Words, usages, and phrases that annoy the shit out of you...

Yea for the latter I use that in training

"Does that make sense?" = I actually need you to confirm that we are on the same wavelength so that we can proceed.

I do this with my wife, because we need to talk over things that have real importance to one another and miscommunication is v easy.

what does she say

It depends on whether it made sense to her, but usually 'yes'.

I really think this is related to why people say "...right?" all the time while lecturing/podcasting/whatever. In formats where your audience can't talk to you to assure you that you're making sense, you still have that instinct to ask them if they're on board before going on.

I struggle with this as I teach courses that often have very tight windows of time and can't be extended, which is pushing up against the need to ensure everybody's getting it. without eyes and nobody language, I have a tendency to assume nobody understands anything I say (I have mild OCD which causes me to obsess over it to where I overexplain sometimes).

I'm afraid of asking in a way which doesn't encourage response, i.e. "any questions?". I do like to use listening questions that can't be answered in "yes/no", but not everybody is confident enough to be the first to speak up there. so sometimes I'll slip in a "does that make sense" because if it doesn't to multiple people, they'll often say so, and that gives me license to find another way to explain it (I *love* whiteboard examples for mathematic concepts in my 401(k)/pension classes).

"i'm just conscious of time..."

My 'quarterbacking' colleague mentioned upthread uses that one a lot. Usually seems to mean "I'm conscious of time, but I'm going to carry on waffling anyway, and set a precedent for everyone else to do the same."

I don't find 'does that make sense' annoying, really. I appreciate being asked tbh.

Something I've caught myself doing a lot lately, and it really bothers me, is using 'I don't know if...' instead 'Is there...' or 'Do you...'. As in, 'I don't know if you have those figures already so I can fill them in.' 'I don't know if you have a policy on this.' I'm not the only one either - one of the clients does this too and now that I've noticed it I can't unnotice it.

"Does anybody have a hard stop at xxx?". I mean, I use it too, but I do kind of resent the idea that we view meeting ending times as "optional". like, I might not have another meeting coming up BUT I probably do need to actually do other work so if you continually go over time and smugly ask "oh does anybody have a hard stop or can we extend the meeting aimlessly for another hour", I get pissed.

I used to on principle just hang up without answering the question at the end time.

I use it after what I deem a long-winded answer to a student's question.

Something I've caught myself doing a lot lately, and it really bothers me, is using 'I don't know if...' instead 'Is there...' or 'Do you...'. As in, 'I don't know if you have those figures already so I can fill them in.' 'I don't know if you have a policy on this.' I'm not the only one either - one of the clients does this too and now that I've noticed it I can't unnotice it.

― salsa shark, Thursday, February 25, 2021 2:47 PM (ten minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

Mmmm this can be a really important tactic to soften a question, if you are outranked by all the people you're presenting to. In fact a number of things noted here re teaching & facilitating are actually strategies to mollify & appear positive and unthreatening to listeners.

Obviously ymmv and I'm sure they can all be used passive-aggressively or used in some lazy way that is annoying but they are also helpful conventions sometimes.

I have facilitated a lot of meetings with people I have no authority over or who outrank me and in many cases are actively hostile toward me. :/

^ ugh, I have bad memories like that and it reduced me to a stuttering mess.

including the director who once deliberately scheduled a meeting with me during lunch when they knew I was training (so I wouldn't be able to eat) and brought an Executive on the call to intimidate me into doing what they wanted.

Yeah it's really difficult! Maybe thread is otm and the softening tactics just make your position weaker and are less helpful than they appear but anyway, I just wanted to note that some of this stuff can be coping techniques. Carry on!

it's totally coping techniques. I used that and a lot of others to try and ask for what I wanted without "failing to know my place".

anything that helps get your point across works for me. I just wish the silly power dynamics didn't exist. that's why I left management years ago.

not before I made a few mortal enemies of 2 executives though, who refuse to speak to me anymore

in orbit, that is most of my work life. The position description literally includes "ability to lead without authority."

