anyone is going to parent I'm glad it's you and your partner (who I don't know but I trust you implicitly).

thanks, io! wanting to get pregnant is so weird and vulnerable and also seems totally irrational given...the world. and yet! he and i feel v lucky/happy.

IO right? That’s how I felt when I realized. :)

When I was a kid it seemed unbearably embarrassing to me to think about being seen to be pregnant bc it would force everyone to acknowledge that you had had sex. :D

I don't know how long I was in the peri part, maybe 6 years? I would get horribly painful skin eruptions in the weirdest places a day or two before flow would start (tentative diagnosis: testosterone influx) and it was (oddly for me) copious. I switched to cloth pads and period underwear to see if I was reacting to something in tampons and commercial pads, which helped some. But then things went off the rails and those outbreaks got more frequent. Nothing helped prevent them. Mystified doctor. Hair started thinning dramatically (this freaked me out more than anything else for some reason). Hot flashes and dramatic blushing at nothing, always worse when I drank. Husband is diabetic and wanted to try a Whole30 and paleo eating, so we did that. And the hot flashes stopped and no outbreaks for multiple months.

No idea if it was no more alcohol or what but the relief was worth just sticking with it. A year later I had a knee injury and at the doctor for that she asked when my last period had been...and had been 6 months. She wrote down post-menopausal. I was 53 then and that was that. No more periods.

7 years later and now I have my first IUD because last April I had some odd discharge that turned out to be pre-pre-endometrial cancer and a little direct progesterone can keep that at bay. I had to use estrogen cream for a few weeks prior to insertion and felt like absolute crap from it but all's good now. I like the basic even-keel-ness of postmenopausal existence after so many years of mood swings.

Congratulations horseshoe!!!

I mean that’s why I still feel weird when people say they’re trying. I know I shouldn’t but there will always be a part of me that’s like hee hee you’re doing it!

thanks, Jaq!

i resent menopause in advance for trying to take booze away from me!

It can take booze out of my hot, flushed, sweaty fingers. Fuck that.

Haha thats my eternal struggle. Ive cut back a lot on drinking, but yeah.

Now that recreational weed is legal, I don't miss it (much). But yeah.

It's not taking my nightly glass or two of wine, that's for sure.

My mother sailed smoothly through menopause. Hopefully, I will too.

Here’s another symptom I didn’t know was a thing - itching! My boss was itching like crazy last year

I did not know this was a thing until now ... i had awkward itching/rashes this past summer/fall (which, I guess I am grateful to covid because no one could see me scratch/avoid it ... I am now a natural fibers snob when it comes to bedding and sleepwear (mostly) ... I have been 100% cotton only in re underwear for several years because prior to that I would have a WAP of the monistat required variety

omg congrats horseshoe!!

Sarahel - yeah I had no idea but I’ve seen it mentioned since this came up with her. Apparently it’s a real thing!

See I know my mom took HRT and that it helped but she also got post menopausal breast cancer which I think had a link to HRT? This is what I need to research.

A paternal aunt was the only immediate family member of mine to go through non-surgical menopause - my mom and her 3 sisters all had hysterectomies while in their late 30s. She was thankfully easy to talk to about it. I've tried to be open with my daughter so hopefully it won't all be a surprise.

I wouldnt know if I had meno related itching, I have such bad eczema... which hang on, started flaring up about 18 months ago. hm.

Gabapentin (which i take for anxiety) also is prescribed for hot flashes. Idk if that’s why I have only had one in the last year, the same number of periods I had in the last year fwiw. The sweats aren’t as bad as they were a year ago, but the joint pain has increased, as well as new un-fun digestive issues. Considering how mild my symptoms are, I haven’t considered HRT …

Apparently I have fairly significant fibroids, and since the periods are only irregular but have not actually stopped yet, the sheer blood loss is somewhat alarming sometimes. Need to get bloodwork done again to check but it's almost certainly making me anemic. Pelvic floor and skin issues too, but the advice I got for all this was to take naproxen for pain, maybe try sessions with at a "kegel throne" clinic (v expensive I think - anyone ever done one?) and to just wait for full menopause because "that should solve most of the problems" ... and that was two years ago and still waiting. Unfortunately put my own needs completely on the back burner because of typical being a caregiver stuff, but it seems that is going to be easier now, so it's a good time to push harder with some self care. Just feeling very shitty and so tired of it.

