I'm an alcoholic

One of my uncle's died last year of prostate cancer. He was one of the few ones who'd stopped drinking and wasn't an alcoholic. The NHS couldn't help him because his kidneys were gone and he had left his condition untreated until it got terminal. I had to explain to mum that although he'd been teetotal for years, he was still chain-smoking rollups and also often buying speed off old dodgy smackhead friends of mine, it's amazing he lived as long as he did taking that shit.

Good exploration of the cultural continuum of alcohol dependency jim

The mother's side have/had it bad (two from six nonfunctional, one functional, one married a fuckin *worldie*) but culturally it's very notable how it has seriously dwindled into the next generation. Quick mental survey of the forty cousins i know of on that side we have only one who would compare and he got it from his father rather than my aunt

Materfamilias herself was, and i forget the exact multiplier, four or five times over the old driving limit the night she burned the house down, and had been out of her mind riddled for at least the decade before that but likelier closer to twice that tbh (my memories of extreme parental drunkenness and the ensuing mess rank among my earliest)

The aul fellas side are very respectable, would drink more like the "better" version you describe- especially the men, fishermen/businessmen who've progressed to a bottle of chardonnay a night (every night) rather than brawling twice a week after vodka binges. The aulfella himself the worst of them tbh.

Of us four boys one cannot/shouldnt drink and took twenty years to know it, one took almost as long to learn how he could and couldnt, one doesnt socialise at all and one never drank, very pointedly so.

Im the one who has learned how i can drink, but thats in the irish context tbf- its not like im the one holding back at a fap or anything.

So yeah, its complicated

And sympathies on yr uncle and luck with the drinking yrself

thanks, deems

Wow.

I'm as steady as she goes (every night), fairly high functioning as things go, and unlikely to make changes. I wish jim and others in this thread the best with their decisions and say that they are probably the correct ones.

Jim fwiw just about everyone I've ever known says that the not drinking thing gets easier and less suckish over time, which has been my experience as well. I no longer think about drinking very much, and when I do it is more a wistful thing, nothing like an actual craving. I sometimes have FOMO but then I remember that because I am only one person living my one life I am going to miss out on most things anyway, so why get too worked up about it.

It's pretty nuts how incredibly drinky western culture is. To be outside of that takes getting used to, for sure.

Hi folks,

Currently 122 days into Not Drinking Ever Again. Long story; details posted els7whe7re.

I had reason to look at my posts itt from, gah, 2015. Honestly, I was kinda dreading reading them, because I have generally been an enthusiastic drinker and, in some ways, a cheerleader for booze:

Personally, I love drinking. I sincerely and unapologetically love it (sorry not sorry). The beverages are tasty, the sensation of a mild buzz is quite nice, and booze has rich and varied cultural and aesthetic surrounds. But I also really really really don't want alcohol to fuck up my marriage, family, job, or life. That takes vigilance.

But upon re-reading, my posts probably weren't that bad or dangerous to others; they just seem... glib. Self-interested and self-exonerating. I wasn't wrong, mostly, just overly confident and a trifle naive. My apologies.

A brush with actual death (robe-wearing, scythe-bearing Death) has subtly changed my thinking on this.

I think it's fine to change one's attitude to alcohol.

Like all things, if drinking works for you and you can temper it and it's not adversely affecting your life, there's nothing wrong with enjoying it.

And then if it stops working for you, it's a very fine idea to renege on that, step back and do exactly what you're doing.

Keep it up YMP, this is great work. It takes strength to cut out something you previously loved in life. Massive respect!

I've gone 5 days without booze now. It wasn't like I was in any kind of crisis, more like a bit skint and was thinking, shit, I can't afford a grocery shop and I'm skint until next wednesday. But then I had a radical rethink and realised I could afford a more than adequate grocery shop if I skipped out the red wine and beer. Crazy idea but it's working out ok.

The insomnia is a pain but I'm not feeling as tired and am getting more housework done, it's the rare novelty value of feeling normally healthy that I'm appreciating. But I predict at some point in the next month I will fall off this wagon (again).

I was up at 2am last night, cleaning the cooker. Absolutely insane sober behaviour!

