"Will you shut up, man?" US Politics October 2020

Trump is going to have the world's best ghost costume this Halloween.

very convincing.

Lmao

There’s a long history of White Houses lying about the president’s health — JFK, FDR, etc. The distinction here is the incompetence.

— Jonathan Swan (@jonathanvswan) October 4, 2020

People have been lying about JFK's health for decades.

for the record, he didn't make it.

So they’re saying he’s gonna be discharged tomorrow? Lmao okay

yeah, here's what's coming out of this announcement, in the first wave of coverage:

President Trump has “improved,” according to White House physician Sean Conley, but experienced significant oxygen drops on Friday and on Saturday. His doctors said he has had no fever since Friday morning, and could be discharged as early as tomorrow.

The doctor declined to answer questions about the president’s lungs, including whether there is scarring or if the President has pneumonia.

ok dr nick riviera

i am, honestly, truly surprised that dr phil and dr oz are not on this team

Dishcharged to the whitehouse is not exactly discharged from hospital. It’s like being moved to a different hospital!

Or funeral home.

"I didn't want to give any information that might steer the course of illness in another direction," Dr. Conley says when asked why he was reluctant to answer specific questions about the president's health yesterday. pic.twitter.com/TbzY1JKplO

— Kaitlan Collins (@kaitlancollins) October 4, 2020

“Think happy thoughts”

I'm not UNpleased to learn that a yes-man quack has Trump's life in his hands.

Is it not very well known that people with Covid get better and worse on a daily basis and that based on the timetable the worst days are almost certainly gonna be coming up this week

in other words, yes, they should send him home.

yeah it would be pretty sweet to see him slink back into Walter Reed in a day or two

Jokes aside, can anyone tell me what Dr Conley was trying to say with "I didn't want to give any information that might steer the illness in another direction"? I genuinely don't understand what it means. Some kind of positive thinking mantra?

apparently, yes, he knows Trump is watching

If I guessed I would say he was under some pressure from the administration or family to keep things positive or under wraps, and was torn between his public and private duties as a doctor.

Xpost

But he knows Trump would be watching now so doesn't that give the game away? Unless he really thinks he is out of the woods now and can handle the truth. But he won't trust him next time!

Or maybe it's like how the placebo effect works even when people are told it's a placebo.

i shall not count the chickens before they have hatched, but this feels like a culmination of a lifetime of "positive thinking"

I think it’s more simple than that, like literally everything this administration does and says there’s a huge difference between how he’s doing (based on what the media knows) and how he’s doing (in reality)

"I didn't want to give any information that might steer the illness in another direction"

probably misspoke and meant to say "might steer perception in another direction"

I'm sure they're working on the errata as we speak.

Also, I think there's a chance Trump *isn't* watching, but his leaderless minions are scrambling for the right thing to do and say.

If he actually does die we’re absolutely gonna find out through some hospital staffer leaking it to the press

I thought he meant coronavirus was watching the TV, ready to attack on any sign of weakness

Right, that makes sense, brownie. Steer the prognosis.

hopefully in a few days dr nick will be like "i misspoke when i said he was diagnosed 72 hours ago. i meant he was going to DIE in 72 hours."

We'll know he's dead when the hospital chimney smoke burns black.

i kind of think there's going to be an audio signal, too - like some high pitched whiny squeal that will blasted through the EMS at the moment of death

Wonder if this is partly about avoiding a market tank Monday am

I have a lifetime's-worth of 'not being a ghoul' chips that I've been just burning through the last several days, lemme tell you.

xxpost It will be a loud Scooby Doo foghorn.

But he knows Trump would be watching now so doesn't that give the game away? Unless he really thinks he is out of the woods now and can handle the truth. But he won't trust him next time!

the physician is demonstrating an awareness that his president would not perseverate to deconstruct & comprehend said acknowledgment of previous circumlocution

i kind of think there's going to be an audio signal, too

I believe the audio signal will be a certain Martha & The Vandellas song.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0BUBd9dQvtY

I believe the audio signal will be a certain Martha & The Vandellas song.

https://images.app.goo.gl/458moJx4RnQ7Jvou9

What kinda sucks about this is acting like all the dipshits in 2016 who endlessly speculated that Hillary Clinton was actually dying based on 3 seconds of film. But we’re being gaslit so hard about everything all the time and I think it’s telling that you have multiple newscasters saying “even with the most charitable reading possible none of this is adding up”

Meanwhile in more cutting edge comedy that isn’t SNL but is as funny

WARNING: May cause your sides to split pic.twitter.com/jt7jOcrHkx

— Dave Weigel, Re-Animator (@daveweigel) October 4, 2020

if he comes out of hospital not in a box there's another of their songs that'll work fine

May I suggest...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wPt7BN7ZuJk

Frogbs and sleeve otm. Having him back at the WH quickly (for optics) is short-sighted, because it will make the optics of a relapse worse.

And as far as Trump being "discharged," I think I want to prank call those doctors and say "Doctor, I'm noticing a foul-smelling, unpleasant discharge."

"A discharge? From where?"

"From your hospital."

"Mr. Trump, You need to settle up on your hospital bill."

"Discharge it to my card."

WARNING: May cause your sides to split pic.twitter.com/jt7jOcrHkx

— Dave Weigel, Re-Animator (@daveweigel) October 4, 2020

the Depends budget on this show must be astronomical

why is 1996 bob dole doing a 2020 joe biden impersonation?

BREAKING: Joe Biden tested negative for covid again today.

From his campaign: “Vice President Biden underwent PCR testing for COVID-19 today and COVID-19 was not detected.”

— Matt Viser (@mviser) October 4, 2020

weaponized prez went for a ride

https://www.cnn.com/2020/10/04/politics/donald-trump-coronavirus-alternate-reality/index.html

https://i.imgur.com/IAToecn.jpg