Blue Saturday

Echoing all thew above; rooting hard for you man, stay strong.

Onimo you are a gem (and one of only two people on here my husband has had a go at me for being mean to)! I wished you luck in the cancer thread but just generally wanted to say here, it’s a really nice little corner of the internet despite my occasional misgivings and you are a very welcome and lovely presence around the place.

Wishing you all the very best for your surgery today, onimo! Hope all goes well and best wishes for a swift recovery.

("onimo you are a gem" and "it's a nice little corner of the internet to hide in" both very otm)

Wishing you all the very best for your surgery today, onimo! Hope all goes well and best wishes for a swift recovery.

("onimo you are a gem" and "it's a nice little corner of the internet to hide in" both very otm)

Warm wishes onimo, bathe in the healing powers of ilx

to not wallow in self pity

or to not show it

one of those would be the trick

i feel like there's a time for wallowing and it has a place. tho i live on my own which makes that much easier. still, your loved ones will understand that sometimes you've got to go where the tide of feelings takes you, i'm sure. it's just time, imo, can't squish all those feelings away, especially since they're entirely reasonable right now. but time. the tide will change. til then small distractions either liquid or whatever distracts, as necessary.

I think I need to squish things at least until we tuck Christmas away.

Weird sleep and mood patterns going on, a 3 hour since my last post has me genuinely feeling much better.

I am watching a BBC nature thing and pondering whether a narwhal has ever accidentally stabbed one of his/her mates.

3 hour *sleep*

you know that narwhal tusk is an overgrown tooth right? has always made me wince a bit since i found that at

sleep fuckery makes me super-volatile anyway

you know that narwhal tusk is an overgrown tooth right?

Now I do!

It's easy to think of groups of animals all sharing goals, skills, characteristics, etc. but it's good to remember that the variances within that means that just like humans there will be useless clumsy fuckers turning the wrong way and impaling their neighbours.

i'm so fucking grateful for my ex

That's good. Hope Christmas wasn't too blue.

and suddely low again, after several days focused sense of cheerfully moving forward and getting things done:

— some of it is likely just flu-feeling caffeine hangover: i returned to coffee to finish a piece and i've quit again, this is day one of none ugh
— some of it lack of proper sleep for whatever reason
— didn't help waking to find my heart all palpitaty at 4 in the morning (which may mean nothing at all and may mean the return of my atrial flutter)
— some of is the post-partum slump of finishing a piece i liked at moment of completion and now think is bad and terrible lol writers what even are we
— and some is this: i was given the all-clear to reduce my beta-blockers 3 weeks ago & reached the advised minimum and yesterday was full of beans, energy all back mentally and physically
— so i'm bothered if reducing them allowed my flutter back bcz ffs (wait and see, wait and see)

Wait and see is good advice, but it’s the hardest thing when you’re so fucking anxious already. I have had scattered sleep and sporadic tightness in part of my chest which I’m fairly certain are related to anxiety atm, and I know in a week or so I’ll likely feel better, but it doesn’t help much to tell myself that this will pass. So sorry to hear you’re feeling low, am sure your piece will be great and looking forward to it getting posted on the Guardian thread 🤭

this bit of the year is full of emotional slumps and humps ime

love to all, wait and see, the real face of yr life is that cold soggy third week of Jan

Having a blue Saturday, recalled this thread, great. The tl;dr version is that am currently helpless to help sister at possibly the worst time in her life, so feeling angry and sad and useless, that I am going through years of bad behaviour towards loved ones and feeling guilty and angry at myself towards that, because I can’t see them and it physically hurts (at least this is the only source I can determine for the fact I have started clenching my jaw again, and generally yr usually pandemic weltschmerz of missing everyone and normal life, blah blah blah. Happy new year.

:(

Feel free to vent, if it helps.