I am getting better all the time at managing my drinking, albeit with the occasional slip, and albeit every minor hangover is a lot in my dotage

Thing is, when I'm mindful and managing my mental health and not binge drinking, I still find the melancholy loneliness which is probably gonna be my base state for life, and sometimes going to the pub is the only step away from that place I can find

YMPs post from 2015 nails how I feel about booze. Love it and the paraphernalia which surrounds it, but aware how toxic it can be. My uncle was an alcoholic and died in grim circumstances so am fully aware of where it can lead. Fortunately I can take it or leave it.

it's the late night sadness that I don't notice as much or feel as intensely saddening when fortified half pished.

The thing I keep avoiding is that the medical evidence now skews firmly to the “any level of alcohol consumption carries health risks” instead of the comforting “it’s fine in moderation” messaging of previous decades. Non obvious risks too, primarily a range of cancers. It hasn’t stopped me, but I am cutting back slowly.

But then I had a radical rethink and realised I could afford a more than adequate grocery shop if I skipped out the red wine and beer. Crazy idea but it's working out ok.

lol, love u calz

It's been almost two years since I stopped drinking. I always thought, even after I stopped drinking, that I wasn't an alcoholic but I just liked drinking. And it was relatively easy to stop.

I started rethinking that when I found a near-beer that is actually really good. I noticed that I will drink one and stop. It tastes good and I especially like them when I'm eating food that I previously had with beer. With alcohol after I got near the end of a drink this little debate would start up in my head: "One more?" "Sure! One more!" and later "Another?" "Oh, I don't know, maybe...." and it was always a THING. A small issue to think about or avoid thinking about. But I would always want another.

With the fake beer it's just another fluid, like orange juice or water. It helped me see the pull that alcohol exerted on me.

there are some really good fake beers these days, it's great

I wouldn't say alcoholism is something I'm aware of in my family, but once when I went to an extended family hang out at a Chicago restaurant on the south side and my cousins were all having Brandy at 11:00 a.m., my aunt was having red wine served over ice (in December?), everyone else was drinking whiskey, and it really nailed something fundamental about how certain wings of my family live their lives. I was just in Ireland and felt like I was drinking a lot more, and maybe I was, but having two Guinness every other night for a couple of weeks didn't strike me as going in particularly hard. I'm currently disinclined to drink much at all really, I had a period in the oughts when I was definitely drinking way too much to the detriment of a lot. But now I'm staring at a bottle of wine that was gifted to me a couple of months ago and wondering if it'll get finished before 2025. I'm enjoying a lot of the non-alcoholic options that are out there these days and coming up with cocktails that avoid including alcohol. I don't think I'm going to ever go cold turkey, but having one small drink per month or every other month, maybe that would be a good way to go. And maybe at some point I'll just fully quit. Maybe that point will come sooner rather than later.

I've also noticed that when I do find myself in social circles where I expect people to be drinking, they are usually not drinking. A big part of this is being upper-middle aged people with kids and associating with the same.

But it does make me ask myself: are they not drinking because they know I don't drink? I don't care if they drink. I might even feel more comfortable if they did drink a little because in my head that's what hanging out is supposed to look like.

OR: is part of the reason people where always drinking around me before is because I made sure there was always alcohol there?

Sometimes getting sober is like rewatching a movie with a twist ending (Sixth Sense) and looking for all of the clues that had been there all along.

I was just in Ireland

;_;

If it wasn't the most hectic extended family trip I've been on, I think I would have posted fair warning about my visit, but as it is it was kind of crazy. My father's last hurrah over there -- fun but heavy let's say. Dublin --> Galway --> Dingle --> Kinsale --> Cork --> Kilkenny --> Trim

I should probably post all about it on a more relevant thread.

Reading this thread after nearly two years in AA is quite sad. I have found an amazing community willing to help each other and seemingly I’m incredibly lucky with that compared to a lot of other people’s experiences ITT.

I am a big 12-step fan as well, solidarity. I went because of other issues besides alcohol but I was kind of amazed once I got into it - I remember telling my sponsor "you realize this organization is totally anarchistic based on how they do operate?" (as in actual in-practice anarchy, de-emphasizing hierarchies,consensus etc, to be clear). It's nice to know I can always go to a meeting.

do operate

<3

Ha I am a big fan of how communist/anarchistic it all feels. Also a lot of this thread is America based and I think I’m glad to have 12 stepped in a largely secular area. Any mention of God and prayer can be worked around to what each member finds helps them and I know people of different faiths, atheists (like myself) or the left field (I know one guy whose higher power is a budgie) all happy to work together. I presume it is not like this all over the place.