So I can't demand things, I can only try to sell people on the benefits of doing what I want. There is a lot of persuasion and negotiation and consensus-engineering involved. Reflexive self-deprecation is strategic in these instances.

"You folks are the experts, but..." "Hate to be the Meeting Tyrant, but..." "I know everyone's crazy busy, but..."

Oh god YMP that sounds...challenging. To one's sanity. That was the (mostly) unspoken/unacknowledged nature of my last two jobs and I don't think I could do that again.

In nonprofit spaces a "postmortem" will sometimes be called a "plus/delta" where pluses are the things that went right and deltas are suggested changes.

Again, very softening language that prioritizes growth & doesn't blame.

you mean "builds"

"learnings"

and yes i agree there is a good motivation behind these partic euphemisms

OH JESUS FUCKING CHRIST

LEARNINGS

For people who can’t hold knowledge or take lessons.

Also sounds like it’s a German person trying to find the right word, no matter who says it.

Teachings vs learnings

“jab”

Please stop it, can’t believe the britishers infected us with this childish affectation

lol owned

people at my company say "learns" as a noun. I've never heard this before coming here. "What learns can we take away from today's training session?"

“jab”

Please stop it, can’t believe the britishers infected us with this childish affectation

― Canon in Deez (silby), Thursday, February 25, 2021 4:30 PM (six minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

jab? as in an injection?

As in ‘cultural learnings of America’?

xps

Mmmm this can be a really important tactic to soften a question, if you are outranked by all the people you're presenting to. In fact a number of things noted here re teaching & facilitating are actually strategies to mollify & appear positive and unthreatening to listeners.

― Ima Gardener (in orbit)

It is, yeah. Thanks for articulating this, I couldn't quite get the right words for it. For me it's rarely a rank thing, more wanting/feeling a need to be deferential to clients. I worry that it comes off as lacking confidence, though, and I feel like lacking confidence probably comes off worse than being too 'forward'..? Guess it depends on industry/clients.

'jab' annoys me too.

But I hate learnings the most, learnings is the worst one.

I want to use this in a presentation some day:

https://i.pinimg.com/originals/95/fc/a1/95fca1b5e282449ac701d93aeecb6e81.png

'jab' better than 'shot' imo. We get it, you like to shoot things

"Sick to my stomach" is one I really hate actually

‘Jab’ and ‘shot’ are both fine.

so much for the teaches of Peaches

people at my company say "learns" as a noun. I've never heard this before coming here. "What learns can we take away from today's training session?"

Canadian media constantly uses the phrase "top doctor" to refer to the chief public health officer of a given region. "Ontario's top doctor," "Canada's top doctor," etc. It's constant. It's this bit of conspicuous journalese, kind of like "shots in arms," that starts to grate really fast.

"Top soldier" has gotten popular as well.

The softening language discussion reminded me that about 6 months into the pandemic, my partner and I noticed we were both unfailingly saying "I think I might" instead of "I'm going to." So "I think I might go for a walk" while already putting on shoes, "I think I might have a beer" on the way to the fridge, etc.

We couldn't figure out how it started, but it probably was down to wanting to be less declarative with the only other person we were interacting with regularly (plus some kind of language-is-a-virus mutual reinforcement effect).

I do that a lot when I'm declining something.

"Do you want to come along?" "I think I might stay home this time."

How can you get learns if you don't make asks?

+1 on "learnings" - overused by several colleagues who want to sound 'with-it' and cool by dropping inane jargon

Also annoyed by the misuse of 'campus' - "Here at the Genentech Campus, we're solving today's blah blah..."

What they mean is bland business park and they should just admit it.

"learns" is so unnecessary I imagine the manager's child has been kidnapped and threatened with death should the manager ever say the word "lesson"

Ilx specific one but “thanking you”. It adds 3 unnecessary characters for the sake of doge-esque flare or something.

Some British people actually say that though

hmm idgi. Is it supposed to be an emphasis like "many thanks"?

‘Jab’ and ‘shot’ are both fine.

“get jabs into arms” is objectively awful tho, we have our own Dutch equivalent too