Fwiw staying physically put is all we can do at the moment anyway, so there's no sense in beating yourself up over it, it's beyond our control.

started typing shit. no smart answers. yr sis is doing great things gyac and i'd guess she knows that, no clapping, no bullshit.

really tired of this lockdown and angry about how it could'v been done so much less badly.

but i've never appreciated our ilxor chums more, you too pom, blood sausage, people out here in the world thsnk fuck.

it could be worse, we could be locked into a capitalist death cult.

fuck's sake we'll get thru and what will survive of us is lurve.

also is slack knackered?

blue is the stoopidest colour

Amen to that, NV. If it's any comfort, my anger over how poorly the pandemic has been managed here in Quebec also grows by the hour, even though our government has yet to reach BoJo levels of yo-yo incompetence and lethal cynicism. If you discount the rest of Canada, which has done a much better job so far, our provincial figures are only slightly behind France's.

sad lol @ “you too pom” i love pom and you all too

important message

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L397TWLwrUU

lol gyac, yours is a twisted mind.

<3

i am not in such a bad way that i didn’t instinctively think “fuck off”, pom, especially as that was genuinely meant! an ilx fave for sure

Sorry, truly not meaning to be insulting, I’m not feeling very agape.

No worries, like you said, it's a sign that you're holding up.

nobody expected the scampish inquiaition

oh ffs

just fp me

i mean fp "candyman" first but then fp me

For some reason (lol apart from all of the obvious reasons) getting through the year end barrier and then realising Jesus, this has been going on for 10 months has hit me harder than I think the year anniversary will.

Much love to you and your excellent sister gyac - I mean I don't know her but she shines in every word you've said about her.

Calm down Andrew, surely life in Edinburgh isn’t that bad.

Thank you ❤️

Love to you gyac ❤️ In fact, I love all of you. You too Pom ;)

You too, LBI. :)

Fuck, it’s bad though isn’t it

Dunno whether to vent in here or mostly apolitical or ukpol or usLOL or the_slack or just shut my debbie downer mouth but anyway thinking of y’all you lot and hope you are finding ways to cope (I am doing a self care by not caring for myself at all) & stave off the blues. Much love, and that goes for all of you, plus pom

I mentioned to a beloved ilxor earlier (plus pom) the idea some brane genius hat of Cambridge fap and i think that’s still a great idea whenever. Maybe I could bring you a new Christmas card?!

FAPs anywhere and everywhere when it's possible IMO

love to anyone struggling or not struggling atm. it's fucking shit and never ends. I'm off the booze at the moment so can't even drown my sorrows. tbh if I didn't have weed I don't think I could manage it.

Much love to you Colonel, we will meet at some stage and in the meantime please cuddle lovely Dottie and her happy tail ❤️ Just awful shit the whole time.

Monocle dropping out at it taking 4 hours to get from Edinburgh to Peterborough, and a further hour to get from there to Cambridge?

Just stay overnight, fool, almost everyone will be travelling from somewhere anyway. It will surely be worth it to meet some of us irl you haven’t met before? You too, pom.

Yeah definitely up for FAPs wherever once we come out the other side. I have been to hastings once but didn't get a chance to sample the pubs. gyac I have still not ruled out the first card arriving!

I should be back in the UK some time in May – I don't know exactly for how long but, worst comes to worst, I'll be back again after that. Either way, a Cambridge FAP is a lovely prospect and I do want to meet you all in meatspace (plus gyac).

Hang in there, Colonel. It's not quite in the spirit of a Blue Saturday, but I'm doing dry January at the moment and so far it has been a (mild) boon to my morale.

No no I'll definitely be at the FAP, just a bit o_O that 'the direct route' isn't significantly quicker than going in to King's Cross and out again.

I never do dry january or new year's resolutions so last year I made a point of going to the pub on Jan 1 but after that I didn't drink for the first quarter of the year - until lockdown basically

(plus gyac).

fwiw I am not doing Dry January. I just drank way too much over xmas/new year and felt like I was going to have kidney failure. they only stopped hurting yesterday after being sober for a week. it may end up being Dry January anyway although I drank all day on the 1st so have already broken it tbf

Oh I also drank on the 1st but fuck that, let's not make it more onerous for ourselves than it already is.