I guess I have a drink maybe once a year? It don’t do nothing for me anymore, tho.

No offence but that’s kinda “I don’t even own a TV” for his thread

I could never get bored with that initial wooziness after a few glasses of wine.

I am grateful

I’m sure I made some awful posts here in the throes of “recovery” or whatever

I’m checking out of this thread for not being hardcore enough, but do they still say the fucking Lord’s Prayer at every AA meeting? Fuck that shit

oh god no

xp I wasn’t criticising your near-sobriety nor the journey you took to get there, just pointing out that the thread was more about getting there

AA (and especially NA) adapts to the community. Sometimes it’s very secular, sometimes it’s very Christian.

Nevertheless, I’ve never been to a meeting where Christian identity was more present than what’d you expect at a weekly Boy Scouts of America meeting.

the bsa, a famously nurturing organization. i have no opinion about aa but validate even a little bit of god stuff being a no-go for many. i can also understand how it works and is amazing for a lot of people. i feel grateful i was able to get sober without having to do it tbqf.

I started rethinking that when I found a near-beer that is actually really good. I noticed that I will drink one and stop. It tastes good and I especially like them when I'm eating food that I previously had with beer. With alcohol after I got near the end of a drink this little debate would start up in my head: "One more?" "Sure! One more!" and later "Another?" "Oh, I don't know, maybe...." and it was always a THING. A small issue to think about or avoid thinking about. But I would always want another.

nice miniature of what drinking was like for me too. i don't do near-beer but the closest drink that gets me that famously 'refreshed on a hot day' feeling is ... horchata? lol. i think it has something to do with the grain carbs. but anyway a cold horchata on a hot day is the best.

My post was informational, not an endorsement!

gotcha

It’s rare that I have near-beer in the fridge.

Soda water on ice with a lot of lime is my drink of choice. Running out of limes is a critical issue. We can be out of milk but if I run out of limes it is a trip to the grocery store.

the big problem with the good near beers is that they cost just as much as regular beer, if they were just a little cheaper I would be happy

I’m like six months in to hard hard teetotal, and hit a week of “family is all boozing and relaxed and I’m just increasingly furious at this boring nonsense.” Everyone gathered there was a person I like or love, and they were v concerned something was wrong me. What is a good writing on strategies for this?

E.g. we’re on a nice boat on a fancy lake mid-day, we stop at a club to grab food and drinks and I just said “you know I feel like walking. Byeee” and so I walked three miles solo back to a v nice town and I just took in the sights, and then I walked back to the house. Both possibilities were dull, but one was intolerable— and it wasn’t because I wanted drink— I wanted something not annoying as fuck.

Idk your mental state but being on a boat on a lake would definitely make me feel trapped, and I don't like that feeling. I'm sure it didn't help if people around you were sensing that something was wrong, asking you what's wrong, and you don't even know yourself what is bothering you. Sometimes (especially early on) sobriety is just... like that.

Also just in general, I'm a big fan of AA's philosophy of "We can go anywhere that other people go, provided we have a good reason for being there." But you have to honest with yourself!

So like... Why be around your family when it annoys you? Is it a sense of obligation because somebody else spent money on this thing and invited you? Do you have a partner or kids whose participation would not be possible without your support? Is there a specific older relative you want to spend as much time as possible with? Whatever the answer, it can be helpful to consider the question. Asking "What can I bring to this situation?" (and again, it's critical to be honest, the answer is never "Nothing, I'm a huge piece of shit" even when it feels like it is) opens up new possibilities and perspectives, and usually helps me find some breathing room outside of my own turbulent feelings.

I just saw a funny thing in The New Yorker where Carrie Brownstein describes listening to Cat Power as 'hanging out sober with a friend who's tripping on mushrooms.'

obv a little different but we've all been there in some way or another

being queer and sober-ish is tough. i'm hanging out tonight with a couple friends and am hoping they're not too high to talk. i mean they have chronic pain, etc., but i wind up feeling pretty lonely in situations where i'm the only sober person.

Most of my friends who I do music stuff are pretty focused on the music stuff when we're together. That's a little easier than just hanging out and drinking.

I've also reached the age where enough of us are sober, sober-curious, or pacing themselves because they work in the morning or they are eriving or whatev.

Every now and then there's a person who's getting steadily stupider while I keep my wits about me, and that is its own kind of fun.

Erg *stuff with

*driving or whatev