Blue Saturday

based

I believe in you mark s!

if ilx has taught me anything* it's that all woes are real, and blueness is a shifty concept that never fully matches up to a set of tangible causes. also maybe nonsense is some kind of fertile mulch idk it comes and it goes, hope yours goes soon

*it has not**

**ok it really really has but there's nothing funny about sincerity

listening to youtubes of the Heart Sutra with a grand miserable empty feeling of empty lostness, nowhere to go, nothing to do, absolutely out of touch

might get dressed and take this outside, can't shake it lately, actual problems should be gently receding but as they do the aloneness swooshes up the beach to fill their place

something something attachment something something the web of following on Twitter

I was thinking of you yesterday! Sorry to hear you’re feeling down, but I hope the 🤞🏻 we have been talking about helps somewhat?

it will help? this emptiness is happening in the waiting, i guess. but also when you're in limbo that's when the real things - which are lol irreal - have the time to come out and play maybe

and of course lockdown brings down the psychic shutters a bit, again.

but this is the real emptiness, this is what's always here even when you're not looking

Is it rude to ask you to put your clever brain to work to think of a new dn for me in the hopes of distracting you from the abyss

lol let's see if a walk kickstarts some kind of brain function

i came up with one the other week and didn't want to change this one because i was still running it in and now i've forgotten what the other one was

It’s really unfair because yours are by far the best

oh stop

throw enough scamp at the wall

Probably because I’ve been thinking about both Rome (2005) and Hadrian I’m like trying to think of a Latin type one

Like, x, y, scampus

have we had scampus fugit?

We have not!

Imo the struggle of, and with, sunyata is real... Being awfully far from enlightenment (=acceptance somewhat of the void, or: accepting the void, but... then what remains? where does that leave me, if not dead?) myself lol, I always took the conclusion of the sutra ("Gate, Gate, Paragate, Para Sam gate Bodhisvaha", something like "Gone, gone, gone to the other shore, awakening, svava") as a transcendental journey of the spirit, or the all, that crossed over from outside our emptiness, from out of all emptiness, to what comes after emptiness (enlightening). But it's very hard to even see the other shore, let alone... etc.

That's on me because I'm a terrible Buddhist lol, but if what you mean is the strong desire to even catch a glimpse of the other shore, of leaving emptiness (and any desire, for that matter) behind to the state of just (non-)being, then boy I hear you.

<3

It turns out that long dark nights, lockdowns, deadly pandemics, shitty politics, minimal interaction outside your immediate family, and an ever-growing list of serious/chronic physical health issues is not good for one's mental resilience.

Feeling blue.

<3 sorry to hear that bud. everything on top of everything else is a lot right now

don't know if a long walk upped my serotonin but at least i'm knackered and sweaty and can lie back on the settee with a clear conscience

Long walks always help - though my walk on Saturday was cut short by a herd of HUGE cows that were big enough to provoke a Dark Souls style 180.

cowvid ruins 2020 yet again

bovid-180 shurely

something something imMOOOOOn

*theme music from Cbeebies Blue Cow in a loop*

udderly awful punning, thank you

time to stop milking it now

^^^ quota maven- "nevermore"

There is this tedious gobshite composer blokey bloke cunt on Pointless. He loves The Beatles.

That Burnistoun sketch where Rab Florence goes "sorry mate, just remembered about death for a minute there."

That’s how I felt when I woke up about an hour ago and realised I had to tear myself out of bed to work. Oh it’s fine really tbh, I’m off all next week.

Hope you can use the time off well. I've been off this week and enjoyed not reading work emails but don't feel incredibly refreshed. I think annual leave needs more of a plan, at the moment, compared to normally.

i think the fuckery of plan vs not plan is part of my confusion from day one

and of course i want to cuddle all of y'all like i want to cuddle myself?

djh like everybody else posting you feel like you love geo/graphy/ology?

which i get it

i dunno sorry i'nm ramblihng

hope you use the time off well

the things are out there

cuddles

<3

There's a party
And everyone's there
And everyone will leave
At exactly the same time

and when this kiss is over
it'll start again
and not be any different
and be exactly the same

it's hard to imagine
THAT I LIVE IN A COUNTRY FULL OF REACTIONARY MURDEROUS CUNTS
BUT THERE IT IS
FUCK YOU CENTRIST CUNTS
YOU HATE LIFE
YOU WANT TO CUDDDLE THE STATUS QUO
BECAUSE YOU LOVE YOUR SHIT MIDDLE CLAAS PRIVILEGE
CUNTS

Hope you can use the time off well. I've been off this week and enjoyed not reading work emails but don't feel incredibly refreshed. I think annual leave needs more of a plan, at the moment, compared to normally.

Lol at least I've found out what I was doing last night

Looootta repressed anger, apparently

I do remember listening to "Heaven" on a loop for a long time

Some cuddling, too, but it comes with the territory. Hope you're feeling ok, NV.

xp

Nice to see you admit it, pom!

Hangover is surprisingly low key at the moment, thanks pom

I mean I haven't actually got out of bed yet so

Oh ffs Villa. Brighton? Ffs

can't remember which Sabbath song it is where Ozzy wails "Oh no no no" in despair but that's my life now

I assume you're thinking of this one:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0lVdMbUx1_k

that's the one :D

the sun's shining, it looks lovely outside, i don't know why i'm sleeping later and later, i don't know why i feel so bottomlessly sad

this is a day when the absence of the pub is really hurting

❤️ come chat shit with us later

lol i thought i already was

i apologise in advance for the mess tho

Is there a thread where you're not depressed you're just totally fucked but it doesn't matter because you've got nothing to say anyway? Is this it? Hi. I have nothing to say.

this is v much it

hi omino

this is where we badly document a tawdry world with the icing picked off

hi NV

tonight I am going out to break the law and sit miles away from a couple of friends in a freezing garden because everyone feels sorry for me

I will drink and do the brave face