Menopause Is Having a Moment
If you’ve got ovaries, you’ll go through it. So why does every generation think it’s the first to have hot flashes?

https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2025/03/10/menopause-is-having-a-moment

https://archive.is/giTm4

(nb i have not yet read this and know nothing of these things; just posting a link)

She seems to think that no one had ever thought to track menstrual cycles until the invention of period tracking apps.

Ugh ugh. I am someone who just DOES NOT exercise, right? I used to, when I was a lithe teen - Jazz ballet, gymnastics, skating. Since my 20s, nada bar walking, for various reasons.

Anyway I've started seeing a new physio for my crappy knees/hips and shes thrown me into pilates, which I've never tried before. The actual session was fine, I could feel the burn, but it wasn't insanely taxing.

...until I sat up on the refomer bench after my last set and felt like I was going to faint. WTF is with that!? Should I have eaten something? Had more water? Am I just that unfit and it'll be better next time? It was so embarrasing. They even checked my blood pressure for the next 10 mins which was very nice of them and it was a bit too high (esp considering I am on BP meds).

I really hope that doesn't happen to me next time because that aside, it felt like such manageble exercise (no strain on my shit joints).

(I dunno if that's a particularly meno-related problem to be having so much as an "I am old and really fucking unfit" one... but anyway...)

My stamina has definitely taken a hit. I just get tired more easily in general, despite good exercise/diet/sleep. And uppers! I take adderall now in a (mostly failed) attempt to cut the brain fog, which should really go by another name because "brain fog" sounds way too benign for what it feels like.

Oh! I should also have mentioned that my neverending quest for HRT is finally at an end! I started on an Estrogel/Prgesterone tablet combo as of last night.

No change to my night flashes so far but I'm expecting it'll take a while?

I have felt like complete shit the last 2 weeks but its because yet again a statinlike med is NOT agreeing with me. I've tried atorvastatin, rosuvastain, eztimibe and fenofibrate and they all make me almost instantly feel like I have CFS. It is so weird. So I have permission to stop taking it (yet again) while I see how I go with the HRT for a month. Between that and the physio heres hoping I can feel like less of a malfunctioning Jabba the Hutt.

I have been feeling SO MUCH BETTER the last day or 2. Wether its the HRT, the ceasing statins or a bit of both who can tell but man it is nice to be able to get out of bed and walk downstairs without having to crab-walk clutching the stair rail.

Fabulous news, Trayce!!

I've just started pilates too which'll be tough; the first session I got really faint afterwards from the lying down/standing repeatedly and the next day my muscles were farrrrkin sore. I'm just really unfit.

I still haven’t conclusively determined what food(s)/ingredients are fucking with my digestive system and causing “LNG” but I have been having fewer problems since I switched to putting soy milk in my coffee instead of milk or half&half . I do kegels more often but not in any disciplined routine… though I think they have improved my sex life a bit so idk

I have been SO sweaty lately. Like I’m at work and am visibly sweaty through my shirt. Dnw. Hate it.

I was having night sweats almost every night, and now nothing? Not complaining, but wtf body.

My knees were sweating. Sometimes I wake up and my legs (only) are super sweaty. It’s so weird.

Also? Ears so itchy. WTF.

Yes with the legs (only) sweating!!!

Dang really? This phase is so brutal wtf

The whole thing has been way, way harder than I was prepared for. Fingers crossed, I seem to be in the “it gets better” stage, thank fucking god.

Sending everyone my best for getting through this trying time. I found hot flashes uncomfortable and night sweats personally inconvenient in terms of bedding freshness but it wouldn't have occurred to me to say that menopause significantly disrupted my life (also it was 2020 so it was hard to tell). Maybe I was just lucky in having a low level of symptoms, similarly to when I had a cycle. It was just an inconvenience.

The sweats and hot flashes have gone for now …but now I have knee stiffness and lower back pain.

The variation in menopause experiences is itself wild. At one point I thought I would have to 1) quit my job and 2) be checked into some sort of menopause funny farm.

Oh wait yeah I forgot about the joint pain. That did get a horrible for a while.

xp Yeah see, I wasn't working. It was 2020 and I had just quit my super traumatizing abusive job. It was pretty much impossible to have an accurate baseline for anything at that point.